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woo yay

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» Look! It's me in the Local Paper

molestE EASTER EGG.
Aged 7, I won a HUUGEE easter egg in a "gu3ss t3h b4l00nz 1n t3h c4r" competion.



Here I am, looking a complete retard, with a watermark over my face, stood next to a peadophilic looking Hyundai salesman.
Took me until November to eat that bastard egg. It was about 2 inches thick.
(Thu 10th Feb 2005, 16:09, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

The person who lived in our house before us
is on Holby City now. And we keep getting some of her fan mail. And we reply. It am amoosing. We got a card with a baby on in saying "Thank you for the baby clothes you sent us", then returned the card with the photo of the baby in it, but with a tip-exed cock in the babys mouth.

Such larks.
(Thu 11th Nov 2004, 21:31, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Mrs Flint.
We have a very strange RE teacher. She wears a florescent jacket. Not so that she doesn’t get run over, but because she likes bright sparkly pink and orange. She looks like the living dead, but becomes quite animated when a student leans back on his or her chair. Cries of “I’M VERY FOND OF MY CHAIRS” can be heard far off in space and punishment essays fly like blind toads in the moonlight.
There is a rather lovely pupil in our class who goes by the name of Mike. He is lovely and we love him. Inside his homework journal he wrote, "I fucked Miss Flint" because he is so lovely. Cue Miss Flint flying out of the classroom, screaming "I WILL NEVER TEACH YOU AGAIN!" and trying to get Mike expelled. Mike is lovely, though, and didn’t.
She had cancer last year and had loads of time off. When she came back, she looked skeletal, but has since gained a stomach, yet no other bodily fat, adding to her generally terrifying image. She has a habit of walking through doors leading out into the playground, walking through the doors a few feet away, then repeating the process just in case she finds somebody with an untucked shirt she can supply with detention.


We also have a fabulous headteacher called Mrs. Addison who looks like an uglier-than-normal Wendy from Wallace & Gromit.

She wears her pants around her nipples and once bragged "Me and Mr. Owen were being passionate this weekend!". She has an obsession with birds of various kinds, and always bases her assemblies around some kind of bird, for example the memorable "What can we learn from geese?" and the random Osprey assembly where our crappy IT technician broke the internet.

FUNTEIMZ.
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 21:13, More)