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Anyone want a free ticket for the Nick Cave gig in Glasgow tomorrow?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:56, Reply)
No thanks

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:59, Reply)
K

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 21:02, Reply)
Is there any chance of changing the venue?
To like, my lounge?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 21:03, Reply)
Soz m8, no.
I'm going to the Nottingham date on Thursday.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 21:06, Reply)
I am having a beer and watching the Fussball.
Tempted to get messy. But I have to do a webex session at 7am tomorrow to guys in New York.

You reckon they will notice if I am still drunk at 7am?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:33, Reply)
Yes. Don't be a flid

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:37, Reply)
The voice of reason has spoken

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:41, Reply)
I'll do some hash negotiation tomorrow with the lad

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:43, Reply)
I don't listen to what everyone else says, you're alright you are

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:50, Reply)
Nah, couple of coffees will sort you out.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:39, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8118166
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:42, Reply)
The sensible answer is, of course, don't do it. But I suspect you've already made your mind up anyway.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:46, Reply)
I'm voting with McBeef here

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:43, Reply)
You should get inhumanly drunk and then launch a websex session with the guys in New York.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:49, Reply)
So 2am their time?
Go for it, they'll probably be cunted as well
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:58, Reply)
totally pushing that prick down the board

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 18:20, Reply)
Hi Horbs xx

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 18:26, Reply)
Go stab yourself in the jebend

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 18:28, Reply)
What is best in house

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 18:30, Reply)
To crush your Man Parrish, zzzzz

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 18:48, Reply)
Wanky bum tits

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 18:42, Reply)
Excellent work.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 18:50, Reply)
Anyone got any shoe?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 19:51, Reply)
Mr C's club The End had the best bouncers ever

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:10, Reply)
Heh

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:37, Reply)
One of the apprentices reckons he can get squidgy hash.
I'm not sure it's a good idea to buy drugs off someone I'm supposed to be teaching
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:22, Reply)
I think it's a great idea and you should deffo get me an ounce as well which I'll pay over the odds for which will cover your own bit

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:36, Reply)
Would you want an Oz of red or gold seal,

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 20:45, Reply)
New afternoon thread
What is the best thing in your house?

Follow up question, what is the best way to get into your house?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:01, Reply)
My wine cellar
and through the velux into the ensuite. Ideally leaving a box of milk tray and a calling card.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:04, Reply)
The best promise I can make is not top smash your back doors in

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:08, Reply)
Mind the daliahs then

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:19, Reply)
The best thing in my house is my wife*, followed closely by my record collection
The best way to get into my house is by invite.

*GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:04, Reply)
so gay

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:05, Reply)
bent af

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:08, Reply)
I got a wife and I know your record collection
So leaving you off the list.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:10, Reply)
Does your wife know you refer to her as a thing?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:13, Reply)
yes

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:20, Reply)
Hahaha, she's only no3 in my house

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:15, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:16, Reply)
oh HO!

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:21, Reply)
benter than bent

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:16, Reply)

www.blackburn.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=46019
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:24, Reply)
"How gay is he?"
"Tugay"
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:26, Reply)
actually, his name is pronounced Too-guy

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:30, Reply)
wanker

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:30, Reply)
^^^^^^

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:08, Reply)
Hush hush, eye to eye

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:08, Reply)
arf

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:44, Reply)
Benter than you ever could imagine... Bent.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:25, Reply)
bent as a nine bob note
/showing my age and geographic location
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:27, Reply)
I'm not sure location has fuck all to do with it

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:42, Reply)
that's what I was thinking tbh
'bob' for a shilling was used everywhere I thought
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:06, Reply)
Most northerners I've ever met lay claim to every expression, even cockney

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:23, Reply)
my tiny fucken nipples lol

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:04, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:08, Reply)
Everyones got nipples m8
They are worthless.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:11, Reply)
MINE PENUS THEN

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:13, Reply)
can't even see mine :'(
skin is so pale, they're invisible
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:13, Reply)
^ naturally airbrushed

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:19, Reply)
and not an elastoplast in sight

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:23, Reply)
body braille

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:20, Reply)
Couldn't choose ,

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:12, Reply)
The tick tock noise all over the gaff would deafen a normal before even trying to get out

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:15, Reply)
I have worried that a geiger counter could pinpoint my safe in the past

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:34, Reply)
apart from me
my collection of dragons, i suppose. the door is triple deadlocked and the windows have toughened glass. do your worst. be advised, however, there is a tarantula roaming around the place.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:13, Reply)
If Youtube has toaught me one thing
Is that most doorlocks are utterly shit
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:20, Reply)
the braindeads round my way couldn't manage that
and thanks to one of my neighbours, i know that even the police with their big red key will take a good ten minutes to open one of these doors
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:27, Reply)
this
*points at crotch*
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:17, Reply)
It looks damaged

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:18, Reply)
yeah, that can happen

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:24, Reply)
NO REFUNDS

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:27, Reply)
My records
My synths
My tits
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:19, Reply)
The hipster pledge of alligence

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:20, Reply)
Best thing?? My Husband, dog, or telly, probs.
We also have a cool cellar, which the dog refuses to go down.
It's like something out of Blair Witch with a cool, old, stone fireplace type thing, where human sacrifices were clearly burned.
Now it's where the washing machine goes.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:24, Reply)
you've wasted the perfect opportunity to make your own sex dungeon

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:29, Reply)
weed farm, duh

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:30, Reply)
You need to tap the electrics, those lights and pumps cost loads to run

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:39, Reply)
LED lights make that less of an issue I thought?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:07, Reply)
Not really, you'd still be looking at kilowatts

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:19, Reply)
mate of mine does large scale grows (well, ex mate really) and he always used industrial units so no eyebrows would be raised over leccy usage

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:22, Reply)
I can't even keep a cactus alive, no chance.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:03, Reply)
I've just gone and killed about 5 of them in my attempts to graft a peyote onto a san pedro

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:27, Reply)
It puts the lotion in the basket

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:33, Reply)
Probs my music collection followed by my books.
Aside from that I don't really have many things.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:13, Reply)
There is a local jewelry shop near me that is selling something which could well be triple it's value at least , the old boy seems to have no idea, do I buy and rip him off?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 17:53, Reply)
Sure, stupid old people, they're asking for it really

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 18:06, Reply)
He clearly paid less than he's getting, so he is earning

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 18:11, Reply)
It's probably cursed

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 19:21, Reply)
*squarts*
Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored

Customer of the day: Simon Chicken

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:41, Reply)
Did you tell him a cock joke, Richard? To show him how devoted you are to customer service? Did you?
Or did you do that little dance and sing "I feel like Chicken tonight!"?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:46, Reply)
Of course not, what do you take me for

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:58, Reply)
Have just read the plot of 'Click'. It sounds alright.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:48, Reply)
I can't even look at that cunt's face

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:49, Reply)
It's shit
hth
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:50, Reply)
The cobbler sounds even more uninspired.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:56, Reply)
Load of Cobblers more like, etc.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:57, Reply)
And is a bit rapey

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:29, Reply)
didn't know that, I only know the basic premise.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:41, Reply)
No m8

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:33, Reply)
Squart, then, wherever you may be
I am the lord of the squart, said mcbeef
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:48, Reply)
he'

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:49, Reply)
And I'll paed you all, wherever you may be

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:50, Reply)
Kumbashart, my lord, kubashart

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:51, Reply)
Simon Chicken and Richard McBeef

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:50, Reply)

Chicken
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:50, Reply)

or Beef?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:50, Reply)
Only one way to find out...

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:52, Reply)
Daddy or chips sounds like some kind of nightmare dressup game
where you wear a mask of either her father or the catch phrase mascot
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:53, Reply)
Snake Charmer!!!

