» School Days

Humpy Kids
Howdy. Long time lurker, first time poster, so be nice (and apologies for ensuing length/girth)...

Anyway, I took part in something called the student associates scheme last year. This boils down to working in a high school for three weeks and teaching your uni subject - in my case physics - to all the evil little shits that attend.

I have many terrible stories about this 3 week patch but here's the one I think is the best:

From after about the first week I am given the job of taking the kids for regestration. This is good because it gives me a chance to get to know them and have some practice at crowd control while they're all still lethargic and sleepy.

Pretty much every morning runs the same way; I stand at the front all sleepy with my coffee, wait for everyone to get in and then take the register and wander round having a chat. Ocasionally I yell at someone for being late/chewing gum/being a dick and so on.

This goes on for all 3 weeks until my penultimate day in school. As usual I stand looking hungover with my coffee. Everyone gets in, bar the usual few late kids. I am in the middle of taking the register when the door slams open. One of the lasses comes running in, hands on arse, stage whispering "Fuck off, fuck off you twat". Behind her comes one of the lads from the class. He comes jumping in, giving a good solid hump in mid air for every jump, and continues chasing her until he's stood in the middle of the class. He is holding the *biggest* dildo I have ever seen pressed against his nuts. It's about 2 feet long. I realise this about the same time he realises I'm stood there.

He stops air humping, slowly turning to face me in abject terror, his humping hip motion slowly dying off. There is a bit of calm while I try not to piss myself laughing, then "Come here, you little...". The little bastard dives under a table while I'm lumbering over to him and stuffs the dildo into his little drawstring bag so by the time I collar him he's going "What sir, dunno what you're on about, dint do shit", the picture of injured innocence. With a pink knob poking out the top of his bag.

I guess the worst bit is that I really didn't know what the fuck to do with him. It was a bit disruptive, but essentially a victimless crime. And I sure as hell didn't want to touch the dildo (mums? sisters? nasty shit). I eventually settled for getting him to stuff it in a draw in the office and never mentioning it again.

I think it must still be there.
(Wed 4th Feb 2009, 15:09, More)