» Messing with the Dark Side

After messing with the Dark Side, I got peed on.
I attended a girls boarding school. Not just any girls boarding school, but one for 'The Arts', so you can at least double the amount of girlie hystrionics because of all the arty 'thesps' and creative types.

Anyway, as you do, we would all gather to play Ouija and tell ghost stories after lights out, and get ourselves all worked up into girly panics and crying fits. It didn't help that the school was a 16th century Mansion built by King Charles II for Nell Gwyn with lots of secret passageways, rooms and general creepy spookiness.

After one such ouija session a girl was telling a particularly scary story. I decided to have a little fun and 'up the anti'. I crawled under the domitory beds commando-style until I got to the one at the end where my friend was sitting with her legs hanging down.

At the climax of the story I reached out from under the bed and grabbed her ankles, hard.

I was rewarded with a loud scream and a golden shower.

Not such a good idea after all.
(Wed 26th Apr 2006, 17:55, More)

» Missing body parts

Lost my norks...
...after breastfeeding 2 kids. DD to a B. Hungry little parasites.

Also grew two shoe sizes, one for each kid. Started at a size 7, now a size 9.

No boobs and clown feet. Getting old sucks.
(Mon 5th Jun 2006, 14:57, More)

» Misunderstood

Birthing Tourettes
During my 3rd hour of final stage labour while trying to give birth to my 10lb son, my patience ran out and I turned my frustration on my husband by shouting "Get the FUCK out!".

He to this day thinks that I was yelling at our yet-to-be-born baby, and stubbornly stayed in the room, much to my further annoyance.

As I repeated myself several times, getting louder and louder, he got all embarrassed at my 'potty mouth' and tried to calm me down by patting my hand. I almost punched him.
(Tue 11th Oct 2005, 16:54, More)

» Out of my depth

The pervert down the street - erm I guess that would be me
A girl from the down the street babysat our kids one night for the 1st time. Everything seemed okay when we returned.

Next day I logged onto Hotmail and found someone else's email name in the little box! It was "Eatsleepride_24/7", or something like that.

Aha! Said the suspicious voice in my head - hubby has an internet 'alter-ego' and is ordering porn and conversing with 14 yr olds on the web. I'll show him.

So I go into Hotmail and make up my own new address, "Easyrider" or something as saucy. And I send a tempting, VERY naughty email to this person, thinking, a)it will be anonymous and, b)if he responds, he will be caught red handed.

As I hit send, I get a sudden panic attack, and thinking - I'd better check that it was anonymous, I send an email to my regular email address and find (through some weird Hotmail thingy I still can't fathom) it HAS MY NAME ALL OVER IT.

Sooooo, I fess up to hubby, feeling really stupid, and he says "That's not my email address". At which point it all comes crashing down on me. It was the BABYSITTER who was online and using hotmail while we were out. A quick check through the history files and cookies confirms this.

At this point I send my husband over the street to apologise for my appalling, perverted behaviour. (And to give her shit for being on our computer in the first place).

Apparently: internet super-sleuthing is WAY out of my depth.

Strangely enough, she has never agreed to babysit for us again....
(Wed 20th Oct 2004, 18:03, More)

» Mistaken Identity

Mustard
After changing our daughters nappy, (and not washing his hands), my husband mistakenly identified the brown goo on his fingers for mustard, and licked it off.

My how I laughed.

I still secretly giggle in the middle of the night as I remember his face as the realisation hit him.
(Thu 7th Jun 2007, 15:38, More)