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morning

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 6:59, Reply)
Hello

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 7:16, Reply)
alright mongy

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 7:54, Reply)
hiya

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 7:51, Reply)
doze

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 7:54, Reply)
Get up, get on up.

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:10, Reply)
No funk please, we're British

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:42, Reply)
Morning all!

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:25, Reply)
Good morning bipolarism!

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:42, Reply)
I'm in a good mood
Because I just blocked the mental's number. She was here this morning, trying to kick my door in and threatening me with all kinds because I don't want anything more to do with her
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 10:17, Reply)
urgh

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:40, Reply)
shurely not

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:47, Reply)
I had a superb weekend but fucking hell, ouch

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:59, Reply)
If you had a superb weekend, it was worth it.

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:04, Reply)
absolutely

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:09, Reply)
I did also
but spent most of yesterday in bed watching rubbish, I was so hung over
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:07, Reply)
I'm missing a large chunk of Saturday night

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:09, Reply)
That was when I carried you.

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:26, Reply)
^scratched his Whigfield 7"

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:43, Reply)
Last night I had an unusual moment of clarity.
I was going to crack open another couple of beers and stay up till 03:00 watching a Korean film I'd started on Saturday, but reason prevailed and I went to bed. As a result I actually feel fine this morning.
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:15, Reply)
alright don't rub it in

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:22, Reply)
Lol.
I'm sure you had a better weekend than I did, if that's any consolation. I went to see 'Captain Marvel', which everyone is saying is a bit meh, and guess what? It was a bit meh.
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:29, Reply)
my kid said the same, it was 'OK'

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:32, Reply)
Yeah.
It's just a stopgap until 'Avengers: Endgame' comes out, really.
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:34, Reply)
This is a shame.
My twins are legit excited for it, as am I. My eldest is verging on being a teenager, and therefore incapable of expressing any emotion other than a non-committal shrug, so it'll probably be right up his street.
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:55, Reply)
^ fuck off back to mumsnet

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:56, Reply)
Your mileage may vary.
It's by no means horrible, even if it's not in the same league (heh) as the Avengers films.
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 10:10, Reply)
and now Scott Walker :'(

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:49, Reply)
:(

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:54, Reply)
I liked his stuff
but he was proper bonkers
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:55, Reply)
he did a great record with sunn o)))

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:57, Reply)
I liked the Pulp one he produced

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:07, Reply)

and now Scott I am a
l n
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:00, Reply)
I concur.

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:50, Reply)
Alright Frank Abignayle

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:44, Reply)
You can't catch me out that easily.
I'm actually John McAfee.
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 10:04, Reply)
It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it
It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it
It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it
And that's what gets results
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:53, Reply)
Thanks
now I've got the vision of dungarees in my head
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:55, Reply)
Alright Teresa May's strategist

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:46, Reply)
Oi oi

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:55, Reply)
“51-Year-Old Mom Shocks the World When She Loses 42 Lbs Eating ICE CREAM Every Single Day!”
this is truly amazing...

At an age when Ginger’s friends are tired, overweight, and in very poor health … she seems to be getting younger and thinner each day. In fact…

Ginger has already lost 42 lbs. and 8 pant sizes! And she continues to lose weight…
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:57, Reply)
Stupid headline of the day: "Cate Blanchett's Favorite $650 Facial Uses Korean Newborn Baby Foreskins"

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:59, Reply)
#infest

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:00, Reply)
I've been offering facials for half that, and I've still had no takers.

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:24, Reply)
If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 8:56, Reply)
Said your mother in-law to her daughter

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:45, Reply)
There is no remedy for love but to love more.

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:00, Reply)
Not much of a legal defence
but it's the best you've got so say it with a smile and a wink
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:08, Reply)
^Robert Palmer's doctor

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 9:46, Reply)
morning bottom

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 10:05, Reply)
^/talk's Rik Mayall

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 10:10, Reply)
evening
think of it as a sort of pre-morning
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 20:08, Reply)
I'm watching that Leaving Neverland.
What a fucking nonce.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 20:10, Reply)
Grrrmachine, not Michael Jackson.

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 20:11, Reply)
Now that just ain't fair.
There's NO conclusive proof that Grrry is part of b3ta ****** and G***** F***** R** M*****'s k**-f****** posse.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 23:35, Reply)
Alright, Grrry.
Had a productive weekend?
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 20:42, Reply)
not too bad, my kid's not dead so I'm a good parent
you?
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 20:58, Reply)
It's not been too bad, all told.
Last night's gig was brilliant and well worth staying in town for. Today's been domestic stuff: shopping, fixing a chair, putting up a lamp, fitting some new anti-vibration mats under the washing machine. Satisfying in a very low-key way.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 21:05, Reply)
Evening
Been an absolute shitstorm of a day
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 21:12, Reply)
Shitstorm should definitely be a character in Mortal Kombat.
Just saying.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 21:32, Reply)
I'd definitely choose that character

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 21:54, Reply)
Unless it was a golgothan

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 21:55, Reply)
Worst of all the x women

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 22:22, Reply)
What about Rogue?
Can't have a snog without putting someone in a coma
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 22:32, Reply)
Yeah, I always thought that 'superpower' was a bit shit.

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 22:32, Reply)

tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BlessedWithSuck
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 22:49, Reply)
Based on the link, I thought that was going in a different direction entirely.

