Secrets Hey
Well mulling this over there is around 10 things i have done that i would cover up from the rest of the world and compared to some of these i'm like a fucking nun. Most of them are very small and didn't effect anyone but i still wouldn't relay them to most people. Strangely enough the one that im most ashamed of i won't be telling you, even though a lot more people know about it than most of them. I was going to give you an exclusive but unfortunately i go by this alias on many a site so people could identify me as the culprit, i might share it later under a different name.

Anyway a fucking anecdote. This isn't one of those secrets but could very well of been and fits in well here.... However having told one person, i found it cathartic and will now tell anyone after a few pints. It's not particularly guilty although it is in the sense that i feel guilty for myself having to live with the shame.

On my 18th Birthday after enough beer, i decided to purchase some rubber johnnies to entertain my non-existant lady friends with. I have no idea why, I still am a fucking virgin now at 20 with self esteem issues and OCD related hypochondria. Of course like all teenagers i decided to carry one about in my wallet at all times, you know "just in case", it was a fucking pain in the ars, i used to keep it in one of my card pockets and it was forever falling out when i was trying to pay for things, show id etc. Anyway after a few months i gave up hope and decided it wasn't going to be used any time soon. Plus it was early in the morning, i had work the next day and didn't want to get my hands messy on the trip to smutville i was planning. So i decided to have an aptly named posh wank. I broke out the prophylactic with glee, finally it was going to see daylight, however on tearing open the seal, i was met with a substance stickier than a wham bar. I may as well have just released and jizzed all over my fucking hands. I immediatly informed my best friend that it must have some how dissolved after having not been used for so long. That would of been embarrassing enough but the ordeal was not over, a few weeks later i decided to examine the connies twin still in it's packageing and immediatly clocked on to what had happened. As i routed inside i found not one but two fully formed johnnies in all there glory and in bigger wrappers than the one i had been carrying about with me. All those months i hadn't been prepared to take my chance and seize the day because i had in fact been carrying around the satchet of fucking lube! Yep and it gets worse, after kicking myself for being such a naive sexually clueless prick, i decided to go ahead and do the dirty in my newly discovered spunk stoppers, but no matter how hard i tried and thought back to those models and instructions in year 10 sex ed i could not put the buggers on!!!!!!! This tale is 100% true. I tell this to anyone feeling down about themselves, at least you haven't sunk to stall's depths.
(Joey Stall, Tue 4 Sep 2007, 0:31, Reply)