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:54, Reply)
Lifting The Top Hat
to urban dictionary!
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:55, Reply)
lolz

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:55, Reply)
Chicken was the slang term for sniff when I lived on the costa
that and shoe
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:52, Reply)
Chicken was slang for shoe?
I'm gonna drink champagne out of your chicken, you fine filly of a gal.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:54, Reply)
Cobblers and chicken shops must have had a very confusing time.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:55, Reply)
that sounds like something by ill-fated skiffle ensemble "the ocean coloured scenes"

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:57, Reply)
Were you sharing a flat with Chris Morris or something?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:57, Reply)
Chicken & McBeef
B3ta's answer to Cagney & Lacey
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:08, Reply)
More redundancies at work
no one in my department, but still.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:54, Reply)
My brother goes onto statutory sick pay at the end of this week unless he can sort something out with his employer
Fortunately he has sickness/unemployment insurance on his mortgage but it's still super shit.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:57, Reply)
They've announced some here but I think it's mostly for people on the bench.
Last time they did this they were shocked by how many people put their hands up for voluntary redundancy; it was quite a lot more than they expected.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:25, Reply)
BIG BALLS

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:58, Reply)
I'll ask you again
HOW IS YOUR MISSUS
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:59, Reply)
Oh, hi mate
She's getting better slowly, still struggling with some nasty headaches and just being a bit wiped out after only a little activity, but definitely showing improvement. Neurologist again this morning and he seemed pretty happy with how she's getting on.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:04, Reply)
Excellent - my anonymous best wishes must have helped.
need some car advice: would you buy a Cat D write off?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:13, Reply)
Send her my best plz

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Send her my BREAST plz
lol
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:40, Reply)
And.....
Chicken or Beef has a winner!
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:47, Reply)
have a wank

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:59, Reply)
might post some upset comments on the BBC news site

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:04, Reply)
The local Oxford newspaper always has top quality angry comments

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:05, Reply)
my local free paper is good for mental whingers
the shit they complain about is funny as hell
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:07, Reply)
Some people just have too much time and not enough brain

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:08, Reply)
one bloke has a letter published pretty much every week
he used to be a councillor but now he just sticks his fucking oar in anywhere he can, complaining about the sound from a free beach festival 2 miles away from his house, or untidy grass verges he is forced to witness on his drive to his daughter's house
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:19, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4920738/Psychopaths-prefer-listening-rap-music.html
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:25, Reply)
Turns out my mystery gin is a gift from my sister, good one sis

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:26, Reply)
Surely you're not suggesting that a Daily Mail article is credible in any way?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:30, Reply)
I doubt anyone who's ever listened to Snow Patrol is a psychopath, or interesting in any way.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:34, Reply)
They might read the Daily Heil though
Which is open and shut evidence for a cunt
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:38, Reply)
I like as a member of the metropolitan liberal elite I can basically go with 'if the DM hates it it's probably alright'.
It's a good inverse critic.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:41, Reply)
I still have to side with Smashy on the great metal vs rap debate though

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:44, Reply)
nah
Although I doubt the DM approves of metal either.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:47, Reply)
\m/\m/

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:50, Reply)
^
And vice versa in most cases, as well.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:45, Reply)
If they can't spell the headline right I'm not reading the article

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:31, Reply)
they say that
but the Neapolitan mafia, before they go to kill someone, will listen to love songs.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:34, Reply)
that'd make me want to kill, too

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:37, Reply)
More likely to by PSYCHOPATHS?
I'm assuming that was meant to be "buy," is this about shopping habits or human trafficking?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:37, Reply)
I've just gone and got all political on Links
I expect the nutters to come out in force.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:39, Reply)
now what did you want to go and do a thing like that for eh

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:50, Reply)
Cos I'm bored
I'm chairman of the bored.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 15:53, Reply)
I bored your nan out

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 16:05, Reply)
I had a copy of Fat White Family's Songs For Our Mothers on CD and I can't find it
it arrived at work and I listened to it here, but somewhere between the office and home it's gone missing. That was two weeks ago. I fear it is lost forever and I must needs buy it again.

Have you misplaced anything recently? Or ever? Did you find it?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:00, Reply)
I couldn't find the key to my desk just before we were moving office and it had things like my works phone in.
Eventually found it in a tupperware that had been in my bag act had since taken out.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:13, Reply)
I once lost my keys and spent a whole evening looking for them
eventually traced them to the a file of documents I'd closed on my desk and my keys had gotten caught in them and transported to a cupboard...
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:23, Reply)
I borrowed a mate's copy of Fat of the Land at university and genuinely forgot to give it back for about six months.
He had a right go at me when he found out I had it.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:13, Reply)
I still have CDs that have become entwined with my collection

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:23, Reply)
My wife left a bag with some CDs in it at her aunt's house in Wales, about 7 years ago.
I've never been able to work out what we lost.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:23, Reply)
SClub7 and Chaz'n'Dave

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:25, Reply)
I don't do requests.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:27, Reply)

Eiffel 65, Mr Oizo, rave remixes of Never Ending Story...
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:28, Reply)
I lost the disc to Stoosh, went missing for years. Then when I was ripping cd's I found it stuffed in a Billy Bragg wallet that a housemate left when they moved out.
It has gone missing again though.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:37, Reply)
ANECDOTE

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:53, Reply)
I suspect the same cunt that nicked my 12" of Mr Kirk's Nightmare also nicked my Knifehandchop cd.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:56, Reply)
It's the return of karma, though.
I leant a Sky album to a mate and never got it back.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:48, Reply)
I lost a £300 ring at my old flat
I assumed it would show up when I moved out. It didn't
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:14, Reply)
lol ring

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:27, Reply)
Don't want to hear about mcbeef's ring, thank you.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:28, Reply)
Yes.
I lost a mobile phone about 20 years ago, never found it. The loss scarred me so much that I was banging on about it on the Internet 13 years ago, and still am today.

www.b3ta.com/questions/lost/post19311
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:20, Reply)
Nicely recycled

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:24, Reply)
Lost my evil dead t-shirt
Can't find it anywhere
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:23, Reply)
Gutted

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:25, Reply)
Probably in the fruit cellar.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:25, Reply)
I don't have a fruit cellar

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:28, Reply)
Where do you keep your gourds, then?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:30, Reply)
Big Yelow Gourdage

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:43, Reply)
my innocence
in a bin around the back of Tescos
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:26, Reply)
I've misplaced my ability to seem remotely interested in my job
checked down the back of the sofa and everything
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:38, Reply)
Threadjack
saw Mindhorn yesterday, it was rather funny and very well done. I do enjoy Steve Coogan when he plays arseholes.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:44, Reply)
When does he ever not play arseholes, to be fair?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:45, Reply)
Alan Arseridge

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:49, Reply)
Paul Carse

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:50, Reply)
24hr Party Poople

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:00, Reply)

P F
+ho
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:03, Reply)
Better.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:04, Reply)
^shitty-shoed bastard^

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:39, Reply)
Tommy Saxondanal

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:50, Reply)
Doctor Terrible's House of Anal.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:53, Reply)
That's on my watch list.
Fingers crossed that Amazon will put it on Prime, rather than me having to spend money on it.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:52, Reply)
I fell asleep watching it, and I never fall asleep watching films
except when I do
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:55, Reply)
I fell asleep watching No Country For Old Men.
I normally avoid watching films when I'm tired, and have extended that rule to avoiding boring films wherever possible.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:59, Reply)
hey gary, are you still in touch with David Vorhaus?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:00, Reply)
+If so, can you please get him to perform anilingus on me?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:03, Reply)
come on m8, I don't want to come on too strong straight away

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:15, Reply)
okay, just settle for a light patting of the balls

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:16, Reply)
Not directly
just bump into him from time-to-time at friend's place
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:41, Reply)
20 years
I nodded off for a bit and when I awoke it was to a cripplingly expensive failed marriage, two kids who vaguely resemble the ex wife's gym instructor, and ownership of the only house in the UK which actually dropped in value
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:24, Reply)
Alright, Adam Sandler in 'Click'.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:30, Reply)
Never saw it but I imagine it to be as shit as everything else he even breathes on

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:32, Reply)
Click and The Wedding Singer are (IMHO) the only non-shit things he's ever done.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:34, Reply)
I enjoyed The Wedding Singer when I saw it at the cinema,
but a second viewing on TV disabused me of that opinion.
The only tolerable thing he's done is Hotel Transylvania. In a similar vein, Open Season is an enjoyable Martin Lawrence film.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:41, Reply)
Punch Drunk Love is very, very good
I didn't enjoy it, but I had to admit that it's a fine film.

