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Has Windy's gay dog died yet?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 21:58, Reply)
... and they all lived happily ever after.
THE END
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 16:52, Reply)

and they all lived happily ever after.
THE
MNEEEURGH, MY NAME IS MONSTER MUNCH AND I AM A COLOSSAL BELL
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 16:56, Reply)
Alright MM?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 16:58, Reply)
mm?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:36, Reply)
master masturbator

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:19, Reply)
miriam margolyes

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:59, Reply)
She's the thinking woman's Brian Blessed

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 23:23, Reply)
No point waiting around for the post credits scene.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 19:13, Reply)
It's been lovely at the lake , nice productive night and a great day

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 16:59, Reply)
been fishing?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:04, Reply)
Yer mate

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:28, Reply)
gutted and ready to fry?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:20, Reply)
No, catch and release

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:23, Reply)
I'm going to the lakes tomorrow

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 19:20, Reply)
Fill them in mate, they're feeding now

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 19:31, Reply)
My bastard stupid Bluetooth adaptor has spontaneously forgotten the headphones it's been pairing without any issue for the past six months, AGAIN.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:17, Reply)
ooooh shes shaking her beads dear.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:36, Reply)
Roll credits

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:44, Reply)
Roll this
*points at crotch*
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 21:02, Reply)
I watched a doc on YouTube last night about the new skool illegal rave scene
Those poor kids, it looks fucking rubbish. Talk about missing the boat.

Have you ever missed a boat? Or kissed a stoat? Posted on Voat?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:44, Reply)
I once fucked a goat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:02, Reply)
but do they call me 'tangles the bridge-builder'???

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:03, Reply)
Hello.
Wish u will not mind my language grammar, considering that im from Germany. I infected your gadget with a malware and now have all of your personal information from your operating-system.

It was mounted on a mature internet page after which you've picked the video clip, viewed it, my application immediately gain access to your os.

Next, your webcamera captured you hand fucking, on top of that i captured a movie that you have looked at.

Immediately after a little while this also picked up your social contact info. If you happen to need me to wipe off your everything i have got - send me 250 us in bitcoin its a cryptocurrency. It is my btc account address : 17eDbLqE5ruPTjqc5VVc9j2L52mxyX63wu

Now you have 25hr s. to make a decision The minute i will receive the transfer i will wipe out this movie and every thing entirely. Or else, please remember that your footage would be forwarded to all your buddies.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:58, Reply)
o shit
ok I'll send you the money, just don't let my buddies see me hand fucking
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:00, Reply)
25hr s, m8 - or your buddies get the footage

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:16, Reply)
Did anyone else see Dan Lobb on Channel 4 last night?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:01, Reply)
'Lobb on' lol

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:15, Reply)
I hope he appreciated the lol value of his own name when preparing the programme.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:25, Reply)
nope, never heard of the guy

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:50, Reply)
Neither had I until I saw this.
By his own admission, he's "z list".
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:55, Reply)
Lol!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:01, Reply)
lol, he captured you hand fucking!
you hand fucker!
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:15, Reply)
just got the footage
cheers
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 14:08, Reply)
Like what you see?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 15:08, Reply)
there's two hours of you ranting about Hilary Clinton and CNN
I guess the good stuff is after that
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 15:21, Reply)
The hand-fucking comes just after I identify the Deep State crisis actors behind 9/11

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 15:49, Reply)
Is this why you need to rebuild your car's computer?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 15:28, Reply)
I once rowed a boat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:04, Reply)
I bet today's kids think their rave scene is well cool,
and they watch videos of the old skool scene on YouTube and think it looks fucking rubbish.

Lol Voat, the pillocks' Reddit.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:08, Reply)
I once wore a coat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:20, Reply)
bullshit

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:28, Reply)
I peed on a shoat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:28, Reply)
Did it reciprocate?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:33, Reply)
I missed a ferry from Tahiti to Mo'orea in 2006 and had to wait for like two hours or something

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:36, Reply)
turns out that rave is a radio 2 thing now
I'm sure you can recognise yourself here, rich:
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/4PSJYFcmZq2p3w8J6qnW2TD/7-signs-youre-a-child-of-the-rave-era?intc_type=singletheme&intc_location=radio2&intc_campaign=dialupthefun&intc_linkname=article_rave_contentcard3
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:43, Reply)
ffs

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:20, Reply)
Gary Davies? Good choice, he was always a proper hardcore raver

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:35, Reply)
I once wanked from Land's End to John o' Groats
due to a typo on a sponsorship form.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:44, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:57, Reply)
That was a stroke of genius

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:30, Reply)
I've only ever been in to things long after it was cool to do so.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:45, Reply)
none of the things you have ever been into have ever been cool

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:57, Reply)
Not when I've finished with them, no.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:04, Reply)
I once got harry on the boat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:55, Reply)
Outside of a godawful drama series on Sky,
I've never heard that phrase used in earnest. I think they made it up.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:05, Reply)
it's rhyming slang you oaf
Harry Monk
Boat race
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:21, Reply)
I know what it means, Rich.
But I've never before heard it used outside of a TV drama.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:26, Reply)
I don't suppose there are a lot of cockneys round your way

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:40, Reply)
My parents are both from the east end of London, and my dad was always fond of teaching me inappropriate things.
"Harry on the boat" just seems a bit forced, so to speak.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:52, Reply)
well, not many people are up for that willingly

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:06, Reply)
"I wish they all could be cum-lovin' sluts"
#BeachBoysAfterDark
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:18, Reply)
I remember the story of Gazza and Ralph Moat
www.dailyrecord.co.uk/entertainment/celebrity/listen-paul-gascoigne-reveal-truth-6931299
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:59, Reply)
good old Murty

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:22, Reply)
I really fancy an ice cream float

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:16, Reply)
^ soda jerk

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:27, Reply)
circle twerks

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:45, Reply)

n ice cream float bumming lol
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:33, Reply)
dirty!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:45, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 6:31, Reply)
Yah.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 6:36, Reply)
Hey Yah

