An Ode to Jake Gyllenhaal (wrote a couple of years ago now)
Oh Mr G you're so incredibly hot,
If you kissed me I think I would like it a lot.
I know you don't know me and I seem like a freak,
But I've been stealing your underwear for over a week.

It was like a dream we met in the street,
That's when I notice you had quite big feet!
You said "I'll make you a meal, I'm quite a good cook,"
And I said "Forget the meal I just want to . . .

Look - all the time at your beautiful face,
If you took your clothes off I'd also think it was ace."
So you took off your clothes and I couldn't help but stare,
But that was because you wore a bra under there.

And I thought to myself, "He wears a bra does he?
Oh well - I've been single for ages and I'm not that fussy."
You took off your bra, then we just talked for ages,
And you wisked me to the zoo to see monkeys in cages?!

I still couldn't stop staring- I thought it was a dream,
But you slapped me with a walrus and then bought me ice-cream.
The Ice cream cone was mouldy, but I didn't mind,
I thought 'Jake's brought it me and he's such a cute find.'

I knew it was wrong - and not the best place,
But I felt like smearing the ice-cream all over your face.
We were having fun and laughing till it got in my eye,
Then I fell to the floor and started to cry.

I couldn't see properly, I felt like a bender,
I looked up, to my horror, my Jake was Pat from Eastenders!
I couldn't believe it - what to do - the situation was dire,
I heard your voice, turned around, you were kissing that bloke from the Shire!

You broke my heart, and my tears came down in streams,
'Bloody hell!' I thought, 'Can't just this bit be a dream?'
Then I realised it was Frodo and my heart broke in two,
Because my dear Elijah, I'm in love with you too!

I can only take half the credit as I wrote it with a friend . . . we were bored.
( Fluffy elephants, Tue 16 Aug 2005, 1:22, Reply)