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» Best Comebacks
Marmite
There used to be this girl who hung around with us, even though noone liked her on account of her being a total cow. She was always trying to flirt with other peoples' boyfriends (and had recently split up a 9-year relationship by doing just this).
Anyhoo, she tried it on with my friend, lets call him Steve, sticking her tits out and saying in her best provocative voice:
"I'm just like Marmite - you either love me or hate me"
Steve replied:
"Yeah well I fucking hate Marmite"
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 1:16, More)
Marmite
There used to be this girl who hung around with us, even though noone liked her on account of her being a total cow. She was always trying to flirt with other peoples' boyfriends (and had recently split up a 9-year relationship by doing just this).
Anyhoo, she tried it on with my friend, lets call him Steve, sticking her tits out and saying in her best provocative voice:
"I'm just like Marmite - you either love me or hate me"
Steve replied:
"Yeah well I fucking hate Marmite"
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 1:16, More)
» Pure Ignorance
The Beatles
I'm English, and I went to Indiana this summer to visit a friend. We were sat in a bar, and the bartender picked up on the fact that I was English. He then got very excited, and said, in all seriousness, "Oh, you must live next door to the Beatles!".
I was too kind to let him down, so I just agreed that yes, the Beatles, even the two who are dead, all live next door to me in the same house.
(Sat 8th Jan 2005, 23:06, More)
The Beatles
I'm English, and I went to Indiana this summer to visit a friend. We were sat in a bar, and the bartender picked up on the fact that I was English. He then got very excited, and said, in all seriousness, "Oh, you must live next door to the Beatles!".
I was too kind to let him down, so I just agreed that yes, the Beatles, even the two who are dead, all live next door to me in the same house.
(Sat 8th Jan 2005, 23:06, More)
» Local Nutters
Pools
Where I'm a barmaid, every day this guy bursts in the door and shouts "I'VE WON THE POOLS!", punching the air with his fists and grinning manically.
It dawned on me that he wasn't all there when I walked off to use the till and he started shouting "I'VE WON THE POOLS!" to a basket of salt-and-vinegar crisps, and explaining to them in great detail how he was going to collect his prize. Then he told the fag machine the same thing. Then he waltzed out the door with a manically happy expression on his face.
According to the landlady he's done that every day for the past 8 years.
(Thu 16th Sep 2004, 16:00, More)
Pools
Where I'm a barmaid, every day this guy bursts in the door and shouts "I'VE WON THE POOLS!", punching the air with his fists and grinning manically.
It dawned on me that he wasn't all there when I walked off to use the till and he started shouting "I'VE WON THE POOLS!" to a basket of salt-and-vinegar crisps, and explaining to them in great detail how he was going to collect his prize. Then he told the fag machine the same thing. Then he waltzed out the door with a manically happy expression on his face.
According to the landlady he's done that every day for the past 8 years.
(Thu 16th Sep 2004, 16:00, More)
» Evidence that you're getting old
Comfortable shoes
I found myself telling a friend in a shoe shop the other day,
"ah no, you want to buy the size above that, there's nothing worse than badly-fitting shoes. Comfort, that's what you want, not the way they look."
And this from someone who once spent an entire week's wages on a pair of 6-inch platform suede boots. Scary, that's what it is.
(Mon 1st Nov 2004, 12:52, More)
Comfortable shoes
I found myself telling a friend in a shoe shop the other day,
"ah no, you want to buy the size above that, there's nothing worse than badly-fitting shoes. Comfort, that's what you want, not the way they look."
And this from someone who once spent an entire week's wages on a pair of 6-inch platform suede boots. Scary, that's what it is.
(Mon 1st Nov 2004, 12:52, More)