Terrible ParentingMy parents used to lock my brother, sister and I in the car while they went to the pub for a "quick one" after work. This quick one might last several hours, during which they would send bottles of Indian Tonic Water to us by way of refreshment.
On one particularly cold evening, bored stupid, we lit a small bonfire on the back seat of the car using the cigarette lighter and the contents of the glove box. We owe our lives to passing winos. (BTW: Please no more Maddie or Jesus gags, they've been done.)
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:47)
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MasterchefMy mum went away to visit some friends in Canada, leaving me and my sister to be looked after by my not-entirely-competent-in-the-childcare-department dad for a couple of weeks.
Cooking was his greatest challenge. I believe we subsisted for the entire fortnight on a diet of burnt fish fingers and oven chips. We didn't complain. But then he started getting cocky and decided that we needed dessert, too. So we got raspberry ripple ice cream, which we both loved. Top stuff!
We hadn't finished it all after the first night, so the remainder sat on the side in the kitchen until he belatedly remembered to stick it back in the freezer. Next day, we polished it off.
Oh, the humanity. He wasn't so good at handling kids at the best of times, but trying to cope with two puking, shitting, food-poisoned kids while my mother laughed her tits off over a long-distance phone line...I don't think he ever fully recovered.
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reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 13:06,
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