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I am considering purchasing a pet parrot - mainly for my son who is currently obsessed
with birds, does anyone have any advice or suggestions of the most fun birds to buy?

Cheers - go fuck yourself.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 13:20, Reply)
k

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 13:30, Reply)
Alright frank
Don't you have birds?

The feathered kind I mean, I am not mental.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 13:37, Reply)
I don't think it's much fun for any of them

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 13:40, Reply)
Ok

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 13:41, Reply)
dolly birds

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 13:48, Reply)
NOICE!

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 13:48, Reply)
I hope you get a disease.

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 14:19, Reply)
morning

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 9:01, Reply)
B3ta is blocked by the Royal Albert Hall wifi content filter
Reason: 'moribund flebsite'
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 9:52, Reply)
Asda don't allow it, either.
Really makes you think, huh?
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 10:28, Reply)
This kids' hip hop thing is great
They've got a massive train outline for kids to graffiti. My nipper's gone nuts
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 11:21, Reply)
Yay, delinquency training!

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 11:27, Reply)
Woohoo!

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 11:32, Reply)
Hope you're taking her to visit the malt liquor stand.
[insert other lazy stereotypes here]
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:01, Reply)
And people say *I'm* the racist

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:11, Reply)
^joymop

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:47, Reply)
Put m khan is bent on it

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 11:41, Reply)
My favourite graffiti ever was on the regents canal in bethnal
'Luke did a poo is gay'
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 11:46, Reply)
Alright, Nigel Rees.

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:01, Reply)
Alright

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:10, Reply)
Urgh

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 10:16, Reply)
Saturday, Saturday!
Saturday, Saturday!
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)
My god, commercial road is full of cunts
Still, managed to catch another Mr Mime, a Diglet and a Magmar. Good toimes.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 11:57, Reply)
3 dittos now

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:54, Reply)
Good morning Grrrmachine this is my second week of no alcohol.
Feeling good so far.

How are you? What part of the world are you in currently?
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:05, Reply)
I'm not giving customised replies this morning
You'll have to fend for yourselves
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:16, Reply)
Prick

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:18, Reply)
Alright.

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 12:42, Reply)
Alreet.
Make a canny noise, liek.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 13:00, Reply)
alright b3ta what's shaking?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 22:51, Reply)
Evening BS

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:20, Reply)
alright spanish
are we not ignoring each other any more? I've lost track
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:22, Reply)
:(
www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1wdAoSulm8
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:25, Reply)
I have never had anyone on ignore ever.
So I can only assume that you have stopped ignoring me.

And only recently as well. You remember it surely.

Anyway hope you are well.

Wish all this Christmas shit would fuck off like
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:37, Reply)
What's your problem with christmas?

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:31, Reply)
I have always hated Christmas. In fact I am just a depressing Cunt.
It will also be the first year that I won't be spending with my son on Christmas Eve as my ex partner will be having him over night. So that sucks.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:33, Reply)
'It's a Wonderful Life'

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:39, Reply)
FUCKING excellent squire :)

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:52, Reply)
Martin J. Fox, you insensitive shit.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:28, Reply)
You mean Michael right?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:37, Reply)
<s>r</s> kn

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:14, Reply)
valid

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:25, Reply)
burn

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:24, Reply)
I wasn't sure it wasn't just kidding...
That's how I would play it now to prevent looking Fucking stupid.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:34, Reply)
I'm quite sure there is someone called Martin J. Fox
and everyone always call him Michael
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:37, Reply)
Ah I only know him as Michael J Fox - as that his name

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:53, Reply)
Is frank back?

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 0:54, Reply)
If beats isn't frank I'll suck my jizz off a parrots cloaca

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 1:23, Reply)
So that's a yes then haha
I never knew him in his first incarnation, however I have been around for multiple other resurrections.
He always seems to tip up around Christmas.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 1:37, Reply)
Without him this board died on its arse

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 1:46, Reply)
I know I bare witness everyday.
Ignore 2.0 also killed this place though.

And shambles, dozer, etc
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 1:58, Reply)
Pretty sure those people don't post here any more
have you frightened them off?
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 2:13, Reply)
Fuck no. But dozer did get banned for a raging breakdown he had aimed at me.
He seemed to be obsessed with calling me a child molester and making some really rather hurtful comments.

God stepped in and that was the end of that.

Believe it or not I have calmed down a lot and my internet persona sort out some medical help.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 2:21, Reply)
Can't quite make sense of your last sentence but it seems like you're in a happier place, fair do's

(, Sat 10 Dec 2016, 2:45, Reply)
Girl in the shop said don't get balieys, get carthys cream half the price fucking rank , lucky I add brandy , been sold a kipper ,?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:09, Reply)
Dunno mate, not really a drink I'd buy.
My tennents tastes like tennents hth.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:15, Reply)
Brandy and bailey has become my night cap as I can't be arsed with Irish coffee anymore

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:17, Reply)
Hot buttered rum is the one. Or just whisky.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:22, Reply)
I can't drink whiskey, it blacks out my memory, even the baileys does a bit, it's odd , if I have one I remember f all

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:34, Reply)
If I've had a few beers neat whisky can make me retch, yet I've plenty room for more beer, shorts or wine, weird eh?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:45, Reply)
Certainly some lager makes teens kick off, I've seen it, then they enjoy it and carry on all their lives

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:49, Reply)

r b
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:39, Reply)
She knew

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:48, Reply)
We get no tennents down here anymore, not even tins

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:18, Reply)
Aye I've never seen normal tennents down south, apart from in Brum airport.
It wasn't until I left Brum that I discovered Banks's doesn't exist in every pub.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:22, Reply)
Used to, charrington pubs, pilz and extra on tap , extra was mental

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:25, Reply)
Banks's?
In Brum? Yowm thinkin of Wolvo.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:43, Reply)
I didn't realise shit provincial towns had airports !! I've learned today

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:46, Reply)
All shit provide dial towns have air

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:56, Reply)
What it says there

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:59, Reply)
If you really want to split hairs it was Bromsgrove. All the pubs did banks's though, half did pedigree.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:08, Reply)
Bromsgrove is Worcestershire
Marston and Bank's are the same company these days.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:34, Reply)
Yes, I know. I spent the first 18 years of my life there. 'B' postcode though.
However I usually say I'm from Brum to save a really tedious conversation involving an explanation I come from a town equidistant from Birmingham and Works.

Thanks for making me write something even more tedious though.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:44, Reply)
^dull

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 22:02, Reply)
PREXACTLY

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 22:35, Reply)
Ooh I did 5 years as a B postcode
quite glad that's behind me
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 22:46, Reply)
Where abouts?
You're killing me, could be halesowen, could be Handsworth for all I know.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 22:56, Reply)
Alcester
I was pretty much run out of town
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 22:57, Reply)
Probably thought you were from redditch

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:13, Reply)
I worked in Redditch for a year
still remember the 'spoons
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:16, Reply)
Horrible new town.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:20, Reply)
They said it was a place built purely to ship the Birmingham undesirables out to
dunno, but it was a bit shit
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:23, Reply)
The West Midlands is a bit like a bath after the rugby team has been in it; shit on the sides and fuck all in the middle.
Still, I'd defend it to the hilt.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 23:48, Reply)
I might have to bin it.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:15, Reply)
Drank a beer from Sczczyrzyc
gonna need another one to say it properly
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:18, Reply)
Oh fuck off, you're just making these up now.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:20, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Szczyrzyc
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:30, Reply)
Why are you drinking a poof's drink that even poofs don't drink?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:20, Reply)
I enjoy a brandy and bailey. Don't you slut shame me

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:24, Reply)
/r/titlegore

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:26, Reply)
I've often wondered what that stuff was like, thanks for answering it for me
always
b x
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:32, Reply)
Dearest b
It's like off milk