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 6:37, Reply)
OutKast were crap.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 7:32, Reply)
I never understood the appeal

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:38, Reply)
they got hoes in different area codes

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:40, Reply)
they own a chain of garden centres?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:56, Reply)
for trimming bushes

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:00, Reply)
^

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:52, Reply)
Morening. Like a regular morning but more

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:14, Reply)
this morning is high in fibre

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:26, Reply)
bring me sunshine in your smile
bring me laughter all the while
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:23, Reply)
what smile?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:26, Reply)
's 1.60934km

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:30, Reply)
hands off socks, hands on cocks
lol
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:30, Reply)
oh you card!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:33, Reply)
How about ladyborders?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:34, Reply)
Hands off sponges, hands on clunges.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:12, Reply)
hi

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:38, Reply)
wotcha

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:43, Reply)
morningrrr

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:39, Reply)
wotchamate woodo

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:44, Reply)
cannot survive the tropic European climate without a fan constantly blasting at hurricane speed

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:46, Reply)
Arriving on the 07:12 from Buttoxeter, it is the MORNING.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:48, Reply)
my research concludes that there is only a place called Uttoxeter

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:53, Reply)
Buttoxeter is the limited-edition B-side.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:57, Reply)
Twinned with Anus, Burgundy?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anus,_Yonne
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:13, Reply)
when oh when will they bring back funny name corner in the newsletter?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:14, Reply)
or the other things they ripped from the viz

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:16, Reply)
The town of many culs-de-sac.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:24, Reply)
I get this joke

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:35, Reply)
*Masonic handshake*

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:55, Reply)
I've still got the extremely graphic porn mag I bought in Eurodisney as a teen
it had words like that in it.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:59, Reply)
Direct quote:
mon cul, lui, a compris sa douleur et son plaisir! putain de pied! Plus il me plombait le fion, plus je jouissais et plus il me ramonait sauvagement
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:03, Reply)
cor!
*faps*
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:10, Reply)
Morning

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:58, Reply)
finally, a sensible reply.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:59, Reply)
I don't like being sensible, it worries me

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:27, Reply)
Hello

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:40, Reply)
How's the dog?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:43, Reply)
Back in the hospital.
He won't eat so they're putting him on a drip. More meds and more blood tests.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:57, Reply)
poor bugger :(

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:02, Reply)
alright windus
any news on the hound?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:45, Reply)
Not yet. He's not getting worse, but no real improvement yet.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:57, Reply)
Good morning grrr :) :) :)
Good morning fellow forum chums :) :) :)
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:01, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:02, Reply)
alright carole smiley

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:03, Reply)
More windy news.
My dog is not very well. Possible liver failure. This is really super bad news.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:21, Reply)
Bugrit, that's not good.
How old is said dog?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:23, Reply)
Only 8. Came on really suddenly.
Bit worried.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:29, Reply)
Seeing the vet tomorrow then?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:30, Reply)
He went in last night, and has been there all day.
Waiting on further blood tests, see if they can figure out what it is. But it might be acute pancreatitis which is not good news.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:49, Reply)
Well, I hope he pulls through, whatever it is.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 19:25, Reply)
^this

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:22, Reply)
Poor dog :'(

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:28, Reply)
Yerr. :(

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:29, Reply)
Get it to the vet
They may be able to do something
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:47, Reply)
He went in last night, was home last night and then went in first thing this morning again.
Inflamed stomach liver and pancreas. Potentially pancreatitis. Maybe liver failure. Could be poisoning. He's on some drugs and we are waiting on more blood tests.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:50, Reply)
I hate dogs

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:55, Reply)
I hate all dogs except daschunds which I tolerate.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:22, Reply)
I tolerate working dogs like guide dogs as they serve a purpose, the other shit machines can all fuck off

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:27, Reply)
Windy's dog watched your crock o' shite team fail at footballing and pissed himself laughing.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:57, Reply)
charlton haven't lost a pre season friendly yet , wait till the season starts eh

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:00, Reply)
says Mr Pre-Season Lairy

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:02, Reply)
Already got injuries ffs

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:26, Reply)
Serves you fucking right for hating dogs.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:28, Reply)
What about blacks and Irish?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:04, Reply)
Alright, Craig Charles.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:05, Reply)
I'm half Irish so I'm not overly keen on the black and tans, thanks Churchill, why not just shell Dublin eh

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:30, Reply)
Aw.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 19:43, Reply)
I neither love nor hate dogs
but as you like this one I wish that either the creature makes a speedy recovery (ideal) or does not suffer too much at the end (not ideal, but the best more of us can hope for).

It seems like your dog and you have had 8 years of good life together which is a very good thing indeed.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:28, Reply)
I had a McDonalds as a treat

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:19, Reply)
I also replied in the wrong place.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:19, Reply)
there are no wrong places amongst friends

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:20, Reply)
I dispute your claim that Mcdonald's is a treat

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:23, Reply)
It's the folly of youth, Smashers.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:27, Reply)
yep
i think the happy meal is the most misleadingly named foodstuff known to the civilised world
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:16, Reply)
Kids only want the toy, the food is an afterthought.
The book tokens are a nice touch, though.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:18, Reply)
I like it.
I don't have it often. So it's a treat.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:38, Reply)
I had a (cheese)burger from there, last week, that wasn't terrible.
That was a novelty.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:50, Reply)
each to their own, i suppose

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:15, Reply)
No, don't let him get away with it
he tore me a new bumhole for buying the ingredients for my homebrew in a single pack instead of individually, and berated me for following a recipe rather than inventing brewing myself.

The Windy Pig does not deserve such tolerance!
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:26, Reply)
LIGHTLY BASTE HIM AND FORCE HIM BETWIXT THE HALVES OF A SESAME SEED BUN!

