» Desperate Times

Shagged a guy with one testicle
... who cried after sex.
About only having one testicle.
(Sat 17th Nov 2007, 16:46, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Made myself into a rubbish vampire
Aged eleven I convinced my Mum I was unwell so I was given the day off school and packed off to my grandma's, along with my little bro who always said he was ill if I was.
My Grandma wasn't very well either that day so my bro and I were tasked with walking the dog. Unfortunately 'Bonnie' didn't want to leave the house without Grandma so I told my bro to run up the street with a dog chew and call her, thus enticing her outside.
Stupidly I held on to the lead as he did this and as the dog propelled herself down the front steps and towards my bro up the road, she dragged my with her and I launched face first into the tarmac of the main road.
My brother ran inside and locked himself upstairs screaming 'BLOOD! BLOOD!' and the dog proceeded to lick my face. What I didn't know until later was that the dog had also eaten the remnants of my front teeth which were in the road around me somewhere.
My Grandma couldn't be arsed to check on me so after a few minutes of pure disbelief I crawled inside and was given some medical attention. I had to have about 10 stitches in my top lip with no anaesthetic.
The reason it is the most stupid thing I've ever done to myself is that because the nerve was so close to the edge of my teeth I couldn't have them repaired until I was 15, so I had to go through the first four years of high school looking like a rubbish vampire (they kind of broke into fangs) and being called 'Isoceles' because of the triangular gap in my teeth.
Also I now have to spend hundreds of pounds having my Porcelain veneers replaced at the dentist every 5-10 years. It's not only painful to bank balance but to my face as the dentist injects me with a massive metal syringe and then breaks the old teeth off before doing lots of drilling. Ouch.
All I'm saying is avoid falling face first kids.
(Sun 30th Dec 2007, 0:22, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

Extravagance
A friend of a friend works for 'that' very large public health organisation. She is on a very acceptable salary to say she has pretty much no qualifications or experience, she sits in the office doing nothing all day, has a company mobile and laptop, although she never leaves her desk. Well, not until 3.30pm each day which is when she leaves the office (about 2.30 on a Friday). Her boss stays at the Marriott three nights a week on expenses and apparantly earns in 1 month what I earn in one YEAR after tax. They have a full floor of fully serviced offices just for her department (these usually cost around £450-500 per DESK per MONTH).
And yet people all over the country are being denied medication because it's 'too expensive' for this so called skint organisation.
(Wed 3rd Oct 2007, 13:05, More)

» Family Holidays

An uncomfortable situation
arose on a family trip to Floria when I was about 12. The holiday had started off badly anyway as we'd got lost in the rental car on the way back from the airport in the middle of a terrible hurricane, but I think the worst thing about that holiday was when my Mum made me go to the chemist with her to buy some Canesten.

As my Mum hurriedly shoved the packet on the counter and scrabbled in her purse for the correct money the spotty 17 year old boy behind the counter decided to make the whole situation ten times worse by picking it up and exclaiming "urgh, are you a bit itchy down below?" in front of the queue that had been forming behind us.

Needless to say we made a swift exit, my Mum fire-engine red and me asking loudly "What did that man say to you? What did he mean?"
(Sun 5th Aug 2007, 17:14, More)

» That's when I knew it was over...

Namby Pamby
I knew it was over when my boyfriend began straightening his hair and started taking longer than me to get ready. I think the final straw was when he started frantically searching the web for 'heat protection' products for his hair.

I knew it was over with my other boyfriend when he told me he had been asked for a threesome with another couple, and asked if I could ring him at a certain time that night to see if he was ok. I did, and he'd run out of there because they were doing too much cocaine and had an S&M dungeon.
(Fri 22nd Jul 2005, 13:40, More)