Astra 19.2 degrees East.
The first rude thing I ever saw would have to be the soft-core German porn films on a Saturday night on satellite TV. Yep, we got Sky fitted when I was 12 and enjoyed watching DJ Kat (remember him?) on Sky 1. However, what I didn't anticipate was going downstairs at about 10pm turning on the satellite and flicking over to Sat 1 and watch a German lassie "flicking over" her hairy triangle (off screen, it was soft-core, remember?). As a 12 year old, I'd wondered what in the world I'd just tuned into. I'd tuned into my first porn film. Watching hairy German fellas humping equally hairy German women in rhythm to the oompah music played over the film was quite an eye-opener for a 12 year old, especially one who wanted to watch "Match of the Day".

After I accepted I'd seen it all, I changed channel and moved to RTL plus (does anyone remember these channels? Or did I make them all up?). There I saw "Tutti Frutti". It was a German game show. But in this show, you didn't win a washing machine, you had to perform a strip tease! By now, I'm sure my brain was leaking out of my ears and just had an assault on my senses. I, eventually, meandered upstairs and went to bed. But I couldn't go to sleep. I was too busy thinking about what I'd seen. Only three things ran through my mind:

1. Is that what passes for evening entertainment in Munich?
2. Have German women heard of a razor?
3. If fat blokes with big moustaches can attract tail like that, what was wrong with me?!

But there was a fourth thing running through my mind.

"I wonder what's on next Saturday night....?"
(Don Draper is, indeed, mad and a man., Sun 14 Aug 2011, 21:13, 6 replies)

And if you kept watching after shutdown you got the canal boat or the fireplace screensaver things although I did once catch a short consisting of a guy pinching a loaf into transparent rubber pants once.
(Benzyl, Sun 14 Aug 2011, 22:43, closed)

Meine liebe!!!
( Owza, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:26, closed)

Wahre Liebe
With the world's worst tranny, Lilo Wanders. It was like Eurotrash with guaranteed filth and no comedy accents.

Unexpected softcore strippers and random bits of porn from Wahre Liebe were in the wank jukebox for years, but not because of Lilo.
( AWPS, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 15:53, closed)

I once got busted with Tutti Frutti on video.
I had a friend at school that used to record films from Sky Movies for us. The problem was, he used to record them over his own video tapes of hours and hours of Sat1 and RTL late night german softcore action.

I was out one night when a friend turned up at my house to ask to borrow the copy of Childs Play that I had from the friend at school. My parents checked the tape that was in my room (which was at the end of Childs Play, where I'd left it) and fast forwarded it slightly to see what was on the tape to find Tutti Frutti. Most embarassing!
( Evil Bastardo, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 17:11, closed)

This sums up the weird British attitude to sex & violence
in what sane world is the pretty innocent Tutti Frutti a bad thing for a schoolboy to watch, but the hack and slash of Child's Play is perfectly OK?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 17:28, closed)

Because pre-marital sex is a shameful offence against God.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 19:32, closed)