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:46, Reply)
yeah he's not claiming to have made artisan cheeseburgers here though

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:50, Reply)
He is claiming to enjoy an experience
that someone else doesn't like though, which should be enough reason to crucify him.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:07, Reply)
If I was him I'd sue you for libel

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:18, Reply)
Well, then, fine.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:20, Reply)
maybe he thought you'd like having a spare bumhole

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 17:00, Reply)
Braw! Have fries with that

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:23, Reply)
I did.
I miss being asked if I wa t to supersize
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:38, Reply)
you already have, haven't you?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:48, Reply)
A little bit.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:51, Reply)
a little more cushion for the pushin'

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:55, Reply)
cor!

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:15, Reply)
I might go up the spoons

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:24, Reply)
Good shout

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:38, Reply)
you deserved it

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:29, Reply)
I feel like I deserve even more.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:38, Reply)
McFlurry?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:41, Reply)
I only ever eat it on road trips
or the birth of my child
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:37, Reply)
Does the sauce not make the child really sticky?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:38, Reply)
I could go for a strawberry milkshake

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:42, Reply)
Best milkshake
Anyone who has banana should be killed.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:51, Reply)
only a child rapist would buy a banana milkshake

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:53, Reply)
on that we agree

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:18, Reply)
Last time I had a McDonalds shake, it was some ridiculous promotional flavour, like pineapple or lime.
Not great.
Several of the kids ordered these grotesque frappe concoctions, on Friday - fuck knows what they were meant to be, but I think they all have diabetes now.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:20, Reply)
I don't let me nephews drink caffeinated beverages
the only stimulants they get are through the sacred texts of the Bible
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:38, Reply)
I don't think there was any coffee in these.
Like a mcflurry with a straw in it.

Don't want to think about what you're doing with those Bible pages.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:44, Reply)
quads

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:15, Reply)
I had a curry as a treat

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:28, Reply)
I might make a curry.
How do You like that?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:09, Reply)
Dinner party at Windy's, everyone.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:23, Reply)
I'll bring the homebrew
(I can't believe nobody's strikey-g'd the e to o on that yet either)
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:29, Reply)
I don't like it one bit, young man.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:23, Reply)
light him up

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:24, Reply)
oh I will m8

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:42, Reply)
now hold on, Richard, curry is nice

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:58, Reply)
It's boiled beef and carrots or nothing for our Richard.
None of that foreign muck.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 16:16, Reply)
traditionalism aside, that's a pretty limited diet

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 16:22, Reply)
He's allowed the occasional turnip.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 16:26, Reply)
+d

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 16:45, Reply)
lol, poo

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:12, Reply)
Ah, the Baldrick clause

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 17:04, Reply)
Did you get a happy meal?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:25, Reply)
Lunch thread
I'm having snacks from an A&E vending machine. Yourselves?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:27, Reply)
I'm eating a dry biscuit that's not dissimilar from lamnas bread

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:29, Reply)
^second breakfast

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:07, Reply)
Barbecued snags and yellow bell pepper, cherry tomatoes and the leftover chili I made on Monday night.
With a bit of luck it will have marinated itself up to a decent heat level by now.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:31, Reply)
did you see my belated reply re chilli the other day?
I recommend smoked ghost chilies for con carne, they're the fucking business
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:26, Reply)
That sounds amazing; are they easy to get hold of? Do you have to smoke your own, so to speak?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:57, Reply)
piece of piss - eBay or even Amazon

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:14, Reply)
Ta, I'll give it a go.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:16, Reply)
My recipe:
1 medium onion finely chopped
1 red pepper chopped
500g beef mince
400g tin of kidney beans
400g tin chopped tomatoes
squart of tomato puree
dash of worcester
2 cloves garlic, minced
half teaspoon cumin powder
teaspoon mild chilli powder
1 smoked ghost, toasted then finely chopped
1 fresh scotch bonnet finely chopped
special secret ingredient: dessert spoon of black treacle

give it a go, it's da shit
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:32, Reply)
fuck off Richard you insufferable ponce

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 14:34, Reply)
Saving dis for future reference.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 16:05, Reply)
fry the dry spices first
then add the meat and onions, then the garlic, then the tomato puree. Cook that out then everything else can go in. Cook v gently for a good hour - but best eaten the next day.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 16:28, Reply)
I'll probably wait until lunchtime and then not talk about it on the internet

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:31, Reply)
wanna cyber instead?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:32, Reply)
yeah ok

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:54, Reply)
I usually have an early lunch
Closet I can get to a brunch in my hectic lifestyl.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:33, Reply)
foot wank

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:32, Reply)
prolly just rub my willy on a coipu

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:33, Reply)
go moisten your glans on a giraffe's bumhole

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:36, Reply)
good idea, brb

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:36, Reply)
That's not brb.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:45, Reply)
Have a check to see if wears its tie at the top of its neck
of the bottom, while you're at it.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:43, Reply)
I've heard they're very nutriatricious

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:38, Reply)
Oh, are you properly unwell?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:45, Reply)
Not really
But as it turns out you can't walk off a broken toe.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:58, Reply)

l n

lol
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:06, Reply)
My missus broke her toe repeatedly as a kid, but never realised until many years later.
Wuss.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:08, Reply)
I broke my toe on the death slide in Blackpool funhouse
Never try to go down a slide in a swimming costume
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:12, Reply)
Not til later.
I'll be having a sad salad and mackerel
Might have a mug shot at first break. xo
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:58, Reply)
A mug shot at first break?
tell me more...
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:57, Reply)
Not much to tell, really.
Pasta based, low calorie snack in a mug.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:34, Reply)
Right. Okay.
I had no idea what a mug shot was. I have never eaten one and was not aware such a thing existed. I was genuinely and honestly thinking of police photos and snooker.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 13:38, Reply)
Probably chicken

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:05, Reply)
either an omlette or nothing
we will see
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:16, Reply)
sweet keep us updated yeah

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:29, Reply)
I'm just ejaculating furiously over snacks in an A&E vending machine

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:17, Reply)
Good luck getting them all
They have a Costa Coffee machine and it's not even a private hospital... Or a petrol station.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:20, Reply)
my wife was in a private hospital in Chelsea recently for an operation, the porters all wore waistcoats and ties

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:25, Reply)

rivate h
spital in Chelsea
ece
tly f
r an operation
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:33, Reply)
I'm too tired to work this out, can I have a tl;dr pls m8