M
X
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:35, Reply)
You've had a shocker mate.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:36, Reply)
I no, why do I pander to these shop girls

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:38, Reply)
bit of tit innit

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:42, Reply)
And polite conversation. Sod the advice tho

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:44, Reply)
It's a nice chat, but you ought to stand your ground.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:57, Reply)
flush it

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:41, Reply)
Oh I am, right out of my cock, then like Tommy gillet , serve 7 years for shoving it up her arse on a web cam

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:43, Reply)
Alright Frank.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 20:59, Reply)
Yus I also reckon this is gigly

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:15, Reply)
nah
it's me SS can't remember my password
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:15, Reply)
Gutted, I thought it was someone good

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:19, Reply)
:(

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:22, Reply)
:(

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:38, Reply)
Prove it. Cunt.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:20, Reply)
willy willy bum bum

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:22, Reply)
Aww man I knew it was u

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:29, Reply)
Alright double S

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 22:02, Reply)
This sort of proof is all I need.
Like that bit in Over The Top where he gets asked for id and just shows a framed family photo.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 22:48, Reply)
Only time I drank Bailey's was when I was 17 and arrived late to a party.
Barman offered to make me a BMW, so I could catch up with everyone else. Never again.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:26, Reply)
Those are lush

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 21:55, Reply)
New thread! Get your new thread here!
How do you choose to celebrate Christmas?
Is it a dressed up affair, or lounging in you pyjamas and stuffing your fat faces?

Alternatively, tell us what you're up to after 5 bells? I'll be going for cocktails, the we're grabbing fish and chips .

Alternatively, tell us what else is on your mind,
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:27, Reply)
Supposed to be going to a rehearsal tonight.
The one and only thing on my mind right now though is SLEEP. Fecking knackered.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:32, Reply)
What are you rehearsing?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:48, Reply)
He's in the local Nativity

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:55, Reply)
Eventually my parents get fed up of me sleeping and decide to wake me up.
Invariably with a bacon sandwich and bucks fizz.

Sometimes I get up at this point. Sometimes I eat the bacon roll and fall asleep again.

Then I get up, get dressed (largely because I don't tend to bother bringing home a dressing gown) and go downstairs for proper boozing and food.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:36, Reply)
i don't

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:46, Reply)
COCKtails more like

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:46, Reply)
Duh

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:53, Reply)
Christmas will be 2 hours of telling the children it's too early to get up
then it'll be coffee, presents, shower, dressed, play with toys, go for walk, get pissed.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:48, Reply)
Christmas walk you say?
cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0351/1705/products/Chrismas_Walk_Christmas_Card_1024x1024.jpg?v=1416341770
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:55, Reply)
Indeed

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:02, Reply)
Christmas morning sees me baking sausage rolls. I normally only do the vegetarian ones, but expect I'll be doing both sets this year.
After that, I try to keep out of the kitchen, except to get a refill from the percolator.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:53, Reply)
leisurely breakfast and traditional hot chocolate
then off to the parents' for presents and lunch, followed by back home to pick at leftover meat, drink wine and pass out watching die hard
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:00, Reply)
guffs

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:02, Reply)
There's nothing quite like tipsy, post dinner guffs as you nod off in front of the telly.
You can practically smell the gravy.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:11, Reply)
and sprouts.
lots of sprouts.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:13, Reply)
Prefab sprouts

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:54, Reply)
Sprout, sprout, let it all out

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 19:05, Reply)
ripped tights and a bottle of tanqueray

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:22, Reply)
alright giggles

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:31, Reply)
and darts with two hats

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:23, Reply)
NICE ARRAHS!

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:26, Reply)
cheers

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:40, Reply)
cheers

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:49, Reply)
Cheers

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:50, Reply)
cheers

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:57, Reply)
I got my mind set on you
/ac
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:34, Reply)
Six words long.
Argh, ear worm!
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:40, Reply)
it's gonna take money.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:45, Reply)
A whole lot of spending money

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:46, Reply)
Watching the george harrison official vid now, some proper evil dead shit going on
whatever were they thinking
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:49, Reply)
It is pretty weird
He does a backflip at one point, if memory serves
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:50, Reply)
Best bit is when he cuts possessed Yoko's head off with a spade

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:55, Reply)
If you listen to 'Revolution No.9' very closely
you can hear her shouting 'DEAD BY DAWN' at around the 6 minute mark
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:59, Reply)
It's like it was filmed in the house from finders keepers.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:01, Reply)
and drugs, a whole lot of drugs

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:49, Reply)
And guns.
Lots of guns
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:49, Reply)
All the guns?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:53, Reply)
This is true, Im not cheap.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:54, Reply)
Nothin goin on but the bent MORE LIKE

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:57, Reply)
bot get 4 lyfe

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:58, Reply)
dubbed it

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 16:59, Reply)
Pint of brandy butter. Pint of brandy cream. 2 pieces of Christmas cake, 2 bottles of bucks fizz and a wank.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:04, Reply)
^ lonely splosher

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:08, Reply)
This is all before breakfast.
We then have a traditional Irish Christmas. Drinking and a fight.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:12, Reply)
When I was younger I thought there was something sacrilegious about wanking on Christmas day, which is odd because I was never particularly religious.
Now i don't really care.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:09, Reply)
Just don't climax during the queen's speech, show some respect ffs

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:14, Reply)
^ dreaming of a white Christmas

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:28, Reply)
I filled your nan's stocking m8
Said I had a sack like Santa's.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:38, Reply)
I get Christmasburgers from McDonalds

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:07, Reply)
At least you're not going to KFC.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:10, Reply)
only cos its closed

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:51, Reply)
I'm having curry , chicken so it's sort of like turkey

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 18:16, Reply)
I like to rub eggnog into my tits and let the cat lick it off

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:45, Reply)
Smegnog more like.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 17:59, Reply)
I might make some eggnog, this year.
Never tried it.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 18:00, Reply)
It's horrible

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 18:18, Reply)
That's what everyone keeps telling me, so I sort of feel the need to find out for myself.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 18:57, Reply)
It's minging, seriously. Like a boozey gunge.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 19:40, Reply)
Daily Death Thread
John Glenn's turn today
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:39, Reply)
That was yesterday.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:42, Reply)
I'm in a different time zone m8

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:48, Reply)
Doesn't matter. He died on the 8th.
Today is not the 8th.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:50, Reply)
SHUT UP M8
HAVE SOME SYMPATHY FOR CORAL ATKINS, YOU MONSTER
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:53, Reply)
Not even in my top ten reefs.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:08, Reply)
or diets, eh porky?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:06, Reply)
Im confused by this, as Im not fat?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:16, Reply)
whatever you say, mr creosote

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:19, Reply)
I've not bothered to set the date on the watch I'm wearing so it's the 8th for me

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:51, Reply)
My old Casio still says the 7th

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:53, Reply)
One of the reasons I don't wear my jlc master calendar is because I can't be bothered to set it all for one nights wear

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:55, Reply)
Just looked at that. Looks like a right faff.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:18, Reply)

a right faff GOOD TOIMES
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:20, Reply)
yeah it is, probably sell it next year, lovely watch but i don't dress up enough to wear it

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:23, Reply)

d t
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:44, Reply)
threadjack
seems like a youtube series you might enjoy: the pengest munch
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:11, Reply)
oh mate that is bare peng
but the definition of hench at the bottom is well wrong. Wagwan?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:19, Reply)
Ah yeah, I read about that earlier

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:20, Reply)
i dunno why i fucking bother

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:48, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:49, Reply)
Even if that was about me,
I'd still want to stab the person involved.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:21, Reply)
don't you think there is enough black knife crime in london without you encouraging it

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:36, Reply)
Black knives are the best knives, your enemy can't see a reflection when you come at them.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:40, Reply)
I didn't read far enough to discern the culprit's race.
I didn't get much further than "reviewing chicken shops" before deciding that a stabbing was in order. I like to think I'm "race blind" in such matters.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:06, Reply)
i'd have thought the picture of the young black boy as soon as you clicked on the link might give it away

