» Common

Use your lungs.
I'm deaf, which means I can't hear but I can damn well use my mind. I use American Sign Language and it pisses me off when other deaf people fingerspell "LOL" out rather than actually laugh.

I'll chop your hands off, puree them, and feed your babies your hands, fucktards. You'll see me laughing.
(Tue 21st Oct 2008, 23:46, More)

» Eccentrics

Hollowed out like a pumpkin eh
My mum had a hysterectomy, where docs scoop her girly insides out, several years ago. she was still all groggy and high when she woke up to me sitting at her side like a good son.

she said, "You breathe like a fuckin' cat."

Excuuuuuuuse me.
(Fri 31st Oct 2008, 18:10, More)

» School Days

i can has poop?
in middle school I had a teacher who was paralyzed waist-below, so he toted around in a wheelchair. One day I asked him how he peed and pooped.

we went out in the hall to talk in private. he described his bodily functions to me in a graphic manner, tube and shitbag and his wife assisting and all. um wow. I went back to my desk and resumed working. he slowly wheeled up to my desk, leaned in, and said "But my dick works during sex just as good."

never forgotten.
(Fri 30th Jan 2009, 3:28, More)

» Siblings

A half sister, a whole bitch.
She's five years older than me and she has the perfect life. Naturally, as the deaf little brother, I'm dwarfed in her shadows as the college boy who drinks himself silly and has sex with men 20 years older...

But anyhoo, I do love my sister. We have different daddies and she always told me that mine was an asshole compared to her godlike father (who had one leg)

and when I was 12 and reading her stephen king book, I asked her what a tampon was. She went into a very detailed, meticulous monologue on what a tampon was -- in sign language. I still think my sister contributed to my homosexuality.

and during a heated game of monopoly, I got tired of her accusing me of cheating, so I did what any sweet-natured little brother did. I took the monopoly box and slapped her with it.

Nine years, we haven't touched a board game. Never have, never will. I also tell her to eat beans and have sex in the missionary position when she is trying to get pregnant (second niece on the way!)

I love you, sissy.
(Mon 5th Jan 2009, 17:45, More)

» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

closer to my mom's age
-- than he was to mine. Still, in a drunken stupor and the flashing lights, he was gorgeous. I'd just gotten out of the mashed crowd of drunk gays who jabbed their elbows into my very short girl friend (not girlfriend) we stood outside, looking sad as can be. Every guy I'd dubbed hot was paired up, and the alcohol was making me depressed. She and I were about to leave, when this guy caught my eye.

We danced, made out heavy and hot, and he took me outside. We practically ran to his apartment and had hours upon hours UPON hours of hot buttsecks. Upon waking up in his arms, I went to ask for his name.

A week later, I was back later for more shagging. I asked for his age -- I was a 21 year old college student. He gave me his ID. Holy mother of God, 41 years old? I proceeded to text my mother, sought her approval. Seems ok with it, she was, so I went back to having sex with my newly found sugar daddy.

We've been "together" for three months now. I'm going there tonight to give him a blowjob and to receive my monthly allowance!
(Tue 9th Dec 2008, 14:55, More)