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:38, Reply)
the title of an Irvine Welsh novel

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:40, Reply)
1 from the top and 4 from the bottom please Carol

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:42, Reply)
That's your order at the newsagents
lol!
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:58, Reply)
My Wife With Champagne Shoulders
by Mark Isham
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 12:50, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 7:16, Reply)
Mor-ning.
Cinema double bill last night, with A Quiet Place and Incredibles 2.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 7:59, Reply)
I can't remember when I last went to the cinema

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:00, Reply)
I can.
It was last night.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:05, Reply)
Unfortunately it appears your condition has progressed
b3ta.com/talk/8159185
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:28, Reply)
I've got cold sweats, a sore stomach, a headache and a general malaise today
What's the diagnosis?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:48, Reply)
you've caught gay off of Gary and Jase

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:00, Reply)
It's Gari with an i
if you're going to use my pretend name spell it right.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:04, Reply)
soz Gary

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:08, Reply)
that's okay, you've probably caught typo from me
edit - typo one diabetts
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:13, Reply)
rather from you than from monster munch

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:14, Reply)
I'm always rubbered up for your protection.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:07, Reply)
Charcot-Marie-Tooth capital drop

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:19, Reply)
Classic Dengue fever, expect you'll have the rash too soon.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:05, Reply)
Pengue fever
Expect sporadic outbreaks of reem.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:34, Reply)
I feel like I'm seeing a glimpse into the future of the NHS

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:54, Reply)
Is incredibles 2 any good?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:29, Reply)
If you enjoyed the first one, you'll almost certainly like the sequel.
The animation is spectacular and it does a fair job of catering to all age ranges in the audience, although it does maybe pander a bit too hard to parents of children, as a lot of the jokes are about parenting and babies. Ironically this makes it less aimed at a younger audience than A Quiet Place, since the latter repeatedly bludgeons you in the face with a brick and yells "THIS IS A PLOT DEVELOPMENT! THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING! ARE YOU KEEPING UP OK? WE CAN EXPLAIN IT AGAIN IF YOU LIKE!" to an entirely unnecessary extent.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:48, Reply)
Think i'd definitely prefer incredibles 2

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:50, Reply)
Of the two I saw last night, it was the better film.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:53, Reply)
It's not as good as Skyscraper

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:51, Reply)
did your children enjoy it though?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:58, Reply)
There's nothing suspicious about a childless man going to see a children's film.
No, not at all.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:03, Reply)
The advantage of going to the late showing is that there are no screaming kids in the audience with you.
The disadvantage is that all the trailers are still for kids' films.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:06, Reply)
and it's hard to hear the film over all the fapping

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:48, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:28, Reply)
alright tangles

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:39, Reply)
Morning

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:28, Reply)
hola

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:39, Reply)
Sorted out my missing cash
Turns out they'd taken my travel expenses from that course out of my payment, due to the fact that nobody had asked to see my receipts. Good job I kept them.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:47, Reply)
that's a dick move on their part

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:49, Reply)
I know
I was never told I had to show or even keep my receipts, one of the lads on the course tipped me off
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:51, Reply)
Go to your bosom; Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:38, Reply)
sweet fa m8

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:40, Reply)
everybody needs one for a pillow

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:41, Reply)
lol tits

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:14, Reply)
morning. sun's blazing, innit?
I was unable to send out my thoughts and prayers to Anthonyb3ta70100. may he stay strong in this time of sorrow.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:39, Reply)
blayzeiterryday

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:41, Reply)
Shake it like a polaroid picture

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:45, Reply)
Not mumsnet's best advice

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:48, Reply)
Hey, they stick their cocks in plastic cups
so not the best place to go for help
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:53, Reply)
They're rabid, I swear

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:58, Reply)
worst childcare advice ever

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:50, Reply)
Louise Woodward's favourite song though
trufax
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 8:53, Reply)
Yeah it's pretty hard to do it with just one hand.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:00, Reply)
cb fuckin' a today

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:01, Reply)
10-4 good buddy copy that

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:03, Reply)
best thread of all time

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:08, Reply)
this one, I mean

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:27, Reply)
same here

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:14, Reply)
Must we?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:04, Reply)
but if we don't then /talk will shrink and die
oh
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:12, Reply)
Like the diseased umbilical cord of an unwanted ginger baby

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:27, Reply)
yes
now assume the position
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:14, Reply)
we must
lol wee
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 9:14, Reply)

goo.gl/images/EP6c9F
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:10, Reply)
I've just used the overtime I earned working for the BBC to make my final mortgage payment.
How do you feel about your licence fee making me a smug 0 mortgage homeowner?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:07, Reply)
I'm complaining to the bbc trust about this

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:08, Reply)
They printed out your email and shat on it.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:14, Reply)
Celebrate with a smashed avocado and a takeaway coffee.
You're allowed these things, now.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:13, Reply)
I don't really like avocado.
Might get a McDonald's breakfast
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:15, Reply)
Stay classy, Windows.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:24, Reply)
Lol joke's on u, I don't even pay a licence fee.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:13, Reply)
Reported.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:16, Reply)
Maybe Gerald was right
you are hawking spice to the homeless of Oxford
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:19, Reply)
big black cocks? You earned it m8

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:23, Reply)
Thanks.
Now to save up for bum surgery
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:40, Reply)
I very rarely watch BBC
So I don't like paying my license fee
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:28, Reply)
I don't mind it.
I watch very little BBC, but I love some of the stuff they do. Same with Netflix and Amazon. I reckon they make enough good stuff that it's worth it. Plus BBC radio is brilliant.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:52, Reply)
Awesome session by the Pretty Things on Marc Riley's 6Music show last night, well worth a listen
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0b94x3p
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:18, Reply)
also, this looks to be fantastic
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p05k8003/episodes/downloads
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:20, Reply)
I rarely watch any broadcast telly, but the BBC represents a "public good" so I'm happy to contribute towards its funding.
Also, commercial radio - bleh.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:54, Reply)
only 18 years to go on my first one