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:10, Reply)
Disclaimer: I only read the headline, didn't bother to scroll down.
I think I'll form all my opinions in ignorance, from now on. I won't ever have to admit to being wrong, if I remain blissfully ignorant of the facts.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:13, Reply)
you don't have to scroll, stop being a massive racist

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:17, Reply)
I'm reading this on my phone.
My irrational hatred does not care for racial boundaries.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:25, Reply)
the kid? seems a bit much

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:47, Reply)
Oh, I'm "age blind", too.
Really, not reading the linked article is an excellent way to excuse any opinions that I may have formed.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:07, Reply)
You're so peng I bet you think this munch is about you

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:07, Reply)
I don't know what "peng" means,
but I reckon "most peng" would be a preferable superlative to "pengest".
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:09, Reply)
thing is though, people love this kid and everyone hates you

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:20, Reply)
I watched his video. Surprisingly well edited.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:23, Reply)
yeah, it's pretty cool
some nice transitions and whatnot
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:30, Reply)
That's hardly a shocking revelation, is it?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:28, Reply)
Pengest is fine, bare peng would also be acceptable

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:20, Reply)
You and I have wildly differing ideas of what is acceptable.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:44, Reply)
Whose turn is it tomorrow then?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:50, Reply)
Jacob Rees Mogg
Hopefully
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:55, Reply)
Isn't his name Jacob?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:56, Reply)
That's the prick
The prick. Amended.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:01, Reply)
What is it you don't like about him?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:21, Reply)
Is there anything to like about him?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:22, Reply)
He was on HIGNFY so he's definitely a serious politician.
/ac
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:23, Reply)
He's one of those really aristocratic politicians that had a nanny up until his mid-30's.
I wouldn't be surprised to hear that he's so posh he doesn't know what, say, a plumber is, yet he thinks he should have a say in the way the world works.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:42, Reply)
Yeah. I've only briefly come across him.
Given the sorts that we get here at Oxford you'd be surprised how many normal seeming posh folk are equally sheltered and bizarre, but can put a face on if needs be.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:53, Reply)
Some of it's generational I think.
I used to work at a manor house. The old lord that owned it was sound as fuck. Did a lot of the upkeep himself despite being in his 70's. Seemed happier driving the battered old 70's land rover 90 he looked after himself than he did driving the 4 litre bentley they had for special occasions. Liked a bit of a natter with the staff.

His middle-aged kids were quite entitled, but ok, two of them went round goa in self maintained motorbikes etc.

Their children were awful - boarding schooled and spoilt to fuck, I doubt they'd be able to pump up their own bike tyres.

I know manual work isn't the be all and end all, but here I think it serves as a good allegory as to their connection to the rest of the world.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:11, Reply)
There seems to be a fairly even split here.
There are some horrid old wankers and some classic nice old gents. But the worst of the young ones are far worse than the worst of the old ones for sure.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:22, Reply)
Aye.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:24, Reply)
Poor meg :(

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:59, Reply)
God speed John Glenn
*salutes*
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:54, Reply)
Great thread by the way mate.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:20, Reply)
sorry
do you want to go back to your wank-memory about university girlfriends?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:24, Reply)
No, you're right, a subject that seemed to get people talking is.way worse than this.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:26, Reply)
start a new thread then
they're not rationed
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:27, Reply)
I don't have a good idea for a thread.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:29, Reply)
neither has anyone else
this decade
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:39, Reply)
There was that one good thread in about 2013

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:52, Reply)
I remember that

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:53, Reply)
I've got nothing to do this weekend TH.
I might have a good old fashioned computer games in my pants, beer for lunch, takeaway for dinner weekends.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:56, Reply)
that's right, rub it in

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 14:59, Reply)
Try as I might, I just can't get my willy to reach the shoulder triggers.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:08, Reply)
Training.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:12, Reply)
Your pelvic floor is the envy of the world.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:15, Reply)
GS

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 15:23, Reply)
Hullo gae's, it's the return of the me: Richard, Duke of Flebminster.
Good toimings I bring, to you and your kin.

But WAIT! NONE of the above is true. None of it! Not even the bit about the good toimings. Sorry.

For it is I, the Yeti of Christmas. My sack brims with presents, as long as you're not allergic to animal hair.

Ever been in an office romance? How did that turn out?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:54, Reply)
I had a one night stand with a manager of a shop the night before an interview...
Needless to say I got the job. SO DID HE. LOL!!

I had a long term relationship with another manager at a bar I worked at. He turned out to be a cheating cunt though.

Aim high, folks.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:05, Reply)
Shagging your way to the top, eh Jason?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:06, Reply)
The bottom more like

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:11, Reply)
"Working in the back office"

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:12, Reply)
and failing!

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:16, Reply)
NTT
Local business has erected a statue to McBeef
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:16, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:17, Reply)
I taught a bloke English because I worked with his wife and she recommended me to him
Six years later, I'm fucking her on the same sofa we sat on for his lessons while he cries alone in his bedsit somewhere.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:07, Reply)
Did you teach his wife a thing or two EH LADS EH EH EH

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:09, Reply)
After 18 months, I could understand why her husband left her in the first place

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:14, Reply)
She really does go for the dregs
It must be a daddy thing
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:15, Reply)
Never worked in an office environment,so no

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:11, Reply)
Wasn't there some place you had to pick and return tools to or summink?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:17, Reply)
I've worked places and never visited the head office, and dropping off a megga is hardly going to end in romance is it

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:22, Reply)
not with that attitude

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:29, Reply)
The contract managers are normally hanging out of the admin girls, the mobile guys normally go for the receptionists of the buildings they go to

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:32, Reply)
Oh, well, thanks for the question we can all contribute to.
You could have said "works fling" or something but no, office. If this is the spirit of Christmas round here I'll be off.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:20, Reply)
Work flings are definitely included.
One end of the scale is a rich and multifaceted romance over months if not years, but the other end is fifteen minutes in the photocopier room with a fortuitous condom and a filing cabinet wedged against the door.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:23, Reply)
Oh, so it's photocopiers and filing cabinets?
Back of a transit connect on a bag of spanners too good for you. You make me sick.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:38, Reply)
A bag of spanners? What sort of way is that to talk about your colleagues?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:42, Reply)
It's being kind.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:42, Reply)
I've met 3 female sparks in 25 years, all rough

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:24, Reply)
My brickie mate reckons the only attractive ladies on site are the HSE birds and you want to keep away from them if you know what's good for you.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:27, Reply)
There's normally women in the site canteen I suppose, but they are normally 60 odd

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:30, Reply)
I think one of the lasses in the office canteen fancied me.
Always gave me better portions and was the first to volunteer to carry my tray when I had a bust ankle and was on crutches. That or she was just pleasant.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:34, Reply)
Maybe she was feeding you up to eat you.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:39, Reply)
I guess I'll never know.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:42, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:44, Reply)
There was a female sparks apprentice on a firm at the hospital that was very pretty.
Shacked up with the boss half way through her second year and jacked it all in to have his kids.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:39, Reply)
Don't blame her it's a shit trade

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:41, Reply)
Yeah, he was a top bloke and all, no one blamed her at all.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:41, Reply)
No
I've worked with people I've fancied, but I've always been in a relationship. Always.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:30, Reply)
I was madly in love with a girl I worked with for a bit, but she had a boyfriend.
When they broke up we got together. Lasted all of 3 months. She was mental it turned out.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:41, Reply)
When I was at college, I had a chance with one of two girls, who were friends
I made my choice, we started seeing each other. She turned out to be a mentalist who made up stories, her friend turned out to be really nice and kind hearted. Life's rich tapestry, m8.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:43, Reply)
Yeah, I made the worn choice at uni.
Went with the girl with the big boobs and cool metal clothes. She was dull as all dishwater and by the time I realised, the other girl had got together with Jameson, dunno if they're still together, but they were a great couple and it made me a bit sad.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:46, Reply)
damn
Yeah, this one started telling people I'd hit her. I was incredulous. Thankfully no one (as far as I'm aware) believed her.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:47, Reply)
You hit a woman? You monster.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:50, Reply)
I'm the worst