Sandler plays very well against Phillip Seymour Hoffman - that's how good it/he is.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 14:53, Reply)
WANKERS
That thread wasn't going anywhere, have another.

I've just received an anonymous bottle of fancy-ass gin in the post:

www.masterofmalt.com/gin/nao/nao-gin/

Cool huh? Every had a mystery item turn up?

In other news I bought some sneakers and they are deffo counterfeit - ever tried to get a debit card transaction reversed?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:04, Reply)
You can steal my heart, but never my post.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:06, Reply)
Shows what you know, I've been nicking your mail for years

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:07, Reply)
Nao m8.
I'd rather have a bottle of fancy-ass gin than a bottle of fancy ass-gin.

Most debit cards include some sort of insurance against fraudulent purchases, I believe. I've never made a claim, though.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:07, Reply)
Credit cards are easy, but debits not so much, as I understand

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:08, Reply)
Hmm. Does the site from which you ordered them offer any kind of payment protection?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:09, Reply)
dunno, will have a look

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:17, Reply)
I think you can still do chargebacks on debit.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:56, Reply)
seems that way

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:26, Reply)
Credit card only for online purchases, you know it makes sense.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:08, Reply)
I don't have one - and won't be able to have one for a couple of years due to my past financial woes

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:14, Reply)
what a wanker, eh?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:20, Reply)
/talk needs a Who's Who guide - that'd avoid these faux pas.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:23, Reply)
I've got a prepay credit card for the kids to use on Google Play and the Nintendo e-shop, with the intention that they can use that without fear of running me up a huge bill.
Never actually let them have it, though, so it's kind of pointless, although it does stop any impulse purchasing, as they have to get me to load money on the card and then wait a couple of days before buying anything.

Maybe Mrs mcbeef could get one for you?
I'm sure she'd enjoy watching you grovel everytime you wanted to buy more shoes.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:21, Reply)

I reckon that you don't have a prepay credit card, and if you do I'd be intrigued how the credit element works.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:35, Reply)
You can't run up any debt on it, but it's definitely a Mastercard.
Call it what you like, it's no skin off mine.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:57, Reply)
I think they're a mug's game anyway, those things.
They make it exponentially easier to live beyond your means.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:22, Reply)
I learnt that lesson when I took every storecard that was offered to me.
One credit card only, now, and it's paid off every month.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:24, Reply)
Blinded by your own thriftiness.
I always told them to get to fuck.

I aint got no nectar cards neither.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:00, Reply)
I was a student at the time.
The credit providers' readiness to lend to me does not reflect well on them.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:13, Reply)
when I was about a month from total destitution in tens of thousands of pounds of unaffordable debt
Sainsbury's Bank lent me ten grand without a whisper of a problem

The daft cunts
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:15, Reply)
No wonder millennials can't get mortgages.
To be fair I didn't pay off this month's statement due to a blend of laziness and forgetfulness. Good job they take the minimum automatically.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:18, Reply)
I had mine set up to pay only the minimum by direct debit, and would pay off the balance each month manually.
Then I got lazy, but I realised that I'm enough of a tightwad for this to be unnecessary.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:27, Reply)
Yeah, I keep meaning to flip mine over to pay the lot.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:29, Reply)
Were you the cause of the 2007 Financial Crisis?
Well played for shifting the blame to US subprime mortgage lending.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:21, Reply)
Yes, that was me m8

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:26, Reply)
Should've done what the guy did in a case I worked on.
He owed his dealer about ten grand so his dealer offered to wipe the slate clean if he'd drive to Amsterdam, leave his car in the car park for a couple of hours then pick it up again and drive back to the UK.

Actually that didn't turn out so well for him so maybe it's not such a good idea.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:22, Reply)
Did he forget to Pay & Display?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:36, Reply)
Routine vehicle check when crossing the Dutch border.
They found 3 g of his own personal coke in his wallet and thought it would be a good idea to search the rest of the car. If he hadn't been such a pillock, he might have got away with it.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:39, Reply)
what an idiot

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:40, Reply)
Yes, I'm going to agree with you there.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:41, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:41, Reply)
They're a mugs game if you don't have enough self control...
...but the S75 protection they offer can be invaluable.

I bought a car a couple of years ago, paid a 200 deposit on credit card and the balance of 3800 in cash. The timing belt failed and wrecked the engine within days and the dealer vanished - I got a full refund from the credit card.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:55, Reply)
Gin is ming
no
and no

bit of a negative reply here soz about that
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:11, Reply)
that's OK m8
*hugs*
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:15, Reply)
I dunno

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:20, Reply)
how's the missus?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:25, Reply)
poon

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:39, Reply)
clunge

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:41, Reply)
minge

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:16, Reply)
no, but I have a list of items to send anonymously to Two Hats

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:47, Reply)
I'm looking forward to this

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:59, Reply)
I've just downloaded an e-mail spider called Web Email Extractor.
The setup filename is 'weesetup', lol.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:48, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:50, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:16, Reply)
Had some Viscount biscuits turn up on the shop last night
The mrs added them, mystery solved.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:51, Reply)
spooky stuff m8

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:57, Reply)
That's a classy biscuit.
Maybe she's married beneath herself?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:02, Reply)
How very dare you
She'd never had kale till I turned up.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:08, Reply)
They're good but Yo-Yo's were better.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:58, Reply)
But I am a Prince!

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:00, Reply)
Take them on Judge Rinder...

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:56, Reply)

+G

-e
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:58, Reply)
*googles*
wow, he looks like a right cunt
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:01, Reply)
Bezzie mates with Benedict Cumberbatch, apparently.
He's no Judge Judy, that's for sure.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:03, Reply)
Figures.
They both have weird, alien-like features.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:06, Reply)
I think Cumberbatch is rather pretty.
Uh, no homo.

Well, maybe a bit homo.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:15, Reply)
He's the Marmite of actors, by all accounts.
Either you fling every item of underwear you own at him or you think he's an extra from a Star Trek bar scene.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:17, Reply)
I can well believe that.
He's never really topped his role as Martin in Cabin Pressure.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:19, Reply)
Is that the shit 'comedy' about flight attendants that was on the freeview sky channel?
If I recall it had Finn from hollyoaks on it. Out of the frying pan.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:21, Reply)
No.
It was a radio comedy about a small airline. Excellent, if you enjoy John Finnemore's work, probably terrible if you don't.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:29, Reply)
I think I might be thinking of Mile High.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:33, Reply)
Looks like it.
Scott Adkins was in that.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:39, Reply)

Either you fling every item of underwear you own at him or you think he's an extra from a Star Trek bar scene i like to put him on my winky and have the dog lick it off
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:21, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:43, Reply)
Yeah, Mrs Hats got some counterfeit Pandora stuff
And raised a case with mastercard and they refunded the money. She had to send the URL to them, I think. I can find out if you want
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:13, Reply)
yezpliz
Just had an order from Phil Oakey of The Human League, how about THAT?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:39, Reply)
is that how he referred to himself?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:56, Reply)
Yes. This was the email:
'Hi Richard, Phil Oakey (of t3h Human League) here, 'Don't You Want Me' to place an order with you lol

