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Worst job in the world?

Working in a cubefarm call centre
MWARGH!

I did it for a year... I still drink heavily and hate everyone as a consequence.

(

helmetcream, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:29, archived)

like snap...

dude

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:39, archived)

One day I

chewed a groove in my keyboard and burst a knuckle on my phone - there was blood everywhere.
That was a good day.

(

helmetcream, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:41, archived)

I used to do

tech support for tiny computers, I never believed in hell until I took that job on

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:44, archived)

Have a look in the background.

This is where I used to work... I said look at the background...

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:47, archived)

Even seeing one

of those headsets sends me into a murderous rage.

(

helmetcream, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:50, archived)

I'm

drunk and stoned, what am I looking for in the background?

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:50, archived)

I don't know

it was like cuboid callcentre hell really. I just wanted post that pic up of Claire again. Oh what could have been...

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:51, archived)

After

another unsuccessful night finding a lady all i can look at is the girl!

(batardo, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 2:33, archived)

looking for ladies?

try www.russianwives.com

(

Monkboy, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 11:29, archived)

I did a pager service...

...fucking pagers - never heard of a mobile phone?
Half the fuckers that rang:
Me: Can I take your message for Jane Doe?
Dumb fuck: Is that Jane?
Me: Do I sound like Jane?
Dumb fuck: No. Who is this?
Me: I can take a message for Jane if you wish... This is her pager service.
Dumb fuck: Is Jane there?
Me: Goodbye *click*

(

helmetcream, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:48, archived)

fucking hell!

luckily I never really spoke to anyone THAT stupid. It's almost funny, if it wasn't so true...

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:50, archived)

it stops being funny

and just becomes plain scary when you reaise that people really are that stupid.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:53, archived)

Half the callers were

that stupid - the rest were dumber...
...the management were worse. Fucked their way up through the ranks. I once got a bonus for handling a record number of calls in a month - I really just hung up on most of my calls after about 10 seconds.

(

helmetcream, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:54, archived)

So you didn't

transfer them to the local radio station then?

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 2:01, archived)

Sometimes I would transfer them to

different queues like the mobile phone helpdesk or AA traffic info. Sometimes I would pretend to be their local pizza place. Sometimes I would whisper "I know where you live, fucko" and hang up.
It was very open ended and conducive to creativity.

(

helmetcream, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 2:06, archived)

Meanwhile in the midweast...

I went to the H.Q. of an American Telecoms Co. in Omaha (back in '96 the official call centre city of USA) , Nebraska to recieve training in their evil american ways & the cubicles all the ordinary staff (500+)was about 2 foot square ! Just like Dilbert, I may be have been nieve but I've seen Veal in better working conditions !
The IT staff thought they had had it easy 'cos they lived in the server room (noise, flickering lights but slightly more space) they couldn't beleive that in Europe we tend to put servers in the basement and control them remotely !

(benmonkey, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:55, archived)

Viatel Inc.

I just remembered they went bust last year so I can slag them off :-unlike European boxes these had 6 foot plus partitions on 3 sides; no chatting with your colleagues. They used to hold up notes on sticks to pass messages to each other - it was so Vic & Bob but scary as real...

(benmonkey, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 2:03, archived)

Easy everything?

My son used work for an airline...now he's a heroin addict and lives in a doorway in The Strand:

"Good morning, EasyJet, how can I help you?"

"Hello, is that EasyJet?"

"Yes it is. How can I help?"

"Oh, I want to fly to Rome, on Friday, but I can't seem to be able to book it on the Net."

"I'm afraid EasyJet don't have a route to Rome, Sir."

"But I always use EasyJet."

"That's nice to hear Sir, but we don't fly to Rome unfortunately."

"Well how am I going to get to Rome? Several airlines have routes to Rome"

"I think you might have to try another airline, Sir."

"I think EasyJet need to decide whether they want my custom or not."

"We do want your custom Sir, and we love having you as a customer, but we don't fly to Rome."