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:54, Reply)
I'm all punned out
What are you out of?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:00, Reply)
Arsed.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:01, Reply)
+ You took a whole lot of loving for a handful of nothing

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:03, Reply)

nothing punning
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:03, Reply)
It's hard to keep puns coming when you're pushing me and shoving me around :(

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:06, Reply)

puns
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:27, Reply)
nah, I like it rough
that's why I fucked your nan
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:30, Reply)
They don't call her Sandpaper Sally for nothing.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:31, Reply)
my tiny mind

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:03, Reply)
A long meeting
And now realising I've missed a pun thread.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:11, Reply)
I'm all out of love, i'm so lost without you, I know you were right believing for so long, I'm all out of love, what am I without you, I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:12, Reply)
Oh, I see.
It's like that, is it?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:13, Reply)

www.reactiongifs.com/r/srcstc.gif
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:15, Reply)
That's cheered me up.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:17, Reply)
Love.
I'm so lost without you.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:13, Reply)

www.media.giphy.com/media/dOJt6XZlQw8qQ/giphy.gif
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:14, Reply)
Link fail, according to BT.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:16, Reply)
Blame mongy's finger
www.giphy.com/media/dOJt6XZlQw8qQ/giphy.gif
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:17, Reply)
Oh, that again.
He's no Picard.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:17, Reply)
he's an overweight simon pegg

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:19, Reply)
Heresy!

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:20, Reply)
Simon Pegg's an overweight Simon Pegg.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:22, Reply)
I've never heard of this dire dirge you and mongy are joking about
Is this some Kentish Man thing that us Men of Kent don't get?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:18, Reply)
^ not fucking laughing, Nicolarse.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:19, Reply)
I'm with Mark Steel on the whole Man Of Kent / Kentish Man distinction.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:19, Reply)
Swanley = Suicide?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:31, Reply)
Gum
kicks ass.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:14, Reply)
I

that film.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:18, Reply)
Put on these glasses, or start eating that trash can.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:20, Reply)
time

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:22, Reply)
Compton

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:22, Reply)
^

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:34, Reply)

?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:49, Reply)
*six-finger gang signs*

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:00, Reply)
Africa

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:22, Reply)
Europe

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:23, Reply)
doodle-oo-dooo
duh-duh doo doo dooooo
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:31, Reply)
service

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:24, Reply)
money and luck
I do, however, have a pick-up truck
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:24, Reply)
aces for a taste of your whiskey I'll give you some advice

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:26, Reply)
:D

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:27, Reply)
here
play nicely now
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:28, Reply)
Your league m8.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:28, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8024631
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:30, Reply)
options

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:29, Reply)
guffs

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:34, Reply)
So lost without poo

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 13:04, Reply)
Clean socks

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:34, Reply)
Weekend plan's?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:37, Reply)
I'm going to brave commercial road tomorrow, Rich
Should go and see my nan (lol) on sunday really. What about YOU?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:39, Reply)
Kid tonight, 'Fun DMC' kid's hip hop jam in the morning
Vietnamese lunch with my missus' Nepalese chums and their kid, drop the nipper home then smash the almighty tits off it, we chi-illed on Sunday
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:55, Reply)
Fucking hell
Why do I NEVER have fun, Rich? Everything I do revolves around other people's well being. I am doing something seriously wrong here.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:59, Reply)
get yerself up that there up here that there London m8
Can't *move* for fun up here.

And when I say 'fun' I mean 'Bangladeshi benefit cheats'
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:00, Reply)
Would that it were Richard
I will one day.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:01, Reply)
April 15th, if not before

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:06, Reply)
putting the 'fun' into 'funding terrorism'

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:05, Reply)
Either going to an all dayer of horrible metal music from the likes of Hecate Enthroned and Foetal Juice
or heading over to Preston or somewhere around there for a night on the beers. You?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:39, Reply)
I have fond memories of Preston
I rolled a van at Charnock Richards motorway services
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:45, Reply)
lol
I have mates and family there but I've never actually been for a proper night out, only brief stopovers while heading elsewhere
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:47, Reply)
see above

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:55, Reply)
What can you recommend as good Vietnamese food to someone who's never tried it?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:40, Reply)
try it and then trust your subjective tastes

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:42, Reply)
I meant as a starting point, something easy to make

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:43, Reply)
The only time I cooked a Vietnamese dish, it gave me the shits.
What is /talk without poo chat, eh?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:45, Reply)
it's the inevitable conclusion of foood chat

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:48, Reply)
Wife's going to her christmas party tonight so will probably spend tomorrow looking after the baby whilst she has her hangover and then off to play squash on Sunday

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:40, Reply)
Nah not really.
Might pop out to Didsbury village for a spot of lunch.
Blayzin it for the rest.

Was going to assemble the spare bed, but going to do that next week.

Going to cook a corned beef hot pot hash thing tomorrow. How terribly Northern.
Tastes so good when you're stoned though.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:42, Reply)
Stovies is the Scottish version of corned beef hash, it's cooked with roast beef rather than corned beef.
It's well good.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:45, Reply)
How posh!
Might give that a go and slow cook it so the beef is tender.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:48, Reply)
You can deffo do it in the slow cooker. Some pubs without ovens do it that way for the darts/pool teams.
scottishmum.com/2012/12/traditional-scottish-stovies-with-oatcakes-and-beetroot-slow-cooked-with-the-kids-baked-beans-to-serve/
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:51, Reply)
Scottishmum.com lol

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:24, Reply)
Not from my family's recipe
Ours is vegetarian
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:56, Reply)
Quorned beef hash?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:58, Reply)
Corn hash

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:07, Reply)
Hash

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:11, Reply)
but fai

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:18, Reply)
Share plz

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:10, Reply)
I'll ask my mother for you

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:29, Reply)
IBYW

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:29, Reply)
YOUR BLOCKED

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:34, Reply)
Or can be made with sausages

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:00, Reply)
Corned beef hash is fucking lovely, and the only reason I still buy corned beef

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:46, Reply)
I made my own corned beef a while back. It was well nice.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:52, Reply)
How does one go about making corned beef, anyway?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:56, Reply)
corn+beef = corned beef. Perhaps yours will catch on?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:56, Reply)
Worth a try. People'll buy anything these days.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:00, Reply)
You get a brisket and leave it in brine for 10 or so days then slow cook it.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:03, Reply)
brine trisers?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:07, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:16, Reply)
I sat down in it at brighton.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:17, Reply)
I imagine pot hash is the last thing you need if you're already stoned hahaha

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:34, Reply)
Prolly go the pub tonight.
I've not cooked anything fancy for a while so I might do a nice curry. Maybe a Jamacian one.

Just remembered I'm off Monday and all. Boost.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:44, Reply)
What wine do you serve with Jamaican curry?
Bumbaclaret
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:48, Reply)
And it's a click from me.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:49, Reply)
Jesus christ, really?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:57, Reply)
Your hackles make a delicious little wind-chime sound when they rise, dear.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:05, Reply)
I'm like a stroppy dreamcatcher, m8

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:08, Reply)

t l
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:32, Reply)
And it's a click from me - A CLICK ON 'IGNORE'

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:57, Reply)
Why did the Jamaican have 600dpi tattooed on his arse?
Cos he was such a massive raster
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:11, Reply)
FFS
'Jamaican nerd puns' has got to be the most niche comedy genre of 2016.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:17, Reply)
I think I've exhausted my Carribean knowledge at this point anyway

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:19, Reply)
although I like the idea of a rastafarian labourer who loses an eye in a workplace accident
and gets a steel prosthetic so that he can call himself Iron Eye.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:21, Reply)
Please stop.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:18, Reply)
fucking hell grrry

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:18, Reply)
I've been dreading this

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:20, Reply)
no-one's made a shit joke for fucking ages m8
At least I'm trying
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:22, Reply)
Wait, I think I've got something, bear with me
How would Pikachu stoke a fire in Jamaica?