Love from

Phil Oakey (of t3h Human League')

Makes a change from Robert Fripp who orders at least twice a month, the prick
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:59, Reply)
Were you working as a salesman in an online store
when he met you?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:59, Reply)
He picked me out, he shook me up and turned me around
Turned me into someone poo
lol
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:10, Reply)
In 1986
The Queen pulled down her knicks
She licked her bum and said "Yum yum!"
"It's better than Weetabix!"
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:20, Reply)
I don't believe you

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:25, Reply)
No, that sounds right to me

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:31, Reply)
Yeah I remember Richard Stilgoe discussing it on Nationwide

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:33, Reply)
you can't trust that cunt, se'sly he's full of it

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:39, Reply)
weetabix isn't that nice so it could be

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:34, Reply)
Yeah, i suppose she wouldn't know something as common as weetabix.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:34, Reply)
She's a strictly Jordan's Crunch nigga, that's what I heard

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:38, Reply)
The Queen gave up her N words privileges once we dissolved the Empire.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:40, Reply)
shows what you know
www.royalwarrant.org/company/weetabix-ltd
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:39, Reply)
Bollocks
She just has coffee and fags for breakfast, she gets the coffee from one of her snack vending machines: www.royalwarrant.org/company/strong-vend-limited?back=%2Fdirectory%3Fquery%3DStrong%2Bvend
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:50, Reply)
I work with someone called Phil Oakey
I take the piss out of him all the time, then feel old when none of the younger staff get the jokes...
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:11, Reply)
I'm very happy to be old and out of touch tbh, apart from technology, modern stuff seems shit to me

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:17, Reply)

And bloody kids these days, listening to shitty rap music on the tinny speakers on their phones when they're on the bus - bastards. Wouldn't have happened in my day.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:42, Reply)
That's right, we had proper ghetto blasters

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:43, Reply)
What sort of council povvo scum doesn't have nice sound cancelling headphones to block that shit out?
How ghastly.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:45, Reply)
I hadn't planned on using the bus that day
My chauffeur was taken ill unexpectedly
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:57, Reply)
just re-read this, credit cards are different

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:41, Reply)
oh, of course
soz
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:58, Reply)
Seems like it'll be OK
You have to email the retailer first, then hand it over to the bank if they won't refund
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:00, Reply)
Nope

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:29, Reply)
Yes.
Though it can be a bit hit and miss, because debit card chargebacks aren't enforced by law, unlike the S75 protection that credit cards offer.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 11:47, Reply)
Maybe you bought that gin while you were drunk.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:42, Reply)
Nope, never seen that brand before
I think it's from my sister but she's not replied to my text asking her
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:54, Reply)
Late-night shenanigens on a disreputable hookup app
and some extremely mysterious items have arrived at the door IYKWIM

AND in answer to your other point, some definitely did not match their description and photograph.

I wrote to my MP but she was strangely unsympathetic.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:57, Reply)
Alright Stephen Port, hope all's well with you.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 12:59, Reply)
That was really disturbing
I mean, the difference between his online pics and the mugshots when he was arrested. Those poor young guys who turned up must have died of shock.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:02, Reply)
They died from GHB overdoses and bumming.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:07, Reply)
Curling tongs aren't meant to be inserted anally.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:11, Reply)
"but you told me to straigten out my sex life!*

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:13, Reply)
Like princess diana
Edit: was going to say Maddy but thought that would be tasteless
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 13:11, Reply)
Morning guy's

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 7:54, Reply)
Morning FRIEND
Just bought a beasties t-shirt
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:03, Reply)
I have a Fat Boys shirt and a Grateful Dead one both en route to me from the US

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:17, Reply)
Tweens and Instagram models are in to old tour t-shirts now, you'll both look like wankers

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:46, Reply)
lol
I used to think this site was the shit when my kids were babies.

*fucks off back to mumsnet*
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:50, Reply)
I always look like a wanker

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:15, Reply)
'Zzup.
Feels like Friday but it's only Tuesday. What's that all about then, eh?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:06, Reply)
This week will be a slow one for me

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:16, Reply)
At least you get orders from people with amusing names.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:23, Reply)
That's true

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:34, Reply)
Hi m3√512

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:17, Reply)
racist

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:00, Reply)
Borg Vs McEnroe is the weirdest Star Trek film to date.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:19, Reply)
0/10, please kill yourself

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:34, Reply)
Today should be fairly straight forward I reckon.
How are you?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:25, Reply)
Not too bad thanks

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:34, Reply)
So spoke to soon.
I just had a poo and thought I'd finished, washed my hands and then realised I still had to go. Nightmare
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:52, Reply)
I keep having anxiety dreams where I fill the toilet with so much shit, it won't flush
And often, it spills over the sides. A metaphor for my time on b3ta, I suppose
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:53, Reply)
That wasn't a dream.
When will you be coming round to clean up your mess?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:04, Reply)
Other people's dreams are the most dull.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:08, Reply)
There's no need to be rude to look cool in front of your friends
I just mentioned it because it was relevant
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:18, Reply)
You know what the problem is with this boy?
Too much sass.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:19, Reply)

s
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:58, Reply)
RIP your lawn

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:03, Reply)
harro mate

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:26, Reply)
eton, m8

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:35, Reply)
solly

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:42, Reply)
hay guise

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:44, Reply)
yo

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:50, Reply)
Not very inclusive.
What about the gal's?
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:48, Reply)
Fuck 'em

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:00, Reply)
Hullo

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 8:50, Reply)
well now

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:00, Reply)
I know, i know

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:18, Reply)
I didn't know you were a vicar

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:22, Reply)
Haha, so you saw it then
I realised that my address was still on it, after I'd posted it. I'll do it again later.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:26, Reply)
yes I know where you live now

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:28, Reply)
Send him a Double Decker.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:37, Reply)
Send him a rapist.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:41, Reply)
Send him a singing telegram.

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:51, Reply)
Is there a number that you can call to order a Jehovah's Witness?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:52, Reply)
It's Nein oh wun
morns
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:02, Reply)

wun too
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:02, Reply)
Hi gary how r u lol

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:06, Reply)
Lollier than Shirley Temple on the Good Ship Lolalot

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:12, Reply)
Disgusting

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:19, Reply)
Morning
I fucking LOVE Tuesdays me
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:37, Reply)
yessssssssssssssss

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:46, Reply)
alright

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:44, Reply)
how's it going?

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:46, Reply)
Good morning back at you
With bells on
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:45, Reply)
typo

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:46, Reply)
*nods*

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:57, Reply)
£143 mill on the euromillions
if the odds weren't 1 in 160 million to win it, I'd get a ticket.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:47, Reply)
You've got to be innit
to winnit.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:52, Reply)
defo

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:58, Reply)
I wouldn't mind £143m.
Played the lottery once, but didn't win, so won't be making that mistake again.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:53, Reply)
request a refund
probably violates the sales of goods act
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 9:59, Reply)
Bit late, I suspect.
Shame, I'll never get that pound back, now.
(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 10:04, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:48, Reply)
morning

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:49, Reply)
alright Mr Beefo

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:49, Reply)
Good ta
How's the indignity of working for the man playing out
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:52, Reply)
not bad so far,
they let me wear my cat slippers AND they're ordering me exactly the mechanical keyboard that i wanted.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 22:19, Reply)
I reckon I'll miss my generic HP keyboard with fur round the keys and visible chunks worn out of the vowels and spacebar.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 23:34, Reply)
programming on a typewriter, could you BE any more hipster

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 0:01, Reply)
Alright "Chandler" "Bing"

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 7:19, Reply)
" "

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 7:50, Reply)
you betcha

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:54, Reply)
RIP Brucie

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:55, Reply)
It's a laugh innit