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 22:52, Reply)
Hawkmen with Dysons

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 23:24, Reply)
Dysons are fucking dreadful
And seem designed to break
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 23:34, Reply)
Their hand dryers are good.
That's all I have to say about that.
(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 0:10, Reply)
It always feels like your skin is about to be pushed off

(, Mon 25 Mar 2019, 5:17, Reply)
I dunno. all time seems kinda....blurry.
'thing. Listening to Danzig on the jukebox. Might have a Maccy Dee on the way home instead of a kebab. Means walking a bit further, but I think they're doing the Monopoly thing now.

Perhaps they should try to cash in on this internet self-harm craze: McDonald's MOMOpoly. Razors instead of stickers and so forth.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 23:31, Reply)
Behold, I am remorse
bringer of hangover. Red wine, dinner and shoe last night.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 12:56, Reply)
Red wine is a killer
Can't touch the stuff myself
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 12:58, Reply)
^this
Waste of good grapes
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 12:58, Reply)
Poppycock

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 14:21, Reply)
lol, cock

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 14:31, Reply)
One or two glasses of it over a meal, including for the cheese course, are a thing of beauty.
Get pissed on it, however, and you will indeed get rekt.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 13:03, Reply)
Even one glass makes me incredibly ill

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 13:09, Reply)
Are you allergic to tannins or something?

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 13:12, Reply)
quite possibly

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 16:40, Reply)
In which case you should make like a tree

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 16:58, Reply)
And what? Photosynthesize?

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 18:10, Reply)
Have someone go at your ankles with a chainsaw

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 19:55, Reply)
Fucking dwarfs

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 22:15, Reply)
I don't know what 'shoe' is, I thought it might be coke but why call it shoe?

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 13:13, Reply)
Why not?

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 14:04, Reply)
Yeah I don't want a fucking semantic discussion I'm just asking a fucking question

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 15:41, Reply)
There was an old woman who lived in it

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 15:58, Reply)
She had so many lines, she didn't know what to do

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 15:59, Reply)
She didn't ever come down, free base

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 16:10, Reply)
To throw us narcs off the scent

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 16:36, Reply)
i did alright, paced myself, was up till 2
no hangover, just muscle fatigue. so on the roast dinner for t'kids
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 16:05, Reply)
I had 2 pints and a gin and tonic then got a migraine.

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 16:47, Reply)
Gay.

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 18:40, Reply)
Groove is in the Heart still sounds fucking great

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 19:31, Reply)
Yes, my kids sing along to it, so has aged great

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 20:01, Reply)
morning

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 8:16, Reply)
yes it is.

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 8:29, Reply)
Morning.
Gutted.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 8:53, Reply)
"Worst man" more like!! ahahaha.

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 10:01, Reply)
lol ikr! hehehehehehe

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 10:56, Reply)
proper lad
/ac
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 11:33, Reply)
Just about

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 11:38, Reply)
¯\(º_o)/¯
onlineonly.christies.com/s/handpicked-50-works-selected-saatchi-collection-online-only/yumiko-utsu-b-1978-55/67787
(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 19:28, Reply)
Whatever that is, it won't load

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 19:39, Reply)
Yeah
6d49d47bd32a151032ae-907965fc79c9900a93c12efeb23103bd.ssl.cf1.rackcdn.com/artworks/yumiko_utsu_octopus.jpg
(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 19:42, Reply)
Oh, tentacle porn

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 19:45, Reply)
Slim did it, but yeah, 3 grand at the moment

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 19:48, Reply)
she's got her mother's eyes

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 20:34, Reply)
Octopussy

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 22:16, Reply)
She has 8 pussies or her pussy has tentacles, suckers and a beak?

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 23:14, Reply)
Frequent inky discharge

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 23:28, Reply)
#infest

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 23:28, Reply)

turtle power!!
(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 23:36, Reply)

Yay!
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 0:51, Reply)
That'll ruin the sheets

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 23:49, Reply)
That's an unusual flavour of vagina dentata.

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 23:53, Reply)

I vaguely remember a documentary talking about vagina dentata. It cited the big signing Fanny from poltergeist as an example.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 0:54, Reply)

*sucking fanny.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 0:54, Reply)

Personally I just thought it was a hole to the spirit world. I don't know where all this stuff about fannies came from.
(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 0:56, Reply)
I blame the internet fanny works

(, Sun 24 Mar 2019, 1:17, Reply)
Oh, hello, French Polishers?
It's just possible you could save my life.
(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 8:38, Reply)
British Britishers m8, the people spoke

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 8:49, Reply)
Frexit means Polexit.

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 9:09, Reply)
One big happy family.
Polish stick
Spanish knickers
Italian kiss
Bulgarian fries
(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 12:41, Reply)
Have you ever had a Belgian kiss?
It's like a French one, but with more Flem.
(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 13:04, Reply)
I seen a peanut stand, and heard a rubber band
I knew a woman that drank her piss
(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 13:11, Reply)
Probably better than drinking someone else's.

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 14:20, Reply)
How can they be French AND Polish?

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 8:51, Reply)
Three passports, a couple of visas

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 9:12, Reply)
Alright for some.
The last time I mentioned that advert on here, garidead called me old.
(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 11:31, Reply)
lol, old

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 11:35, Reply)
throw me a frickin' bone here.

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 11:39, Reply)
Yeah, a fossilised dinosaur bone maybe, ahahaha!!!

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 13:05, Reply)
IF YOU ALL LIKE EUROPE SO MUCH WHY DON'T YOU GO AND LIVE THERE

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 12:33, Reply)
YOU KNOW, I THINK I JUST MIGHT.

