YES!
Excellent question. The Combination of tinsy village primary and all-girls school have given me a few teachers less normal than the lovely Becca of Hollyoaks (mmm, lovely Becca.)

Mr Stephens, headmaster of Chesham Bois Primary (name changed to protect the innocent, but not really). Long haired hippy man with a guitar on a rainbow strap (bad enough, really). Wore bracelets whilst instigating his *anyone who wears jewellery at school shall be mailed first class to Mr and Mrs West* policy. Told my mum he thought I might be troubled. Turns out I was just bored. Almost got a punch off my mum for calling me 'odd' (which in all fairness, was 100% correct)

Mr Huggins of AHS (the girls school)- Science teacher years 8 and 9. Only really for the manic glee in his eyes whenever he was allowed to add potassium, caesium, frenium etc to water. Absolute pure joy at making things fizz, bang, pop or emit pretty coloured flame. Also gave us books for our biology lessons from the 70s with proper pictures of real naked people in them. Score!

I can't remember the name of my GCSE art teacher. Suffice to say she was a blond lady who looked like she'd been face down in a bowl of formaldehyde for the past billiongazillion years. Her fringe was so hairsprayed it'd never move, and we had proper shouting arguments because I didn't see what copying other people's styles had to do with art.

Art teacher earlier than her, also can't remember the name was. Manic hair like sideshow bob, bright pink lipstick and bright blue eyeshadow UP TO HER EYEBROWS. She became our form tutor in year 11 and turned up to 4 tutor periods. Late. Accusing us of hiding from her. In the same tutor room we'd been in since year 8.

Mrs Arber. Wanted a better reason for me not being able to do PE than glandular fever. Was built like an SUV. Looked like Charles Bronson (the jail one) in a dress.

hmmm. trying to remember all the teachers i've had is difficult.

OH! Mr Barker, year 7. A class of 30 plus pupils (31 or something), mostly girls. The boys got to get changed for PE in the classroom, the girls in one bathroom. One. Instructed us in PE in a jogging suit OVER his trousers, shirt, jumper. And the jumpers. Oh the jumpers. a festive array of wooly wonderousness. Used to shout 'OOOOOPH' if he was getting annoyed. And 'ARE WE READY' a lot too. Used to shout a lot, actually.

Mrs Anderson, year 2. Hated children (no, really. My mum remembers her better than I do). Tried her hardest to make me right handed, called the little deaf lad in our class 'handicapped' and used to stop him from doing PE as 'he wouldn't be able to hear my instructions'. Completely ignored the indian kid in our class, and (told you my mum remembers her better) actually said 'Alex is a very silly name for one of your sort'.

Ah, edumacation. Oh, not mentioning my old film tutor who'd sit for the entire lecture telling us how much he hated bono, how he was in Velvet Underground ('my co star Toni Collette...') And getting violently scared of students being in his personal space or touching him. Decided anorexic girls were sexy. Bless him, Ian was the man.


I know people make up stuff for QOTW, but I'm really not. I've loved my education, as everybody was mental in their own special way. But I think you have to be a bit to be a teacher.
Length but girth for apologies who cares. Rearrange.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 11:10, Reply)