» My Wanking Disasters

Dildo racing
As with many here, not strictly on-topic but still....
My sis's boyf's mate is a primary school teacher (as am I) and one morning saw all the kids in a huddle in the playground chasing a moving object. Turns out one had brought in a thing he'd found under Mummy's bed and they were turning it on and watching it move around the playground. It was duly confiscated and at the end of the day, it was given to the kid's Dad who commented "I didn't even know we had one of these" and set off home for a slightly uncomfortable evening, we can imagine.
But imagine if the trend had caught on..."My Mum's got one of those too..." Racing tournaments in playgrounds up and down Britain...
(Thu 3rd Jun 2004, 13:02, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

Colour monitor
I was helping my uncle with his computer on which the monitor wasn't showing any red colours (It was watermeloned basically). He had already rung some "expert friend" and told him the computer had run out of red. His friend told him to buy a new colour printer cartridge and he had taken the back off the monitor to see where he could fit it.
I mock but then he's a successful dairy farmer and I'd probably be just as cack-handed when it comes to milking a cow.
(Mon 29th Dec 2003, 9:37, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Librarian Girl
A mate at Uni was convinced (until shown the Bad album notes) that Jacko had done a ballad about a Librarian Girl who came and changed his world...

My sister and I used to love Sometimes by James with the line "There's an old man taking Polaroids". Only when she was 20 did it come out that she thought Polaroids were a type of drug.
(Mon 31st Jan 2005, 6:35, More)

» Stupid Tourists

LOOGABAROOGA
A friend was stopped by a passing American and asked the way to Loogabarooga. Turns out the fool couldn't pronounce Loughborough.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 6:45, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Squirrels and fridges
Double bill here...

Taking the Y5/6s from our School on a residential. The instructor is talking about how the centre is a "green" centre and about recycling. "What can we do with rubbish when we have finished with it?" he asks, hoping for the answer "recycle it" or at least "send it to a dump."
One young boy who lives in a caravan powered by a generator off in the woods declares "Yer bury it!"
The instructor, taken aback, says "Well that doesn't solve the problem. The litter is still there then."
"Well my Dad put all our rubbish in a fridge an' buried it last week."
A long silence ensued during which the instructor looked desperately at myself and my colleague and we sadly nodded to confirm this was very likely.

My girlfriend's Mum teaches at the local high school. While clearing out the English office, they found a full mummified squirrel behind a filing cabinet. Spotting an opportunity, one teacher used its arm as a prop in his next English lesson on gothic horror.
(Fri 1st Jul 2005, 6:34, More)