» B3TA fixes the world

Scummy Mummies et al
Ladies of a dubious nature ,23 stone swamp donkeys wearing pink velour track suits ala jordan and £3 imitation Ugg boots with earings as big as bike wheels who let their spawn stand in shopping trollies what have they been walkin in previously People put food in them you know? WTF.Enormousley pregnant half wit mouthbreathing LADIES who walk though town with a top that stops way above the bump and show the world with great pride LOOK AT ME I HAVE HAD SEX a great distended blue veined mass complete with stretchmarks and the compulsory bellybutton adornment.Tramp stamps on show ,the fatter the bitch is the smaller the tattoo is Tinkerbell on the base of the spine of a trainee Sumo is not cannot and never will be deemed to be sexy .Pretentious names for their ofspring that is then indelibly stamped on the back of their dirt ingrained neck ,same spawn are destined to a life where they probably will not need a special name as they will most likely end up as a number in the Scrubs . After all this with the names thing Scummy Mummys give the brats special pet names as they talk to them like ----- F#####g dickhead C### You little Bastard which may be cos mummy is a single parent not to sure but as a term of endearment it is dubious to say the least .Poor little mites the first word that they utter is probably Macdonalds .Cafe owners on Facefook whos every meal is chippy ,macdonald , or pizza yet spend hours a day running THE CAFE ,Facefook Farmers who have 20 /30 hours a wekk toiling on the farm and have been signing on for ten years.On the other side off the spectrum but just as bad are sweet looking young things who upon opening their mouths would shock a docker ,using the moby and talking so every one for 20 yards can here one young thing the other day was telling her mate or it may have been her mum who knows? about blowing out the present BF because he would only do her up the wrong un when she really only wantd a good old fashioned shagging,this in the middle of Tesco,s WTF .How to fix this sterilization as standard at 11 like the 11 plus you had to take for people with an IQ of less than say 120 castration for the boys of course ,and by law all supermarket should have a chav beater on the door at all times .
(Mon 26th Sep 2011, 16:35, More)

» Losing it

Losing It
You really are getting bad when you

Get in the passenger side of the car when your on your own !
Make a coffee with gravy granules !
Put a treble vodka in a large glass and top it up with milk
instead of Lilt
(I still drank it)
And thats only this last week
(Thu 21st Jul 2011, 16:52, More)

» Annoying Partners

The glowing wings of death
The sweet adorable lady in my life has the small affliction of having no sense of smell,this has over the years led to some of the worst F*** ups ever, half eaten yoghurt with a green furry bonnet ,black carrots in the chiller box, a turkey left next to a radiator (Its december so yeah its on )to thaw i thought i could smell something like roadkill she was about to put it in the oven,luminous bacon,furry tomatoes .But her best ever was the other week THE GLOWING WING OF DEATH!.having said i could smell something a few days on the trot ,the offending objects were discovered at the back of the fridge 15 to 20 green slimy chicken wings, its a bit like stepping in dog shit you can see it all over the grass you take off your shoe look at it and know with 100% certainty what it is and then YOU HAVE A SNIFF ,CUE RETCHING ,anyhoo i spy the bag i pick it up ,i know i bought them a week ago at least i open it YES I DID i took a sniff F***wit, if you have smelt week old dead chicken then you know that 15 secs later i am in the garden retching and spewing my ring up.I dont know how we have not gone to our maker or got some terrible bug ,i am extra vigilant for a few days and then its seems to mean less and less until the next Botulism discovery.


The dog shit sniff thing its not just me is it?
(Fri 5th Aug 2011, 14:02, More)