"Okay, I want to speak to your supervisor."

"I'll transfer you Sir, but she will tell you the same thing. We don't fly to Rome."

"You are the most unhelpful person I have ever spoken to in my life. Are you being deliberately difficult, or are you just a fucking moron...."

(Searcher, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 6:12, archived)

that

is fantastic

(

pep, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 11:30, archived)

That's frighteningly similar to my last job. (shudders)

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 12:28, archived)

Callcentre Hell

I too used to work in a call centre. It was by far the worst job I could ever imagine. The work load was high and job satisfaction was zero. I used to dread going to bed in the evening as I was so distressed about going to that hell hole in the morning. I turned to alcohol which helped in the short term, after which I went to the doctor who prescribed high dose anti depressants. The working environment was terrible. Too many people in too small a space. I would have a permanent cold as there were so many germs spread through the air conditioning. The management were the most insensitive people who only cared for increasing the call volumes and cutting costs to make even more unrealistic and unacheivable targets. Everyone was depressed and it was a regular sight to see people in floods of tears in the toilets. This was not helped when management would bang on the door to say that they had been in there too long and to take some more calls. This is all without mentioning the constant abuse and verbal threats I recived daily from the callers. I have since found another job and am happy again. I would advise anyone not to work in a call centre as it will ruin your life.

(Inamess, Fri 9 Aug 2002, 16:35, archived)

this is my best attempt,

im not too sharp at this tie of night.
even if i am wearing my coding hat.

[edit] bugger just noticed far superior pic lower down. my bad

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:03, archived)

This ones funny though

It looks like he's just had a nasty fight with Liam in the toilets.

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:08, archived)

thanks, but you're just

saying that to make me feel better :)

trying to think of a way to animate it

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:16, archived)

Spinny toilet roll

maybe with a pattern/slogan on it.

SOmething Narwhal would like to wipe his arse with - Pics of Robbie Williams or something?

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:18, archived)

Mine needs some more work i think

it's got no background, i was just making the main bit in a rush.

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:20, archived)

hmmm maybe

tomorrow. my bed is calling, which means i am
deprived of sleep and hallucinating. handy, that.

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:20, archived)

alternative banner ads

sorry about the punchline, i'm half asleep
could pass as an entry for 'worst job in the world'

(minoltion, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:58, archived)

Please tell me they're bluury

I don't want to sleep yet but my eyes are going funny.

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:00, archived)

That top kid

is Barney's lovechild.

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:12, archived)

love it

i hate sunny d.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:00, archived)

Remember kids...

Say "NAY" to Sunny D!

(BeefMaster, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:09, archived)

think the latest ad really did it

..ffs sake it looks like paint.. and about as natural as pamela anderson

(minoltion, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:12, archived)

That shite

is fucking chemical toilet...

(

helmetcream, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:23, archived)

Yes

it's the great 'stuff' kids go for...

(

Wifey, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:27, archived)

Looking at the bottle

you would expect it to be lumpy, but it's smooth and gloopy - not a juice, more of a slime or resin.

(

helmetcream, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:32, archived)

oh god i'm splitting open......

thats just had me laughing for the past half an hour!

(Leon2001TheProfessional, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:18, archived)

wooooo

but i do have to admit i love sunny d

(rik, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 10:14, archived)

XML, anyone?

<girly>
<name>
<firstname>Kylie</firstname>
<lastname>Minogue</lastname>
<likes>vulga's naughty bits</likes>
</name>
</girly>

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:55, archived)

tsk tsk

bad syntax. surely <likes> should be outside of <name>

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:56, archived)

Oh shit

that's why I'm still learning it then... honest... and I'm pissed, I'm surprised I remembered that much

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:02, archived)

can anyone help me?

i cant remember the name of a track. i think its by soulwax and its got the line" drugs, dirty dancing and pounding techno music". i tryed to get it offa audiogalaxy but ill be buggered if i can remember wot its called.

