» Dumb things you've done

Bit Stoned
Was round my mates house for a smoking session. Got up to go home, went through my 'keys, wallet, phone' routine umpteen times - I was very wasted. Once I'd convinced my self I had all these vital items upon my person, I set off into the cold night. Stopped 100yards or so down the road and had to turn back...I'd forgotten to put my shoes on.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 16:28, More)

» Fire!

I was sat outside my house
with Neil Smith and Richard Brown when the Garage door blew off its hinges and bent over the rear of our car. Neil Smith ran away, cheeky bugger, he was a ginger though. I ran into the house and made sure the dog got out, yeah that’s right: screw my family, Samson the Alsatian ruled!
We all stood outside and watched as crates of WD40 cans exploded for all they were worth, my dad used to sell em to businesses in the area and had just bought in a shed load wholesale. It took 3 fire engines about 3 hours to bring the garage under control. Scary thing was, the gas mains ran through the garage, another few minutes and the whole street was a gonna! My sister cried, I (being only 11) thought it was great. There were cans of WD40 embedded in the ceiling so deep, they were sticking out of the floor above! All my dads stock was melted, which was fortunate for him as a few weeks earlier he had moaned about all the crap he had in the garage and would never sell…hmmm! It made the local rag and I had the chance to excuse my lack of home work in maths the next day with: ‘my house blew up sir’ He didn’t believe me, I hated Mr Smith.
(Thu 3rd Nov 2005, 10:35, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

Pretentious wank I saw at college
includes:

1. Woman gets best friends to dress up in monkey masks, films them naked and rolling around on cardboard.

2. MA student dons a pair of wellies and thick rimmed glasses. Sits in the corridor for three days talking into a FisherPrice cassette recorder about her childhood memories!

3. An electric guitar left on the stairs with a fan blowing on the strings.

4. Girl who carefully painted over glossy magazines, I mean she just reproduced the pics and articles in oil paint!

5. Countless self-portrait, photography and body piercing ventures. Models were never actually fit.

6. A Tracy Emin lecture….

I’m sure there’s more, I’m getting wound up just thinking about it!
(Wed 28th Sep 2005, 16:28, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

If you live in Norwich
You'll know of Howlbackhum, or maybe you're in Howlbackhum. Quite possibly the most pretentious waste of the soudwaves I could possibly imagine. Last week I checked out the local art centre bar, really shit music on - guess who it was!!!!

Their stuff is just above child molestation, if you ask me.
(Wed 28th Sep 2005, 16:14, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Was making my way home
after a particularly drunken night out, most of which was spent arguing with my then girlfriend. I seem to remember a lot of nights were spent drunk with her and nearly all of them ended in verbal warfare. Whilst heading home, pondering the meaning of all this, I crossed over the inner ring road, it was late hence no traffic. Someone had scrawled on the subway wall beneath me the most profound graffiti I’ve ever seen, it said:
‘have I lost my head or found my heart?’
I concurred with the former sentiment, broke up with her the next day and have been a shed load happier ever since…
(Tue 8th May 2007, 13:34, More)