WITH A POKER, MON!
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:23, Reply)
\o/
The opposite of Laconic is Kingstonic, because dem rastas do Babylon
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:27, Reply)
Where does a Rastafarian Eagle lay its eggs?
In an Irie! :D
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Why don't rastas have Christmas trees?
Cos they strictly roots.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:33, Reply)
Very trying.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:25, Reply)
How do you know a rasta's on his bicycle?
Cos he ring his little bell and ting
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:56, Reply)
Fuck all these cunt's I had a chuckle

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:27, Reply)
Friend' combined birthday/housewarming party tomorrow night
My enthusiasm for this can be described as 'tepid': his wife's entire earthly existence revolves around kids, so not only will their spoiled and insufferable crotchfruit be there, they've actively encouraged other people to bring their kids too. She's also promised a "killer playlist" for us to dance to, which I can state with 99.5% certainty will be composed entirely of tired and ghastly French chansons and variety tunes, the French equivalent of Barbara fucking Streisand, so I think my plan for the evening is going to be "get absolutely blasted and fall asleep".
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:45, Reply)
Have you considered not attending?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:48, Reply)
I have, indeed, considered this,
but I quite like a lot of the people who'll be there and have no immediately compelling reason for bailling at the last minute, in addition to the fact that I don't like committing to something and then not doing it. There'll be lots of booze and good food so it's not as if there are no consolations.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:52, Reply)
That sounds fucking awful M11111111

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:49, Reply)
You're not wrong.
The woman in question came to my birthday party, for which I specifically said 'no kids', and within fifteen minutes had whipped out her phone and was going "Look, everyone! Pictures of my kids!".
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:54, Reply)
Is she a stay at home mum?
Kids do tend to dominate your attention, particularly if you spend all day, every day, with them.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:59, Reply)
No, she's a teacher.
Probably chose it as a career so she could be around kids all day.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:07, Reply)
You should be thankful that someone has seen fit to invest in future generations.
Your pension won't pay for itself, you know.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:13, Reply)
Of course, I welcome their future contribution to the pension pool,
which they can make on their own time, somewhere they are free to run around and yell at each other.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:20, Reply)
Their own home, on a Saturday, then?
Bad news, Yetso: you're the problem.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:33, Reply)
Damn.
Foiled by logic, again.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:07, Reply)
Be sure to shake you're fist at ten, tomorrow,
and make it very clear that you would have gotten away with it if it weren't for them.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 12:15, Reply)
:((((

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:58, Reply)
are you sure it's her that is the problem?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:05, Reply)
Yes.
HTH.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:08, Reply)
fair point
If her kids were dead she wouldn't talk about them so much
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:08, Reply)
Don't go giving me ideas, now.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:10, Reply)
Probably get the decs up.
Christingle on Sunday morning. Woo, church!
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:46, Reply)
you're basically RoboFlanders m8

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:47, Reply)
A googly-woogly.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:50, Reply)
I really hated christingle. It seemed like hours of fucking about and waiting just to get 10 or so dolly mixtures.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:52, Reply)
It's over pretty quick,
and the candles provide some much needed warmth.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:55, Reply)
My house is warm and as a gainfully employed adult I can afford dolly mixtures.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:04, Reply)
So can I.
I do have the option of dropping the kids off and leaving them to suffer on their own (but I'm not that cruel).
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:08, Reply)
Sent the wife out with an order to buy loads of wanky craft beer
which I will consume over the weekend while she plays with the fucking christmas tree I have to buy tomorrow to continue another pointless fucking tradition of dendrocide.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:46, Reply)
Real trees drop needles everywhere,
and can't just be packed into a box in the loft when the festivities end. You're making a terrible mistake.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:52, Reply)
My local's been took over.
They've got a real tree down by the bandit and faux decs over the bar.

Quite unusally they've got just white lights and it looks quite tasteful. Unlike the usual pub trick of using old garish 80's decs and multicoloured lights that somebody bought circa 1985.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:54, Reply)
You're thinking of addicts

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Addicts In The Attic.
Coming soon to Channel 5.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:22, Reply)
standing outside in the cold with a hangover while my eldest does some cross country running
and, oh joy, the school has just called to say that the other child is ill
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:00, Reply)
Probably a lack of Vitamin B12 and Creatine

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:04, Reply)
*snigger*

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:09, Reply)
it's more likely to be caused by how much I drink later today

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Counterwise Wine?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:12, Reply)
Moving house
About 50 metres from my current house
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:12, Reply)
Can't you just pull the carpet up to your chin and do bunnyhops until your house is where you want it moved to?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:13, Reply)
yeah my club lakes have that rule, no more than 3 days in the same swim

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:15, Reply)
nothing so far, think it's just myself and my son tonight, daughters at a spa day or saink

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 11:25, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 6:58, Reply)
morninh grrry, how's it?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 7:12, Reply)
I'm not normally one to say "thank fuck it's Friday"
but thank fuck it's Friday
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 7:21, Reply)
Alright Chris 'cunt' Evans

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:23, Reply)
I'd still be better at presenting Top Gear

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:32, Reply)
yes
this BMW is really special
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:40, Reply)
I'm quite amused that you're stealing Shambles' schtick now

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:46, Reply)
What happened to Shambles?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:51, Reply)
his midlife crisis finally caught up with him

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:52, Reply)
Oh you of all people know the answer m8
He can no longer get to his computer because *SOMEONE* stole his stick
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:52, Reply)
I miss Shambles

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:51, Reply)
I miss Noughties-era shambles
I don't miss smug-prick-youre-all-poor shambles
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:52, Reply)
I found that hilarious

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:53, Reply)
yeah, arguments about the merits of "synergy" are lolarious

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:06, Reply)
That was priceless
The poor chap painted himself into a corner on that one.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:20, Reply)
It did wear a bit thin.
A pity that he killed himself, though.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:08, Reply)
He was great.
Proof that you can be a curmudgeonly troll and still be entertaining.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:11, Reply)
I live in hope.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:16, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:43, Reply)
Alright Woodsy

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:31, Reply)
Morning
Work Christmas piss up today
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 7:25, Reply)
sauce of choice?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 7:26, Reply)
Since it's all paid for by work pretty much everything

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:49, Reply)
yeah, fuck your health, binge away
#noregrets
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:50, Reply)
Very forward thinking of you.
I don't usually work up my Christmas piss until the night before.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:03, Reply)
Been quite prepared this year for some reason
Christmas shopping is pretty much done and wrapped as well, what the fuck is going on?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:49, Reply)

Fashionably indifferent reply.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 7:25, Reply)
*lifted chin-nod*

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 7:27, Reply)
morning
Shit day ahead for me
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 7:42, Reply)
how come mVIII?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 7:42, Reply)
I have to get the first 26 pallets of our stock counted, shrinkwrapped and onto a lorry by 2pm
Whilst operating normally, two weeks before fucking Christmas. Bah humbug.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 7:48, Reply)
just sell it, and reorder new stock shipped to the new place
if it hasn't sold by christmas, just set it on fire cos it's clearly worthless.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:06, Reply)
I shall pass this excellent suggestion on to my boss

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:13, Reply)
save me a sparkly chandelier from the pyre
or whatever the shit is that you sell to posh nobs
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:15, Reply)
Should be fun with no warehouse staff

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:13, Reply)
Their last day is the 23rd
MEHREH CREESMUSS!

