Seafood!
In short, it mings. I hate it, hate it with a passion which burns from the very depths of my anguished soul. Why does it smell like that? There is only one thing I detest with anything like the fanaticism I reserve for fishy produce.

Mashed potatoes, can't stand them, they're turds of the devil.

However, every week my mum would insist on combining the above with boiled egg (again, a so called foodstuff which I can only express a burning hatred of) into a concoction called "fish pie".

An uncle of mine once spent four years as a non-paying guest of Emperor Hirohito and in doing so suffered many deprivations along the way including being forced to eat jungle crickets, not because of some obscure torture but because there was fuck all else to eat except a handful of rice a day.

I would gladly have tucked into a plate full of the jumping, chirping critters instead of having to face fish pie and invariably extract the choking fish bones from the back of my throat.

Every week would be a steaming plate of monstrosity called "fish pie", every week I would be forced to sit at the table until it was finished. Every week I'd protest bitterly and covertly feed it to the dog, who'd lick her own genitals immediately afterward, presumably to rid her of the taste.

It took me twenty five years of hard work to finally convince my mum that I wasn't just being "funny", I did genuinely hate fish pie and was as likely to savour a serving as I would be to willingly embrace Geri Halliwell.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 17 May 2007, 15:20, Reply)