![[challenge entry]](/images/board_posticon_c.gif "Challenge Entry: Impossible Weapons"){kind=small}
Cakes of War IV : The Fruitcake RamIn 1286, an accident in the kitchens of Brûlé Castle, Normandy, discovered that overbaked fruitcake developed remarkable durability and density. Further developments by siege engineers included the 'Dundee Cake of Doom' and the 'Stale Icing and Almonds' armour-piercing modifications. This device was rendered obsolete by the introduction of the Scone Cannon.
From the Impossible Weapons challenge. See all 158 entries (closed)
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Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Thu 4 Nov 2010, 15:11,
archived)
See below for why this never came to fruition (pun intended) Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Thu 4 Nov 2010, 15:12,
archived)
Previously...The Battenberg Trebuchet was developed in 1312 as a means of besieging heretics who refused to accept the Treatise of Nyom-de-Lyons. It didn't become obsolete until the introduction of gunpowder. Several attempts were made to produce a battering ram based on the Battenberg cake, but designers failed to agree on a suitable punny name (Batterberg? Battening Ram?). It did, however, lead to the development of an impact-resistant marzipan which is in use to this day in body armour.
The Muffin Onager is considered one of the oldest and most versatile cake-based siege weapons in the world. Capable of propelling muffins, cupcakes and even fairy cakes several hundred metres, this weapon caused devastating crumb-based injuries. It was theorised that a slightly overbaked blueberry muffin could penetrate a wooden stockade wall at 100 metres.
The Swiss Roll Ballista (the "Rollista Helvetica") was developed by the Romans just prior to the Siege of Alesia in 52BC. It was reknowned for durability and tolerance, capable of shooting vanilla, raspberry and chocolate swiss rolls of varying quality, from Tesco Value up to Sainsburys "Taste the difference". However, siege engineers had a saying : "Kipling Detesta Matribus" ("Mr. Kipling is the dread of mothers"). Even today in some parts of France the Swiss Roll is shunned.
(The Muffin Onager is considered one of the oldest and most versatile cake-based siege weapons in the world. Capable of propelling muffins, cupcakes and even fairy cakes several hundred metres, this weapon caused devastating crumb-based injuries. It was theorised that a slightly overbaked blueberry muffin could penetrate a wooden stockade wall at 100 metres.
The Swiss Roll Ballista (the "Rollista Helvetica") was developed by the Romans just prior to the Siege of Alesia in 52BC. It was reknowned for durability and tolerance, capable of shooting vanilla, raspberry and chocolate swiss rolls of varying quality, from Tesco Value up to Sainsburys "Taste the difference". However, siege engineers had a saying : "Kipling Detesta Matribus" ("Mr. Kipling is the dread of mothers"). Even today in some parts of France the Swiss Roll is shunned.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Thu 4 Nov 2010, 15:11,
archived)
the trebuchet is one of the greatest weapons ever
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet,
Thu 4 Nov 2010, 15:14,
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Thank you thank you thank youCrap afternoon, but this picture made me do a smiley :o)
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thecrapgatsby isn't listening LALALALALALA,
Thu 4 Nov 2010, 16:59,
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Well I for one am very interested in this scone cannon of which you speakI'll take twelvety.
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Barbarossa is not my real name,
Thu 4 Nov 2010, 15:12,
archived)
It was a terrible weaponJam and double cream everywhere. And the crumbs... oh, the humanity!
( Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Thu 4 Nov 2010, 15:13,
archived)
i'm still waiting for the stale sponge mace Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet,
Thu 4 Nov 2010, 15:15,
archived)
ha haBrilliant
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The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!,
Thu 4 Nov 2010, 16:32,
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