Actually the only one who ever does any work has got a new job already so I'm not so bothered now.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:28, Reply)
Mrs Hats finishes 2 days earlier than our children
She is, quite understandably, thrilled about this.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:22, Reply)
Morning! Friday is here, and not a moment too soon.
It's got off to a good start over here too, so I'm already feeling a little weekendy.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:04, Reply)
I am happy to hear you're having a breakfast Crunchie

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:07, Reply)
It's a good job we had that chocolate advertising discussion yesterday or I would have missed this reference entirely.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:08, Reply)
GOOOOOD MORNING, B3TA TALK!
Listened to the "Good Morning, Vietnam" soundtrack, for the first time in ages, whilst making gingerbread, yesterday. That was fun.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:06, Reply)
There's a compilation of 60s/70s songs with the same name which is much better

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:08, Reply)
That's nice.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:09, Reply)
that's sarcastic

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:53, Reply)
Just remembered that Robin Williams killed himself, it's cheered me up immensely

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:29, Reply)
yay friday i'm gonna get rekt

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:10, Reply)
TYRANNOSAURUS REKT

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:13, Reply)
CAROLUS REKT

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:53, Reply)
If anyone's on the lookout for a lovely modernist slice of hard sci-fi,
go and see 'Arrival', because it's cracking, like.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:23, Reply)
I haven't been to the cinema this year :(

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:25, Reply)
Dude...
If you liked 'Ex Machina', this one's absolutely worth a watch.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:28, Reply)
It's not for lack of desire m8
but the idea of babysitters doesn't really exist here
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:33, Reply)
I suspected that might be the reason m2^3
since it seems to be the reason for which most of my friends with kids don't go to the cinema. Maybe a good opportunity to take advantage of your new faster internet connection and find it online somewhere?
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:39, Reply)
Get yerself down Trolls m8, shit is mad fresh

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:30, Reply)
I can see through your lies m8

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:32, Reply)
Nah man I swear down, film of teh year

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:45, Reply)

fi be
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:47, Reply)
someone clearly hasn't seen norm of the north

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:50, Reply)
Saving that for the xmas break

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:53, Reply)
the reviews are clearly just jealous

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:55, Reply)
'A below-par Ice Age-style tale in which the highlight is a group of vulgar lemmings'?
Bullshit, 'Mark Kermode' and your trendy remoaner Guardian ways.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:01, Reply)
Cheap and cheerless, Norm’s appeal melts faster than the polar ice. With characters so completely devoid of charm or entertainment value, even David Attenborough would call for a cull of this lot.
BULLSHIT
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:04, Reply)
' un-bearably dull animated Arctic saga' I THINK NOT

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:05, Reply)
I'm not, no.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:29, Reply)
We know you're more of a Trolls person, Richard.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:46, Reply)
Obviously, Trolls is Film of the Year 2016

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:07, Reply)
I'm starting to think this guy's a bit thick, m8

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:20, Reply)
Saw it last saturday
Bloody loved it. Not an once of fat on that film, everything is there for a reason.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:57, Reply)
Agreed, except maybe the last three minutes,
where they hammer the point home long after you've already got it, but that was the one minor bum note. Lol bum.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:06, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:07, Reply)
That kind of needs to be seen
After the fact they have played so heavily on that thing that happens throughout, you kind of need to see that that thing happens in the end to make the point it hasn't changed.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:08, Reply)
Yeh but you could see just one minute of it rather than four minutes of it and the point would be just as valid.
IMHO etc. etc.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:13, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:38, Reply)
Definitely on my list.
New Spider man trailer looks awesome too.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:02, Reply)
It does
That's what happens when you allow Marvel to have a bit of control, semi-decent product produced.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:06, Reply)
Is Wossname playing Spiderman again?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:06, Reply)
The kid from the last Avengers one.
Tom Holland
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:35, Reply)
Oh, OK, I'd forgotten about that scene.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:39, Reply)
With GIANT ANT MAN?!

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:18, Reply)
The scene, not the film.
Namely the scene where Tony Stark walks into a teenage boy's bedroom. Then again the whole film was kind of muddled and unwieldy, despite its fun moments.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)
That there
Is the offspring of Dominic Holland, R4 staple. Looks clearly from mrs.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:39, Reply)
Michael Keaton as the Vulture should be excellent.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:06, Reply)
I've said it before and I'll say it again
He should've been the Joker in Tim Burton's Batman. They got the casting all wrong in that film.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:59, Reply)
So Jack Nicholson should have been Batman?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:19, Reply)
that wouldn't make any sense now, would it

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:22, Reply)
On the evidence of Beetlejuice, you probably have a point.
I enjoyed Nicholson's performance, though.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:26, Reply)
Charlize Theron in Monster...
Im sure she channeled Beetlejuice.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:27, Reply)
From the trailers, it looks an awful lot like the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still.
I don't really have words for how bad that was.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:23, Reply)
It has a lot in common with Contact
If you've seen that then you understand about 60% of the story already.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:31, Reply)
I seem to remember that being a total snoozefest.
Like Close Encounters, but somehow even more boring.

Maybe I'll pass on this one.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:37, Reply)
Like a less creepy event Horizon or Sunshine

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:36, Reply)
Event Horizon was good fun, I avoided Sunshine due to an inexplicable dislike of Danny Boyle.
Not totally inexplicable, I've just never been able to forgive him for Trainspotting. Unjustifiable is probably a better word.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:40, Reply)
I thought Event Horizon was awful
and still find it moderately hard to believe that Sunshine and Trainspotting were made by the same person, as they're two vastly different styles of filmmmaking.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:52, Reply)
Event Horizon was the best adaptation of Doom / Warhammer 40K that we're ever likely to get.
I enjoyed 28 Days Later, so will concede that Danny Boyle probably does know his craft.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:11, Reply)
Is that the official unofficial canon behind it?
If I'd been a bit more familiar with that universe, I might have enjoyed it more, in that case.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:39, Reply)
Give Sunshine a go... It's actually really good.
Forget it's by Boyle. It's nothing like any of is other films
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:20, Reply)
Maybe I will.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:27, Reply)


(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:26, Reply)


(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:30, Reply)
See? THIS guy gets me

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:31, Reply)

et ay
+ up the bum-bum
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:54, Reply)
I fucking wish, m8
He looks like a cuddler, and I like to be held
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:22, Reply)
I'm taking this to mean you've got your elbows on your desk
and you're cupping your chin on the back of your crossed fingers while fluttering your eyelashes at me.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:34, Reply)
Woah

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:37, Reply)
all things considered I think it actually being Friday today is a great improvement on yesterday's, frankly quite poor, so-called Thursday

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:37, Reply)
I'm inclined to agree mIX-1

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:40, Reply)
only staying til 12.30 then I'm off to smash it up in John of Gaunt's old stamping grounds

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:52, Reply)
he was shit on talksport, fat racist

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:57, Reply)
but he did build a new hall, so he can't be all bad

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:02, Reply)
he made the specials famous according to him, funny when talksport sacked him tho

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:05, Reply)
everyone from here claims some link to the specials

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:25, Reply)
morning.
Wife's getting stressed, the health visitor made a fuss cos the baby isn't standing up yet. Seems alright to me
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:39, Reply)
standing up on its own, or never supporting its own weight on its legs?
my mate's kid is 10 months and still doesn't stand cos it's just a lazy cunt.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:41, Reply)
both of mine were walking at 10 months
/mumsnetboasting
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:46, Reply)
were they that desperate to walk to the caff for a bacon sandwich?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:47, Reply)
Both of mine danced themselves right out the womb

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:28, Reply)
She doesn't seem interested in pulling herself up on things. She'll stand if you hold her hands and she's got a stupid walker on wheels that she runs around the kitchen in destroying my ankles

