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- a member for 16 years, 10 months and 30 days
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» * PFFT *
Curry and beer
To set the scene I work in a 55,000sqft electrical retail store. On a heavy night out I had consumed large amounts of lager then followed it up with a hefty vindaloo with all the trimmings.
The next day I had a really bad arse, I kept farting all the time and they stank really bad. To try and disguise who was making the smell I tried the patting and shaking the trousers trick to avoid leaving a trail. In one trip from one side of the building I managed 11 farts synchronised with my foot steps, much to my amusement.
The smell in the store became so bad people were complaining. I managed to convince my manager and a few colleagues that the aircon was blowing out the rancid stench, perhaps something had died in the ventilation system.
My arse was sooooo bad they believed me. I had to stop them calling in the engineers by admitting it was me. At first they did not believe me so I let one go in the warehouse, a real beauty with the consistency of tear gas. One of the managers called it a fire hazard and made me open the doors to shift it.
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 19:34, More)
Curry and beer
To set the scene I work in a 55,000sqft electrical retail store. On a heavy night out I had consumed large amounts of lager then followed it up with a hefty vindaloo with all the trimmings.
The next day I had a really bad arse, I kept farting all the time and they stank really bad. To try and disguise who was making the smell I tried the patting and shaking the trousers trick to avoid leaving a trail. In one trip from one side of the building I managed 11 farts synchronised with my foot steps, much to my amusement.
The smell in the store became so bad people were complaining. I managed to convince my manager and a few colleagues that the aircon was blowing out the rancid stench, perhaps something had died in the ventilation system.
My arse was sooooo bad they believed me. I had to stop them calling in the engineers by admitting it was me. At first they did not believe me so I let one go in the warehouse, a real beauty with the consistency of tear gas. One of the managers called it a fire hazard and made me open the doors to shift it.
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 19:34, More)
» Why should you be fired from your job?
Naughty Me
When I was at uni I worked part time in a large supermarket, which was run by idiots like a prison camp so we had to amuse ourselves with what we could get our hands on. Here is a few of our pearls of wisdom:
Making pen holders from fish heads.
making explosive devices from pineapple juice and sterident tablets.
Lobster racing.
Cutting the bands of their claws so they were dangerous to handle.
Putting whole live crabs and lobsters in the cockroach traps for the bug bloke to find.
Getting a supervisor the sack after binning most of the department.
Inventing new reasons for throwing stuff away, E.G Flame grapes, Flame gone out (thanks Mr C)
Hiding various root vegetables for months, to find out which smelt the worst (swede).
Hitting coworkers with a large Salmon.
Sticking lettuce leaves to the bosses BMW with oxtail soup on a winters day.
Creating monuments to student opression from various food groups.
and finally cooking dohnuts without topping up the oil which caused the fire alarm to go off and 4 fire engines to arrive.Ooops.
I never got the sack.
(Fri 10th Aug 2007, 19:31, More)
Naughty Me
When I was at uni I worked part time in a large supermarket, which was run by idiots like a prison camp so we had to amuse ourselves with what we could get our hands on. Here is a few of our pearls of wisdom:
Making pen holders from fish heads.
making explosive devices from pineapple juice and sterident tablets.
Lobster racing.
Cutting the bands of their claws so they were dangerous to handle.
Putting whole live crabs and lobsters in the cockroach traps for the bug bloke to find.
Getting a supervisor the sack after binning most of the department.
Inventing new reasons for throwing stuff away, E.G Flame grapes, Flame gone out (thanks Mr C)
Hiding various root vegetables for months, to find out which smelt the worst (swede).
Hitting coworkers with a large Salmon.
Sticking lettuce leaves to the bosses BMW with oxtail soup on a winters day.
Creating monuments to student opression from various food groups.
and finally cooking dohnuts without topping up the oil which caused the fire alarm to go off and 4 fire engines to arrive.Ooops.
I never got the sack.
(Fri 10th Aug 2007, 19:31, More)