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I saw a one act play once but i can't remember who it was by or what it was called.
there were these two women in a generic office and they were doing that thing of busying about doing nothing and then at the end they are horrified to realise they have to do work and this giant word "WORK" decends from the ceiling and the is confetti and fireworks and all sorts of shit and they are all "oh noes!" and i fair shat myself laughing.
Any one know what it is called? Only I'd like to recommend it to you because it has a very funny surprise ending.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:03, archived)
baldmonkey, as talk's resident comedy expert
where is the best comedy club?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:04, archived)
That would be the black cat in Albert Road.
Unless you mean outside of Portsmouth in which case I would have to say the Waxworks in Brading on the IOW. They're closed down now though on account of being shit.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:07, archived)
Open 365 days a year
Or it was. When it was open.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:23, archived)
SO IS YOUR FACE

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:25, archived)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:26, archived)
I heard that there was a comedy night in London
Free to b3tans.
Opposite the law courts.
(I helped save b3ta! mns is... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:07, archived)
comedy at the george?
what was all that about?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:08, archived)
I don't really know.
People never seemed to mention it much.
(I helped save b3ta! mns is... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:09, archived)
well i used to try to get there about 7.30 to help set up and eat a food

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:09, archived)
That was fucking good, had a well ace time.

(I helped save b3ta! Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:42, archived)
Yes.
I think the best set I ever saw there was Damion's.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:46, archived)
Did he do a set? I don't think I was there for that.
I'll tell you what though, I don't know about his comedy, but he cirtainly dabbled in magic. Spangles is pretty hot and I didn't see what he had going for him.
(I helped save b3ta! Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:05, archived)

a ri
magic pampers
(I helped save b3ta! fatpoof, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:06, archived)
Yeah. First night.
I think. Or it might have been a tester night.
It was when Damion was working for FS.
He did two bungled awkward gags shouted "No, I'm baldmonkey" and that was it.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:11, archived)
It was painful.
But at least it was quick.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:11, archived)
it was fucking shit
I was trying to melt into my chair with shame
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:35, archived)
i can't remember the "jokes".
can you?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:35, archived)
not one

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:38, archived)
thasashame

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:39, archived)
I saw Rhys Derby there.
True story. Also a black woman who CHB offended by being a massive racist.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:09, archived)
fucks sake, CHB!
was it andi osho or gina yashere? because they deserve it
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:10, archived)
Please don't mention Gina Yashere in a subthread about comedy.
There is no need.
(I helped save b3ta! mns is... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:11, archived)
A Nigerian, a Nigerian and a Nigerian walk into Nigeria.

(Drimble 0891 50 50 50, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:28, archived)
They all say "In my country I am a princess".

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:50, archived)
If you don't like Gina Yashere's comedy output then you are clearly a massive racist.

(Drimble 0891 50 50 50, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:54, archived)
no that's the perforated eel

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:57, archived)
This should be the answer to everything.

(Drimble 0891 50 50 50, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:02, archived)
mgt fucking rocks

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:09, archived)
The world's strangest porno

(Drimble 0891 50 50 50, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:15, archived)
now look, gag humour is alright, but not want i want from a stand up. but that's just me. as gag humour goes CHB did it well. it was all the sort of stuff you'd expect to see in the b3ta book of sick jokes.
It wasn't from that book. I'm not saying that. Just giving you an idea of the sort of thing.
He did that joke about a man going to a black prostitute and getting her to part her legs so he could see what a pink cushion would look like on his brown sofa.
Not a great joke. Borderline racist. But, you know, it's not stereotyping negroes or anything. Just saying that a black woman's vagina is pink and her skin is brown.
Whereas the black woman's set was all that tedious bullshit they all do about stereotyping black women (mostly ones from nigeria) as prissy idiots and sluts. You know, racism that is shocking but you aren't supposed to be able to call it racism because she happens to be black and is saying it.
But she complained CHB was racist.
Dumb bitch.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:16, archived)
I couldn't tell you if it was andi osho, gina yashere or someone else, though.
They all look the same to me.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:27, archived)
And to be honest, I was preoccupied making sure I knew where my wallet was and ensuring she didn't try to mount me.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:33, archived)
It's funny because it is groundless hate filled racism.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:45, archived)
and that cunt Kelvin McKenzie
heckling the act that was on before him. Sitting behind his massive bouncer.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:18, archived)
That was ace.
It wasn't really heckling. It was just be an obnoxious shit.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:18, archived)
Let's not forget Eco Warrior Dave

(I helped save b3ta! Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:43, archived)
Soz. I meant above the george opposite the royal courts tuesday evenings free to b3tans

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:08, archived)
i want to go on a thursday

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:08, archived)
You want comedy at the dragon, opposite scotland yard thursday nights free to 4rthurians

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:10, archived)
cheers man

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:10, archived)
b3ta /talk - the musical
as soon as a female b3tan sings, the show's over
(I helped save b3ta! Eddache, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:13, archived)
From now on I am renaming all female b3tans " Hideous Generic Internet She-Mess". Or HiGISM for short.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:18, archived)
"Do you take this HiGISM to be your lawful wedded wife,
to settle for and pretend to love until a better offer comes along?"