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:48, Reply)
she's probably already clocked that she's living in the Truman Show
and refuses to pander to your web-streaming audience
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:51, Reply)
Apparently I was forcibly separated from my pram at about age 5.
I'd probably still be happily strapping myself in and expecting to be wheeled everywhere now had they not, but my parents decided they didn't want a poor version of Rees-Mogg on their hands.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:21, Reply)
diagnosis: rickets
you're welcome
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:45, Reply)
mine was a pro BMXer at 6 months, are you sure yours isn't some kind of fliddy spasmo?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:46, Reply)

MX umm
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:48, Reply)
No m8

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:50, Reply)
she didn't become pro until 12 months?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:57, Reply)
i have no recollection of when my kids started doing anything as i really don't consider it important

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 8:59, Reply)
I missed all of that
First word, steps, the fucking lot. I would just turn up the next week for my shitty visit and find out. Fortunately I am in no way bitter and am simply not the grudge bearing type.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:02, Reply)
loads more milestones to come, m8
LOADS more
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:00, Reply)
first cigarette, first vomiting 2 litres of cider down the park, etc.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:06, Reply)
First bra, first period , first screaming teenage hussy fit

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:07, Reply)
YESSSSSSSS

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:11, Reply)
Honestly, you try and say something nice

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:12, Reply)
I think these fellows might be those 'internet trolls' you read about
Not 'film of teh year Trolls', the bad kind.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:19, Reply)
oh shit :(

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:16, Reply)
I have two sisters. Both total cunts when they were teenagers
SO glad I had boys
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:17, Reply)
^Sir Jimmeh

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:18, Reply)
oh come on now, really

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:21, Reply)
don't you also have a brother who is a complete prick as well though?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:27, Reply)
yep

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:37, Reply)
Control's got her bedroom downstairs, right next to the front door
so whenever she stomps off in a huff I can lock her out immediately afterwards
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:33, Reply)
It's a wonderful time teenage PMS

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:31, Reply)
oneupmanship with other parents, that's all

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:04, Reply)
It occasionally occurs to me that I should be able to recall these milestone events in my children's lives,
but I really can't.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:16, Reply)
morning
R&M was pretty fun last night, they earned the right to be put in in the 'good nostalgia' pile.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:01, Reply)
did they hit eachother with frying pans?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:14, Reply)
Yes, yes they did

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:16, Reply)
Better than their last TV show, which even Matt Berry couldn't save?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:18, Reply)
I found it mildly fine
Mainly because of Morgana Robinson.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:24, Reply)
It was OK, far too many musical numbers for my liking though
By which I mean there were musical numbers
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:25, Reply)
I loved that

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:01, Reply)
A lazy retread of 20 year old material?
Each to their own, Rich.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:05, Reply)
I thought that Norwegian boy who played Bob Mortimer's son was hysterical

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:12, Reply)
What show are you on about?

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:13, Reply)
Wallander

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:14, Reply)
I'd have enjoyed that more of Branagh & co. had bothered to do Swedish accents.
Doubly so if they'd all sounded like the Muppets' chef.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:18, Reply)
I've never even seen it
I was just being colourful
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:22, Reply)
I do know several people who liked it though
I'll probably watch it one day.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:23, Reply)
It was dull as ditch.
Like A Touch Of Frost, but with nicer scenery.
(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:28, Reply)
House of Fools

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:20, Reply)
^ Beef

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:08, Reply)
Sorry I'm late.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:41, Reply)
Not as sorry as I am.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:42, Reply)
I'll show you.

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:48, Reply)
Its alright, nobody's actually doing any work anyway

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:43, Reply)
that's ok love

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 9:57, Reply)
del-AIDS

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:06, Reply)
well at least you've said sorry

(, Fri 9 Dec 2016, 10:20, Reply)
Off to see Reeves and Mortimer re-heat parts of their 25 year career
What do you think will also disappoint you this evening?
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:43, Reply)
I'm going to go the pub; it might be empty and boring. Sometimes it is on Thursdays sometimes it isn't.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:45, Reply)
you make the place fuller and livelier when you arrive enough already

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:38, Reply)
Well obviously.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:44, Reply)
Dunno

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:46, Reply)
Home on my own, no booze allowed, it's not going to be a classic

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:46, Reply)
Come round here if you want

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:47, Reply)
Great, we can play D&D and eat Wotsits

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:55, Reply)
bring your 100 sided die
lost mine innit
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:56, Reply)
I keep mine in a velvet pouch so it will never get lost

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:12, Reply)
but enough about my willy!!!!!!!

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:12, Reply)
Oh I'm sure that's disappointed many.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:33, Reply)
Critical fail

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:42, Reply)
Sounds like a shit evening. Might as well sack it off around 8pm and hope tomorrow's better.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:49, Reply)
Marijuana and unhealthy food will have to do

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:55, Reply)
Well if you do the Marijuana right you can still get an early night.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:06, Reply)
I've vowed to drink more on the two nights you have off in order to retain some balance

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:32, Reply)
You not got no bud, bud?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:38, Reply)
Fortunately I do

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:43, Reply)
Me too!

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:53, Reply)
If Smash Monkey is still about
I'd be very grateful if she could give me a couple of ideas of what to buy someone who knits. Useful gadgets, that sort of thing. K thx x
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:47, Reply)
I'm not sure 'knitting tech' has changed much in the past century.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:51, Reply)
a decent big knitting bag is always welcome
something in reed or raffia that needles won't poke through.
or maybe something a bit odd, like an antique wooden wool bowl.
curiously, a wrist brace might be a good idea, too. since breaking mine a couple of years ago, it aches badly if i knit for more than a couple of hours a day
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:53, Reply)
Awesome, exactly what I was after
thank you!
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:56, Reply)
if you want to try something really off-the-wall
you could try converting a wine rack to hold balls of wool instead of bottles of wine
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:59, Reply)
interesting
ta
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:04, Reply)
lol balls

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:12, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:54, Reply)
2 minute wank

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:49, Reply)
Ireland's foremost fwap-metal zzzzzzz

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:16, Reply)
thinking about next month

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:55, Reply)

?
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:59, Reply)
trumlestiltskin gets sworn in
and i become a full-time carer for a fucking nutter
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:11, Reply)
Congratulations..?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:54, Reply)
Band practice tonight. They'll be alright.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:23, Reply)
b3ta

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:27, Reply)
Let it go, it's dead

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:41, Reply)
I aim to disappoint myself.
I know what I like, so I'm sure to succeed.
Ooh, paradox!
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:47, Reply)
the mulled wine-scented bog roll i just got from tesco

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:50, Reply)
Liddlebidbent

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:53, Reply)
no, not lidl. tesco
it was cheaper than the normal stuff
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 18:28, Reply)
Fair enough
With the added bonus of leaving you with a festive smelling ringer
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 18:40, Reply)
The only ones left in liddle were aloe vera ones once. They smelt funny.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:58, Reply)
I've got that on vinyl, and for dinner and as a codec to stream movies, trifecta winner

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 18:22, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 18:53, Reply)
Not sure what to do tonight.
Watched a "shockumentary" on the New York Club Kids of the 90's. The one who murdered his dealer.
So will probably watch the relatd Party Monster film.

On a side note to this, Ive never understood folk who enjoy taking Ketamine.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 17:56, Reply)
There was a good ketamine plot in The Archers, a few years back.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 18:14, Reply)
Tried it, hated it
Tried it again to make sure, hated it.

