Don't Mention Ze Var!
Mrs Vagabond and I were on a tour of Death Valley this year, and the driver was a lovely chap, who learned everyone on the minibus's name immediately, and engaged them in conversation a little before starting the tour.

There was us ("Newly-weds, eh? You'll soon regret THAT, Mrs Vagabond! hahahaha"), a couple of our friends ("What do you hang about with THESE two for, eh? Hahahahaha"), three people from Southampton ("I've heard it's lovely ... if you like fighting and ugly girls! Hahahahaha"), and two lads from Munich ("Es ist warm hier, eh? Hahahahaha").

I was up at the front, and as he chattered away, he somehow got onto the British rail network.

"What do you think about your trains, Vagabond? You like them? Would you change them?" he asked, friendlywise.

"Well" I said, "I just wish we had a new system like the French got after the Germans flattened theirs." I said, to a collective intake of breath, and my regretting ever having tried to have an opinion, let alone be funny with it, or, indeed, anything I've ever, ever done, including be born.

"Erm ... yeah. I try to keep politics out the van if you don't mind ..." he said, moving swiftly back to the tour information.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 14:09, Reply)