» Petty Sabotage

Ian Paisley
I was contracting with some mates at belfast airport.

Walking back to my desk one day I was getting some really filthy looks from my new colleagues. And worryingly some psycho came up and shook my hand and told me I was "a good lad - dead on".

It seems that as soon as I had left my desk my mate changed my wallpaper and screen saver to a nice big smiling picture of Ian Paisley against the backdrop of a British flag.

Always goes down well in a mixed, open-plan office in Belfast, I find.
(Fri 6th May 2005, 12:14, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

Secret Lesbian Outed
I was seeing this girl when I was at college.

One night we were having a chat about stuff:
Her: Have you ever thought about, y'know, going with a man?
Me: Nahhh... doesn't float my boat...
(Silence)
Me: Have you ever thought about going with a girl?
Her: OH YEAH!....

And with that, the floodgates were removed. She'd been fanatasing for ages and asked would I be up for arranging a threesome with her mate, so she can try it out. "Oh, alright, if you like" I said trying to contain my shaky voice.

The next week, sure enough, the three of us burst through the flat door - drunk as monkeys - and start kissing and stuff. It progresses to the bedroom, where the three of us get down to it. Except, it's more the two of them, and me.

The next day, we're at a party and I'm getting tired. "Do you want to go home?" I asked my girlfriend.

"OH MY GOD! You are totally crowding me - controlling me - I don't think this is going to work out. I'm sorry. It's over"

F**k me, that came from nowhere.

They are still together, just the two of them. Still, the memories still provide good wanking material.
(Fri 18th Jun 2004, 10:52, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Andrea Corr
I was in the Kitchen in Dublin when I spotted Andrea Corr.

"Hello Andrea" I said and smiled.

She looked at me like I'd just done a shite on her coffee table.

"Do you have ANY idea who I am?" she asked incredulously.

I was a little miffed, so "Sure" I said "Aren't you the bird who serves the chips in Abera-kebabra?"

She had me thrown out.
(Fri 16th Apr 2004, 14:06, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

I was a "Cop" extra in a film...
I was an extra in a film - I was a policeman. One Sunday morning, we were filming in the inner-city of Dublin. I was late and hungover, and The unit base was about a mile away from the set. I had missed the crew bus, so I had no option but to run through the streets of Dublin - dressed as a cop - looking for the set. After 5 minutes I say two other people in police uniforms. I ran up and said "Hi! How's it going? What are we doing today?". They looked blankly at each other. "You know? Where are we shooting?" I said. I didn't realise that I'd stumbled across two REAL cops until one asked incredulously "Have you MADE your own uniform?". Turns out I was nowhere near the set, and they had no idea there was even a film being made. I just made my excuses and ran off. Suprisingly, they let me go.
(Fri 12th Nov 2004, 12:53, More)

» People with Stupid Names

Names
I used to work with an American called "Randy Baumgardner"

Tiz True.
(Wed 1st Sep 2004, 12:53, More)