(jazzpotato, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:46, archived)

Check what Google showed me...

Please note the reference to b3ta on that page.

(

azerty, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:57, archived)

good old boom selection

they're lovely.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:59, archived)

cheers

matey

(jazzpotato, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:00, archived)

Yay!

Kylies bum! That's sorted my eyes out.

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:01, archived)

This is it.... (TheStrokes.... eat your heart out)

Samatha Fu

(

penrithtearooms, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:04, archived)

But I see...

azerty beat me to it...

"I woulda got away with it too if it wasn't for those pesky kids"

(

penrithtearooms, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:06, archived)

Me & my missus have recorded a song

she's rapping. I er.. "produced". Please listen and tell me what you think. download here (1.1MB). BTW: It ain't serious.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:38, archived)

i need

a missus

although fucking hell, not one who talks like that.

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:40, archived)

it's in character

she's actually dead posh and got a degree from oxford & stuff.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:41, archived)

although i can picture her doing it

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:42, archived)

oxford?

pah.

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:43, archived)

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:44, archived)

i despise all universities

except the one i'm in. everywhere rejected me, despite being predicted fucking good results (which i then failed to get, but still...)

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:47, archived)

I was going to say

I can't remember her talking like that. Anyway, what is she going to do with the fottage from last Friday?

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:43, archived)

fottage

or frottage?

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:43, archived)

Ummm,

you know what I mean... I don't

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:44, archived)

not a lot

we only recorded it for ourselves really. we thought about editing down the half hour of footage to 2 mins, but couldn't actually be arsed.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:45, archived)

i really must go to bed

i can hardly see.
hahaha

duckas an' de weavas!
noorf laanndon!

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:42, archived)

How did you "mix" that?

I could do somthing else with the lyrics and such, if you still have the raw information?

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:42, archived)

yeah. I can give you the vocal without the backing

there's a fair bit of bleed onto the vocal track, but it should be workable.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:43, archived)

Yay!

you know me email address thingy...

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:45, archived)

ok.

I'll be a few minutes fiddling with the audio package.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:46, archived)

done!

download here - btw: everyone else... don't download this, unless you want to fuck about editing it. it's not very listenable in this state.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:54, archived)

Yay!

got it! I'll let you know when I've done something mad with it, I'm sure you'll both be proud...

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:56, archived)

hooray!

can't wait to hear it.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:58, archived)

Rob, Please post

your archers theme music rave track you did on the amiga all those years ago...please

(batardo, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 2:37, archived)

Here...

I've said my piece...
clicky

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:35, archived)

sounds delightful

daahling

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:36, archived)

nicely done...

coulda done with a touch more bile though methinks

(jazzpotato, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:38, archived)

now

check it

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:39, archived)

Yay!

That was fucksockingly inspired!

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:40, archived)

and woo

and feckin' bed now, methinks.

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:43, archived)

night everyone...

here's a lame half-pissed pic of a Tasmanian Monghog.

Tasmanian devil, mongoose and warthog.

damn i wish i had my scanner back.
then it might have been good.

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:34, archived)

he was big!

now he's small!

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:35, archived)

That's the beauty

of the <width> tag... I've tried doing that on some ex girlfriends I know, but that's another story.

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:37, archived)

what other html tags would you like to apply to girlfriends?

(fuck it. lets indulge in really nerdy threads)

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:39, archived)

<wants mike=an awful lot>

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:42, archived)

<moist>

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:42, archived)

<loose as fuck>

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:42, archived)

<bitch="no">
<fuck my mates="no">
<nymphomaniac="yes">

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:48, archived)

<likes=small ones>

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:50, archived)

Not really a tag again, but...

<div="legs">

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:50, archived)

<fishy scent=no>

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:52, archived)

<hooray><ilove=rob></hooray>

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 1:07, archived)

<bi = yes>

<sum=3>

(egg, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 2:47, archived)

need a <tits> one

i am so juvenile.

