The Ettiquette of Dealing With Wankers
"We're going to a club in Cardiff for New Year's Eve" my dearly beloved announces.

"OK", bit of a trek from London I think, but why not.

"By the way, it's a gay club I used to goto with the boys", my dearly beloved faghag continues.

"Um, Ok" - I'm not gay, I just don't get it, I don't emotionally understand why some blokes find other men attractive, but live and let live.



New Year's Eve arrives, and we get to Cardiff, a historic city, full of culture, and pissed up Welshmen and women, who seem very similar to their counterparts in pretty much every English city.

We arrive at the club, which is heaving, and meet up with her friends. All is good, and I easily get to the bar and grab a beer, mainly because most of the people there are off their tits on class As.

I have a few more drinks and visit the toilets, still early in the evening, no problem.

A few more beers, and an hour later I revisit to find the gents packed.

The urinal trough is fully utilised with blokes wanking each other off.

Now it's a gay club, they seem to be consenting adults, all seem to enjoying it from a cursory inspection, and it would be none of my business apart from one pressing problem. Four pints of beer are being quite insistent that I need a piss.

I'm bemused by the ettiquette in this situation, it is something 'Debrett's Guide for The Modern Gentleman' is curiously reticent about, especially given it's target audience, but I digress.

Working on the basis of discretion being the better part of valour, I return to my group of friends, and ask a club regular, Matt, where you find a loo if you actually want to use it for the intended purpose of micturition without becoming overly friendly with a group of E'd up bears.

Matt tells me to follow him, and we return to the original gents.

The scene, which would have caused heart failure in many a moral crusader, or brought back happy memories to a number of Tory MPs, hadn't changed.

Matt then bellows out:

"RIGHT YOU BUNCH OF WANKERS, GET OUT THE WAY, SOME OF US JUST WANT A PISS!"

It worked in terms of getting some room, though I did have to dodge the result of someone getting too excited next to me.

Turned out to be a top evening, but it was probably a good job I was 5 or 6 pints down at that point as I think I'd have been far too uptight sober to relax.
(Scooby Don't, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 15:11, 4 replies)

Gets a click from me.
you should send it to Debrett's, and ask them to include it in their next edition. Make sure to post their reply somewhere.
(Spidge New sig needed, donations gratefully accepted., Wed 8 Apr 2009, 15:19, closed)

dear me, that's poor gay club ettiquete.
Ladies for fornication. Gents for micturation
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 15:20, closed)

I've never experienced this problem in ladies toilets in gay clubs.
It's usually full of camp men telling their fag hag friends how much they loathe their ex boyfriends.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 15:25, closed)

I'm basing an entire generalisation here
on Bang/G.A.Y and cXr during the early nineties. But Bang particularly wasn't that into letting women in back then.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 15:38, closed)