» Bullshit and Bullshitters

How do I avoid coming off like a patronising know it all twat?
I can't stand bullshitters and my GF is not really one for tall tales, however without knowing it she can see what she wants to see in a story. For example we are both football nerds and I bought her a nice book for Christmas regarding the subject. When she told me that one of the candidates that the Hartlepool monkey beat for the position of Hartlepool mayor was Peter Mandelson I informed her it was no doubt horseshit and after reading the text for myself found out he was just merely in attendance.

She also is one too quickly develop opinions upon extremely limited evidence as most of us are but then in her mind it will become verbatim no matter what she's presented with and when she tells me one which I know doesn't have very solid grounding I really don't know what to say...

So anyway point is when she tells me "facts" she's heard from a friend or something to do with so and so, if it has any implausibility, I can't help but voice my suspicion and find out the truth. Sometimes I'm presented with evidence that what I have heard is bollocks but sometimes it turns out she was bang on right!

So today after trawling the internet and presenting evidence on why she was talking rubbish in what I thought was a healthy debate. (Today's one was that apparently Marco Fu and Ding Junhui are both crap snooker players cos they are the worst in the game at safety shots, despite them winning multiple tournaments between them and contesting the final of what is either the 2nd or 3rd most prestigious snooker tournament in the world. Yes were nerds, but that are mostly more normal world inclusive!!!) She turned to me visibly upset and told me I was a right patronizing dickhead sometimes. It was then i became the bullshitter by claiming that I wasn't but I knew she had outed me to myself about the cunt I was being.

I love my girlfriend, she is for the main part, one amazing girl and I have a vast number of faults that are off topic that she puts up with, but our personalities clash on occasion. When she is right about such things I hold my hands up and admit she was being all truthful and normally think that's the end, neglecting the fact that I've looked something up just to see if she was telling porkies.

Can anybody answer my question in a way and hand me advice that would keep both our egos in check?
(Mon 17th Jan 2011, 3:28, More)

» Famous people I hate

Stephen Fry
I don't really hate Stephen Fry. In fact i think he's pretty good at the old acting lark and he entertained me greatly in Blackadder, what i fucking hate is the praise lavished on the cunt. I'm sick and fucking tired of everyone telling me that this guy is a national treasure, what the fuck for? The man answered a few questions on university challenge, wrote what was on occasion, a mildly amusing sketch show and a few books that if some people had there way would be up for the fucking nobel and hosts a pretentious quiz show. Plus he tweets about inane matter that you take the piss out of your 12 year old cousin for posting online. NO ONE GIVES A FUCK..well they fucking shouldn't. One of my housemates told me that Stephen Fry has "The greatest brain in Britain" If the greatest brain in Britain belongs to a fucking pseudo Oscar Wilde who does nothing all day but tweet what he's having for dinner then we as a nation are beyond fooked. Fucking Stephen Fry and his fucking ars-licking fans
(Fri 5th Feb 2010, 12:14, More)

» Good Advice

I like this one
"If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." I swear i've heard it worded differently, i think on a live version of the Atmosphere tune "Bird sings why the caged i know" but this is a direct quote from DMX. Insightful stuff from a man who later remarked "I've got blood on my hands and there's no remorse, I've got blood on my dick cos i fucked the corpse". What are these rappers like hey?
(Wed 26th May 2010, 5:18, More)

» Family Feuds

Me and My Cousin
My Dads side of the family are all Essex boys and gals while i am a northern monkey so i rarely get too see them but when I do it is normally in the form of a big family piss up and it's a beautiful thing. My Dad is sort of the black sheep of the family, he doesn't drink a lot and is not too fond of the whole social get togethers so when him, my mother and my little brother pissed off back to my nans on the last do, Me, my sister, my cousin Tom and his friend headed over back to My cousins Ben and Katie's house with them and her boyfriend, to indulge in some post do ring of fire.

I love my cousin Ben, two years younger than me but a helluva lot bigger, a stereotypical cheeky Essex boy but he does have shall we say undesirable personality traits as do we all, however after everyone started becoming to pissed and my little cousin Tom threw up a little, Ben, me and Kate started cleaning up the house in preparation for his dads return which i found very surprising as the boy can be a bit of a cunt to his dad.

Anyway me and him ended up some how having a little play fight and i ended up on the floor holding his legs with my eyes shut. "Matt if you don't get off my legs after 5 i'm going to punch you in the face." I thought this to be a slight over reaction so wouldn't let him off the hook in what i thought was some harmless drunk "Who's dick is bigger" "1,2,3,4,5" SMACK!!!!! The fucking cunt landed a shot full fucking throttle to my fucking face. Hurt and Stinging my initial drunk knee jerk reaction was this wanker has got to pay. Got up and tried to smack him in his bollocks, missed completely and tried to land a blow of my own to the face and by now all the young uns (19 & 16x4) were trying to separate there older and apparently more wiser siblings and cousins. I caught up to the cunt grabbed his face and slammed it into a table, his little sister getting in the way of my intoxicated self and having to be rescued by her b.f. The next thing i remember is being on the sofa and the cunt got out the kitchen knives and seemed to be heading towards me as my sister got in the way and stopped him. I ran outside followed by my sister who proceeded to call me "crazy" (I have previous of being an absolute fucking tool when i abuse alcohol) Fucking hell! He had hit me in the face over nothing and tried to cut me up and i was the crazy one!!!! I told her to fuck off. Next thing i remember is my cousin Kate (Ben's sister) and her B.F calming me down and getting me in. They were fucking rocks throughout, i had never really spoke to Kate before as she had been very quiet until recently and i was expecting the worse when i heard she had a guy, but these two young people had managed to hold things together and calm a situation down between a 22 year old and 20 year old with ample maturity that we two cunts lacked.

I got inside and Ben came over, trying to say something i didn't know this at the time but apparently he had been outside beating himself. When he reached me I proceeded to tell him "hit me in the face your a cunt but getting knives and holding them to my sister and your fucking dead to me! Me and you are through!" He treaded off upstairs as my cousin Tom who had taken the whole incident quite badly, pleaded with me to make amends in tears telling us how much he loved us. Ben's dad arrived a few minutes later. I told him what had happened and the sorted geezer he is he stated that we should keep all things in house.

Of course after he trod down in his vomit soaked hoodie in the morning,we forgave each other. You've got too, life's too short and my family mean the world to me and i love them to bits. It has now been dubbed "The night we do not talk about" by Ben and although we haven't seen each other since i can't wait too hook up with him again! Alcohol hey, really does have a knack of bringing out the inner prick sometimes.

Oh and back in the day, i once killed a cousin from the other side of the family's cyber pet on Christmas day by disciplining the shit out of it. He proceeded by trying to kill me! Hands around the neck full on strangulation until he was dragged away. Again Boxing day we agreed to let bygones be bygones!
(Wed 18th Nov 2009, 11:17, More)