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 16:28, Reply)
I DID

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 16:33, Reply)
DAT ASS

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 16:00, Reply)
Best of all the magnetic storage systems

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 16:11, Reply)
I wish I'd gone to monster munch thing now, might jump in a cab pop round

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:18, Reply)
send him my warmest personal regards

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:20, Reply)
He'll appreciate that, he's one of the warmest

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:23, Reply)
he will be when I firebomb him

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:39, Reply)
you better eat first
all the mini quiches have gone
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:45, Reply)
Leslie Philips isn't dead
How mad is that????!!!!!!
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:50, Reply)
you've talked it up
probably dead tomorrow now
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:56, Reply)
and now sean connery

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 21:22, Reply)
my grandparents were neighbours of Neil Connery, trufax

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 21:29, Reply)
Is that some kind of Marvel universe porn?
Also, alright mongy.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:55, Reply)
Yeah and yeah zuks

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 21:03, Reply)
grand.
Not about much but if yer still near the 'standard we'll have to arrange something.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 21:12, Reply)
My thing will live in infamy.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 21:13, Reply)
layo on masterchef, no sign of Bushwacka!

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 21:20, Reply)
Wish I wasn't working again in 8 hours
Woman I worked with today was 62 and had more customers than anyone in the last 2 weeks. There are some sick fucks out there.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 23:27, Reply)
I'm sure age brings a certain degree of experience.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 23:51, Reply)
I thought Wayne Rooney had gone to the States

(, Sat 23 Mar 2019, 0:00, Reply)
The weekend is nearly upon us, teh woo and teh yay
I'm off to Cheshire for a christening.

How bow u lol
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:27, Reply)
Naink

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:29, Reply)
going to monster munch's house to watch the England game

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:29, Reply)
monster munch is having a party, bring your vodka and your charlie

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:37, Reply)
heh

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:39, Reply)
Always tell your mummy if you're going somewhere.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:54, Reply)
widdles and plops
and going to monster munch's house to watch the England game obv
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:33, Reply)
I hope he does those mini quiches again
those were lovely
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:37, Reply)
i like his sausage on a stick :)

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:38, Reply)
I don't like the sauce though

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:39, Reply)
I went to a wake once and the bar snacks were half a sausage on a stick , great times

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:39, Reply)
Going to monster munch’s house to watch him do widdles and plops

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:37, Reply)
not all that interested in the England game, but I might pop over to monster munch's for a few cans once it's all over

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:39, Reply)
Cans?
How ghastly.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:55, Reply)
I'm bringing a 9 pack of Andrex, we can get right on it

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:01, Reply)
Have a good shit, m8.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:11, Reply)
I almost decided to go away for the weekend
but there's a gig tomorrow night I want to catch. So apart from that, dunno yet. I do know that I'm going to sit out in my garden with a big beer as soon as I get out of the office.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:47, Reply)
You wouldn't be welcome at my house, anyway.
:(
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:55, Reply)
I'm giving your house a wide berth for as long as it's contaminated with football.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:58, Reply)
Cool, I'll pop over to yours until it's all over.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:12, Reply)
Right u r m8.
I hope you're not looking to catch the match, because I don't have a telly.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:17, Reply)
I hate football.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:25, Reply)
OK; coming round to yours now with a six-pack of jenkem.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:29, Reply)
I wondered who Two Hats had bequeathed his stash to.
RIP
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:32, Reply)

with like
b qu
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:20, Reply)
It'll be my first opportunity to try out my glitter booty shorts before Gay Pride on 1 June.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:22, Reply)

e a
IBYDYDOB
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:54, Reply)
Hosting a sedate dinner party for my boss.
Hope no unexpected guests turn up!
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:57, Reply)
you can call me whatever you want ;) xXx

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:00, Reply)
I can call you Al.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:26, Reply)

sedate dinner lemon
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:01, Reply)
Wouldn't be a lemon party without old Dick

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:03, Reply)
alright tina fey

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:08, Reply)
yeah, not bad, cheers
just cleaning my tits
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:09, Reply)
Are you going to go full 'Terry and June' and be discovered in a closet dressed in an SS uniform?

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:40, Reply)
Ah, mcbeef's spring collection.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 19:34, Reply)
In work till 10 tonight
Up at 6 tomorrow to do it all again. Hope to watch the snooker final.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:10, Reply)
firebombing monster munch's house

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:15, Reply)
his house is also a refuge for Islamic migrants
so that's a hate crime
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:23, Reply)
Two birds with one stone.
Muslims, and b3ta posters.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:25, Reply)
Gatecrashing monster munch's England game party to beatbox in the nude

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:39, Reply)
that's half-time sorted
strike through lunch
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:51, Reply)
I'm trying to get hold of this film but am drawing a blank
web.archive.org/web/20110604000413/http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1808744201/cast

Can any of you internet types help an old luddite out?
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:53, Reply)
I'd be careful googling for 'breath control'
You might end up on Collarspace.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:57, Reply)
I'll have a look on t'newsgroups when I get home

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 16:14, Reply)
Ok goddit
will upload it & gaz a link later
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 17:10, Reply)
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 17:58, Reply)
I know who is getting my nob el peace prix

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:16, Reply)

Dear *MY BOSS'S NAME* ,

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2. Strict quality inspection procedures, 2 machine inspections and 1 manual inspection 3. Live production process to monitor product production 4. Complete range of raw materials to meet your various product needs5. Free bag design to help your brand have exclusive bags6. Regular product delivery time is within 7 days7. Free samples

Please contact me if you are interested.I will give you a discounted price.

BR
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 15:57, Reply)
It's always been my worry about qc buying my adult nappies from chinks , this reassurance helps

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 16:02, Reply)
I'll request a few samples and test them out for quality

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 16:08, Reply)
Bent Reznor?

