My hand surgeon doubled as a plastic surgeon, so I should've gotten a twofer on boobs and functioning opposable appendages!
Ah, gin! The inevitability of turning one’s self into a morose whirligig of bleeding agony is juuuuuuust masochistic enough to keep us revisiting this roguish drink. I am that delicious juniper berry swill’s silly little dancing monkey, and I pay for it.

After getting well and truly ginned to the tits at a friend’s party, I thought, well, balls to maturity and self-respect. What I mostly wish to do is get on this child’s swing and wind myself up like a corkscrew! I wound, and I wound and, wheeeeeeeeeeeee! I twirled to let go, just like I used to do when I was a kid.

Only, as a kid, I wasn't idiot enough to stick my thumb in the chain. I think the lack of gin made me much smarter back then.

As I twirled, my thumb remained relatively stable in place. I twisted my thumb around, oh, a couple of times. By golly, that hurt. But there was gin to drink, so I put off going to the hospital until morning.

With the new day came the dawning that my thumb was a purple zeppelin affixed perilously to my hand; floppy, upside down and pointing in the wrong direction. I had dislocated it. I had torn all sorts of really important bits. I had a spiral fracture. I got the inevitable stabilising screws, cast and mind-altering drugs.

The very next weekend was Easter, and Easter meant Gin for Jesus. After a couple of aforementioned mind-altering drugs and some gin – I had since forgiven that handsome juniper nectar - in my friend’s yard, drugs dictated that climbing a tree would be the best possible plan of action. One-handed and yet holding a gin & tonic, I got about 6 feet up into the tree, until I fell...

…breaking my other thumb.

I genuinely spent 2 months of my life in a constant state of ‘thumbs up’. It ain’t the pain, my gathered progenies, which is the moral of this story. It’s the fear of looking like a morbidly uncool Fonzie which should keep you away from gin.


(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:14, 4 replies)

heeyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:25, closed)

gin for Jesus
Win.
(JohntheDane, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:39, closed)

As above.
Also whirligig.
(Gertcha_cowson NAH MATE, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 17:15, closed)

Reminds me of why you never sit on a car hood with the doors open
I was at a party where some guy was doing that, had his thumb in the door space, somebody shut the door, "zoop" went the thumb. Quick and dirty. Not as cool as the Fonze, Potsi.
( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 17:19, closed)