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This is a question Worst Nicknames Ever

Everyone wants a cool nickname like "Ace", "Boss", or "Iron". Kids being kids, that's not what we get - the kid with polio gets called Johnny Spazm, your Ginger Fuhrer was called Rob Man-you-smell and your question master was "Tommy" Trinder despite him being dead for years.

Tell us the worst you've heard and the stories behind them.

(, Thu 18 May 2006, 15:45)
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Outed By The Entertainment
I used to know someone whose surname was Skelton and so was unimaginatively known as Skelly. Okay not that interesting so far, but bear with me. So we were at the pub one night and they had just had this funky golf arcade machine installed (the sort where you wham the trackerball forward to hit your shot, it was taken out after we had a longest drive competition and my mate won by not stopping his hand, cracking the screen and breaking several fingers, but thats another story).

Anyway Skelly had refused our invitation that night with some pathetic excuse so, being the loyal, grown up people we are, when we all finished in the top three of the leaderboard we all entered our name as 'Skelly is gay'. Natch. We watched the leaderboard scroll up and cheered as 'Skelly is gay' flashed up a whole three times. Flushed with pride we turned round to head back to our table when we noticed someone had just entered the pub. It was none other than Skelly's older brother, and what imaginative nickname had his friends given him? Why Skelly, of course. Now he was a few years older than us so we were slightly intimidated by him at that age. In a panic we all figured that if we stood drinking next to the golf machine and prayed he didn't want a game then we would escape undetected. Well, I mentioned this machine was new, which was why we hadn't fully appreciated all the bells and whistles on it.

So, picture this. Skelly (senior) is sitting enjoying a quiet drink with friends. Glancing round the room he notices three embarrassed, not quite eighteen-year olds standing ramrod straight in front of the new golf machine wearing the goofy grins of the desperately doomed and all staring at him, mild terror in their eyes. As he goes to give them a friendly nod he notices what our intrepid heroes have not. At the top of the machine is one of those red L.E.D. displays scrolling across the legend of 1. Skelly is gay 2. Skelly is gay 3. Skelly is gay, directly above their heads.

We followed his gaze and ran like fuck as he started to get up. We were brave in those days.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 7:22, closed)

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