"Totes."
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:30, archived)
"And do you take this failed husk of a man to be your excuse to dress like a fat princess with too much make up,
in ill-managed finances and poorer, in sickness and in preference to being left on the shelf?"

"No really, I wanted a sci-fi themed wedding."
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:37, archived)
You may now light-sabre the bride.

(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:13, archived)
I want a sci fi themed wedding
I want to do it all like Tron, with light bikes on the way to the church and throwing a frisbee instead of a bouquet.
(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:19, archived)
Oh, go study the law up your cock end and shit out a tea boy.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:22, archived)
Sorry. Thought you were someone else.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:22, archived)
KAPLOWIE, RIGHT IN THE KISSER.

(I helped save b3ta! Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:43, archived)
Did this really happen or was it a dream?
Think carefully, now.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:19, archived)
Fuck knows.
Was really funny though.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:22, archived)
Where's the human-chin when you need him?

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:22, archived)
He's in CHINa

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:29, archived)
QUICK, BOY WONDER!
Three words that mean chin other than chin!
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:31, archived)
knock out
thump
punch
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:38, archived)
Stop pissing on the Chompangutan's parade.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:45, archived)
Yes, I saw it too.
Think it was a double bill with another play about a stranger on the stairs or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:47, archived)
I remember that it was part of a double bill. And I remember the plays were by two different people.
It was a good night I think. I could be wrong.
I thought it was by Alan Ayckbourne but apparently not.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:49, archived)
Nope, think I was getting confused with this double bill
www.uktw.co.uk/archive/play/an-englishman-abroad/L01875331553/
(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:57, archived)
Was that "artistic" Caroline there?

(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:10, archived)
Dunno.
Soz.
I've got an appalling memory for these things.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:13, archived)
You were wearing your red jumper.

(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:17, archived)
It all gets mixed up.
I don't remember seeing a play with Caroline at all.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:24, archived)
Thank god for that.
Neither do I.
(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:34, archived)
Good.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:38, archived)
No, but here's a picture of my piece of shit car
i.imgur.com/8evqY.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:07, archived)
Looks in better nick than mine.
I managed to crash my own two cars together on my own driveway. Apparently J turns in a Daihatsu don't work.
(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:11, archived)
Nothing works in a Daihatsu

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:14, archived)
I also do that thing where I drive off with the doors open and then swing the wheel and brake to make the doors close.
Only the drivers door works now.
(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:17, archived)
Nice one.
If you had the right micro-organisms, could you run a car on shit, do you think?
Maybe convert it so the shit gets split into solids, water and gas by the micro organisms. The engine runs off the gas, the water goes into the cooling system and the left over solid matter goes into a storage container to be dumped on the garden as fertiliser.
It's just that you said "shit car" and the other day I was reading about sewage treatment for a rap song about sewage treatment and the two ideas sort of crossed over.
Basically, is the any way I can get a picture of spangolin with her tights round her ankles hitching up her skirt and shitting into the fuel tank of a Ford Ka?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:18, archived)
I'm fairly sure you could make a variant of a woodgas engine to run on shit
the trouble is the water; you need a large amount of heat to extract the gas, and the water acts as a coolant; removing the water wastes a massive amount of the heat you're generating, which is why you want a dry fuel.

You could make a system at home though, where you build a shit pit, extract the gas from there into a tank, and then run the car from it just like LPG. That would be a piece of piss, but you'd need a LOT of shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:24, archived)
The dream, of course, is to have a toilet as a car seat.
I'm thinking now of a windmill on top of the car powering one of those salad spinner things. But with shit. Get the water out that way.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:27, archived)
This one's actually got a wind turbine
www.speedace.info/solar_van.htm
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:30, archived)
i can't really look here.
but i'm now going to become obsessed with the idea of a car with holes in all the seats so people shit as it goes along, fueling the car and spraying safe fertiliser mixed with poppy seeds to one side at the flick of a switch.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:34, archived)
the name could be some helarius poopy/poppy pun

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:43, archived)
I would never shit into a Ford Ka
too cheap and tacky. Something with some excitement, maybe.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:27, archived)
it'll look good when it's done though

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:19, archived)
anything would be better than what I discovered today:
i.imgur.com/BDrjO.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:26, archived)
ooooooh that looks crumbly
and here you were slating the VW Beetles not so long ago
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:28, archived)
This one's only crumbly around the bottom
Beetles have a crumbly SOUL
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:30, archived)

this one mono
beetles women
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:32, archived)
take the top shell off
and stick it on a Ford Escort. Job done.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:35, archived)