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 19:00, Reply)
yeah, it's me, want to make something of it?

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 19:22, Reply)
No, but I'm interested in a nursing pad pet pad

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:08, Reply)
gazzed.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 20:13, Reply)
5/7 you whimpering flibbertigibbets
www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-47643146
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:21, Reply)
3/7

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:26, Reply)
Weak

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:39, Reply)
that's me babe, shitcock out

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:43, Reply)
3/7 'Adolf Hitler'

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:28, Reply)
Weak, also

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:40, Reply)
n/n

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:30, Reply)
onoes

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:40, Reply)
7/7 mostly guesswork

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:32, Reply)
Strong

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:40, Reply)
6/7 "Cock Piss Partridge"

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:41, Reply)

c o i a Par Bab
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:44, Reply)
Poxy hour wait to get blood tests and I'm still not doing some shit BBC quiz

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:44, Reply)
you can get it done in most chemists now without the hour wait

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:45, Reply)
Dunno about that, the form only mentioned hospitals

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:48, Reply)
Really?
That's news to me, I guess I'm not most chemists.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:13, Reply)
ok some chemists
in England, dunno about you scotch
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:15, Reply)
I'm not letting some 16 year old boots worker stick a needle in me

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:18, Reply)
in my experience the people who rarely do it are far more careful and gentle than the phlebotomy nurses who do it all day long

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:24, Reply)
Shot through the arm
And you're to blame
Tangles, you give phlebotomy a bad name
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:31, Reply)
The lady who did mine was a living saint doing a tough job in a struggling nhs, I suppose tangles wants her sacked

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:50, Reply)
tangles won't be happy until the NHS is sold off to the Chinese

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:55, Reply)
once we are finally free of the shackles of the eu we can trade freely with the chinese
this will be a great opportunity for us all
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:23, Reply)
apart from monster munch, who will be shot

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:24, Reply)
Careful, my corneas are probably quite valuable.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:38, Reply)
in a free market economy the private sector offers more choice and drives up standards through competition

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:57, Reply)
lol, are you [insert name of any health secretary from the last couple of decades]?

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:59, Reply)
don't lol
tangles would put you against the wall first, admin vermin
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:03, Reply)
I'd go willingly.
I'm a drain on the public purse.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:06, Reply)
you certainly smell like one

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:08, Reply)
Nonsense, I have an enchanting musk.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:23, Reply)
Fleb bottomist lol!

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:35, Reply)
Grow up.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:06, Reply)
please don't tell lies on the internet

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:21, Reply)
I have never told a lie on the internet

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:44, Reply)
SEVEN OUT OF SEVEN, BITCHES

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:09, Reply)
If you want to know how much Rob cares about this place, click on his name
b3ta.com/features/faq/#who
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:26, Reply)
hahahaha
Even more lol is the fact that the other two profiles work just fine.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:27, Reply)

3/7. I've all but stopped reading the news due to it being a tool of propaganda controlled by our reptilian overlords.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 13:41, Reply)
0.571428571428571

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 14:05, Reply)
I blame you all for this autocomplete nonsense
imgur.com/FXnyTYM
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:12, Reply)
me babe, shitcock out

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:16, Reply)
FFS...

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:21, Reply)
+Betty when you call me, you can call

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:47, Reply)
hahaha

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:23, Reply)
I'll xxx your online event any time

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:34, Reply)
Yek yek yek, it's magic.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:41, Reply)
I blame you for this
www.thurrockgazette.co.uk/news/17519886.former-popstar-david-van-day-wins-aveley-and-uplands-by-election
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:49, Reply)
where did this go?
b3ta.com/talk/8216177
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:00, Reply)
i think gari delolted

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:02, Reply)
Yeah, I deleted your post because I'm a mod now
bow before me!
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:04, Reply)
It was me babe, shitcock out

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:12, Reply)
very noble of you to help dozer save face there
he might have looked like a right prick otherwise
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:13, Reply)
it was a close run thing!

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:14, Reply)

#awkward
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:18, Reply)
you might find this labour-saving device useful
b3ta.com/board/11281094
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 12:12, Reply)
Morning

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 4:57, Reply)
Morning
I am a giant bruise today
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 6:57, Reply)
G'day

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 7:02, Reply)

a jack's
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:26, Reply)
I am jack's auntie

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:12, Reply)

auntie onpollock
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:35, Reply)
Hi will

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 7:16, Reply)
Hi Beefy
recovered from yesterday's angover?
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:01, Reply)
yes thanks

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:36, Reply)
alright will

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 7:54, Reply)
He doesn't care about you
I do. I'm your friend.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:01, Reply)
alright gari, how's it gaun?

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:05, Reply)
I'm fine thank you
how's the rez today?
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:08, Reply)
cool ta
Rocking my A Love Supreme tshirt by Printed Goods today.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:15, Reply)
I'm not wearing any underpants

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:22, Reply)
neither am I, let's do some fencing

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:25, Reply)
There's some lovely new fencing up behind Millwall football ground

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:44, Reply)
you look like a prick in it

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:05, Reply)
I look well kool in it actually

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:06, Reply)
I'm afraid tango is correct, soz

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:15, Reply)
fuck it, I'll just start shopping in SuperDry, then I definitely won't look like a complete cunt

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:25, Reply)
Aren't they going out of business?

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:31, Reply)
Hopefully.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:34, Reply)
What will the high street be like if all the generic shops close and all we have left are specialist retailers?
How else am I supposed to look just like everyone else?
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:37, Reply)
my mate lives in Norwich and tells me they have started converting old shops and offices into housing

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:42, Reply)
Sensible.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:07, Reply)
the latest trends on instagram are self harm and suicide
you can easily fit in with these
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:43, Reply)
This is highly irresponsible.
I'm only 12, and highly impressionable.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:01, Reply)
you should expect a gaz from psychochomp in the near future.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:04, Reply)
cool! wanna be ana buddies?

