jesus christ, this is like listening to the internal dialogue of an idiot.
which is perhaps kind of apt since the film seemed to be a list of idiotic ideas.
idiotic ideas in prometheus
ancient aliens decide to make exact genetic copies of themselves on a lifeless planet by planting some dna and hoping that in 3 billion years they will magically randomly mutate into the same thing again. Or maybe they stuck around for all that time "engineering" life to go in that precise direction.. Presumably they had to in order to also recreate all the dna we inherited from all the creatures we evolved from, so they had to engineer all of those as well and make them all mate with each other in specific ways over the millenia.. yeah this is sounding likely.
Then when humans finally appear the alien idiots come and give star maps to a few primitive cultures in the hope that they would remember them several thousand years later when they could actually use them to come and visit. Or rather, they weren't all that fussed if we did or not because a collection of dots doesn't exactly identify much that you could use to pinpoint a particuar place in the galaxy.
But aparently a few dots is all it takes for a couple of archeologists to match them up to an identical pattern of dots somewhere amoungst the billions of randomly distributed dots in the sky, and from that they "reason" that aliens made human beings. No evidence needed for this, they just "believe". This was the point in the cinema when my face was firmly in my palm. And none of the crew were told any of this before leaving earth for a number of years, presumably because it sounds like bullshit.
But magically its all true, and they magically stumble upon the alien ruins where all the aliens magically died after 3 billion years of waiting for humans to arrive. They all take their helmets off in an alien environment like the idiots they are. Then 2 of them get scared and decide to wander off on their own because that would obviously be safer. They wont get lost of course since they are mapping the place in 3d, but they do anyway because they are idiots.
Then the robot smuggles some potentially biohazardous material back on to the ship so that he can make someone eat it. The only reason to do this is to see what happens if you make someone eat strange alien gunk, because the best way to find out about stuff is to make someone eat it. If you are an idiot. Or maybe he already analysed it and knew what it would do and just decided he wanted to kill the nearest human being. Or maybe he was going mad in a HAL kind of way and was just fucking around with people for the hell of it. He later tries to make a woman give birth to an alien which turns into a massive deadly squid monster, so he clearly doesnt give much of a shit about anything including his own safety.
Idiot woman brings an alien head on board the ship and suddenly she's a medical doctor who can magically bring 2000 year old severed alien heads back to life, although it explodes because thats what human heads do - I say human heads, because she then discovers it has 100% human dna. So presumably even their dna sequencing computer is an idiot, or maybe we could all be 10 foot tall blue people if we ate the right diet.
Meanwhile the 2 lost idiots go back into the alien room that they earlier were too scared to even set foot inside, and the biologist tries to make friends with an obviously hostile alien snake. They both die of idiocy. Although one of them comes back later and kills a load of people who I dont even remember seeing before, presumably they were brought along in case one of the team turned into a monster and needed some unimportant people to kill.
So with an alien growing inside her, ripley decides to extract it herself enlisting the help of none of the several people who are still alive and telling none of them about it afterwards, because a dangerous alien organism on a spaceship is always a nice surprise. Not that anyone would be interested anyway, she stumbles into a room half naked and covered in blood and no one bats an eyelid. I wont even mention the absurdity of running around after having your stomach cut open.
The old man is there, he was with them all along and didnt tell anyone for no apparent reason, and they all go back to the alien ruins not giving a shit about the people who just got killed by the last thing that crawled out of there. Or maybe nobody bothered to tell them. Nobody tells anyone anything here, its the rules. The old guy thinks the aliens will make him young again, thats why he came all the way out here. He didnt even know the aliens existed before he came, he just assumed that they did, and assumed they would still be there, and assumed they would have the secret of eternal life, and assumed they would give it to him. Just like ripley assumes the aliens want to destroy humanity because she saw some weird alien stuff she cant explain. And based on her baseless assumption the captain does the only thing i can remember him doing in the whole film which is crashing his spaceship into the other one. They all die of idiocy.
The last thing we see is ripley flying off in another alien spaceship which the alien who tried to kill her must have forgot about because he was also an idiot, and off she goes to find the alien home world so she can let them know that the human race they wanted to wipe out still exists.
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mutated monty, Sun 24 Jun 2012, 23:34,
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Marry me.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 24 Jun 2012, 23:43,
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Is there ANYONE you won't say that to??
apart fom me!
*sobs*
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skeltonator Needs some new daps., Sun 24 Jun 2012, 23:58,
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I believe that
I have only ever said that twice. In my life. On here.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 0:01,
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excellent summation!! :D
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miss fortunate last posted ages ago, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 0:36,
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