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 22:08, Reply)
big jobs

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 22:09, Reply)
BIG KNOBS, MORE LIKE!!!!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 22:43, Reply)
i no rite

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 1:37, Reply)

I'm sure this must have already been covered, but even if he WAS correct; who the cocking fuckpricks gets pissing well offended by a fucking drawing of a cunting building?!
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 19:22, Reply)
What's that then?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 19:40, Reply)
It's about you being a fucking spaz, no offence

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 19:46, Reply)
Oh, nice way to get a conversation going.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 19:54, Reply)
I put no effort in to my posts and have a flippant attitude toward a puerile forum populated by an assortment of sad wankers.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 19:57, Reply)
So there.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 19:58, Reply)
I was only asking what you're jabbering on about

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:17, Reply)
It's just some classic beeter bants!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:28, Reply)
You sound like a bit of a cocking fuckprick m8 no offence

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:40, Reply)
would you go as far as cockwomble?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:40, Reply)
Oh come on m8 let's not escalate this to cockwomble

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:44, Reply)
You pisskidney!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:46, Reply)
shitprawn

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:48, Reply)
Too far.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:51, Reply)
Me.
I'm outraged, m8.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:19, Reply)
'Who the fucking cockpricks'

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:20, Reply)
I blame the flautists.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:25, Reply)
I blame the autists

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:27, Reply)
+It's 8.40pm!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:40, Reply)
Heh

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:42, Reply)
alt: TURTLE POWER

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:27, Reply)
Heh2

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:31, Reply)
That's heh
for neh
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:33, Reply)
'member, with vorderman before she became a horrendous massive-breasted caricature of herself, fred 'murder casebook' dineage, and violet berlin's husband

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:36, Reply)
Carol Vorderman's Magnificent Arse

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:41, Reply)
Oh yeah, you have a thing for her don't you, 2nd only to Sian
disgusting
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:46, Reply)
#infest

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:48, Reply)
Violet Berlin was packing some danger back in the Bad Influence days.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 22:02, Reply)
Used to post on a dnb forum you went on occasionally as well.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 22:23, Reply)
#FakeTaxiAnecdote

(, Tue 26 Sep 2017, 6:24, Reply)
I have no idea what you're on about.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:24, Reply)
Ur face m8
Also, songs: Ohia y/n
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:24, Reply)
not heard them.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:31, Reply)
Aye, put The Lioness on. Reckon you'll like it.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:32, Reply)
I'll give it a go.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:33, Reply)
If we humour him, maybe he'll calm down?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:24, Reply)
yeah, because that usually works on here

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:13, Reply)
prolly muslims and autisms

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:34, Reply)
And Jews

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:35, Reply)
Haha, minions, what are they like eh!!!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:36, Reply)
hahaha

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:37, Reply)
Banana!
Haha, "banana"!
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:44, Reply)
Oh man!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 20:46, Reply)
They're the popular culture equivalent of b3ta's own funny-faced man, and no mistake!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:14, Reply)
Haha, "fuck"!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:18, Reply)
I did this picture once, can't believe it wasn't FP'd
s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/45371/1434402239/fuckliftminion.jpg"
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:20, Reply)
Time to shutdown b3ta, this wins everything.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:23, Reply)
It's 'for teh win'

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:28, Reply)

www.traptoys.com/easy-he/
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 21:09, Reply)
Are you sure you're trying hard enough?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 23:19, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:42, Reply)
our new office has chairs without arms.
I've nearly fallen out of my chair several times today.

#interesting #mick
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:49, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:52, Reply)
I ought to start bringing allen keys into work, to remove the arms from chairs.
Awful things.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:03, Reply)
How are arms remotely bad?
I keep missing them when trying to sit up after a good slouch.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:06, Reply)
I like to sit high up, and close to the desk.
Arms on the chair mean I can only do one of those things.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:13, Reply)
Our last ones had arms you could turn round so they faced backwards.
You could get close to the desk yet still push yourself up by the elbows if you'd had a good slouch.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:18, Reply)
Might just turn my chair 360° and walk away.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:20, Reply)


(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:21, Reply)








lol?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:33, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:50, Reply)
LMFAO

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:53, Reply)
Alright Richard
I'm off work this week sorting out the garden.
I've used up 50 bags of stone chippings so far
and my back hurts. Might as well be at work lol.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:51, Reply)
Lift from the knees, Rich
PS alright lol
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:52, Reply)
Have you seen Kingsmen yet?
I lol'd at Elton John
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:58, Reply)
Was he "a little bit funny"?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:14, Reply)
lmao

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:12, Reply)
Rofl

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:15, Reply)
roflmao

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 18:54, Reply)
Hahahaha x infinity

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 19:10, Reply)
Slow down, /talk, I can't keep up with this breakneck pace.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:21, Reply)
Might get my knob out
drum up some interest, you know
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:22, Reply)
get a buzz going
that's what they say, isn't it?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:24, Reply)
Will it attract flies?
t attract flies?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:30, Reply)
90s rap chat didn't exactly set the board alight, did it?
Maybe we should have a discussion about the respective sincerities of theological expression in the music of Thomas Tallis and Orlando Gibbons.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:29, Reply)
or I could just get my knoblet out

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:30, Reply)
'Knoblet' sounds like a processed chicken speciality.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:31, Reply)
cock au vin

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:33, Reply)
Faggots and gravy

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:50, Reply)
haha, Brains faggots - like in t3h zombuie films!!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:58, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:58, Reply)
They were a staple 'mum's not coming home for tea' meal when I was a lad.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:50, Reply)
*writes 'abandonment issues' and 'alcoholic mum' down on pad*
I see. Please, continue
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:55, Reply)
rap is fucking shit for people who can't actually sing but like to throw their hands about like cunts

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:03, Reply)
oh boy...

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:04, Reply)
i fucking hate rap

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:07, Reply)
Then I strongly recommend not listening to it

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:11, Reply)
i don't
i prefer rock/metal
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:12, Reply)
My dad calls it "crap"!
You can have that one for free.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:14, Reply)
i've already got a dad
but thanks anyway
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:20, Reply)
Just imagine the wacky comedy hijinks that would ensue if you had two!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:23, Reply)
i can just see the title
"the two miserable cunts"
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:27, Reply)
Chuck Lore phones lawyers.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:31, Reply)
as a hobby?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:45, Reply)
^ This.
But we have to watch what we say around here in case we hurt Richard McBeef's feelings.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:07, Reply)
he has every right to like it
but i'd rather jam a squirrel in each ear
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:13, Reply)
You'd have to be nuts

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:34, Reply)
I'm very sensitive, plz be nice thx

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:26, Reply)
No.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:13, Reply)
a simple denial is no argument

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:21, Reply)
Plenty of things can get me riled up for a good online argument,
but music isn't really one.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:26, Reply)
fair enough

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:28, Reply)
Don't worry m8 I'm here

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:28, Reply)
Help me, Richard mcbeef!
You're my only hope.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:30, Reply)
Then you are truly doomed.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:34, Reply)
You were supposed to bring balance to the board,
not destroy it!
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:37, Reply)
Come to the Dark Side

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:44, Reply)
ELLODEREMON!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:46, Reply)
stop that.
silly person.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:49, Reply)
Some yes, some no
We're talking about a field so wide that what you've just said is akin to 'guitar music is all shit' which I'd hope you agree would be a rather silly thing to say.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:27, Reply)
guitar music is all shit

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:31, Reply)
You know what I hate?
Music with drums in. I mean really.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:32, Reply)
I've never listened to music recorded with a Shure SM58
and I never will
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:34, Reply)
POOR SM58, I call them!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:36, Reply)
I gave up on it after Dylan went electric.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:32, Reply)
Stutter Rap > Eazy E's 'Boyz In The Hood'