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:36, Reply)
I believe in you

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:40, Reply)
well done m8
you're winning at life:
* Birthday
* Mortgage Free
* Winner of the Doveston Cup 2018

I think we should make the 18th July Windy Pig Day.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:53, Reply)
can't be done. It clashes with Nelson Mandela International Day
soz
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:54, Reply)
No, that works really well
Windy often blacks up for his birthday so it's a win-win
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:58, Reply)
Mandela hasn't done much, recently.
How about we get Windy locked up for a quarter century, then gift him this day of recognition upon his release?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:01, Reply)
Put it in your B3ta calendars now.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 10:54, Reply)
Being a smug 0 mortgage homeowner is great, isn't it?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:00, Reply)
Says the man who was fretting about his rent payments, last week.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:05, Reply)
Wife's payout will cover the rent for getting on for two years so we'll be ok I think

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:09, Reply)
Phew! I was sick with worry, I can tell you.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 11:26, Reply)
I'm not sure if everything
below is the usual drivel but my brain's gone a bit wrong, or if it's just been particularly stupid today.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 22:07, Reply)
Blood is leaking into your cranium.
Just let it happen, it will all be over soon.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 22:10, Reply)
Everything above is the usual drivel, hth

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 23:24, Reply)
oh yeah? well you're a big smelly bumhead

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 23:31, Reply)
If you wanted your own bumhead I reckon this guy could sort you out
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-44866766
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 6:59, Reply)
?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:19, Reply)

Good-morning did you received my last mail from Barr Philip Twite in United Kingdom. please reply back
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:19, Reply)
did someone delete something?
that's well rude.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:22, Reply)
It was probably shit and rubbish, they should delete the whole site.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:53, Reply)
!

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)
LOOK AT THE FUCKING STATE OF THESE
www.offspring.co.uk/view/product/offspring_catalog/6/2912776682
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:33, Reply)
"Too ugly for Richard mcbeef" would be great marketing.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:35, Reply)
Your mum doesn't need marketing, m8

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:36, Reply)
Aw, did she turn down your indecent proposal?
I could have told you that a wrap of whizz and two trips was below bet asking price.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:46, Reply)
That's right, bet asking price are we led it off the road.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:50, Reply)
I couldn't even be bothered

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:52, Reply)
RIP /talk

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:53, Reply)
https://www.grammarly.com/

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:58, Reply)
my mistake, grammarly reckons that's fine mate

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 17:01, Reply)
haha, you've turned it around so now it looks like your mum turned *me* down!!!

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:51, Reply)
Check out my peach
it's dusty
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:49, Reply)
Not now, Mum.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:51, Reply)
Eeeugh, trainers

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:54, Reply)
^still wears size 5 clarks

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 17:48, Reply)
Trainers are for children, as are skateboards.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 17:58, Reply)
And shit quartz watches

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 18:05, Reply)
Good job mine's made of steel

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 18:07, Reply)
Is it fuck

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 18:14, Reply)
^fruit booter

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 18:19, Reply)
My mate got this the other day, I had one 30 years ago , he sent me a picture
www.skatedeluxe.com/en/santa-cruz-thiebaud-joker-reissue-10-deck-white_p109422
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 18:35, Reply)
phwoar *rubs thighs*
i was going to get a complete undercarriage (lol) set to get my deck up and running again but it'll have to wait until i get paid again
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 18:41, Reply)
40 quid they were back then

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 18:55, Reply)
Independent trucks every time, last for ever , they seem expensive now but I've had mine 20 odd years

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 19:03, Reply)
^featured on Jeans and Sheux

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 19:17, Reply)
Look like they're designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 17:59, Reply)
The black ones look like they were designed to match the stegcoat.
i47.tinypic.com/nlrhgm.jpg
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 19:20, Reply)
Make Talk Moribund Again

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 16:33, Reply)
the ebbs and flows of flebs and woes

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 18:20, Reply)
indeed

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 17:19, Reply)
Well, I can highly recommend Skyscraper the movie
Unless you suffer from Vertigo, in which case I wouldn't.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 18:03, Reply)
It's not gay if you put your own finger up your bum

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 20:01, Reply)
I did this when I was a kid, for some reason I was surprised to find it came out covered in shit.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 20:15, Reply)
I made kidney bean and chick pea burgers last night
they were very tasty but there have been no guff-related after effects at all. I am surprised.

What's surprised you recently?
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:09, Reply)
I was surprised to find a reed valve on the Batavus engine.
And a power valve. Pretty fancy stuff for a 50cc 2t
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:18, Reply)
what do they do?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:24, Reply)
Reed valve is to maintain crank compression and stop back flow in to the carb on the downward stroke of the piston.
Basically opens on the up stroke to allow fuel/air mix in and then is held closed on the down stroke.

Power valve sits in the exhaust, opens and closes in response to exhaust pressure. Regulates the amount of exhaust gas that can escape at higher revs to give better compression and more power.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:07, Reply)
regulate *this* exhaust gas, m8
*PFFFARRRRrrrrrrrRRppppPPPPPPTTTttT*
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 14:20, Reply)
Reed valve is important on a 2t as otherwise your fuel air mix is constantly fighting back flow from the downward stroke, meaning you need a lot more air flow and have to then have more fuel which won't burn so Is a lot less efficient,
And as exhaust back pressure is so important, too much unburnt fuel igniting in the exhaust cokes up the exhaust, changes back pressure and affects power delivery.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:09, Reply)
I owned a two stroke but never really looked at how it worked
I thought the piston itself served as the valve on primitive motors.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:12, Reply)
My 2-stroke span some line round to cut grass and weeds.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:13, Reply)
It does on some designs, but if you've got an inlet port and an outlet port then premix doesn't always get around the bottom end so well,
This way, the inlet is the at the bottom of the engine, so fuel is fed straight on to the crank.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:21, Reply)
might have a stroke or two over this thread later.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:30, Reply)
It's really opened my valve.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:32, Reply)
My crank is pretty compressed right now.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:35, Reply)
I got back flow on my piston. :(

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:45, Reply)
I think my nipples need greasing
and my sump nut is too tight.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:54, Reply)
dunno

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:23, Reply)
I've never had a kidney bean on my face!!!!!