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:15, Reply)
+l

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:15, Reply)
Good morning to all concerned.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:15, Reply)
I think everyone's concerned at the moment

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:22, Reply)
As well they might be.
Yesterday I saw that that petition to just pretend Brexit never happened got over two million signatures in 24 hours, lulz.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:29, Reply)
I say let's have a General Election, vote in a Labour government and let Jeremy and John prove themselves as statesmen on the world stage.
What could possibly go wrong?
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:31, Reply)
I'd be happy with that
I'm tired of The Tories strong and stable government, I think it's time to shake things up a bit.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:33, Reply)
a charismatic Prime Minister-in-waiting, a cerebral Shadow Chancellor and an incisive, formidably intelligent Shadow Home Secretary.
It's like 1997 all over again!
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:44, Reply)
Let's get Professor Brian Cox away from the science and back behind his keyboard
alltogether now THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER!!!
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:45, Reply)
plus Diane Abbott is well fit

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:46, Reply)
she should be Minister of Fitness

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:47, Reply)
Minister of He-Man Impersonators

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:48, Reply)
mild office cackling here

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:51, Reply)
I've never seen her and Robert Mugabe in the same room
at the same time.

Just sayin'
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:49, Reply)
I have, at a chemsex party round Tom Watson's

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:50, Reply)
Hey, hey, hey
what goes at Tom's, stays at Tom's - you know the rules.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:50, Reply)
anyone with the name Tom is a fucking bent prick, just sayin

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:52, Reply)
Major Fucking Bent Prick to Ground Control

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:53, Reply)
Take your protien shake and put your cockring on

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:59, Reply)
*something about helmets*

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:05, Reply)
over 2.6 million now

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:41, Reply)
Watch as May still fails to understand the difference
between "the will of the British people" and "the collective ego of the Conservative Party".
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:43, Reply)
in fairness there isn't a person alive who could do that job and please more than a handful of people
The question really is why she was so fucking stupid as to go for it in the first place. Poisoned chalice a-go-go
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:45, Reply)
Exactly.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:46, Reply)
Yes, well, when you've got a poisoned challice you don't take a shit in it before raising it to your lips
to add your own insult to what is a self-inflicted injury.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:48, Reply)
yes I do

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:48, Reply)
Well YOU do
yes. Okay. But that's just one of the many reasons I won't kiss you at parties.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:49, Reply)
*shrugs*

*swigs from chalice*
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:50, Reply)
Just swallow your pride, admit to the country that it was lied to and asked to make a decision on false premises
when the whole thing was nothing more than a power play for the Tory leadership in the first place. Admittedly this is as likely in politics as a landslide general election victory for the Monster Raving Loony Party, but there you go.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:48, Reply)
The British People have spoken m8

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:08, Reply)
The British People need a kick in the cunt.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:14, Reply)
YEAH

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:29, Reply)
Let's take to the streets and bust some heads.
Woo-hoo, civil unrest!
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:32, Reply)
I am THERE as soon as I've had my coffee

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:34, Reply)
I don't think I can make it, but if someone could loot me a new TV, I'd really appreciate it.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:39, Reply)
the will of the English and Welsh people, actually.
Don't blame Scotland, ok?
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:45, Reply)
I think that Wales suffered from all the English immigrants
it's got a massive problem with old cunts selling their houses in the midlands and buying a cottage in rural Aberaeron to get away from the darkies to be a burden on the healh system and vote UKIP. It's a gammaon invation.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:47, Reply)
it's a what, sorry?

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:49, Reply)
The Gammaons. It's a typo but I rather like it.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:50, Reply)
I'm pretty sure that's not how you spell invasion either m8

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:52, Reply)
That's not how YOU spell it.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:00, Reply)
Typical Gammaon.
It's perfectly cromulent.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:23, Reply)
it was well lol when the BNP were still a thing, and Nick Griffin was bangimg on about sending immigrants back to their country of origin.
Englishman Nick Griffin, a resident of Wales.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:56, Reply)
no it wasn't m8

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:59, Reply)
Eyes like two pissholes in the snow

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:01, Reply)
Eye, you mean.
Having a stray bullet in a bonfire explode and take your eye out has got to be one for the A&E annals.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:03, Reply)
lol annal

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:15, Reply)
lol like the seks

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:25, Reply)
Annual, more like.

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:33, Reply)
mods pls ban willenium

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:03, Reply)
pretty sure his stupid name should have two Ns in it and all

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:04, Reply)
^ classic b3ta hate speech

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:07, Reply)
I hate will, if that's what you mean

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:10, Reply)
that's not how you spell 'banned poster dozer' m8

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:16, Reply)
good morning one, good morning all

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:30, Reply)
Take me home, take me home
You deserve a girl like me
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:33, Reply)
alright soph

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:35, Reply)
yeah, not bad, cheers
just cleaning my tits
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 9:37, Reply)
What are the odds of Scottish independence within eighteen months?

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:00, Reply)
half of them can't wash or dress themselves independently

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:16, Reply)
Given EU membership was touted as a strong argument against independence,
I'd say it's looking increasingly likely.
18 months seems a bit hasty, though.
(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 10:26, Reply)
Good evening.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 17:53, Reply)
Not really
Just gone arse over in the street. Massive lump on my leg, a skinned elbow and a bruised shoulder. Not to mention the fact that I fell so hard on my hand that one of my nails popped a blood vessel and my hand is now blue.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:19, Reply)
+tit

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:20, Reply)
RIP exsanguinate monkey :(

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:47, Reply)
I'm not dead yet

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:53, Reply)
I've got those too.
And great tits.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 22:37, Reply)
You really don't do things by halves, do you?