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:32, Reply)
Stutter Rap is the benchmark for all true hip hop records

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:37, Reply)
There *was* no hip hop before that

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:39, Reply)
In a way, there was none after that, too

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:47, Reply)
Apart from Wham Rap, Snot Rap, Ant Rap and Chalk Dust obv

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:47, Reply)
and Rat, m8
and Rat
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:48, Reply)
*gasps*
How on earth can I have been so remiss
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:49, Reply)
there is very little i find tolerable when it comes to rap
it's basically angry poetry
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:36, Reply)
Vast swathes of it is not even remotely angry

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:39, Reply)
always sounds like it to me

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:43, Reply)
For one thing I suspect you've not heard very much, then - not that I'm expecting you to like it, but 'metal' is 'angry' surely
Esp modern stuff where they put on that stupid voice
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:51, Reply)
angry with a purpose
and i really am not so keen on the more modern stuff, which is why i rely on older cd's
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:00, Reply)
Oh come on now
'Angry with a purpose' my fucking arse. Some Norwegian teenager going 'ROAAAARGHHH I'M AN OGRE' to what purpose? I'd say generations of social deprivation, racism and police brutality might be a *little* more justification for anger than 'I've got acne and my mum didn't sew my Iron Maiden patch on my denim jacket straight'...
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:09, Reply)
that's the more modern stuff
which i don't listen to and seems to be fuelled purely by testosterone
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:10, Reply)
Have you ever seen the 80s Arena Heavy Metal documentary?
It's always been the preserve of spotty virgins m8
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:12, Reply)
The footage of Nottingham Rock City is *hilarious*
Some pranny skipping in a circle round a nearly empty dancefloor...he then clasps his hands together behind his back and starts kind of hopping up and down like a constipated frog.

EDITL at 5:48, lolololol
www.youtube.com/watch?v=upzrYAJN_Ck

It seems I've not remembered right: skipping boy and frogger are two different people
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:15, Reply)
i'm not spotty, a teenager or a virgin
but you like what you like and i like what i like, that's all there is to it.
and now, as i have been descended upon by 2 little nutters, it seems i'm off to the local park to spin them on things till they puke.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:15, Reply)
see ya!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:16, Reply)
Although I wouldn't normally say this, I think it is possible to dislike the rap genre in its entirety.
The concept of people just talking to a drum beat just holds no appeal to me. The only song that comes anywhere near the genre that I've heard and enjoyed is The Incredible Return of the Great White Dope by the Bloodhound Gang.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:36, Reply)
I feel the same about the concept of people just playing other instruments to a drum beat
HANG ON NO I DON'T, THAT WOULD MAKE ME A FUCKING IDIOT
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:38, Reply)
Your rap name would be Tetch-E, jussayin'.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:42, Reply)
Fucking flautists, right?
Who do they think they are?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:43, Reply)
i've heard they really enjoy band camp

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:45, Reply)
I've never seen that film.
Pretty sure I'd hate it.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:58, Reply)
i had to endure it
as my then-boyfriend thought it would be romantic.
he was very, very wrong.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:01, Reply)
Classy.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:04, Reply)
he phoned me for half an hour this morning
to tell me how great west kirkby is.
he was wrong about that, too.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:12, Reply)
How could you have let him go, Smash?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:19, Reply)
I am delivering a class from home
How very 21st century
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:38, Reply)
<s>perving over
+of 7 year olds
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:43, Reply)
Archived.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:48, Reply)
I'm still waiting for the lawsuit

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:28, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:58, Reply)
yeah soz lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:48, Reply)
throw some coffee down yer neck

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:53, Reply)
sho me ur peanus plz

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 14:58, Reply)
good grief

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:00, Reply)
I tell you what, you don't often hear the name Mable these days do you?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:11, Reply)
Mable seems like one that might come back, though
When I was a kid, the idea of a child being called George or Alf was quite comical. Now they're fucking everywhere.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:12, Reply)
Can confirm, know two Alf's

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:18, Reply)
Not since my aunt Mable died no

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:18, Reply)
I remember a kid's TV programme about a fat waitress called Mabel Wobble,
but Google game me this.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:19, Reply)
mable syrup

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:22, Reply)
mable it's becaws I'm a Landanahhhh

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:25, Reply)
M.A.B.
It's a big horse.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:29, Reply)
Don't think they shorten it anymore
So they just get called Mablelicious
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:26, Reply)
mable she's born with it or mable it's mabelline

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:26, Reply)

mabelline spina bifida
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:03, Reply)
I've had orders from a Caroline Cake and a Jessica Vest today
Eff Why Aye
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:24, Reply)
cakey to her mates

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:26, Reply)
spectacular chest

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:29, Reply)
soz, lady boarder'

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:29, Reply)
I've had A Poon

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:32, Reply)
The mrs chose to watch The History of the World - Part 1 last night with me
That is a very silly film.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:28, Reply)
I watched the M*A*S*H film last night.
It was alright. I was going to watch Nashville but at 2 hours and 40 minutes I'd have been up past my bedtime.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:32, Reply)
I think M*A*S*H was better as a TV series.
Bonus controversial opinion: Catch 22 was rubbish, both as a book and a film.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:35, Reply)
No, the book is brilliant
The film was shit. It kind of is an unfilmable book because of the repetitive structure.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:41, Reply)
Fair enough.
I didn't like it. Yossarian was a prick.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:51, Reply)
In a M*A*S*H type scenario I imagine you'd be Frank Burns.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:26, Reply)
Seems fair.
I wouldn't turn down Major Houlihan.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:35, Reply)
I was going to ask 'film' or loretta swift but it doesn't really matter does it?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:23, Reply)
Yeah I never bothered with the film because having read the book I knew it wouldn't do it justice.
See also: Slaughterhouse Five.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:19, Reply)
Great book, taped the film off TV, but never bothered watching it.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:21, Reply)
I think you might be right.
It's tough though; Sutherland and Gould were great, but then so was Alan Alda.

I guess the film is almost like several episodes stitched together.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:18, Reply)
Pretty much.
In defense of the film, it did have the decency to not outlast the actual war.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:29, Reply)
It's also probably better than if the tv series M*A*S*H was conceived first and then they decided to make a film.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:32, Reply)
It's anyways best when an already exhausted premise is stretched out for a further 2 hours of screentime.
Serenity gets a pass here, obviously.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:37, Reply)

r m n e
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:57, Reply)
For sure.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 17:04, Reply)
M*A*S*H is a pretty decent film
Nashville does indeed sound very long
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:36, Reply)
It's highly regarded though, so I will watch it at some point.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:25, Reply)
I'm still waiting for Part 2.
"Jews in Space" looked well lol.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:32, Reply)
"It's good to be the king"

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:34, Reply)
^ looks like the pissboy

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:38, Reply)
oh yeah, I forgot
On Saturday, I ate so many jalapenos, it gave me fucking diarrhoea.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:43, Reply)
So one then

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:46, Reply)
It was almost a whole jar

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 15:48, Reply)

r lapeno
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:58, Reply)
Diarrhea Diarrhea
It comes out your bum
Like a bullet from a gun
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:59, Reply)
Can't believe I missed music chat , if foood chat breaks out somebody text me

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:11, Reply)
no problem

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:21, Reply)
What do you suppose spanishfly means by 'delivered a class'?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:36, Reply)
He's a crack dealer.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:40, Reply)
oh ok, yeah, that makes sense

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:41, Reply)
web cam wank

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:41, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkMUMroTcTg
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:40, Reply)


(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:50, Reply)
how bout dat

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:51, Reply)
Well that's proved how good rap music can really be

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 16:54, Reply)
When I step up in the place a-yo I step correct
Woo-Hah! Got you all in check!