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:27, Reply)
but you've had a banana up your arse

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:33, Reply)

🍌🙄💦
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:33, Reply)
of course

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:37, Reply)
Alright, Billy Rosewood.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:10, Reply)
alright

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 14:01, Reply)
Well how do YOU make a banana split?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:54, Reply)
I made what I thought was going to be a paintstripper of a chili last night.
Two whole red chilis with seeds and a generous spoonful of my benchmark chili and fried garlic sauce went into it, but it turned out to be nothing more than mild. My two theories so far to explain this are: a) the chilis had been in my fridge for a fortnight and may have lost some of their potency; and/or b) deglazing with red wine might have caused some sort of chemical reaction that calmed it down. Either way, it was decent but underwhelming.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:39, Reply)
probably just weak chillies

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:46, Reply)
Mhhh.
Reckon I'll go for Scotch bonnets next time.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:52, Reply)
I can vouch for this.
If you use the right amount you can feel it making it's way through your intestines.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:12, Reply)
Late reply but smoked ghost chillies are incredible in chilli
A 500g mince chilli using 1 x seeded bonnet and one smoked ghost is bang on for heat, by my admittedly knackered tastebuds
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 14:21, Reply)
Cheek willies, more like.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:04, Reply)
oh

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:05, Reply)
A willy in the cheek can often come as a surprise.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:09, Reply)
Oor Wullie Makes Chullie, more like.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:20, Reply)

ch w
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:05, Reply)
Taking a light pull apart while it was still fixed to the ceiling caused all of the springs and such to fly out over the bathroom.
In hindsight, I probably should have expected that.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:12, Reply)
Why were you taking it apart?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:21, Reply)
Youngest snapped the cord off in a rage.
I naively assumed I could take the switch apart a thread the cord back through.
Which I could, but then I couldn't work out how to reassemble it.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 12:34, Reply)
Had a leak from the bathroom in the house I lived in in Bournemouth, 20-odd years ago.
My housemate was having a shower, and the water was pouring down the lightbulb cord in the kitchen. The light was on, and the water was pouring off the bulb. Water had started pooling inside the lightbulb. To this day, I have no idea how that was even possible.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:07, Reply)
That sounds safe.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:28, Reply)
Lamps aren't air tight , I've had the glass come off in my hand before

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 13:32, Reply)

Lamps flesh jacks gl pink plastic fake
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 14:10, Reply)
(early) Morning!
I'm up early today. Thought I'd start the day right by going on /talk.

Any plans, aside from work?
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 5:46, Reply)
morning
going to try rebuilding the computer in my car today
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 7:13, Reply)
So you can be Knight Rider once more?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:44, Reply)
yer
current setup uses Windows 7, but the forum that supports the homebrew setup went down after ~15 years, so I'm looking at switching to Android.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:56, Reply)
one of my chillis got crushed by a tomato due to a storm
RIP
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 7:43, Reply)
ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 7:45, Reply)
now i know how Anthonyb3ta70100 feels
he was my favourite
RIP
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:00, Reply)
First Anthonyb3ta70100's gandpa Pablo and now this. It's turning into a very sad week.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:56, Reply)
Probably pop to the shops at lunchtime.
Want anything?
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 7:46, Reply)
lol cornetto

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:07, Reply)
haha, I'll email it to you!

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:56, Reply)
no point in going
imgur.com/a/BfVXWqi
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:03, Reply)
Nnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo!

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:14, Reply)
Orlroight bthreeter.
Might shave my head today.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 7:54, Reply)
tatoos and a shaved head?
you're really helping the stereotype of the Brit Abroad m8
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:08, Reply)
Heh, ikr?
Might get a bulldog and a white van next.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:16, Reply)
Hey will.
It's my birthday. Just working and then band practice tonight.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 7:55, Reply)
did you get any nice presents?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:08, Reply)
Nothing yet.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:40, Reply)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WINDY

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:40, Reply)
bum it good, m8

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:49, Reply)
Happy birthday
🦒🦒🦒🦒🦒
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:50, Reply)
Many happy reruns

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:51, Reply)
Happy Birthday

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:52, Reply)
Kepi Birthday
and many hatty returns.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:54, Reply)
Congratulations on not dying in the preceding 365 days!

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:57, Reply)
Happy birthday windy

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:34, Reply)
happy birthday windus
i'll also say this over on facebook, where we pretend to be real life friends!
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:38, Reply)
yeah I'm unclear as to where is the appropriate place to say these things in the modern world

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:44, Reply)
scream them into a bucket

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:46, Reply)
actually that felt pretty good
might do more screaming into buckets
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:48, Reply)
all the cool kids are doing it
#bucketscream
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:50, Reply)
Post it on my Facebook so my other real friends think I'm cool and have mysterious friends they've never met

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:50, Reply)
what are you today, about 20 or something you fucking child?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:52, Reply)
31. Nearly retirement age.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:59, Reply)
time to hang up your boots and go out to pasture m8

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:10, Reply)
you're right I do look cool and mysterious

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:22, Reply)
Wishing you a birthday

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:57, Reply)
not sure

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:03, Reply)
you're not sure if you have plans or not?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:08, Reply)
not sure, soz

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:10, Reply)
Happy World Emoji Day, scouse!
Today we celebrate the tiny characters who have changed the way we communicate. From all of us at /talk, we hope you and your friends have an emoji-filled day!
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:38, Reply)
Watching Sir Patrick Stewart try gamely to conceal his crushing regret at having had anything to do with The Emoji Movie was classic.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:41, Reply)
why would he regret it?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:47, Reply)
I'm sure he draws no comfort whatsoever from the massive pile of money they gave him.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:16, Reply)
Cheers

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:47, Reply)
planning a birthday surprise for windy pig
shh don't tell him
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:33, Reply)
I can tell you now that he's well into giraffes
so incorporate that into your theme
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:48, Reply)
if a giraffe was wearing a tie, would it be at the top of the neck or the bottom?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:37, Reply)
bottom

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:38, Reply)
that's your answer for everything!

