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» School Sports Day

Swimming Sports Day
Having passed his eighteenth summer, my friend Matt felt that he could damn well decide to do with his afternoon; as opposed to attending the mandatory Swimming Sports Day.

Turned up next day with excuse note in hand. "Matthias did not attend Swimming Sports Day because Matthias did not feel like it. Signed: Matthias".

So it turns out you're not allowed to write your own excuse notes, even if you're legally entitled to vote and drink beer. Who would have thought.
(Sat 1st Apr 2006, 3:20, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Chemistry
Our evil, hyper, bald, ex-army chemistry teacher always found an interesting way to present the subject at hand.

Picture a class of twenty students watching in disbelief as the science of electroplating is demonstrated.

On a goldfish in a bowl, projected on a large overhead viewing screen.

'Copperfish' he called it.
(Sun 13th Nov 2005, 6:54, More)

» Why I was late

Got run over by The Queen (nearly)
Having manouvered my bike through several lanes of traffic I've now reached the centre of the Mall and am feeling super nimble. As I near the pedestrian crossing, two police on motorcycles roar past my left with lights going. They zoom around the Victoria Monument in front of Buck Palace and stop directly ahead of me.

Now being at the centre of the Mall, I need to use this crossing. I hop off and wait, as do the cops.

After a while I get bored of waiting. The traffic's all stopped on the other side of the monument, but no vehicles can be seen exiting the palace. I put my foot to the pedal, intending to make my move.

DON'T YOU F*CKING MOVE. LOOK! yells the nearest cop, pointing directly at me. At least I think he is pointing at me.

He is actually pointing at the very shiny, very expensive looking car being driven at speed on THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD. Sitting bolt upright in the back is a monarch, her expression registering some concern.

I mean, what the hell was she thinking?
(Fri 29th Jun 2007, 18:13, More)