It wasn't on the net, but probably worth telling....
I moved into halls of residence on Saturday, most people opted for Sunday. One of the other people that decided Saturday was a good plan was the guy who moved into the room next door. We finished unpacking and my folks sat down for a cuppa. Mum being slightly overly sociable asks mr nextdoor if he wants a tea. I remember him being sat there in my room, staring into his cup of tea responding to my parents attempts at conversation with socially inept one word answers. The thing is, when my parents left this guy didn't leave... for months.

Everytime I was smoking outside the uni buildings he'd find me, everytime I got in from uni he would be knocking on my door about 5 seconds after I shut it. He was unshakeable, sometimes I thought I'd got away without the company of my stalker, but he'd turn up and follow me around at some point no matter how hard I tried to shake him. Unfortunatley contact with me and my relatively normal mates didn't enhance his social skills. He never said anything, just stared at the floor/his pint/a cup of tea/television. Scarey.

One night a mate and I were in slightly high spirited moods, what with it being friday and the SUB having a night on which we'd prepared for with several cans of heldeanbraugh super. Mr Nextdoor shows up. My mate and I look at each other, and telepathy occurs.

When the 3 of us got the the SUB we promptly started making mr nextdoor drink stupid drinks (Blastaways with double vodkas in, frogspawns, double tequillas), then holding the bottom of the glass when he started drinking so he had to down it. Needless to say he got in a bit of a state. My mate and I went off to score and told mr nextdoor it wasn't a good plan for him to come with us as he didn't know our dealer.

When we got back to the halls it wasn't long before mr nextdoor showed up. He was all over the shop. Staggering and, to my suprise, slurring. I'd never heard him use so many words. At the time we were smoking tobacco mix buckets, but we'd already made mr nextdoor his own special mix... which was all tobacco and no pot. This didn't help his already wobbly state and he passed out after smoking a couple.

When I went to the toilet I noticed mr nextdoor had left his room door open, so I had a look in the communal fridge, found a lump of chees and put it under his bed. I told my mate, who told me he'd done the same thing, but with 1/2 a pint of milk earlier. Oh, how we laughed.

Eventually mr nextdoor went to bed, and my flatmate and I seized the opportunity to take the stitch up a bit further. We mashed up a can of baked beans and splattered them down the hall going from mr nextdoors room to the toilet. Giving a nice, "I woke up being sick, tried to get to the toilet but couldn't" effect.

I woke up the next day and got up to find mr nextdoor stood int he doorway of his room looking at the trail of "puke". I think the conversation went something like this:

me- did you throw up last night, mr nextdoor?
nd- well if I did I don't remember it
me- Yeah you were pretty trashed last night, I'd clean that up before the warden sees it and goes mental.

I got back from breakfast to find him on his hands and kness scrubbing at the "puke" stains with a nail brush. Bless.

I feel a bit guilty about this now. At the time I found it hilarious.

He still followed me everywhere though...

Until one night, at a party I said something on front of him that I shouldn't have (I didn't know he was there), and he ran of crying.

He stopped following me about after that. He found some new friends. He even invited me to a small party they were having. When I arrived I was stunned to see him holding court to this group of geeks relaying funny stories and anecdotes like a proper oscar wilde... was this the same guy!?!?!? Where did these amzing social skills come from?

Looks like my group of friends and I weren't really the right peole to bolster this guy's social confidence.

I guess sometimes you have to be a bit of a cunt to be kind.

I haven't done anything this nasty since.... last weekend.

penis + length x girth = pun of your own choosing.
(ralphseviltwin, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:07, Reply)