Hi everyone, it's me, rap sensation Busta Rhymes, with my classic 1996 hit 'Woo Hah', how's it going?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:06, Reply)
He's really fucking fat these days

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:06, Reply)
Maybe he got all the Missy Elliot fat

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:25, Reply)
alright Busta

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:07, Reply)
Hi mate

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:07, Reply)
Busta Merryfield, more like.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:09, Reply)
rather that than Bloodvessel, I suppose

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:10, Reply)
fatty towers, lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:44, Reply)
Alright
Just made some fucking gnocci, didn't I.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:11, Reply)
who's there?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:11, Reply)
haha I get it

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:13, Reply)
I dunnup

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:16, Reply)
Clean it up, m8, yeah?
Family forum?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:32, Reply)
n

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:36, Reply)
Crikey was that over 20 years ago?
Gosh
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:14, Reply)
Shocking eh

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:16, Reply)
Pub time I reckon , need fags

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:16, Reply)
My wife plans to give up the fags now we're back from hol
Hopefully she won't be too irritable during the process
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:17, Reply)
Good luck to her

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:19, Reply)
She's a 'fag within 5mins of waking up' type, could be a bit of a rocky road

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:28, Reply)
Set your alarm so you wake up five minutes before she does
and stick a patch on her while she sleeps.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:31, Reply)
I'm out of the house before she wakes up, thankfully

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:36, Reply)
I was a right prick when I quit.
And before ahahahahaha
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:26, Reply)
Hopefully the world of vapes will help

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:29, Reply)
Vapenation

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:42, Reply)
The Alan Carr book is alright. Helped me.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:44, Reply)
She's got that already, clearly hasn't worked for her, sadly

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:47, Reply)
tbf I failed after about a year because I didn't follow its instructions.
A few years ago I just decided I couldn't be fucked smoking and then it was quite easy not to. I suppose the book is supposed to jog that mindset.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:49, Reply)
I used a 'ramadan' method when I cut down
and decided to never smoke during the hours of daylight. Even though I still smoke, I still go by this rule. I don't even smoke every day.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:52, Reply)
smoking in moderation is actually healthier than not smoking at all

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:58, Reply)
This is me
I don't smoke during the day, and most likely I'll just have a single joint at night - unless I'm out drinking or on the ol' 'Doctor Uggs'
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:58, Reply)
Persian Rugs, I calls 'em!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 12:34, Reply)
Chatty Man is a fucking travesty.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 12:04, Reply)
When she gets irritable, just groan, and say "get a fucking grip, will you?"
Honest to god, this works EVERY time
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:33, Reply)
*writes this down*

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:36, Reply)
Then, before she can respond, hit her with
"So have you heard any good jokes recently?"
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:37, Reply)
If she doesn't have a joke then you can say
"Well, I'm making an effort in this relationship and you can't even join in with a bit of fun, I don't know why I bother.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:43, Reply)
+ I'm nipping out for a smoke

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:46, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:47, Reply)
it's easy, she just needs to substitute with another addiction
heroin looks pretty simple to get into
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:59, Reply)
From now on, every time you have a fag I get to punch you in the face afterwards.
Now, do you still need it that badly?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 12:41, Reply)
you got fat, busta

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:18, Reply)
I know, soz m8, I just loves me some kee-bobs!!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:18, Reply)
Remember the time you jump-kicked Halloween's Michael Myers out of a window, whilst making Bruce Lee noises?
That was great.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:20, Reply)
Do I!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:28, Reply)
Work is a shit wank cunt

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:26, Reply)
I read this to the tune of Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:27, Reply)
you would

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:29, Reply)
I make no apology for that

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:35, Reply)
Just gotta ride it.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:28, Reply)
kick off

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:31, Reply)
I might

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:39, Reply)
One in the back and two in the front

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:33, Reply)
+let's make lots of money

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:35, Reply)
That's the way I like to munt.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:36, Reply)
Now wank my tits and lick my gunt

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:37, Reply)
Is Flipmo still the greatest?
If so, Gimme some mo.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:39, Reply)
Rhymes aside, the Flipmode Squad were something of a disappointment
I'm looking at you, 'Rampage the Last Boy Scout'. Not to mention 'Spliff Starr'.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:40, Reply)
Flidmo, I like to call him.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:41, Reply)
If I knew who that was
It'd call him Flidmo too
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:42, Reply)
I've no idea what they're on about either
but I'm throwing diss to make myself appear cool and popular.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:45, Reply)
Well it's worked, as far as I'm concerned

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:46, Reply)
*fist bump from one cool cat to another*

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:54, Reply)
It's Flipmode, Busta's 'crew'

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 12:00, Reply)
Do you not mean "Cru"

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 12:03, Reply)
they're not a bottle of wine m8

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 12:04, Reply)
Calling Dr Rhymes to surgery

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 13:10, Reply)
"Crü", surely?
Otherwise it'd be pronounced "cruh".
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 12:07, Reply)
'Squad' m8. As evidenced on his 1994 track 'Flipmode iz da squad' and the 1996 classic 'Flipmode iz ztill da squad'.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 12:47, Reply)
Read that in the voice on Andrew Divoff in Wishmaster.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 12:55, Reply)
I have a record featuring a really embarrassing freestyle by Flipmode member (lol) Rampage
He doesn't have anything to say; the beat rambles on and he just kind of goes 'yeah, what, Flipmode' for about 5 minutes. It's excruciating
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 13:06, Reply)
No doubt the video is better, probably lots of posing and pointing, and wearing XXXXXXL hockey jerseys

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 13:09, Reply)
I miss those days :(
(in the chap's defence this record is radio sessions rather than actual studio work but it should never have been broadcast)
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 13:13, Reply)
Awooga, Flipmode, what a rush.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 13:10, Reply)
excellently
the mental has decided to go to Cardiff for the weekend to visit her granddaughter, so i'll have all of friday and saturday free!
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 13:55, Reply)

Morning
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 7:48, Reply)
Morning pal

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 7:49, Reply)
Good morning Richard

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:54, Reply)
hi m8

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:59, Reply)
Soz, got distracted.
How's it?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:02, Reply)
980 emails in my inbox

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:26, Reply)
That was me m8.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:31, Reply)
You bounder

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:46, Reply)
979 of them are from me, m8
They all just say "he'"
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:31, Reply)
nice one *deletes the fackin lot*

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:35, Reply)
Alright wankchops

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 7:52, Reply)
Maybe that's why he's fucked off?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:54, Reply)
good morning

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:04, Reply)
It's a bit drizzly here, actually
but maybe you're having a good one. I do hope so.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:54, Reply)
Oh, you've got this?
Ta duck
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:03, Reply)
And a fine, balmy morning it is too.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:06, Reply)
I thought evenings were balmy?
but I may be wrong
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:55, Reply)
Is that a rule?
I know you can only serenade someone in the evening. Preferably when it's balmy, I suppose.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:00, Reply)
I need to write these down...

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:05, Reply)
I wouldn't bother, they both look like nonsense to me

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:12, Reply)
All rules are

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:16, Reply)
Morning WP!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:26, Reply)
Hello SF

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:15, Reply)
If I wish you a good morning in return
will you bother to reply, or will I be left hanging?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:43, Reply)
say what you like about the days of the grrregime, but at least you were almost guaranteed a response in the morning thread

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:50, Reply)
He was a tyrant
but we respected his dictatorship. Many disappeared, many died, but the train ran on time and people respected each other's nans
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:56, Reply)
only three months til christmas!!!!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:48, Reply)
yes!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:50, Reply)
I'm just giving everyone vouchers this year

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:08, Reply)
Mince pies are now on sale in the supermarkets
thank fuck
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:55, Reply)
The most limp-wristed of pies.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:03, Reply)
Especially in puff pastry...