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:40, archived)

Is that a mong hog or a monghog

Looks like a window licker, thus the former

(

moonbadger Doesn't judge a fish by its ability to climb trees, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 6:50, archived)

name an animal

the first three, i'll combine, if i can.
then I'll post it and collapse.

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:18, archived)

warthog

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:18, archived)

eric burdon

sorry.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:19, archived)

h
o
?

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:20, archived)

mongoose

plankton

(bobulatorm, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:21, archived)

singer from the animals

pop group. house of the rising sun. we've gotta get out of this place and ... er not much else.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:22, archived)

aaah

'icky burdon'
soorry bit slow.

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:22, archived)

yeah. it wasn't really a suggestion ...

... just the first thing that came into my head when you said "name three animals." Um, I'm a more of a pop nerd than a zoologist.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:26, archived)

heres a test

what was the initial reason peter noone (hermans hermits singer)was favoured by the record company?

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:28, archived)

dunno

remember something about a an airport tanoy saying, "paging peter no one. paging peter no one" though. is that any help?

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:30, archived)

i like that story.

it was the fact that he resembled john f kennedy. i know stupid shit.

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:32, archived)

lead singer

from the animals

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:22, archived)

fiddle.

beaten to it.

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:24, archived)

i got that

thats good.

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:21, archived)

narwhal

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:23, archived)

made me laugh. dunno why.

they're they unicorns of the seas if I remember my trip to the natural history museum correctly.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:28, archived)

yeah the big

pointy fish. they are comedy animals, like the hammerhead sharks or dugongs

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:31, archived)

just google image searched it

they are lovely. fish dolphins with mono horns. how good is that? Kittens should have mono horns. they should!

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:33, archived)

they could use them

as toilet roll holders.

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:35, archived)

Makes me think of Narwhal Gallagher

Don't look back in anchor.

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:33, archived)

oh dear.

is it national shite pun week(tm)?

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:33, archived)

he he

made me laugh again. and I vowed that I hated puns. but fuck it - they're great! I want to see narwhal gallagher now.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:34, archived)

Narwhal Gallagher

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:47, archived)

cool!

btw: I edited you subject line so that it would make sense when I approved it to the front page.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:51, archived)

Cool

I had just managed to convince myself that I'd put that subject line but i'd 'forgotten' about it.
You know how alkyhol plays havoc with the erm... the erm... you know... ooh look a goldfish.

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:59, archived)

yay

that is great.

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:34, archived)

When Links Dissappoint

http://www.iraqioasis.com/

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:39, archived)

I didn't like it at all

*sniggers under breath*
Bwaah ha ha ha haaaaa!

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:36, archived)

tasmainian devil

(

DaWolfey, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:21, archived)

I hope

this hasn't already been posted, my credability is already negative amongst b3tans.

Sorry about posting un-photoshopped stuff, waiting for inspiration to hit.

(lowzie, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:09, archived)

Penguin bombs...

the tragedy continues

(lowzie, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:31, archived)

The ugliest male escourt in the world

here. Is this for real? Fuck knows - but he's damn ugly. And not work safe. But who's at work now?

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:03, archived)

It looks like he has bitch-tits

image changed to link as it was making rob feel ill
Repaired and hosted elsewhere!

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:06, archived)

thanks.

i almost got that image out of my head,
but now all hope is lost

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:13, archived)

there was no neeed

for that was there?
take it away!!!!!!!!!!!

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:14, archived)

Vulga...

Your best pull yet, methinks!

(

lady_delirium, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:17, archived)

Oh right...

That excludes you then I take it m'lady??

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:29, archived)

rob, what the fuck

were you searching for?

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:06, archived)

I get a lot of my links from referers

it was from here.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:08, archived)

mmm

BRITNI
No es fácil escribir el nombre de esta joven cantante pechugona. Muchos se olvidan del diccionario cuando quieren buscar sus fotos en Google y en vez de poner su nombre ponen cualquiera de estas cosas.

