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» Housemates
The most eventful house in the world
I used to share a great student house with more or less every drop-out or reject from the local community when I was at Uni. It wasn't even my house. I was just one of the people who used it incessantly as a place to score weed, get drunk before a night out or whatever. Luckliy my girlfriend at the time lived there so it was OK. The place was rented by a bunch of heavy-partying art students who rarely allowed a weekend to slip by without having all their punk mates over for a cider session.
The place was ace, but after a year or so it just started getting surreal, for example; the kid who lived in the house opposite got dragged out by the police after killing his girlfriend and stuffing her in a freezer. One day a crowd of German punks turned up at the door (led by the intimidating but incredibly friendly tattoo-headed Sven) and stayed for about six months sleeping on the floor. At some point the neighbour got fed up with the noise and put a hosepipe through an open window when we were out and flooded someones bedroom.
Another day we were chilling in the garden, mocking the police helicopter buzzing overhead, then before we knew it police dogs, meat wagons, the whole lot surrounded us, the chopper hovering over the garden and shouty burly coppers telling us not to run. Nothing was further from our minds as we were worried they'd search the house more than anything else. Luckily it was just a case of mistaken identity, but all very odd.
One morning we woke up to go to a student fees protest in London, and found an unconcious random Italian girl on the sofa. no one knew where she came from. And there were dozens of bunches of flowers all along the garden wall. Our friend Roo said someone had died on the street in the night. We were well freaked out but went on our way nonetheless. Only a week or so later did he confess that whilst pilled up the night before he'd robbed a Spar of their flowers and put them along the wall!
There are too many other tales of that house to tell here. Needless to say it was more of a fucking education than four years at Uni!
(Sat 28th Feb 2009, 17:58, More)
The most eventful house in the world
I used to share a great student house with more or less every drop-out or reject from the local community when I was at Uni. It wasn't even my house. I was just one of the people who used it incessantly as a place to score weed, get drunk before a night out or whatever. Luckliy my girlfriend at the time lived there so it was OK. The place was rented by a bunch of heavy-partying art students who rarely allowed a weekend to slip by without having all their punk mates over for a cider session.
The place was ace, but after a year or so it just started getting surreal, for example; the kid who lived in the house opposite got dragged out by the police after killing his girlfriend and stuffing her in a freezer. One day a crowd of German punks turned up at the door (led by the intimidating but incredibly friendly tattoo-headed Sven) and stayed for about six months sleeping on the floor. At some point the neighbour got fed up with the noise and put a hosepipe through an open window when we were out and flooded someones bedroom.
Another day we were chilling in the garden, mocking the police helicopter buzzing overhead, then before we knew it police dogs, meat wagons, the whole lot surrounded us, the chopper hovering over the garden and shouty burly coppers telling us not to run. Nothing was further from our minds as we were worried they'd search the house more than anything else. Luckily it was just a case of mistaken identity, but all very odd.
One morning we woke up to go to a student fees protest in London, and found an unconcious random Italian girl on the sofa. no one knew where she came from. And there were dozens of bunches of flowers all along the garden wall. Our friend Roo said someone had died on the street in the night. We were well freaked out but went on our way nonetheless. Only a week or so later did he confess that whilst pilled up the night before he'd robbed a Spar of their flowers and put them along the wall!
There are too many other tales of that house to tell here. Needless to say it was more of a fucking education than four years at Uni!
(Sat 28th Feb 2009, 17:58, More)
» Shit Claims to Fame II
Missed out on meeting Tom Hanks cos I was on my way to get ice cream
I used to work in a tiny camera shop in Bournemouth. One winters day I was in there, and it was stupidly hot in the shop so I decided I wanted ice cream. On my way out the shop I stopped to ask some bloke in a blue baseball cap if he needed any help looking at the camera bags and he mumbled something to the effect of 'No.' so I cheerily said, 'No worries, I'm off for ice cream, see those other guys at the end of the shop if you need anything.' 5 minutes later I got back and the other guys were chuckling to themselves, apparently that was Tom Hanks who looked at me a bit weird after because it was about 2degree outside.
In case you're wondering why a top Hollywood celeb would be in Bournemouth of all places around Christmas time, the rumour was that his sister is married to a Bournemouth copper so he visits at Christmas sometimes. Could be complete BS, but who knows.
(Tue 25th Sep 2012, 15:27, More)
Missed out on meeting Tom Hanks cos I was on my way to get ice cream
I used to work in a tiny camera shop in Bournemouth. One winters day I was in there, and it was stupidly hot in the shop so I decided I wanted ice cream. On my way out the shop I stopped to ask some bloke in a blue baseball cap if he needed any help looking at the camera bags and he mumbled something to the effect of 'No.' so I cheerily said, 'No worries, I'm off for ice cream, see those other guys at the end of the shop if you need anything.' 5 minutes later I got back and the other guys were chuckling to themselves, apparently that was Tom Hanks who looked at me a bit weird after because it was about 2degree outside.
In case you're wondering why a top Hollywood celeb would be in Bournemouth of all places around Christmas time, the rumour was that his sister is married to a Bournemouth copper so he visits at Christmas sometimes. Could be complete BS, but who knows.
(Tue 25th Sep 2012, 15:27, More)
» School Days
School bully wanker
I'll never forget the day the school's dimwitted bully got busted having a fine knuckle shuffle under the desk in English class.
Later that day I couldn't resist the urge to call him a massive wanker. Right to his face. He promptly had me in a headlock, having a right go about it. But then I calmly pointed out to him that he was, indeed, a wanker, having been caught in the act in class. He let me go, and duly had to agree, that I wasn't so much calling him names, as making an observation. Incredible how easy it is to talk yourself out of trouble when faced with a dunce of a bully.
