A serious reply.
This is one that's already bindun, I realize, but it's no less true.

My experience has been that people are generally born with a given disposition. Some people are generally positive and rarely see a rainy day, metaphorically speaking. Most people see good days balanced out with shit days, and generally speaking it works out for them. Others see a lot of rain and very damned little sun.

I happen to be of the last variety. I always seem to have a dark cloud hanging over everything.

If I look at my life rationally, it's pretty damned good. By most peoples' measure, I've done well. I have a house, I have three kids of whom I'm quite proud, and in general I've not fucked up terribly. From the outside looking in I have a pretty sweet life. I know this full well, and have been told this on a regular basis.

The hellish part of it is, emotions are not at all rational. Yes, logically I know all of these things and more, but somehow that brings me very little comfort. I always feel like I fall short, that there are things I should be doing better or that I've let my kids down in some way. While I haven't lived beyond my means and gotten into massive debt, neither have I managed to accumulate any savings. I live from check to check. This knowledge makes me feel remarkably inadequate as an adult.

I know it's bullshit. I know that in reality I've done all right. And yet...

My thing that I'd like to do before I die? I'd like to feel that I've done well, that my life has not been a total waste. I'd like to feel good about myself. I'd like to feel happy overall.

I'd like to be rid of depression.
( Wanderer, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 5:42, 15 replies)

Seriously...
…consider making an appointment with a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist. It doesn’t mean a lifetime of therapy, perhaps a couple of visits will suffice. Speaking as a Dad with 3 kids, 2 of whom are “not the full can of coke”, I understand that life can sometimes seem a bit grey. Talking with a professional can help.

Alternatively, take Massive Drugs.
( Ken Oath, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 6:58, closed)

I did that once.
She put me on Wellbutrin, 300 mg/day.

It did precisely jack shit.

And now I (an American) have no health insurance, so the price of the meds is beyond my reach anyway. The only realistic option that I have is to white-knuckle it through until I can get on health insurance, and then hope that the meds don't make me crazier than I already am.

Dunno. Maybe talking with a pro will do something this time around. It's going to be a while before I can find out, though.
( Wanderer, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 7:08, closed)

Chill
I just watched David Attenborough's BBC 'Life On Earth' series, followed by Carl Sagan's 'Cosmos'. Brilliant.

A tour of the world and the universe by two compelling people.
(roysin, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 10:15, closed)

Realism.
Hmm. It's your brain, you know. Your life now isn't much different from most adults'. Savings? In this economy? No need to feel you've done any worse than most of America. And your life as a rugrat must have been quite different from what it is now. Good job changing it for the better for your own sprouts. Breaking the cycle in your generation.

Problem is, your brain has a really ace road map to the life it grew up with. It's built a feckin superhighway to the Depression Mall.

Build a new map, dammit.

Mr. Kila and I had similar, and we have had varying degrees of success with things like counselling, volunteering to help others, eating right, exercising and getting a good night's sleep, even gimmicks like making a list of 5 things we did right today, and referring to it in the bleak times. Anything we could do to build new roads, so that every slight turn DOESN'T end up back at the corner of Life Sucks and Then You Die.

Sounds silly but it does work.

More info: Mr. K and I found this fascinating. Explained a lot about how the brain builds pathways and how repetition can build good pathways too: Inside the Brain, Ron Kotulak. amzn.to/aL3nAd

And don't mess around with depression. You take care of yourself, now.
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 11:40, closed)

That's one good thing that I've managed, at least.
I did in fact break the cycle by raising my kids differently than how I was raised.

There are three styles of parenting that are recognized- authoritarian, authoritative and permissive. The first is very autocratic- the parent who dictates what the child will do and when they will do it, and will fall on them like a load of bricks at any deviation. The last is the polar opposite, where the kids can do whatever they like with no consequence. The second variety is the preferable method- being the wise leader who guides them into life and shows the way.

I was raised by very dictatorial parents. When you raise a kid that way they generally get rebellious once they're out from under your thumb. I did so for a bit before I realized what a foolish game that was and did some heavy introspection.

I have sought to be authoritative with my kids, and it has worked well- all three know how to change their car's oil, to do laundry, to mop a floor, and so on. They're all very good cooks. They know how to manage money. They aren't afraid of going downtown on their own, but know which areas to stay out of. I think I've done well by them.

But as for me, I still have those parental recordings in my brain that tell me what a fuckup and a disappointment I am. I don't think they'll ever go away. At least I didn't transmit them on to my kids.