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:13, archived)

Surely

not... It's spelt "Brittany" surely??

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:15, archived)

liar.

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:13, archived)

the page links to b3ta ...

damn it.. for once I am not lying.

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:17, archived)

lucky

coincidence.

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:25, archived)

Is there a virus outbreak at the mo?

They're coming in every 10 minutes to my inbox. Anybody else having problems?

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:33, archived)

I'm not right now

and I have about 3 email accounts, dotted about places, for eeeeerm... Oh fuck it I don't have a reason.

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:35, archived)

they come with attachments

with a .bat extension. I'm just deleting them.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:37, archived)

fucking

bats, you'd thought the RSPCA could sort em out

(minoltion, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:42, archived)

.com again?

*sorry* that's the best I could do.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:45, archived)

its

.co.ok

(coat)

(minoltion, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:47, archived)

that was lame

any more of that and ill have to .gif you a slap

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:49, archived)

are you a .pdf file?

nerdy humour. BTW: I shoved some nerdy joke from the board in the newsletter a few weeks ago, and I joke loads of emails saying that they liked it. Anybody know any good nerd jokes?

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:51, archived)

no but tell any

and i'll set my .asp on you.

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:54, archived)

I was out in Brighton last night

As you know ran in to a bit of trouble and made a .swf exit...

<coat>

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:55, archived)

ah....

but you could only get a snog off ya .exe ;-P

(

lady_delirium, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:00, archived)

Only

.tmp she's on the crimson .wav

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:05, archived)

Liar...

she told me you got it caught in ya .zip

(

lady_delirium, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:20, archived)

so you didnt get to

use your dutch .sit expander?

sorry.
-edit-ok it made sense at the time...

(bobulatorm, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:24, archived)

what the fuck have you

started, rob?

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:57, archived)

why do the x-men watch so much tv?

because they have cable.

[that is the best i could make up under pressure, sorry. its a comic book nerd joke]

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:01, archived)

i just searched for star trek jokes on google

Did you hear that the Star Trek Doctors from The Next Generation, The Original Series and Deep Space Nine are setting up their own medical practice?

They're going to call it "Crusher, Bones and Bashir."

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:12, archived)

fucking crap Marvel joke

here

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:16, archived)

How many Microsoft employees

does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just declare darkness the standard

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:04, archived)

ah. sataric

hmmm...

(

rob, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:09, archived)

i do sem to be having

an anti M$ day today. dont know why, my pc hasny even crashed since 6 o'clock.
not bad going

(

rockyrobin, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:11, archived)

I can't remember the one i heard but it used this concept.

My girlfriend asked for 10 good reasons why she shouldn't dump me.

I told her 1 - I'd bindumped already and 10 - I am one of the few people as obsessed as she is with binary.

(Erm Sorry reason 1 is poor but it's late and i'm making it up and i don't understand what a bindump is)

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:18, archived)

crap scottish poetry nerd joke

A man is being shown around a hospital. He comes to a ward full of people who seem to have nothing wrong with them. He goes to the first bed and says "Well, how are you." The patient looks him straight in the eye and says "The best lay schemes of mice and men gang aft aglay!". The visitor smiles politely, and walks to the next bed, where the patient greets him with a hearty "Och, gi'us a gift, the gift he gi'us, to see ourselves as other's see us." Slightly confused, the visitor tries to strike up a conversation with yet another inmate, but this one just mutters "Och, my luv's like a red, red, rose that's newly sprung in June" repeatedly.

"Is this the psychiatric ward?" says the visitor.

"No," the ward sister replies. "It's the burns unit."

(

mikeisbrill, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:19, archived)

let's not

have a .tif

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:53, archived)

The Chili Peppers

are re-releasing one of their classics...
.gif it away...

I've already got me coat, so neeeeeer!

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:59, archived)

surprisingly

no. what's the offending thing? is it an OE only problem?

