T-shirts, buses and vom
Not about me, but about a friend. Many years ago, my mate Mike was out on the lash. A lot. He took the bus to Southampton for a pub crawl. At the end of the evening, he staggered back in time for the last bus (the pisshead special) home. Because it was the last bus, and because it made quite a few stops, they sent a double decker. It was one of the old-fashioned types, where the driver sat in a separate little compartment - luckily for him.

When Mike boarded the bus, the only seats left were upstairs. Wearily, the bus wended its wobbly way through town and dale, and folks came and went until Mike was briefly alone on the top deck. Unfortunately, all Mike's beer, weed, kebabs and chips weren't mixing well with the swaying and rocking of the top deck, and Mike started to feel quite poorly. He desperately looked about for salvation - to no avail. The windows were chewing-gummed shut, and he couldn't hoy up all over the bus, so, with (as he put it) a shrug, he tucked his tight, white T-shirt in, pulled the neck forward, ducked his mouth into the shirt and...

A couple more times this happened, until he was awash with stinking semi-solids, swilling around his middle and seeping through the T-shirt. He said that someone came to sit next to him; he smiled ('coz he was feeling much better) but she didn't. Clocking the seeping, the stinking and the swilling, the nice (but quite pissed herself) lady instead puked her guts up - but not into her T-shirt. This set off the rest of the passengers on the top deck. Then the ever-increasing ocean of puke on the top deck started to trickle down the stairs, and the bottom deck of the bus joined in the fun.

Eventually, Mike got off at his stop. He stepped off the bus (followed by a small puddle of puke that I saw later, on my way home), untucked his sodden T-shirt and let the solids splatter to the ground.

I saw the bus at the depot the next day; they were hosing it out and the guy with the hose was wearing what looked like a hazmat or biological warfare suit.
(lustfish, Sat 9 Jan 2010, 0:12, Reply)