___
The other funniest thing that happened at our school, is still shrouded in a bit of mystery. A kid called K was the son of one of the teachers. He was at a house party, where everyone was very, very drunk. One guy was passed out in the living room, and everyone else went into the garden. K stayed behind with the unconcious bloke, and proceeded to undo the guys trousers, pull down his pants, and start felating said unconcious bloke. The rest of the revellers returned to the living room to find the disturbing scene, and awoke unconcious bloke.
K came into school the next week with both his arms in plaster casts and supports. Apparently he broke them during gymnastics practise...I'll let you decide if that's the truth.
(Wed 4th Feb 2009, 17:59, More)
School bully wanker
I'll never forget the day the school's dimwitted bully got busted having a fine knuckle shuffle under the desk in English class.
Later that day I couldn't resist the urge to call him a massive wanker. Right to his face. He promptly had me in a headlock, having a right go about it. But then I calmly pointed out to him that he was, indeed, a wanker, having been caught in the act in class. He let me go, and duly had to agree, that I wasn't so much calling him names, as making an observation. Incredible how easy it is to talk yourself out of trouble when faced with a dunce of a bully.
___
The other funniest thing that happened at our school, is still shrouded in a bit of mystery. A kid called K was the son of one of the teachers. He was at a house party, where everyone was very, very drunk. One guy was passed out in the living room, and everyone else went into the garden. K stayed behind with the unconcious bloke, and proceeded to undo the guys trousers, pull down his pants, and start felating said unconcious bloke. The rest of the revellers returned to the living room to find the disturbing scene, and awoke unconcious bloke.
K came into school the next week with both his arms in plaster casts and supports. Apparently he broke them during gymnastics practise...I'll let you decide if that's the truth.
(Wed 4th Feb 2009, 17:59, More)
» Things we do to fit in
Embarassing pot-related incident.
When I was at school I was desperately uncool. One weekend while away on a Scout camp (yeah that probably didn't help) some of the cool kids were there and they offered my a joint. Thinking that having a toke would immediately boost my social standards and win a few friends I smoked a bit.
Despite not really feeling the effects, I joined in, cocking around in the woods pretending I was high.
The next Monday back at school, it was revealed, in front of a lot of people, that I'd been duped into smoking nothing more than tobacco mixed with some tea.
Despite taking the joke as best I could, spending the next three years being asked if I liked tea, or would like a cup of tea, or wanted to buy some [sniff, snigger, sideways glance] 'tea' in a little bag, was pretty shit. Needless to say it didn't help me fit in.
(Thu 15th Jan 2009, 13:57, More)
Embarassing pot-related incident.
When I was at school I was desperately uncool. One weekend while away on a Scout camp (yeah that probably didn't help) some of the cool kids were there and they offered my a joint. Thinking that having a toke would immediately boost my social standards and win a few friends I smoked a bit.
Despite not really feeling the effects, I joined in, cocking around in the woods pretending I was high.
The next Monday back at school, it was revealed, in front of a lot of people, that I'd been duped into smoking nothing more than tobacco mixed with some tea.
Despite taking the joke as best I could, spending the next three years being asked if I liked tea, or would like a cup of tea, or wanted to buy some [sniff, snigger, sideways glance] 'tea' in a little bag, was pretty shit. Needless to say it didn't help me fit in.
(Thu 15th Jan 2009, 13:57, More)
» School Days
Next door to a 'mental' school
I had a pretty decent secondary school, in a fairly nice, quiet suburb. But it wasn't short of it's interesting moments:
- like being chased out of the grounds by the kids from the 'special' school which was right next door. It joined onto the end of our car park, god knows why they put it there, but all the kids were proper loons. The headmaster of the shit hole was once quoted as saying in the local paper that working there was more nerve racking than when he'd been on a nuclear-sub in the Navy during the cold war. Luckily the weirdo's had some sort of supernatural fear of going past a nearby bus shelter, so as long as you got there before them, you were OK.
- I'll also never forget the girl who sat behind me in science, who got so nervous during a test one morning, she pissed all over the stool she was sat on, and all over the floor around her. Can you imagine the onslaught of bullying she received?! She also threw up corn pops in a maths test once. I've no idea how she ever got through her GCSE's!
- how many other people here burned their names into the desks in science? I just wonder, because it seems to me now, 10 years later, tha acts of vandalism are probably best if you don't sign them.
(Mon 2nd Feb 2009, 12:02, More)
Next door to a 'mental' school
I had a pretty decent secondary school, in a fairly nice, quiet suburb. But it wasn't short of it's interesting moments:
- like being chased out of the grounds by the kids from the 'special' school which was right next door. It joined onto the end of our car park, god knows why they put it there, but all the kids were proper loons. The headmaster of the shit hole was once quoted as saying in the local paper that working there was more nerve racking than when he'd been on a nuclear-sub in the Navy during the cold war. Luckily the weirdo's had some sort of supernatural fear of going past a nearby bus shelter, so as long as you got there before them, you were OK.
- I'll also never forget the girl who sat behind me in science, who got so nervous during a test one morning, she pissed all over the stool she was sat on, and all over the floor around her. Can you imagine the onslaught of bullying she received?! She also threw up corn pops in a maths test once. I've no idea how she ever got through her GCSE's!
- how many other people here burned their names into the desks in science? I just wonder, because it seems to me now, 10 years later, tha acts of vandalism are probably best if you don't sign them.
(Mon 2nd Feb 2009, 12:02, More)