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:39, archived)

I'm using outlook express yeah ...

... it pops up a window saying do I want to open or save the attachment. I press delete.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:41, archived)

ah ok.

i'm using groupwise, you practically have to type in "i am a twat" to catch a virus

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:43, archived)

I probably should use a different email client ...

... but it came installed on the PC, and I'm lazy. That's the microsoft way.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:44, archived)

hooray for satellite tv

after the top 10 - The Kenny Everett show and now Knowing Me Knowing You on UK Play

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:30, archived)

better than C4

Paul Morleys sister? Self obsessed boring rubbish. She's simply not very interesting.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:32, archived)

i watched the first few minutes of that

ive no idea who she is but she sounds like a total total freak to me......

(

DaWolfey, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:34, archived)

a groupie with arty pretensions

what else is there to know?

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:35, archived)

to avoid her

(

DaWolfey, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:40, archived)

You are known as the top chef in your field

yet you only have 1 restaurant.
Berni Inn has thousands...

(Ann_Onnymouse, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:39, archived)

We should get away from all that is sterotypically Irish...

You know, Irish Leprechauns, 4 leaved clovers, Guinness...
People with eyebrows on their cheeks, horses running through council estates, toothless simpletons...

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:52, archived)

badly tarmacced drives

in this country.

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:56, archived)

Mr Vulga, would you very kindly...

...mind saying 'Please note, this ride may not be suitable for small children as images of Ann Widdecombe are used. for your own safety, please follow the instructions of the ride operatives at all times. there are two riders to a row' then also 'please wait untill the ride has come to a complete stop before alightting to your left. ride photos are available from the shop priced at £3.95.'.

IF you could that would be a big help, and, all in one sound file is fine... i can split it up later.

Cheers

and if not, please just reply to this message with cuntymints.

(salbot, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:22, archived)

I'll reply to it meself then...

Cuntymints.

(salbot, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:26, archived)

On it's way

to you now, one of them is a bit quiet, but I'm a bit pissed and didn't realise until I sent it to you. Hope it's what you wanted :)

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:29, archived)

It returned...

I'll convert them to mp3, if that'll help, they were about 1.5 Mb

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:42, archived)

Please say

that you got that last email...

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:58, archived)

C4 Top 10 stuff

Just been watching it, and just seen the thread here.

My girlfriend works on the series and says email the producer to tell him you liked it 'coz he'll be well chuffed.

[email protected]

BTW: Kate Thorton & Maconie have been banned from this series for being boring.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:16, archived)

thank god

Kate gets on our tits.

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:18, archived)

and Maconie is a bit of a twat..

...who just says the same thing about everything.

(

chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:19, archived)

.though it has to be said

if she was gagged I wouldn't mind gettin

NO CARRIER

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:19, archived)

"she is a very dull girl

who really likes ronan keating (without any irony)", says lucy.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:19, archived)

lucy has hit the goddammed nail

on the head.
probably 'admires' 911 too. dizzy thornton.

besides, anyone who is so oestrogen-fuelled to call themselves after chocolate has got to be dangerous, eh?

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:31, archived)

he he

'tis done...
Dear Martin,

I was watching C4 top ten tonight, and I felt compelled to congratulate you on a class series, although tonights programme was a bit tainted by the appearance of Michael Barrymore, (who disgusts me).
I feel the top ten series has been THE best entertainment on television. with precise researching, and accurate results, (although Chris Morris was robbed) top hole!
There should be more of the same from channel 4, nostalgia is something that grips us with grasping grips, e.g.100 greatest childrens t.v.
keep up the fantastic woork,

Dino

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:28, archived)

spot the

woo?

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:29, archived)

woork

i had to re-read.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:31, archived)

"he'll love that so much"

says lucy.

And rob says, "I wish I could switch between user names on this damn message board."

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:30, archived)

the missus had made the same comment

(and others I think)
but don't worry yourself deary, as long as we all communicate!

