Bad jobs, I've had a few...First ever job was at a petrol station, working for a crazy iranian woman. Got sexually harassed by a 70 year old bloke who seemed to be employed to do nothing more than sit around and drink tea all day, threatened by a load of pikeys with knives, then sacked for stealing from the till. Which I didn't do, but by God, I wish I had. There was a CCTV camera above the desk, but it was never on...
...then I spent 2 years of Saturdays working for Bhs, the bastards. Treat you like shit, then expect you to sell account cards...
...and so on to Kodak processing. This was a great laugh on the right nights, as some of the managers didn't give a shit, and we'd hide ice lollies in the quality control fridges with all the nasty chemicals. As I was working on Minilabs, I got all of the chewed up films and enlargements. You should SEE some of the stuff I had to develop*. Best one was of a blow job. I've seen so many photos of lads lying in pools of vomit with their chaps out, it's unreal...
...and so to this summer just gone. Oxford Uni medical student, keen, available for employment fo 3 months, what's the best I can get? Marks and sodding Spencer's STAFF KITCHENS, re-heating M&S out of date food for menopausal ladies. Oh, no, hang on, I couldn't even touch a cooker, cause I didn't have a hygiene certificate. I spent the summer washing up, in 38+ degree heat, with no air-conditioning. Best bit was walking out on my last day and having my manager begging me to 'come back for Christmas'. No fnarfing way.
*if it wasn't kiddie porn, or penile penetration, we HAD to process it. Apparently Betty (lovely old gal who I worked with) once drew the line at a full facial cum shot, but was overruled by her boss. 'No, love' she said, 'Just get on and do the 18x24' enlargement, and send it on to the framers'
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Wed 12 Nov 2003, 22:42,
archived)
...then I spent 2 years of Saturdays working for Bhs, the bastards. Treat you like shit, then expect you to sell account cards...
...and so on to Kodak processing. This was a great laugh on the right nights, as some of the managers didn't give a shit, and we'd hide ice lollies in the quality control fridges with all the nasty chemicals. As I was working on Minilabs, I got all of the chewed up films and enlargements. You should SEE some of the stuff I had to develop*. Best one was of a blow job. I've seen so many photos of lads lying in pools of vomit with their chaps out, it's unreal...
...and so to this summer just gone. Oxford Uni medical student, keen, available for employment fo 3 months, what's the best I can get? Marks and sodding Spencer's STAFF KITCHENS, re-heating M&S out of date food for menopausal ladies. Oh, no, hang on, I couldn't even touch a cooker, cause I didn't have a hygiene certificate. I spent the summer washing up, in 38+ degree heat, with no air-conditioning. Best bit was walking out on my last day and having my manager begging me to 'come back for Christmas'. No fnarfing way.
*if it wasn't kiddie porn, or penile penetration, we HAD to process it. Apparently Betty (lovely old gal who I worked with) once drew the line at a full facial cum shot, but was overruled by her boss. 'No, love' she said, 'Just get on and do the 18x24' enlargement, and send it on to the framers'
Blooming factoriesAs a student job (out of semester) I worked in a Daventry based factory electrocoating car body panels. Vauxhall started sending us these Vectra car doors and demanded (on top of the normal automated cleaning that the electrocoating system did) an extra cleaning process that the factory management skilfully implemented by stationing me with an air line and spray can full of evil solvents that I doused the doors with as they entered the line. I did this for 14 hours straight (badly needed the money) sitting down on a roll of packing cardboard the whole time. Only when I stood up at the end of my shift did I realise that the chemicals had soaked through my boots and that I could no longer feel or use my feet. I hobbled off to my car, removed my boots (with much screaming) and discovered my burned feet. With one hand, I managed to remove in one piece a perfect layer of peeling skin - including the intact epidermis in the shape of four of my toes. As if that wasn't traumatic enough, I had to drive ten miles home barefoot screaming resoundingly every time one of the many roundabouts forced me to use the clutch.
And despite all the extra cleaning of the bare metal part, any Vauxhall owner will still testify that the poxy things rust like buggery.
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Thu 13 Nov 2003, 0:54,
archived)
And despite all the extra cleaning of the bare metal part, any Vauxhall owner will still testify that the poxy things rust like buggery.
worst jobsWasn't actually the worst job I've done - but I was reminded by the feet, we built the set for Sir Peter Hall's Hamlet, lots of dangly red ropes hung on those fixings that demarcate 'VIP' areas. They were all dyed red and I had to fix hundreds of them onto the metal bits.
Of course my hands were dyed bright red, but imagine my surprise upon taking my boots off to see the soles of my feet were red!
I worried a bit about the implications for my brain/kidneys/liver
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Thu 13 Nov 2003, 12:11,
archived)
Of course my hands were dyed bright red, but imagine my surprise upon taking my boots off to see the soles of my feet were red!
I worried a bit about the implications for my brain/kidneys/liver
I feel very sorry for youNot because of the job, but having to spend any length of time in the shithole that is Dav is more than most humans can tolerate. Oh the Wimpy home horror! The entire absence of any culture or interest whatsoever!
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Thu 13 Nov 2003, 12:19,
archived)
people don't seem to know you'll see what they photographa former housemate of my husband's(pre-marriage,obviously)used to process film and would occasionally make copies of the best to bring home.legal?not likely.funny?side-splittingly so.we always had a laugh at the antics people would record for posterity.
my worst crap job was working in a secondhand shop that sold children's clothing and toys. since it was a small shop,you'd work a whole day alone,which was dull,but as we bought secondhand things to sell,scary-looking,bug-eyed druggies would come in every day with loads of suscicious and often filthy goods. did i mention anyone working was alone?? i kept a knife under the counter and always had the phone in my hand in case i had to ring the police. luckily,a local officer's wife shopped there often and he'd leave his patrol car in front of the shop whenever he could. other than filthy,suspect goods and wondering if the stinking,twitching addict was about to rob the place,it wasn't that bad. no-one ever came in until after 11,so i'd have a nap or read all morning. i once knew a girl who worked for the U.S department of agriculture and she got her ex-finace a job testing mosquito repellent.he'd spray his arm,then insert it into a box full of mosquitos for a minute,remove it,record the number of bites,repeat with other arm. we speculated on whether or not she'd helped him get the job out of spite.
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Thu 13 Nov 2003, 1:04,
archived)
my worst crap job was working in a secondhand shop that sold children's clothing and toys. since it was a small shop,you'd work a whole day alone,which was dull,but as we bought secondhand things to sell,scary-looking,bug-eyed druggies would come in every day with loads of suscicious and often filthy goods. did i mention anyone working was alone?? i kept a knife under the counter and always had the phone in my hand in case i had to ring the police. luckily,a local officer's wife shopped there often and he'd leave his patrol car in front of the shop whenever he could. other than filthy,suspect goods and wondering if the stinking,twitching addict was about to rob the place,it wasn't that bad. no-one ever came in until after 11,so i'd have a nap or read all morning. i once knew a girl who worked for the U.S department of agriculture and she got her ex-finace a job testing mosquito repellent.he'd spray his arm,then insert it into a box full of mosquitos for a minute,remove it,record the number of bites,repeat with other arm. we speculated on whether or not she'd helped him get the job out of spite.
That's interestingbecause boots refuse to develop my arse aparrently...
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Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest,
Thu 13 Nov 2003, 4:27,
archived)