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 21:37, Reply)
Hope your wrist has survived.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 22:31, Reply)
Ah, turning royal then.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 22:38, Reply)
Very, I hope your's i's 2 m8

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:20, Reply)
yeah it's ok, rocking my ripndip camouflage jacket for the first time this year

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:24, Reply)

plus vorderman has had ass implants
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:25, Reply)
Carol Vordashiman breaks the countdown
Christ, just done a search, her tits are absolutely terrifying now
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:28, Reply)
magnificently terrifying

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:30, Reply)
I can only assume she's gone mental in her old age

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:32, Reply)
you'd love a go on it tho eh

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:33, Reply)
It's all fun and games until she puts a kitchen knife through your perineum

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:38, Reply)
you say that like it's a bad thing.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:38, Reply)
When I finally do go for gender reassignment I'd prefer it to be done carefully and under anaesthetic

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:43, Reply)
Gay.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:47, Reply)
Pacino's paying

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:54, Reply)
alright, Bananarama

(, Fri 22 Mar 2019, 8:06, Reply)
I had my Spiewak flight jacket on yesterday.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 19:36, Reply)
alright slippery mick

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 20:35, Reply)
I have no idea what this means but google has just shown me some white cartoon cats

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 18:26, Reply)
Wanker

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 19:52, Reply)
alright mongy

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 20:35, Reply)
I had a bad cut on my hand a year ago
and now I can't play bass with my thumb, but I've had to re-learn with fingers and I'm actually better than I was before.

What disaster in your life has ended up being a blessing in disguise?
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 13:30, Reply)
Nobody tell gari that you're meant to play the bass with your fingers

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 13:43, Reply)
ok

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 13:43, Reply)
Thx

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 20:27, Reply)
Wotcha Hotstuff
www.talkbass.com/threads/good-bass-player-using-only-thumb.296274/
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:14, Reply)
my willy gets bigger when I touch it

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 13:45, Reply)
Can you use it to play bass?

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 13:49, Reply)
no, only the sitar

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:02, Reply)
Slap technique?

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:52, Reply)
I almost lost the end of my finger last year
and the resulting physiotherapy has improved the grip strength of my hand as a whole, even if I can no longer really use the finger for anything requiring really fine motor control (the only thing I can think of that's really defeated me so far is peeling onions).

Edit: now I'm intrigued as to what happened to gari's thumb.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:07, Reply)
terrible bullying of mongy

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:08, Reply)
And yet the mods do nothing

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:15, Reply)

What happened to your finger?
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:10, Reply)
Was trying to separate two frozen pork chops using my big meat knife and it slipped.
0/10 would not recommend.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:11, Reply)
I separated your nan's frozen pork chops using my big meat knife last christmas

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:14, Reply)
shut up m8

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:14, Reply)
I liked it

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:57, Reply)
tart

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:59, Reply)
It was a tart?
Thought you said it was a pork chop just now.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:23, Reply)
It was a pork chop and I was going to make a tart out of it.
How did you manage to feck up your hand in the first place?
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:30, Reply)
Trying to get the cracked glass out of a caffitiere by pushing hard on the bottom
it smashed. Made a perfect circle. My thumb went through, then it went into my thumb. How it didn't sever the tendon I'll never know, but it did some damage to the nerves and blood supply. Still don't have full sensation back and it hurts like hell when cycling in the cold.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:39, Reply)
Yeowch.
Bonus points for such an exquisitely middle-class way of injuring yourself as well.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:44, Reply)
Which was nice...
Edit - I'd been out the back when I did it, ran inside screaming leaving a trail of blood from the patio to the kitchen where there were bloody handprints on the kitchen units. Thankfully we saw the lodger as I was being driven to A&E otherwise she'd have been wise to call the cops when she saw the state of the place.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:05, Reply)
You stupid boy.
Friend of my wife's ruined the tendons in her palm after leaving a sharp knife at the bottom of the sink whilst washing up. I've been a bit more careful since she told me that.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:16, Reply)
Yer, I'm aware of how fortunate I've been in this whole feck-up.
My physiotherapists told me story after story of people who just couldn't be bothered to do their rehab exercises and who ended up with a significant loss of function for life as a result.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:22, Reply)
lol, my dad after his first stroke

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:09, Reply)

Shit. Did you get seen quickly? A+E often has interesting folks in it.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:26, Reply)
They have a separate hospital over here called SOS Hands, so they were the ones who took care of me.
I was in and out of surgery the same day, although what with me being a big lad it took them a couple of goes to get the dose of anaesthetic right. I shared a room with a guy who had got so angry during family dinner (this all happened on New Year's Eve) that he'd been overcome with the irresistible urge to punch something, so he punched a wall instead of letting it out on a relative. Result: a bunch of broken bones in his hand, three pins fitted and four months off work.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:37, Reply)
Soshands! Soshands look at my dancey soshands!
*cavorts around in the style of a broadway showgirl*
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:41, Reply)
OK, you've lost me now.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:44, Reply)
I have no idea where that came from

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:11, Reply)
sit down gary ffs

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:49, Reply)
I need a sit down now

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:11, Reply)
i am now imagining giant sausage fingers

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:40, Reply)
I bet you are you dirty old bollocks

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 17:10, Reply)
i lose feeling intermittently in my left hand after shattering my wrist
sometimes i can't even grip a pen, other times it's just like pins and needles
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:39, Reply)
Stop shattering your wrist.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:52, Reply)
i fully intend to
if i break it one more time, that's it, i'll be getting a metal rod in there
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:56, Reply)
carol vorderman's arse

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:34, Reply)
brexit

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:58, Reply)
brexit means brexit

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:10, Reply)
brexit

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:11, Reply)
british exit

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:17, Reply)
I miss the days of grexit

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:21, Reply)
'cunt grunt' is my new favourite phrase

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:37, Reply)
and now I'm singing it in my head to the tune of 'Nutbush City Limits'

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:41, Reply)
lol bush

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:02, Reply)
lol nut

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:15, Reply)
Is that a particularly quiet, low-pitched queef?

