Well....
Apologies for my absence y'all, those of you that know me will know that I've been f***ing about with life....

Anyhoo - This isn't the worst sex I've had, but it was pretty freaky at the time....

I was in *** (location witheld to protect the stupid) and I was happily in a bar with my mate Scott* who has the gift of the gab (the man's better than I am at picking up!!)

Scott had picked up this girl who wasn't all bad, which left me on ugly duty. Great.

I looked over at the croco-dilly-pig sister and thought - "need more vodka" - this place was doing it for 79p for a vodka and mixer.

"I'll have 4 please. Hold the mixer."

"Actually, make that 8...."

Right, now I'm ready - I got on the dancefloor with the now beaut and we were promptly thrown out. Something about lewd behaviour.

That should have been my first and last warning.

Back to the hotel then - all 4 of us. Scott and bird promptly get it on and then, for whatever reason, leave.

"Nooooo! Don't leave me here with her!"

Anyway - without a word of a lie, 3 and a half hours of sex follow. I'm still impressed with that one to be fair.

I'm getting to the point by the way.

The weird thing was this - she decided to sit on my face. Literally. Now, normally I don't have a problem with this and I was enjoying it, as was she.

It was the way she was beginning to smother me pressing her pasty white thighs against the sides of my head and forcing her (less than fresh smelling) self on me.

After a bit, breathing became an issue - breathing being important and all - unfortunately I couldn't say anything as my mouth was, well, covered to say the least.

I did try to lift her up, but she took this as a sign for her to put her (not entierly svelt self) harder on my face.

Seeing became an issue at this point as did hearing.

Can't remember how I got up (the night did involve a LOT of vodka) but I remember her saying how good that had been.

I think I said something like "mmmmghhhgmhshmmm". Thankfully she decided she "needed a fag" and was going to go home.

I have occasional flashbacks of this and it's still scary....

***shudder***

PS, apologies for those of you that like that sort of thing.....

*Might not be his actual name
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Sat 16 Jun 2007, 19:28, Reply)