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They wanted personal details to release my money, hopefully this will cover it
the details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:43, archived)
Shaving it with a razor is nigh-on impossible
I Immac'd them when I was younger, but it made them go bright red, and they stung for hours.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:14, archived)
I've never felt the need to have hairless bollox

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:19, archived)
I did a lot of things without thinking when I was a kid
halcyon days
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:23, archived)
like getting married!
oh hahahaha
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:29, archived)
You got married when you were a kid?

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:31, archived)
I realise now that the joke isn't entirely accurate.

Still...women, eh!
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:38, archived)
My wife and I are in the iron and steel business
She does the ironing, I do the stealing!!!!
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:41, archived)
I thought she was in finance

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:50, archived)
Yeah well then you thought wrong

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:51, archived)
I need to update my spreadsheet

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:02, archived)
A former mate of mine has his block and tackle waxed every three months.

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:36, archived)
Any reason why?

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:39, archived)
I never did find that out.
The way he talked about it made it sound like it was an excuse to boast about how much of a hard case he was for being able to withstand the pain.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:49, archived)
Hard IN THE BOYS' SHOWERS more like!

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:52, archived)
Trust you to think of that.

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:54, archived)
i can think of a reason

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:52, archived)
Is that reason "to make his otherwise tiny cock look a bit bigger"?

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:54, archived)
that and avoiding pube/teeth interactions

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:56, archived)

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:59, archived)
it'd make a difference with the ladies

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:07, archived)
They'd probably think "this guy spends a lot of time worrying about grooming himself. He's almost certainly gay."
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:41, archived)
oh, behave!

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:18, archived)