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:37, archived)

If you want a network set up

I'll still do that for ya!

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:03, archived)

Just each use different

web browsers

(

flibz, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 6:34, archived)

chris morris wasnt just robbed

he was raped
7.... pah... useless....
3rd would have been more accurate

(

DaWolfey, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:33, archived)

he was in the show. he got his 6 1/2 minutes

the order is pretty irrelevant.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:34, archived)

suppose so

but still.... 7th.....

(

DaWolfey, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:43, archived)

I was pleased to see Peter Cook ...

... a funny man. He liked bees. Always good.

(

rob, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:47, archived)

woo for audiogalaxy

tonight faves..

jmsilk...where all house came from
blur....just a few faves
eek a mouse...best ever reggae
Quietman(Now and Zen)... what a toon.
the lovin'spoonful(what a day for a daydream)... mmmm mellow.
heaven.

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:12, archived)

Download

"Midfielding" by Midfield General, and listen carefully to the words (but the intro is over a minute before the story kicks in.)

(Nacho, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:14, archived)

And see if you can find a copy of

"Blackbirds Singing in the Night" by Bobby McFerrin

(Nacho, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:15, archived)

affirmative to both

I'll stick 'em in the queue!

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:17, archived)

Let me know what you think of the

"Midfielding" tune once you've heard it.

(Nacho, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:22, archived)

in the list

only just realised ..
Bobby Mc F = Don't worry be happy..
/all flooods back
too muuuch booooooze

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:41, archived)

get anal cunt - i snuck a retard into a sperm bank

its great.

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:16, archived)

and who could resist a title like that?

woo, yay, and goodnight.

(

chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:18, archived)

which album is that from?

i though i had all their stuff but clearly i dont...

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:19, archived)

it was self titledi think

italso had 'i ate your horse' and 'hitler was a sensitive man' on it.

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:25, archived)

hmmm me

no have.

my fave is probably "you're a trendy fukking pussy"

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:30, archived)

not heard that

they musta done a few albums. i bet their mums are proud.

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:34, archived)

its from

"44 more reasons to hate us". along with classics like "you're a fucking cunt", "kill women" and "you fucking freak".
popular among the over 60's apparently

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:37, archived)

I find

hitler was a sensitive man
and windchimes are gay
to be very poignent social commentaries

(

DaWolfey, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:20, archived)

also

'(i just saw) the gayest guy on earth'

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:27, archived)

michael barrymore

gets everywhere.

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:53, archived)

barrymore has a new sitcom

'only pools and corpses'

[/old joke]

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:58, archived)

don't watch blade II

appart from a hot chick, kris kristofferson and luke goss, it has nothing. actually that makes it sound pretty good. but its shit.

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:01, archived)

Just to keep my own spirits up...

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 22:57, archived)

Vulga, you cheeky monkey!

Tsk, send a guy a jpg, and he takes all credit for it!
;-P

(lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:01, archived)

are you the lady on the left?

me first
;)

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:05, archived)

Naah mate

she's not the lady on the left, she's a friend of mine from "Oop North"

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:11, archived)

oh come on...

i hate sloppy seconds. its like fucking a defrosted turkey.

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:11, archived)

North?

Vulga, you know damn well i am not from the North, you west country bumpkin.

(lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:14, archived)

OK, ok

It's north from here tho. You can't disagree there

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:18, archived)

Vulga, you cretinous surface feeder....

i live in the North, I am not from there you imbecile as well you know ;-P

(lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:19, archived)

anyway

I am from further south than you, cider boy!

(lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:20, archived)

whereabouts in the

north?

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:20, archived)

I'm in Leeds

(lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:23, archived)

See?

The people here are nice really... I apologise, that Lady Delirium is not from "Oop North" she is from "Daaahn Saaaf" and I am from "Oo-arr land" But I now live in Brighton as most of you know, this is where Ms Delirium used to live before defecting. Good on yer!

