Almost nobody died in this one
Mrs Riffjedibaby.

Coming up to a pedestrian crossing near where we used to live, she pressed the button, traffic lights went red straight away, the looks we got from the firemen speeding through with their flashy lights & blary sirens were just ones of sheer utter contempt.

Our second-youngest is very clever except whe it comes to ring-pull tins. His efforts have earned him the strictly family-only nickname of 'spastic-boy' (after a particularly gruelling tin-opening episode whilst Ian Dury's Spasticus Autisticus was playing in the kitchen).

Whilst he was trying to get a tin of sweets open in a supermarket carpark, on a hot day this summer, with all the windows open in the car, as we were passing the bit of the supermarket carpark where blue-badge holders have reserved places, at the very moment that the boy in the wheelchair was getting his rig onto the ramp at the back of his adapted vehicle...

Then there was the local garage, we used to go for petrol regularly, a couple of really friendly Asian lads worked there, one day Mrs Riffjedibaby and me were in there & she wanted to buy some tobacco. She asked for a small pouch of the stuff, they tried to tell her it was cheaper to buy a special offer with two smaller packets, which she wasn't having and as we left there for the last time ever, she clearly stated in quite a loud voice "I fucking hate those little pakis". She still claims she meant to say 'packets'.

Same pedestrian crossing, as she's reminiscing with someone about the fire-engine incident, she presess the button, the lights go red, this time it's a funeral cortege creeping towards the same crossing then it actually pulled to a stop on the otherwise empty road. The shitty looks we got from the bereaved relatives and undertakers made the firemen look like they were madly laughing with gay abandon.

If I ever had any doubt about marrying her then the above four examples reassure me that she's the one for me.
(riffjedibaby almost 1,000 chickens, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 0:09, 3 replies)

You are too subtle for me
What happened to the boy in the wheel chair? Did he get hit with a ring pull?
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 0:56, closed)

I thought opposites were supposed to attract but,
between the racist abuse and calling your own son a "spastic", I'll have to assume that your a pair of cunts.

It's quite touching, really.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:32, closed)

grammar nazi patrol
But they probably know the difference between "your" and "you're"
(Spill, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 17:15, closed)