I've got a text file of some of my favourite mad reviewsA sample:
Sonic Youth - Silver Session
My uncle curtis was dissing me the other night saying you need to expand your music horizon and listen to somthing other than nirvarna. He said that sonic youth was miles ahead of them and raidohead put together. So I took the bait. I went through my uncle curts cds one day when he was out looking for a job and picked this Silver Album out and took it home. Man he dosn't even know what he's talking about!! Nirvarna is way better then this mess. He said they had did some album like the white album and it was some kind of take on that and it was pure genius and they had did madonna on it, but this must no have been the one even though its the silver album or whatever. He had even said that there was a pretty blond girl who sang really cool and looks like my sister (yuck.) Well she must not of been on this one because from what I heard there is no vocals and these arent even songs. Its a mess, just loud guitars noise like they slammed there guitars in the wall and just took out there furustration. I put it on and you should of seen the cat. He woke up out of his sixteen hour sleep and he just stared at me the most evil stare you ever saw. For like ten minutes he stared right at me probably thinking he could use telepithy to make me it turn off. It was like he saw a ghost or something. And them my sister Caitly came in and I just turned it up all the way to ten to blast out her talking. So I think if you want good artistic music from real talent then buy in utero by nirvarna if you want your cat to look at you like he's on drugs then buy this and play it for him. He might actually like it.
~~
(Silver Session is basically 45 minutes of feedback, so I guess it's a fair review, really)
(,
Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:15,
archived)
Sonic Youth - Silver Session
My uncle curtis was dissing me the other night saying you need to expand your music horizon and listen to somthing other than nirvarna. He said that sonic youth was miles ahead of them and raidohead put together. So I took the bait. I went through my uncle curts cds one day when he was out looking for a job and picked this Silver Album out and took it home. Man he dosn't even know what he's talking about!! Nirvarna is way better then this mess. He said they had did some album like the white album and it was some kind of take on that and it was pure genius and they had did madonna on it, but this must no have been the one even though its the silver album or whatever. He had even said that there was a pretty blond girl who sang really cool and looks like my sister (yuck.) Well she must not of been on this one because from what I heard there is no vocals and these arent even songs. Its a mess, just loud guitars noise like they slammed there guitars in the wall and just took out there furustration. I put it on and you should of seen the cat. He woke up out of his sixteen hour sleep and he just stared at me the most evil stare you ever saw. For like ten minutes he stared right at me probably thinking he could use telepithy to make me it turn off. It was like he saw a ghost or something. And them my sister Caitly came in and I just turned it up all the way to ten to blast out her talking. So I think if you want good artistic music from real talent then buy in utero by nirvarna if you want your cat to look at you like he's on drugs then buy this and play it for him. He might actually like it.
~~
(Silver Session is basically 45 minutes of feedback, so I guess it's a fair review, really)
coolcan you chuck up a few links to your favourite reviews?
(
rob,
Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:18,
archived)
HrmMost of them aren't as funny as I remember. I was sure it was a collection of unintentional comedy genius; in fact I appear to have collected a few comments which are vaguely amusing if you know the subject of the review intimately and enjoy sneering at the less well-informed. Anyway:
Seminal cyberpunk classic "nothing new":
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0441569595/ref=cm_rev_next/103-5727998-4620603?vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=120
"Steve Albini is a close friend of mine":
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000019GE/ref=cm_rev_next/103-5727998-4620603?v=glance&s=music&n=507846&vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=9
Reviewer explains critical plot twist in detail before commenting "[it was] completely unexpected in the cinema when it appeared":
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00004BZIY/ref=cm_rev_next/103-5727998-4620603?v=glance&s=dvd&n=507846&vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=42 (um, if you haven't seen Sixth Sense and don't want to know the twist, um, a shark attacks his helicopter)
I'll post some more later.
(,
Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:58,
archived)
Seminal cyberpunk classic "nothing new":
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0441569595/ref=cm_rev_next/103-5727998-4620603?vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=120
"Steve Albini is a close friend of mine":
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000019GE/ref=cm_rev_next/103-5727998-4620603?v=glance&s=music&n=507846&vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=9
Reviewer explains critical plot twist in detail before commenting "[it was] completely unexpected in the cinema when it appeared":
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00004BZIY/ref=cm_rev_next/103-5727998-4620603?v=glance&s=dvd&n=507846&vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=42 (um, if you haven't seen Sixth Sense and don't want to know the twist, um, a shark attacks his helicopter)
I'll post some more later.
albini is a close personal friend manalso has some other interesting reviews
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cm/member-reviews/-/A1KMUFR1GCFQQY/1/ref=cm_cr_auth/102-0008449-1030532
The Deer Hunter:
"Look, I was in 'Nam and this movie captures nothing but a few tears from weepy card burning hippies who used to throw eggs on us back in the day."
Please also note that Forbidden Planet and Taxi Driver are both the "BEST MOVIE EVER".
(http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cm/member-reviews/-/A1KMUFR1GCFQQY/1/ref=cm_cr_auth/102-0008449-1030532
The Deer Hunter:
"Look, I was in 'Nam and this movie captures nothing but a few tears from weepy card burning hippies who used to throw eggs on us back in the day."
Please also note that Forbidden Planet and Taxi Driver are both the "BEST MOVIE EVER".
Mingus wonders where all the time went,
Tue 5 Aug 2003, 1:47,
archived)