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Profile for peludodan:
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» My Christmas Nightmare

had a lovely xmas...
at my granparent's house, the whole family there, started at 10 with presents & sherry or somesuch, massive lunch, finished at 5 when everyone was sozzled and rolled into the car to go home. We all got on famously. Grandad (who liked a drink) phones up on Boxing Day and says to my dad, "It really was a marvellous day yesterday, pity you lot couldn't make it, really"
(Thu 23rd Dec 2004, 16:00, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

The perfect crime
A friend of mine was thinking of getting a job at Bloomberg so he asked about to find out what they're like to work for. Utter Nazis, apparently. His favorite story was about one poor chap who was on the night shift. A slow night for news and no-one else in the office so he decides to knock one off the wrist. "The fools!" He thought to himself with glee, "They'll never find out." A week later he received a written warning from management - his performance on the pink oboe had been immortalised on the CCTV they use to monitor the employees.
(Thu 3rd Jun 2004, 12:00, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Castles
...pulling into Windsor station a sign hove into view: "Welcome to Windsor" underneath the castle on the hill. Tourists next to me "Wow, which castle d'you think that is?"

Or at work more recently:

Colleague 1: [reading from website] My god! jumbo jet narrowly misses famous Tokyo tower.

Me: How?

Colleague 3: Well it is really high

Another one at work

Colleague 1: [reading about the tsunami from website] My god! 1,500 swedes missing!

Colleague 2: My god, Swedes!? Oh...right...they were in Asia?
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 13:57, More)

» Slang Survey

Good, Bad and Ugly
Good
Doris McWhirter - girlfriend as in "can't come out tonight I've got Doris McWhirter issues."
Arse - house. as in "Come round and see me new arse" or "He's got a lovely big arse in Kennington" etc

Bad
businessman wankspeak: "profits experienced negative growth" is supposedly a more positive way of saying "profits fell"

Ugly
"as of [insert date]" utterly pointless, why not "on [insert date]" or "from [insert date]"


Also a good swearword in Spanish (although not new) me cago tus muertos - I shit on your dead family. More potent than "you bloody bastard."
(Tue 3rd Feb 2004, 15:07, More)