» Dad Jokes

Just remembered another....
Not only did my dad have the good ole one liners to repeat at every possible occassion, but he had one in particular that was very long winded and in the end some people wouldn't get it.

He'd run into some acquaintance and go into this story about how he nearly had to spend an entire night at the police station. About how he witnessed some woman defacing a van with a naked woman painted on the side and the owner came back and they got into a fight. So the woman then snaps the aerial off of the van and starts beating the guy with it. The police are called, my dad has to go in as he's a witness. He goes on and on adding more and more detail to the story, really gets the other person hooked into it thinking that this has seriously happened. Punchline? Apparently the guy died of van aeriel disease? *groan*

Try keeping the bored look off of your face as you dad pulls this on someone for the billionth time.
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 16:58, More)

» Premonitions

Hmmmmmm
I wonder just how much I should say here. I dream about the future a lot, it freaks people out. But the best one was when I was going back to work after being on Christmas holidays last year. Driving in to the office I had a funny feeling that I didn't have a job anymore. I told my friend that worked there about it when I got in. That afternoon, right in front of my friend, my boss told me that the company that I worked for had decided to merge with another one based in a different area of the country and that since the office would be based there I was being made redundant and I had a month to find other employment. All I culd do was laugh and tell my friend "I told you so", I think he thought I was mad.
(Thu 18th Nov 2004, 21:35, More)

» Dad Jokes

The worst
jokes are probably the two that he does over and over and over. It doesn't matter that no one else laughs, he laughs enough at them time and time again to make up for it.

1. Anyone asks "Can you make me a cup of coffee/tea?" He waves his hands over their heads and says "Poof! You are now a cup of coffee/tea!" Hilarious.

2. "Dad? Have you seen (insert lost item here)?" His answer every single time "If it was up your ass you'd know where it was."

My dad, I sure love him, glad I had him for a Dad rather than anyone else, but I'm also thankful that he lives 6,000 miles away.
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 12:27, More)

» Worst Record Ever

Daniel Beddingfield
"I Gotta Get Through This"? Purlease, when that hit the charts, we all just wanted to get through an hour of not hearing that awful piece of crap

"If you're not the one". If she's not the one fucking shut up about it already. Obviously if you have to try to convince her that she is, she probably isn't. What is that shit? He can't sing, he's grotesque, acts a pratt, and now sings songs that encourage stalking?

I don't usually post things, but I really, really cannot stand Beddingfield. Remember that guy that sewed his mouth shut in protest of being deported? I suggest we sew Beddingfield's mouth shut to protest crap manufactured noise.
(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 16:25, More)