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:46, Reply)
top

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:52, Reply)
where do you wear yours?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:57, Reply)
i don't wear a fuckin' corporate leash, maaan

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:01, Reply)
no, your employer doesn't seem too keen to have you properly attached to them

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:24, Reply)
also, hi dozer
you creepy lurking weirdo
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:58, Reply)
Top, if it's just a collar and tie like you'd see on Hanna-Barbera characters,
but I suspect that a shirt tailored for a giraffe would have the collar at the base of the neck.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:00, Reply)
I will invite a giraffe to my birthday.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:00, Reply)
He won't come.
no-one will
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:26, Reply)
You're sticking your neck out there

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 11:06, Reply)
his neck doesn't go straight up
so if he wore it at the top it would be dangling about four feet in front of his chest, which wouldn't do a good job of covering up his shirt buttons.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:27, Reply)
none at all, sozz-o

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:42, Reply)
Job centre
Thrilling or what?
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:44, Reply)
I thought the government had closed them all

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:51, Reply)
Not quite

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:35, Reply)
Happy day

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:51, Reply)
Day off for me
Going to go to the cinema to watch Skyscraper. Looks good.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 8:53, Reply)
It's just Die Hard, umm, in a skyscraper.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:17, Reply)
It can't be any worse than Hereditary
that was a just a pile of dog shit
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:19, Reply)
it's no High Rise though

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:27, Reply)
I fucking loved High Rise!
It was dark and funny!
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:30, Reply)
just like a pile of dog shit!

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:36, Reply)
Or (insert name of ethnic minority person here for racist lols)

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:08, Reply)
ainsley harriott

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:17, Reply)
only funny

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:18, Reply)
I reckon I'd probably enjoy that, but I've vowed never to watch a Ben Wheatley film again.
That'll teach him. :/
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:57, Reply)
He did seem sad
I went to a screening with director's Q&A at the end and he did grumble about it not being the same since MM has boycotted all his works.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:09, Reply)
I'll only be happy when he's burnt every copy of every film he's ever made and gone into exile.
That's seems like a proportionate response to me not liking his film.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:16, Reply)
why are you boycotting Wheatley?
did he not respond to your gaz?
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:18, Reply)
Just because Kill List was one of the worst films I've ever seen.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:24, Reply)
Sightseers was good though

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:27, Reply)
But I'll never know.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:31, Reply)
Kill List was a cheeky slice of wholesome family fun.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:28, Reply)
It certainly got him noticed, but I honestly can't understand why.
The hype made it sound really good, too, so I was extra disappointed.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:33, Reply)
I thought people liked hereditary.
Supposed to be totes scary.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:01, Reply)
I've read that different people like different things.
What a ridiculous state of affairs.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:07, Reply)
How very dare they.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:36, Reply)
It's got Dwayne Johnson with a steel leg,
so it's a mixed programme of rock and metal, aahahaha.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:25, Reply)
I like this

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:36, Reply)
:)

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:39, Reply)
and I love how he uses his steel leg to keep the lift doors open
as you do
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:43, Reply)
it's brilliant
if you're 12 years old
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:39, Reply)
mentally, I'm still 8

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:46, Reply)
it's not suitable for you then

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:48, Reply)
oh shit, morning thread - big willy style
i'm planning to look at my bank balance and maybe have a little cry
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:37, Reply)
Don't forget the wank

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:47, Reply)
sounds like an early 2000s channel 5 gameshow

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 9:51, Reply)
I reckon Whittle was the highlight of both five's output
and Tim Vine's career.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:05, Reply)
Was Tim Vine ever funny?

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:23, Reply)
He's very hit and miss.
I can admire his dedication to punning, if nothing else.

His chat show series is awful, though.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:27, Reply)
Bit of a one- trick pony

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:38, Reply)
he was one of the better contestants on the last series of Taskmaster

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:40, Reply)
Damned with faint praise.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:49, Reply)
I can lend you like, maybe a fiver.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:01, Reply)
nah, you keep it
that's my birthday gift to you. x
(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 10:36, Reply)
R.I.P. My grandpa Pablo (1920 - 2018)
Hi everyone!. I have bad news: Another member of my family has "became invisible": this time, my grandpa (the dad of my mom and Matilde Mendoza's husband), Pablo Emilio Sánchez Nieto died at age 97 by natural causes on July 15, 2018. He suffered a lot and I feel so devastated again by his death, but I know that my grandpa is now in heaven next with my grandma and he always accompanied me although is no longer with me. I always carry in my heart and in my mind.

R.I.P. My grandpa Pablo :'(
(October 6, 1920 - July 15, 2018)
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:47, Reply)
Sorry to hear that, Anthonyb3ta70100
hope you are keeping well
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:48, Reply)
We haven't seen him for a while.
I was worried he might have gone SimVisible™
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 17:36, Reply)
He was 97 and probably a drain on resources.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:53, Reply)
That's a shame Anthonyb3ta70100, still on the bright side it's only 117 days until November 10th, which is your birthday

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:55, Reply)
THE COUNTDOWN HAS BEGUN

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:56, Reply)
doodlle-eeee dooo
duh-nuh nuh nuuuhhhh
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 16:06, Reply)
We should add a calendar reminder for Anthonyb3ta70100's grandpa Pablo's death on July 15th to remind us to offer our sympathy on July 15th which will be the anniversary of Anthonyb3ta70100's grandpa Pablo's death on July 15th

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 17:27, Reply)
Hi Anthonyb3ta70100
Very sorry for your loss. That's a pretty good long life, though.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:56, Reply)
thanks for sending me that picture of your 'entrance' along with the gift earlier

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:25, Reply)
HIYA Anthonyb3ta70100 !!
Such sad news and a tragic time for you to log into beethra dot com.
Have you thought about making an event in calendar for those who care to send their condolences in a pub venue or similar?

