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- a member for 16 years, 3 months and 4 days
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- has posted 6 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
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» My sex misconceptions
Dual pipe
I have a vague memory of me, at ten years old, telling all my mates that in the male anatomy there was one tube for piss and another for jizz. I thought this was the natural order of things, until I mentioned it rather boldly in my biology class once, much to Mr. Smith's amusement.
I did however regain some cred when in another sex ed lesson I correctly identified the clitoris in a massive diagram of a tuna canoe on the OHP. That got me some respect I can tell you.
(Fri 26th Sep 2008, 15:02, More)
Dual pipe
I have a vague memory of me, at ten years old, telling all my mates that in the male anatomy there was one tube for piss and another for jizz. I thought this was the natural order of things, until I mentioned it rather boldly in my biology class once, much to Mr. Smith's amusement.
I did however regain some cred when in another sex ed lesson I correctly identified the clitoris in a massive diagram of a tuna canoe on the OHP. That got me some respect I can tell you.
(Fri 26th Sep 2008, 15:02, More)
» Amazing displays of ignorance
Lifted
I used to work in Surrey Uni bar as a cellarman. It was a good job, I used to get paid to drink beer and smoke fags with the duty manager. Now and then I had to shift barrels of beer around, and they had this lift which went from the lower bar to the upper bar, to assist with this task.
I called down to the lower bar one day and asked the girl who answered to send the lift, and she replied "where to?". I asked if she could send it to Wates House, a bar on the other side of campus, only for her to realise finally that the lift had only one button, which was labelled 'UP'.
(Thu 18th Mar 2010, 20:35, More)
Lifted
I used to work in Surrey Uni bar as a cellarman. It was a good job, I used to get paid to drink beer and smoke fags with the duty manager. Now and then I had to shift barrels of beer around, and they had this lift which went from the lower bar to the upper bar, to assist with this task.
I called down to the lower bar one day and asked the girl who answered to send the lift, and she replied "where to?". I asked if she could send it to Wates House, a bar on the other side of campus, only for her to realise finally that the lift had only one button, which was labelled 'UP'.
(Thu 18th Mar 2010, 20:35, More)
» Expensive Weekends
Marriage
The most expensive weekend I ever had was my wedding. Basically a mass piss-up, with free booze, food and disco: £8000.
One of my mates turned up 10 minutes before the ceremony - he'd forgotten and was reminded by a phone call, leaving a half-done plumbing job to get there. So not only did he get fed and pissed for free, he also managed to wang accomodation on someone's hotel room floor and get a free breakfast in the morning: the cheapest weekend he ever had.
(Fri 14th May 2010, 13:25, More)
Marriage
The most expensive weekend I ever had was my wedding. Basically a mass piss-up, with free booze, food and disco: £8000.
One of my mates turned up 10 minutes before the ceremony - he'd forgotten and was reminded by a phone call, leaving a half-done plumbing job to get there. So not only did he get fed and pissed for free, he also managed to wang accomodation on someone's hotel room floor and get a free breakfast in the morning: the cheapest weekend he ever had.
(Fri 14th May 2010, 13:25, More)
» Annoying words and phrases
pretentious management talk
close of play
touch base
on the same page/singing from the same sheet
forward planning (just planning, right?)
mission critical (is it, really?)
thinking outside the box
pushing the envelope
bleeding edge
(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 15:18, More)
pretentious management talk
close of play
touch base
on the same page/singing from the same sheet
forward planning (just planning, right?)
mission critical (is it, really?)
thinking outside the box
pushing the envelope
bleeding edge
(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 15:18, More)
» PE Lessons
Brown Pellet Hampered Swimming Trip
I have never been able to face swimming again, ever since a school swimming trip to the local council pool went awry.
While in the varucca-infested damp changing room putting on trunks in the most embarassed manner possible, a teacher leaned in to the doorway and a sudden expression of horror appeared on her face.
'EVERYONE OUT!' she screamed, and we soon realised that we wouldn't be swimming that day, as one traveller boy in our party had decided to curl out a small pebble of shit onto the floor before pulling up his trunks.
(Fri 20th Nov 2009, 16:20, More)
Brown Pellet Hampered Swimming Trip
I have never been able to face swimming again, ever since a school swimming trip to the local council pool went awry.
While in the varucca-infested damp changing room putting on trunks in the most embarassed manner possible, a teacher leaned in to the doorway and a sudden expression of horror appeared on her face.
'EVERYONE OUT!' she screamed, and we soon realised that we wouldn't be swimming that day, as one traveller boy in our party had decided to curl out a small pebble of shit onto the floor before pulling up his trunks.
(Fri 20th Nov 2009, 16:20, More)