First term at boarding school
Strangely enough, I don't remember being particularly embarrassed by this at the time, but 21 years later I can't think of it without cringing massively.

I went off to boarding school at the age of 11, and at the end of our first term we had a house Christmas party. This involved each of four sections of the house putting on a 15 minute "entertainment" for the benefit of everyone else.

Somehow (and I can't start to imagine how gullible I must have been back then) I was persuaded to do one sketch by myself, based on a silly article in some magazine one of the other boys had (I think it may have been a Viz annual).

And so I went onto the makeshift stage, with my 11-year-old self dressed only in a blazer, wellington boots, and a pair of Y-fronts. With my right hand on the inside of said Y-fronts, visibly moving about. And I began a 2-minute monologue:

"Masturbation - the difficult one. Some people find it difficult to talk about. Others find it difficult to do..."

I can't remember the whole of the speech (no doubt my memory is trying to protect me from something), but I do remember that it ended with me giving a helpline number for anyone experiencing difficulties in the wanking department.

Of course, this was all played out not just in front of about fifty 11-15 year old boys, all of whom were howling with laughter, but the housemaster and other house staff, including Matron. And the school chaplain. And the headmaster's wife.

Quite how I got through the next six and a half years I'll never know...
(Armour Dillow, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 1:11, 1 reply)

Hah, I remember that
It was from Monty Python's Papperbok
(DjArcas, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 11:17, closed)