I've had more than my fair share
This story happened over the course of several weeks last year.

Being a legal immigrant to the United States, I've definitely spent several hours being given the complete runaround through automated phone systems. For example, after having been told that I need to phone the USCIS to sort out my address for my adjustment of status (Green Card) since me and the missus moved into our own house, I proceeded to phone them and be told that I wasn't allowed to speak to the government.

This left me sort of miffed, as since the US Government calls its immigrants 'Customers' rather than actual immigrants, and considering the amount of money it had cost us to do the entire visa process legally I would infact consider myself a customer. A customer to what is perhaps the most incompetant bunch of ingrates known to man. Being British, I kept my cool and calmly explained how I needed them to know that my address had changed, so that they didn't think I was abandoning my visa case and then send out some US Marshals to hunt me down and deport me.

One simple phone call, that's all I thought it would be. However, this was sadly not the case. in an age where you can talk to absolutely anyone at any time instantly, apparently the US Government still uses carrier pigeons, abacuses and papyrus to communicate. If the seperate government departments and agencies communicate at all, which they often don't. After calling and being told that they weren't allowed to talk to me, but my petitioner (my wife) I got her to call, only for her to be told that then *I* was infact the one they needed to speak to (each time we called it took exactly 11 minutes to get through the incredibly awful automated phone system) I was starting to get a little infuriated. Then we were given the name of someone who apparently could help us.

I've no doubt that being given this name, was akin to being given the name to a black market arms dealer, that you can only meet on a certain day at a certain time, with no backup. Because after being given this fellow's name, and his supposed seniority over the obviously incredibly unintelligent call centre peons, I proceeded to call back and try to get hold of him. Only to be told that they've never heard of him at this number (the same one I'd called the day previously) and that there were 2 call centres and they both had over 2000 people working at each.

This was the final straw, my English patience and resolve broken, I shouted down the phone at the stupid bint on the end of the line and repeated that all I wanted to do was be sent a form that allowed me to notify them that I had changed my address, and then repeated it again and continued to speak in what could be considered a level of volume that would indicate some amount of irritation for the next 10 minutes until the stupid bitch suddenly, and magically 'found' a menu in her computer that allowed her to input my details magically.

Christ was infact, riding a bike.

So now, I've come to learn that the only way to get things done in America, is to do them the American way: shout and scream and be obnoxious and throw tantrums until the 2 braincells in the head of the person trying to 'help' you rub together quickly and cause enough friction that it could be mistaken for intelligence.

Length was roughly 2 years and 4 months from applying for the initial Visa to getting my Green Card. fucking slow cunts.

When I hear an American complaining about illegal immigrants, I tell them my story, and the most common answer is "well gee, no wonder so many people move here illegally then!"
(Spackles Made sexual advances in your general direction on, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:22, 1 reply)

US Immigration
OMG - this has reopened that which I'd shut out and tried my hardest to forget about.

I went through the process of filling in forms, sending extortionate amounts of money, getting a reply that I needed to fill in this form also, so another half day wasted at Houston Immigration office (queueing at 7am so I wasn't TOO far back in the line when they opened) to be told when I got there that my claim seemed to be in order. Then another letter a week or so later (send us more money).

In the end, I worked illegally for 18 months, then got kicked out (well 'refused entry' on my arrival back from a brief 'holiday' back in the UK).

Personally, I blame Bush (Governor of Texas at the time) - bastard.
( snee held his breath since, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 9:57, closed)