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:33, archived)

right you asked for it...

i am registering...

(

lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:56, archived)

eh-oop

Leeds.....not as good as Newcassel.....<hides>

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Sun 28 Apr 2002, 0:14, archived)

and what wrong

with being from the north?

[edit] their site's down. gits.

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:26, archived)

Nothing...

Except when you are not! I have no desire to pretend that i am from somewhere i am not is all :-D

(lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:27, archived)

fair enough.

no need to don my the north tee in defiance then. damn.

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:32, archived)

Sorry :-D

You go right ahead, let it never be said i denied a guy the right to rant...
might not listen but go for your life ;-P

(lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:41, archived)

there we go

this symbolises my electronic donning of a t shirt. or something.

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:46, archived)

i can only imagine

what that is like. and more to the point, how
you know. except i'm not entirely sure i want to

(

rockyrobin, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:15, archived)

word of mouth.

i don't share.

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:20, archived)

Dont share...

girls or defrosted turkeys? I think the world should know ;-)

(lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:21, archived)

mike,

please don't reply to that...

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:36, archived)

ignore him...

I still want to know!

(lady_delirium, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:51, archived)

i don't share

anything.

(

mikeisbrill, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:54, archived)

Mr Vulga, would you very kindly...

mind saying 'Please note, this ride may not be suitable for small children as images of Ann Widdecombe are used. for your own safety, please follow the instructions of the ride operatives at all times. there are two riders to a row' then also 'please wait untill the ride has come to a complete stop.' and finally 'please exit the ride to your left. ride photos are available from the shop priced at £3.95.'.

IF you could that would be a big help, and, all in one sound file is fine... i can split it up later.

Cheers.

(salbot, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:05, archived)

That card the police gave me

yesterday, doesn't half make good roach material. Do you think they've done it on purpose?

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 22:36, archived)

they probably lace it

with some thing toxic and slow-acting

(jazzpotato, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 22:40, archived)

Of course

what do you think they use themselves? Some of my mates are coppers an' they're more bent than some of the crims they pick up.....

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 22:40, archived)

what did you

get cardified for then? sellling fucksocks without a licence?

(bobulatorm, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 22:56, archived)

or being furtive in charge of a penguin?

hmmm... imagine the b3ta police... and what they might arrest people for. Plenty of material there!

(

chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 22:57, archived)

Suppose...

the cheeky bast'ds will send you a "Victim Support" letter too, despite not being interested when you rang em earlier....

They sent me one when my bike got nicked.....

(

penrithtearooms, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:05, archived)

you'll have to search

backwards to last night for the tale of scraps in Brighton's Yates' Wine Lodge....there's an unwritten law countrywide that states any Yates' establishtment is THE place to go for a fight. Has been for over 20 years....gods I feel old now.

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:07, archived)

Remember

that Yates's wine lodge, West Street, Brighton...

Thats...

Yates's, West Street, Brighton. Ithankyou

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:12, archived)

I missed the

address there. Could you give it to us again?

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:18, archived)

This the one...

??
Don't go here

(

penrithtearooms, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:20, archived)

Nope.

Missed it again. Curses my internet connection eh.

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:22, archived)

Once again...

Brightonlife.com seem to have captured the essence of this god awful dive..
Vulga you gotta post a review here... scathing attack required

(

penrithtearooms, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 23:25, archived)

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 22:22, archived)

Dave,

You want something, Dave?

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 22:30, archived)

Please stop Vulga, your making me laugh too much tonight!

Papa: Hello Dave?
Dave: I'm Sorry?
Papa: Is that Dave?
Dave: Oh, no, theres no-one
called dave here.
Papa: OK. Is Dave there?
Dave: No, I'm...

Papa: Dave my wife would like
to use your toilet.
Don't worry, she won't
be long... esheguru,
esheberangala!

(salbot, Sat 27 Apr 2002, 22:35, archived)

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