The scary voice that I have to work to ignore, though, is the one that tells me how easy it would be to lay all my burdens down, how the longer I go the more pain I'll have to endure, and how easy it would be to stop all of it. That one comes through a lot. I do brush it off as I know what would happen to my wife and kids were I to do what the voice keeps seductively suggesting, but it's still there.

I will have health insurance soon, and when I do I'll be making a beeline for the doctor. But until then I get to grit my teeth and go on as I've done for forty-odd years.
( Wanderer, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 12:46, closed)

Me me me everyone look at me tell me I am lovely me me me me me me.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
No offence.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 18:14, closed)

Steady on, balders
some people have such serious issues with depression that they feel the only way out is to post anonymously on a comedy based website.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 18:35, closed)

Well then, here's something that you two made the think of that will hopefully make you laugh.
Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend
You give me the horrors
Too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
Are lousy coz of you
You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag
Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag

You’re like a dose of scabies
I’ve got you under my skin
You make life a fairy tale... Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive
You’ve got this slippery quality
It makes me think of phlegm
And a dual personality
I hate both of them

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away
Like a death a birthday party
You ruin all the fun
Like a sucked and spat our smartie
you’re no use to anyone
Like the shadow of the guillotine
On a dead consumptive’s face
Speaking as an outsider
What do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist
He recommended suicide...
Before scratching your bad name off his list
And pointing the way outside

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart
You’re heading for a breakdown
Better pull yourself apart

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss
Your attitudes are platitudes
Just make me wanna piss

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you
But I can...

TWAT
( Wanderer, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 12:27, closed)

you're living in the grey zone
along with the other 95% of the population. Nothing will change unless you radically change your way of thinking, and whatever you do do not go see a "Therapist"
your subconscious is basically one big dumb eager to please idiot who will happily keep handing you on a plate anything your conscious mind keeps telling it to. If you keep running how shit your life is in your head, then that's what your neurology will be wired to deliver up to you, on a daily basis, for the rest of your life.

go pick up a few books by Richard Bandler
(The capricious toga, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 18:55, closed)

did you really just highlight part of that to read theRAPIST?
fuck me, what a joy you must be to be around.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 8:03, closed)

From past experience
Thats quite a good description. Especially the ones who have read a NLP book and think one size fits all
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 13:12, closed)

I could be wrong here, but it's deffo in my case.
When I was a kid, for most things, if I wanted something, it wouldn't be financial reasons why I couldn't get it. Dad never said "I can't afford that" or something along those lines, but would say "You can have it for your birthday when your birthday comes" or "You can't have that as [any reason really]". It's not that I was spoiled, it's just that my 'rents were never broke in my childhood eyes. The reality is, just like most people on the planet, he had to graft for it. It's also when he was 40, he was quite established in the respect that he was paying the mortgage and all that. The very concept of a mortgage was beyond me, we had a house, we lived there, it was ours. You plug something in to get 'lecy, and it works. You turn a tap and water comes out... and that's how it works.

Then, when moving out of the 'rents home, I had to pay these bills for myself, so I had to work. I was young so I didn't have the wages he bought in. When I was short of cash to pay a bill, he cold sort me out, but by then he was in his late 50s and was reaping the rewards of a lifetime's work.

I seriously fall short at the moment of my 'rents, on a financial basis, but they've had a lifetime head start. I know I'll get there eventually, but I don't remember the days when I was a baby and they were struggling. And when I was a kid, on the scale of things, a £10 toy wasn't as big as a deal as, say, a car. And I never knew him as a teenager living with friends (well, his wife, my ma', 'cus they married young) or in those days when he was at where I'm at today.

I think that make's sense.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 18:55, closed)

How can your life have been a waste...
... When you have 3 kids.
When you die, part of you will live on through those kids, and through their kids and on and on. Not just your DNA, but also your teachings and your way of life.
(Miggyman, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 21:01, closed)

So I hope.
It's certain that my kids have my sense of humor. My son got reprimanded at work for putting his iPod on the kitchen stereo in the restaurant and flipping the light switch on and off to make a kitchen rave. Especially because the other cooks started dancing and some of the customers started giggling.
( Wanderer, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 12:50, closed)

As somebody going through it right now...
... can I please just say that if you can find the right person to speak to then therapy/counselling is worth its weight in gold. It may not be easy to find somebody to relate to straight away, but when you do that immediately lifts a weight from your shoulders.

You will get there. Promise.
(ThursdayNext drowning in gin on, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 21:36, closed)