Simon and the Travel Agency
I used to work with a very personable but very straight-laced chap called Simon. He took his politeness to extremes, to the point of taking forever to relay the slightest morsel of information because it was so suffused with unnecessary platitudes. So naturally, we made it our mission to make him swear at least once a day.

Simon's phone number appeared to be very similar to that of a travel agency specialising in trips to the Indian Subcontinent. Several times a week, the poor sap would get calls from Indian-sounding individuals who spoke next to no English and would persist in trying to book flights to Mumbai despite Simon's excessively polite yet futile attempts to explain that they had, in fact, called the council.

Simon's colleague, Jonathan, saw this as too good an opportunity to miss. Having already briefed us on his plan, he retreated to the conference room, called Simon's phone (no caller ID, where do you think this was, Wandsworth?) and proceeded to try to book a holiday to Bangalore for three people, a goat and a sitar, with the most outrageous, Goodness Gracious Me Indian accent he could muster.

Simon, naturally, started his usual "I'm terribly sorry old bean, but it's just possible you may have mis-dialled ever so slightly" patter, but Jonathan was prepared, and launched into a foul tirade of subcontinental abuse, accusing Simon of winding him up, and he wanted to book his holiday to Bangalore RIGHT NOW, and why did they employ honkies anyway?

Simon was flustered, but still kept his cool. At least until the background snickering from the 15 other people in the office evolved into a roar of uncontrollable laughter.

"Jonathan," Simon opined, "You absolute cocksucking fucking cuntbiscuit."

Result!
(Axeman Jim, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 23:05, 3 replies)

This made me
LOL, purely for the phrase cuntbiscuit, but also reminded me of something I did to my boss three years ago............
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 6:28, closed)

dont ask me why
but i envisioned simon pegg as simon.
(muzzvsworld, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:10, closed)

Marvellous
Struggling to stop my monitor falling off the desk there. Well done!
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:27, closed)