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:48, Reply)
yup

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:49, Reply)
gunt + exit = gexit

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:24, Reply)
greek+cunt=grunt

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:36, Reply)
Scotland are losing to Kazakhstan
lol
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:27, Reply)
I'm watching it up the pub with a jock, it's lol , bloody plastic pitch

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:32, Reply)
The Kazakhs must be in fine fettle with all that potassium.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 15:38, Reply)
my last flat got flooded
but it meant my cunt of a neighbour finally being evicted
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 16:34, Reply)
I've got a gunt, you can ride it if you lunt
It's got a piss stain and grey mould and ingrown pubes and smells like rotting dog-flesh
I'd give it to you for a lick, but you'd vo-o-mit

haha, good one Queef! You've taken a classic track by what I call 'teh Floyd' and made up your own rude lyrics - I get it!!

bored af, u?
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:43, Reply)
my head hurts, make it stop, someone plz

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:44, Reply)
you need more booze.
Sorted.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:58, Reply)
I don't normally get terribly bad hangovers but this one's a cunt
I blame not drinking on Monday or Tuesday
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:09, Reply)
I've got a garden full of trees and a pocket full of cheese.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:45, Reply)
nice one 'Wallace'

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:46, Reply)
Whinging, hysterical, obtuse pain-in-the-arse of an academic
I could fucking punch the twat.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:49, Reply)

of an academic
I could fucking punch the twat.
, that's our Grrry!
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:59, Reply)
it's nice to hear you wouldn't punch me

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:03, Reply)
I'm a shanker, I'm a banker, I'm a midnight wanker
Just sayin
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:06, Reply)
Alright, dean martin

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:21, Reply)
not bad thx m8

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:30, Reply)
Finally finished the project on which I have been working for eighteen consecutive days without a break.
Finding the motivation to do anything at all work-related this afternoon is going to be extremely challenging.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:50, Reply)
shit up a squirrel

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:00, Reply)
urggh, I don't need any more logistical challenges today

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:08, Reply)
Right up to it's/your nuts

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:52, Reply)
Pooh of Pooh Corner in Pooh II: Conkers Deep.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:54, Reply)
Ey Whore does it donkey-style

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:56, Reply)

Conkers Deep Electric Poohgaloo
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 14:59, Reply)
I've made the fatal mistake of proving myself too good at my new job
thereby earning additional tasks along with my empty praise
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:52, Reply)
I know all about this situation
A key person left a few months ago and hasn't been replaced, apparently I can do their job on top of my own, great news
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:07, Reply)
all you do is trawl the client database for Dick and Fanny
it's not that hard
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:15, Reply)
my copy of that LP is apparently the 5th pressing and has a median value of £37.56*
#interesting

*based on previous sales through discogs

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:53, Reply)
I think Lucifer Sam is my favourite track on that exemplary disc

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:01, Reply)
almost nooning CET
which is when my five-day weekend starts

\o/
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:54, Reply)
good-oh, Wood-o

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:01, Reply)
Now, we may be a little gunty, but don't feel slump
We guarantee ya' one thing; we can surely gunt
To the party, and rock the house
As we harmonize, and start to gunt it out
So bust a fresh move, and take it from me
Listen to the fresh sound of the Disco Gunty
Ha, ha!
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:14, Reply)
:)

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:29, Reply)
Just applied for a job as a file clerk
Got sent to me by a recruiter with a little note saying "I remember you saying you like things to be in alphabetical order, I think this is just the job for you "
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:18, Reply)
fucking hell

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:30, Reply)
Tbf, it does sound the perfect job for me

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:10, Reply)
Send it back as:
alphabetical be for I I in is just like order remember saying the things think this to you you
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:56, Reply)
I'm tempted, Gary, I'm tempted

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 13:11, Reply)

(I'm actually quite pleased with that)
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 13:15, Reply)
You shouldn't be.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 13:43, Reply)
Assembling bedside tables.
The new garden has long-tailed tits in it, which pleases me enormously. They're lovely wee things.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:22, Reply)
lol tits, lol wee

lol
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:23, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:42, Reply)
And coy bumbarrels, twenty in a drove,
Flit down the hedgerows in the frozen plain
And hang on little twigs and start again.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:54, Reply)
lol bum

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:54, Reply)
Owls and bats, cowls and twats
Abide in the oak-stump pantry.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:09, Reply)
Just got up , bit rough today

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:25, Reply)
it was nice of mcbeef to deliver personally to you though

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:27, Reply)
alright you crotchety old wankstain

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 11:26, Reply)
Dropping outta high schunt, etc

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 12:49, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:09, Reply)
Ahhh, there we are.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:12, Reply)
you shouldn't have to put up with poor imitations in the morning

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:24, Reply)
Or any time of the day, really.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:25, Reply)
if only he had his own style
he could really be himself
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:45, Reply)
ZING!!!

