phantom crapper, et al
at school (boarding) there was a phantom crapper. instead of using the toilet the crapper would lay a really, really fat turd alongside the bog, like you don't.

the chief suspect was C**** M****** who, being a bit/lot fat, was ajudged the be only person able to squeeze one so fat out of his fat arse.

a teacher, turning one of these turds over with a biro exclaimed 'hmmm, it must be someone quite meaty ' (true)

very well known nightclub, pre new season and I'm there doing what I was doing and asked one of the 'managment' where the bogs were. 'do you mean the toilet' came the snooty reply (from a fucking scally chancer) aye, that'll do, sez I. as I entered the door through which I had been dismissively directed I was greeted with some sights you really don't need to see. trap 1: solidified dihooria-hi-hay all up the back of it. trap 2: same ! trap 3:most of pan missing, shit everywhere. this is after the club had been shut for a week, midwinter, so the shit was solidified. I used the 'differently abled' bog which was pristine and remarked to the manager 'I was right first time, it's a definately a fucking bog' pity the fool I saw going in there with a petrol powered pressure washer ...

me ? I'm civilised, having only ever used a portaloo once (this august bank holiday, actually) and only after I'd seen it delivered and knew that nobody else had used it, I'm still traumatised by the experience and experience has taught me to hold poos for days.


ignore the length, feel the girth
(sham-il-eer-tak-tak noes better but still can't give a fuck at, Mon 5 Sep 2005, 22:19, Reply)