I worked for a popular Scottish "indie" coffeehouse. You might call it a veritable scene of beans
Despite my best efforts to improve the standards in there, those who know me can testify I'm a fucking freak when it comes to cleanliness, nothing ever improved. Understandably then, my services were no longer required once I became audibly disgusted with everything about the place.

Anyway, some of the ways our organisation made your dining experience more enjoyable:

Provided no training whatsoever in any form of drink or food preparation to new staff, you're expected to just dive in and intrinsically know how everything is done. This leads to undercooked, or just plain wrong orders being made all he time.

Toilets routinely backed up of which there was only one on a weekly basis. Solution? Febreeze and hope the problem goes away. Piss would often enter into the kitchen in such a manner that you wouldn't see it until it was way too late, hiding behind the stacked juice cartons and coke cans, which weren't thrown away because they were predominantly wrapped in plastic.

One other shop in the same area had to close because they found an entire colony of rats underneath. We only had an electric sex party of flies in the kitchen.

If pastries and what not landed on the kitchen floor, just dust 'em off and stick them back in the cabinet. Same goes for cheese, but not meat for some reason because that would be gross.

The place was so understaffed that if someone got sick, you usually still had to come in. It wasn't uncommon to see someone wiping their flooding nose with their hand before immediately going back to fixing up that day's batch of tuna melts. I had a really bad stomach flu last Christmas to the point where even turning over in bed would make me throw up (which I blame on them), this didn't go down well with my employers but they eventually conceded I might be genuinely sick so they let me stay off.

Two of the gay guys used to shag all the time in the kid's play area when they would close up together. I got in trouble for kissing my girlfriend in the shop by the more senior of those two. He was a total dick... I could probably write a few thousand words on just how fucking retarded he was.

We had to pimp downloadable music to EVERYONE who came in, regardless of the age of the customer or how busy we were. I used to feel like total shit when I was being watched to make sure I had to grill some 80 year old gran who just wanted a black coffee and scone about why she wasn't interested in downloading the music she heard in store to her ipod.

All the furniture was on sale. And not in the sense that you can buy couches LIKE the ones in the shop, no, you could buy the shit, semen and coffee stained worn out leather crap 700 people parked their arses on every day.


There's probably more, but I think you get the picture.



My cock's fucking huge.
(the_fracturedpope, Thu 27 Sep 2007, 21:39, Reply)