» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

More Biology lessons
and sex education moves on to contraception. Young female teacher asks does anyone know what the Withdrawal method is?

"It's when you whip it out just before you come and spray it on her tits." I was very proud of it at the time but felt a bit guilty when the whole lesson degenerated after that and I got a bollocking
(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 16:05, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

The fact that
I can't get my head round people who were born in the late eighties could be technically classed as adults
(Thu 28th Oct 2004, 13:32, More)

» People with Stupid Names

names from school
Two brothers at school called Andrew Ness and Peter Ness. All fine until role call-

A.Ness?
Sir.

P.Ness?
Sir.

Guaranteed hysterics every assembly
(Fri 27th Aug 2004, 8:50, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

My mum didn't mean to lie
but i took it literally. When we were leaving a theme park i wanted to go on one last ride, but my mum said "if we go in there we'll never get out." (talking about the crowds holding us up)

That haunted me for years thinking of all the people that i saw go in and were probably still trapped
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 14:02, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

A change from IT support.....
Working in a pub / restaurant ensures you meet some special people. After serving a lady her chicken Kiev she calls me back to tell me she was unhappy as it wasn't "breast shaped". This woman had caused trouble before so I was under instruction from the management not to give her anything, so gladly refused her and pointed in direction of the landlord.

Without looking up, the Landlord held out the refund for the food and not knowing what to do or say, the woman threw her drink at him but missed from a range of 5 feet. She was laughed out of the bar by other customers.

Then there was the punter who asks for an avocado and lemonade. I offered my suggestion of Advocaat and lemonade, but he was insistent the word was avocado. I was so close to actually wedging one in a pint glass.

Different employment- on my placement at a company that makes equipment for the deaf (vibrating alarm clocks etc.) I had a call from a bloke saying the screen on their clock was broken- I couldn't solve it over the phone so asked him to send it in. When it arrived the problem was soon discovered: clicky here (protective cover stapled to compliments slip and returned)

I was desperate to write the return note myself, unfortunately, someone more diplomatic got there first
(Tue 30th Dec 2003, 16:31, More)