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:46, Reply)
oh yeah, you've got that schtick going for you, I'd forgotten

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:49, Reply)
Is "50% transcript of the mic feed of an 11-year-old playing COD, 50% Tesco Value Trump butthurt" a style?

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:57, Reply)
These are all words I know, but not in a order I understand
Edit: I'm just not down with the kids, I guess.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:04, Reply)
you keep away from my fucking kids

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:08, Reply)
I've heard it said that your kids are too ugly to molest, anyway.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:16, Reply)
I don't wish to be party to the discussions you have with your nonce mates

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:21, Reply)
Morning

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:32, Reply)
alright smashers, what's the news?

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:44, Reply)
Not much
Off to buy my godson an 18th birthday present at lunchtime, then getting my new tattoo, then an early night before going back to the grot shop tomorrow
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:48, Reply)

What are you having tattooed?

Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos, stop eating shrimp etc
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:53, Reply)
If you're wearing mixed fabrics, you're going to Hell.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:55, Reply)

And if you eat owls.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:57, Reply)
My sister's name
We're all getting it done
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:13, Reply)
Yup, getting mine done after work with $$

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:30, Reply)
^ asked for a 13 but they drew a 31

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:33, Reply)

Excellent, all on the same location? I've got a friend who got her kids names made into a celtic star thing. Can't actually see what the names are unless they're pointed out though.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:33, Reply)
that sounds utterly ghastly
Is your friend working class by any chance?
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:48, Reply)

Oh well done Mr Sherlock with your ear flappy hat.

Yes she is. Do you have any? Butterfly on your lower back perhaps? Or some Chinese characters?
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:53, Reply)
I don't have any tattoos.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:54, Reply)
I bet your friend's kids all have the same first initial as well.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:55, Reply)
Local family had a bet with someone
That they couldn't give all their children names beginning with a D. They did. All 12 of them.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:01, Reply)
12 kids?
Council scum. They should be gassed.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:34, Reply)
They're known round here as the league of nations

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:39, Reply)
Most on the right wrist
But I've already got one there, so I'm having it done on my shoulder
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:56, Reply)
All the actors who played the Fellowship of the Nine in LOTR had the same tattoo done,
except John 'Gimli' Rhys Davies, who sent his stunt double in his place, because that's just the kind of whiny bitch he is.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:33, Reply)
That just makes me think of the Eddie Oswald story in dog soldiers

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:59, Reply)
Heh.
I love that film.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:01, Reply)
Me too
Might watch it tonight
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:03, Reply)
I'm going to see a comedienne première her new show tonight.
It's in Paris but it's being streamed live to cinemas across the country, so, saves going to Paris. Which is nice.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:09, Reply)
Paris is nice, as long as you're not driving through it

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:23, Reply)
Or living in it, insanely expensive as everything is there.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:26, Reply)
True
Last time I went for the weekend, it cost over a tenner for 2 absinthes
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:41, Reply)
I think Werewolves might be my favourite horror movie monster.
Dog Soldiers, Ginger Snaps, and American Werewolf In London make a compelling case.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:12, Reply)
I think I waited too long before watching "Ginger Snaps".
It felt more than a little dated when I did get round to it. Plus I was expecting it to be English, for some reason. Dog Soldiers and AWIL are both absolute belters, though.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:16, Reply)
Ginger snaps is good
The second one is weird and the third one is just plain shit. American werewolf will always be the best.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:22, Reply)
morning
I can't log in from home because I cannot see the captcha-thingy ...
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 8:56, Reply)
gutted

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:02, Reply)
oh well

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:07, Reply)
happy nowruz

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:00, Reply)
glad to hear it

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:02, Reply)
It's also J. S. Bach's birthday.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:02, Reply)
and also Mussorgsky's

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:07, Reply)
Night on bald mountain is one of my all time favourites

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:15, Reply)
Nice. May have to listen to Picahu's At An Exhibision later.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:15, Reply)

Picahu! I choose you!
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:23, Reply)
Best of all the members of the Mighty Handful,
which coincidentally is also my nickname for my cock.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:29, Reply)
Modest

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:55, Reply)
clickin' dis

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:01, Reply)
Morning you young whipper-snapper

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:05, Reply)
I have never snapped a whipper
not even once
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:12, Reply)
Then what's your secret for such luscious hair and blemish-free skin?

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:14, Reply)
drink a pint of used engine oil every morning

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:19, Reply)
can't believe it's World Puppetry Day already

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:24, Reply)
can't wait to see what happens, last year was mad

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:27, Reply)
making fisting fun for the whole family!

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:29, Reply)

t h

lol
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:32, Reply)
hang on

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:32, Reply)
morning
I'm fucking hanging. I dropped something off at a customer's in Bermondsey last night and to thank me he broke out a large amount of extremely nice wine. None of my go-to cures is working so I will simply have to ride it out.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:27, Reply)
shit it out
I had the runs this morning for no reason whatsoever
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:30, Reply)
I've tried shitting it out, eating breakfast, a large coffee, 1L of water....nope

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:31, Reply)
get back on it you lightweight

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:49, Reply)
That "something" was a half-ki of bugle, wasn't it?
It's OK, you can tell us.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:30, Reply)
I'm saying nothing

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:32, Reply)
lol, lightweight

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 9:36, Reply)
Spicy noodles. I cannot stress this enough.

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:04, Reply)
I ain't got none :(

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:18, Reply)
Poor planning, that man

(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:24, Reply)

S icy n dles
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:41, Reply)

S cy noodl
(, Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:43, Reply)

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