Kind regards,

Geordiejay xoxo
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 16:00, Reply)
Hi Anthonyb3ta70100
while I know you are suffering and empathise with your loss, there is no heaven or god and neither of your grandparents exist in any sense of afterlife. They are gone forever. Hope that helps.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 16:06, Reply)
Nice one, Dawkins.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 16:08, Reply)
I'd argue that's more of Christopher Hitchens tone of voice

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 16:12, Reply)
Isn't he dead?

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)
all the way up in heaven

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 16:56, Reply)
They live on in his DNA. That's the main reason I bothered to have children

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 21:56, Reply)
Go around putting your DNA in children, do you?
Fucking sicko.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 23:56, Reply)
Sorry to hear of your loss
At least he had a good innings
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 16:47, Reply)

innings wank before he died
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:06, Reply)
That goes without saying

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 19:40, Reply)
Hi Anthonyb3ta70100 I am very sorry for your loss.
If there is anything we can do to help please gaz mongychops
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 17:12, Reply)
it is always sad when elderly people die in rural venezuela
i honestly do think gazzing mongychops will be for the best
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 17:56, Reply)
i really should get around to posting some of the testimonials i've had from users
about how much help they've had when they've gazzed mongychops
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:18, Reply)
he truly is the mother theresa of this board

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:37, Reply)
Condolences on your grandpa, who sounds like he had a good innings.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 17:20, Reply)
if it makes you feel any better
assuming he is the first of his name, he's pablo emilio sánchez nieto I, making his initials PESNI, which is an anagram of the word PENIS
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:13, Reply)
add your own joke about 'innings'

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:14, Reply)
p.s. sorry for your loss

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:15, Reply)
PESNI is also means "songs" in Russian
песни
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:55, Reply)
Dear Anthonyb3ta70100
I was saddened to hear of your loss, my thoughts are with you at this difficult time, they are as real and solid as an invisible Bart, I hope they bring you much comfort.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:15, Reply)

omunt oa
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:17, Reply)
Is it dusty in here , :,(

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 18:31, Reply)
Hi Anthonyb3ta70100
that is sad.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 21:27, Reply)
My deepest condolences.

(, Tue 17 Jul 2018, 5:10, Reply)
alright wanker's

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 11:28, Reply)
not really

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 11:31, Reply)
^deep state shill

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 11:47, Reply)
Bit ho'stile, surely.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 11:40, Reply)
Backed out of a charity roller event at the end of the month, on account of it being too damn hot for such shenanigans.
Lots to do, in work and out, and I'd quite like to bury my head and wish it all away.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 11:44, Reply)

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 11:44, Reply)
GID MOANING
yer
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 11:45, Reply)
Just picked up my new glasses
They're much better than the old ones
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 12:04, Reply)
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial personality disorder
You're welcome.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 12:08, Reply)
he does have a disregard for normal social behaviour
like shitting in public
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 12:18, Reply)
Ooh! Ooh! Diagnose me next!
I like this game.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 12:19, Reply)
Please input your symptoms

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 13:34, Reply)
Tiredness, apathy, loss of appetite.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:00, Reply)
If you have had unintentional weight loss, please press 1
If you have no weight loss please press 2
To hear these options again press 3
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:24, Reply)
We have not had a response from you. An emergency paramedic crew has been dispatched to your location.
If you have died and so no longer request assistance, please press 4
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:31, Reply)
yeah i am as it goes
thanks beefy
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 12:32, Reply)
congrats to Windy
i.imgur.com/XUE0IOo.jpg
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 12:58, Reply)
Lol

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 13:14, Reply)
Pfft!
nice one!
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 13:16, Reply)
That Elon!
He's incorrigible.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 13:17, Reply)
hahahah

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:57, Reply)
I've found my slipper now.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 13:52, Reply)
Did a handsome Prince bring it round for you to try on?

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 13:55, Reply)
No, more's the pity.
I did a spot of meditation and found it under the couch.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:00, Reply)
i knew it'd be under something

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:40, Reply)
I've lost my telly remote. Seems to have vanished into thin air.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:03, Reply)
dressing gown pocket

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:03, Reply)
bumhole

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:04, Reply)
I usually have to dismantle the sofa to find mine.
Do that.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:06, Reply)
spunk on a mouse

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:57, Reply)
voodoo is not the way to find lost remotes

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 16:08, Reply)
Probably shouldn't have clicked the Popular Page just as my boss was standing behind me
lol Hitler
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 13:57, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:57, Reply)
je meurs d'ennui

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:07, Reply)

I am contacting you in good faith.I'm Dennis S. Jefferson, am 59-years-old widower.Following my ill health, I have just been informed by my doctor that I only have few months to live due to cancer illness.I have decided to donate the sum of US$8, 000, 000 to you for charity work.Let this be my last offering, respond with this Ref: SOULWINNING2018 so I will know you got this. God bless you abundantly
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:17, Reply)
Lol Dennis is dying!

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:27, Reply)
I'd want to know what the charity work involves first.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:32, Reply)
Mouth, bum, mouth again

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:37, Reply)
mongy selflessly keeps his local pub in business throughout the lean times.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:38, Reply)
You will live on forever Den, IN R HARTZ

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:37, Reply)
go on a brewster's millions-type spending spree before you die instead
it's what i'd do.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:41, Reply)
alright Dennis, get right on the shoe m8

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 14:58, Reply)
i just discovered that my cousin is on her way over from new zealand for a visit
this does not quite explain why my brother is cleaning the front door with a toothbrush and a packet of baby wipes, but being on the shoe might
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:05, Reply)
Has he been watching Monster House?

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:07, Reply)
no
but there is some curious fuckery occurring today
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:10, Reply)
Cleaning the front door
with a toothbrush and some baby wipes?
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:26, Reply)
he seems to have been rebooted

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:50, Reply)
Probably aliens.

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:31, Reply)
that would explain a lot

(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:50, Reply)
Not every problem can be solved by drugs Richard.
Just the vast majority of them.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2018, 15:32, Reply)

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