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:06, Reply)
I like a Coventry God cake

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:13, Reply)
not a patch on Luton Allah cake

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:28, Reply)
#creepingsharia

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:35, Reply)
or Bournemouth Buddha Buns

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:36, Reply)
which is actually my Gaydar 'handle'

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:36, Reply)
cool
chek ur msgs x x x
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:41, Reply)
Like what you see?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:42, Reply)
hell yeah!

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:44, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:43, Reply)
Talmud Tart
which is MY gaydar handle
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:43, Reply)
I've Singed my Swansea Sikh Scones

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:49, Reply)
This is good news

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:03, Reply)
a time to rejoice in the good that we see

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:09, Reply)
Hi.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:49, Reply)
Howdy doody

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 8:55, Reply)
Bit cheerful for a Monday.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:06, Reply)
Bonjour tout le monde

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:18, Reply)
Ouh là là.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:19, Reply)
I know, sexy, right?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:26, Reply)
My beret's about to give off steam, I can tell you.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:27, Reply)
cheers

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:19, Reply)
cheers

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:21, Reply)
Cheers

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:53, Reply)
sup

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:27, Reply)
what up g

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:30, Reply)
Brexit

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:28, Reply)
bless you
lol
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:30, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:39, Reply)
I was quite tempted to sell up and move to France when I was there in the summer

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:38, Reply)
I considered it a few years back
We found a 4 bed cottage, with an orchard, stables, a workshop...beautiful place, and about half the value of my house here.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:43, Reply)
Noice.
Was it in the middle of nowhere, though?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:45, Reply)
oh, of course
But that suits me fine
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:46, Reply)
Mmmh.
A friend of a friend bought a farmstead in Creuse for tuppence ha'penny and now spends his weekends learning to be a blacksmith.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:48, Reply)
man, I'd love that

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:49, Reply)
the place I was looking at was in Creuse

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:58, Reply)
^keen to go Creuseing

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:59, Reply)
I think Creuse has the cheapest property in France.
Plus you've basically got the place to yourself as hardly anyone lives there.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:07, Reply)
apart from hundreds of ex-pat brits enjoying the rural isolation

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:15, Reply)
Yeah well I bought Uzbekistan for 50p

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:49, Reply)
50p Uzbekist-ham, that's lunch sorted.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:51, Reply)
You and I are very much in sync today, it seems

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:52, Reply)
It was only a matter of time before our periods synched up.
Pass the Dairy Milk.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:53, Reply)
^Joey Fatone

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:08, Reply)
*strikes through uzbekistan and replaces with month's worth of ham*

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:51, Reply)

smith
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:49, Reply)
the downside being it was in rural France with no opportunities to work to fund my lavish lifestyle
although if I could write a bestselling book whilst living off the difference from the sale of my house here ...
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:48, Reply)
I could just as easily do my current job from France
Assuming they had a decent internet connection, obvs
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:50, Reply)
oh sure so could I
but that doesn't mean they'd let me
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:59, Reply)
Well, there is that

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:00, Reply)
One of my wife's colleagues moved from Frankfurt to southern Spain and hasn't told anyone
He's got away with this for about 6 months
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:02, Reply)
Ha!
I did an interpreting assignment in Paris recently involving the disciplinary hearing of a woman who got hired on a very comfortable salary to be a marketing manager in Paris, and promptly delegated almost all her responsibilities to her secretary and fucked off to Nice. Got away with it for about nine months.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:03, Reply)
haha, 'Nice' work if you can get it!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:04, Reply)
Ha, nice work
Few years back, I took my laptop to the inlaws, so I could indulge at their all-day christmas party. I just checked the laptop every 30 minutes or so. Worked like a charm.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:04, Reply)
"A Year In Provence" was quite an enjoyable read.
"A Year In The Merde" was shit.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:58, Reply)
+pizza oven

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:48, Reply)
Nah
I'd set fire to the stable, and cook off that
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:50, Reply)
You could probably claim a portion of that £350m p/w that they have off us.
#takebackcontrol
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:44, Reply)
Apparenty one of my friends posted on facebook
that once we leave the EU, we'll have enough money to give everyone in the country a million quid each. After a few people asked him how this was possible, he deleted it. Might have been trolling, but I'm not convinced he's smart enough.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:48, Reply)
"Anonymous" want to make everyone rich by wiping out all debt, apparently.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:54, Reply)
I love those guys!
I liked it when they 'took out' the Church of Scientology by sending them loads of faxes
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:04, Reply)
Based on what I've seen on Mr Robot, the sudden eradication of all debt might have some unwanted consequences.
Hopefully they'll have it all sorted out by the end of series 2, and then I can go back to thinking that it might be a good idea.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:05, Reply)
I didn't bother with that beyond series 1
It's probably more enjoyable if you haven't already seen Fight Club.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:08, Reply)
I'm enjoying it.
Fight Club is hardly the only story to use the "split personality" twist, so I think it's still fair game. Excellent performances, too.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:14, Reply)
No, but combine that with the 'anonymous/project mayhem' thing
and it's basically the same story. Except not quite as good.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:10, Reply)
I gave up after series 1 as well

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:01, Reply)
I'm no banker but I fear that might destabilise the pound

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:57, Reply)
You're friends with Boris Johnson?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 9:58, Reply)
from AC/DC?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:03, Reply)
I don't know, do I?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:10, Reply)
can confirm

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:12, Reply)
Was offered by an extended family member this weekend a "Debit card shield to stop scammers stealing your card details from your pocket"
When asked where she saw this to buy this, Facebook.

Facebook, where mugs are mugged.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:07, Reply)


(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:08, Reply)
I keep seeing adverts for cut price SD cards and balisongs.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:20, Reply)
Way to find out you are in the C2DE bracket :(

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:36, Reply)
Facebook also thinks I'm a fat, lonely virgin.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:44, Reply)
Morning bollocks
it's 10:07
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:07, Reply)
An extended family member's wife this weekend shook down various people to buy her husband a set of Bose headphones for his birthday
I know for a fact his love of music extends to the best of Oasis, and that they will probably be used to listen to calming music and whale noises instead of vinyl and Super Audio recordings.

The rage about this is still burning in me 2 days later.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:12, Reply)
^ upset

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:17, Reply)
Charles Bradley's death this weekend hasn't helped tbh
:(
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:23, Reply)
I'm going to listen to a low fidelity mp3 of his music, through a pair of cheap ear buds.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:25, Reply)
The bloke next to me on the tram this morning was listening to loud tinny R'n'B on his phone,
so I turned to ask him if he could, maybe, you know, wear headphones to listen to his music in public. Then I saw that he was wearing headphones.
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:27, Reply)
Remeber when R&B was Rhythm &, Blues, eh?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:52, Reply)
yes
Related news: I've taken delivery of Different Strokes by Syl Johnson today

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AizWO6UNok

It wasn't cheap
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:02, Reply)

Syl Johnson Alan Thicke
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:20, Reply)
Yep. I still think it's a bit baffling how they just took a musical genre and decided it was going to mean something else from now on.
If I brought out a record featuring the sound of a dozen chainsaws, a flock of chickens and Gregorian monks singing in Arabic, and I called it a country song, would the record shops list it as such?
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:06, Reply)
Remeber remeber the fifth of Noveber

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 11:14, Reply)
Ain't
It a sin
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:30, Reply)
He was great, although I'll confess my ignorance of the man up until he had a cameo in an episode of Luke Cage.

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:33, Reply)
What's wrong with listening to what you want on nice equipment?

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:24, Reply)
Sub <£150 lesser brand equipment is fine for that
350+ headphones to listen to whales fucking. Not even marine biologists would spunk cash like that
(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:28, Reply)
Piggo

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 10:16, Reply)
Good morning, fellow cyberspazzes

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 7:45, Reply)
Hullo

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 7:49, Reply)
Hiya

(, Mon 25 Sep 2017, 7:52, Reply)

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