The End.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 18:18, Reply)
GS

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 20:25, Reply)
Popping into /talk
To find it's no longer all fields round here.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 20:21, Reply)
But how nice to find
After all these years that my icon is an Xmas tree. I'm so consistent.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 20:22, Reply)
Alright deks

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 20:26, Reply)
'Lo :)

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 22:06, Reply)
They've only been going 25 years? It seems longer.
Much longer.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 21:41, Reply)
Their falling down parody is excellent.
youtu.be/AZzaYz80QDA
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 21:55, Reply)
Member the fat guy playing the drums? Member?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 22:49, Reply)
Yeah, OK, that was boring.
Biggest concert let-down?
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:19, Reply)
mcbeef took me to a disco, but the music was all wrong.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:22, Reply)
I'll take you to a good disco

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:25, Reply)
There's no such thing, Jase.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:28, Reply)
I may be biased. I love the Studio 54 era.
Donna Summer - I Feel Love. Iconic.
And the true birth of techno.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:31, Reply)
Does it feature Earth, Wind and Fire?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:28, Reply)
Maybe

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:31, Reply)
No, they couldn't afford the insurance.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:32, Reply)
Wrong order, and forgot Water and Heart
4/10 see me
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:53, Reply)
I went to see Fields of the Nephilim
sure, it's old dad goth rock, I wasn't expecting to be blown away, but it was about 150 fat old men in washed-grey shirts and a few skinny goth girls full cyberpunk gear, shuffling awkwardly in an ex-warehouse with room for 2000, with no heating, in Polish February when the outside temp was minus 15. The sound quality was shit, the band's heart wasn't in it, and you had to drink the beer to warm yourself up, it was that bad.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:24, Reply)
Strong contender for an early winner here.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:26, Reply)
Nephilim were always old fat blokes ;)
My worst was Sisters of Mercy at Barrowlands in ?2000. Atrocious, quiet, invisible (dry ice) and dull. Dunning hat I was thinking.

Apparently the Mission are playing soon? Could be great, could be awful. Hmmmm.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 20:24, Reply)
The Eels
I think I've mentioned this before. It was at the Pyramids in Southsea, and the band had told the staff that no one was to get up and dance, or sing, or otherwise show that they're having a good time. One bloke got up to dance, and the band told one of the door staff to throw him out, so they did. It was all very strange.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:25, Reply)
What a bunch of wankers.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:26, Reply)
Yeah, it was very disappointing
A friend of mine happened to be on the security team that night, and he said all of the boys felt very uncomfortable with it.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:28, Reply)
Wat?
Did the sight of people having a good time break their concentration or something?
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:27, Reply)
You know what? I have no idea
Even the review in the local paper said that there was an odd atmosphere at the show.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:29, Reply)
I went to see Tool once. Fantastically well played and everything. But as far as the band were concerned the audience may as well have not been there.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:33, Reply)
To be honest,
probably 75% of the concerts I've done have been in that mindset. My attention's on the conductor, and anything that happens behind him/her is not really my concern.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:38, Reply)
Well classical's a bit different isn't it.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:39, Reply)
It is, that's true.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:43, Reply)
it's certainly not the same

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:45, Reply)
Did you go the same concert as me?
Red background, band just silhouettes, could have been anyone at all up there
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:48, Reply)
Wow.
Was this back when Mark Everett was really depressed?
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:31, Reply)
I tell you who was depressed! Me! That's who!
I'd dropped hard earned money, that I could scarcely afford at that point in my life, on the most miserable gig I'd ever attended! Eels. Fucking cunts, more like.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:33, Reply)
I'd have been minded to try for a refund.
I hope the guy who got kicked out did.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:38, Reply)
He got a kicking, is what he got
When the bouncers threw him out, he turned violent and went for one of them. They tried to calm him down, but he was having none of it, so one of them gave him a hiding. See, Eels??? See what you caused??
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:40, Reply)
I'm trying to remember the name of the wanky Norwegian duo
that insisted everyone click their fingers instead of clapping, as harsh noises hurt their ears. And this was at a fucking festival.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:32, Reply)
Kings of Convenience, them's the cunts
who, unlike /talk's serial chinny-reckoner, actually have played a gig in Bergen
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:33, Reply)
to be fair to them their album was called Quiet is the New Loud

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:59, Reply)
Haha
dear oh dear
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:34, Reply)
Fun fact, eels have kind-of like teeth running all the way down them so if you stuck your finger or arm or dick in one and pulled it out it'd rip all the skin off in a process called 'degloving'.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:35, Reply)
That fact IS fun

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:36, Reply)
I wonder if I sent it in to Steve Wright whether he'd read it out.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:38, Reply)
oh, no question

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:38, Reply)
yeah but if you snip off the tail bit you can turn them into a tube
and slide it onto your cock and then the mouth gets to your pubes you fold it back onto itself and slide it the other way, and then you can fold it back again so that it eats its own tail and you can feel like you're fucking Jörmungandr
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:39, Reply)
So a bit like one of them water snake things?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:40, Reply)

I folded Jör nan's gandr back onto itself, slid it the other way and fucked the wet end.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:42, Reply)
I waited ages for Spiritualized to come on at a festival and I think they only lasted a couple of songs before Jason Spaceman got bored and fucked off.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:27, Reply)
Don't blame him
I used to be a drinking pal of John Coxon's, I believe he plays/played guitar for them
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:36, Reply)
Never got it

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:37, Reply)
Spacemen 3 were, for their first three records, incredible
No interest in all the wishy washy smackhead bilge that followed
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:41, Reply)
I didn't enjoy Gwar as much as I thought I would.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:28, Reply)
what were they good for?
Absolutely nothing!
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:34, Reply)
Stone Roses
Reading 96, no Ian Brown, John Squire tries to sing, the band have a fight on stage, and that was them done.

Edit: I got it all wrong, Brown was there but sang awfully and Squire had already done one. Ian Brown then has a fight and it was all over
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:29, Reply)
Is that the one where Squire throws his guitar or another one?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:36, Reply)
Nope, I remembered it totally wrong
I was very, very, very, drunk at the time
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:41, Reply)
^ Rowley Birkin

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:49, Reply)
I was there
classic line-up
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:57, Reply)
Didn't know anything about music, only went to keep my older brother company
That weekend blew my mind. Billy Bragg acoustic on the mains stage, Rage at their best, Ash and Weezer on top form, Julian Cope getting naked and chasing stage guards, and Garbage being shit live like they always were.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:03, Reply)
The Club Dog eclipse festival
tedious drug searches when entering from the camping area, a far cry from the Sir George Robey days...
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:31, Reply)
And the Rocket on Holloway Rd iirc

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:59, Reply)
ZZ Top, Wembley Arena
Sound was fucking dreadful and the drummer and sequenced bits were out of sync. Appalling
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:39, Reply)
oh no!

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:40, Reply)
I was really gutted

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:42, Reply)
There's a funny vid on youtube of Van Halen completely fucking up jump 'cos the sequencer was set to the wrong sample rate so everything sounded completely out of key.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:42, Reply)
This isn't real
But, damn I wish it was.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:46, Reply)
Damn. I like ZZ Top.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:44, Reply)
I would put Tres Hombres in my top ten, mebbe even 5 US rock albums of the 70s

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:50, Reply)
Going to listen to that when I get home now.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:58, Reply)
first they came for question for the weak, but i didn't care as it was shit and for cunts, then they came for often topics and again i never cared as i wasd banned and it was for cunts, and now they come for /talk, and i couldn't give a fuck anymore

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:43, Reply)
you haven't talked about your bivvy in ages, dunno what good you are these days

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:47, Reply)
it upset all the /ot pricks who post here

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:51, Reply)
2016 claimed Live from the Lake too :;(

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:56, Reply)
I'm not sure I've got long left

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:09, Reply)
I thought I was fucking tedious

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:47, Reply)
cheer up you are, you have contributed nothing of interest since you started posting on /talk, hth

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:49, Reply)
Not sure much of your shit over the past few weeks
Would be selected for the B3TA /Talk Big Bumper Annual of 2016
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:15, Reply)
probably not because i hate all this shit and the posters on here

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:18, Reply)
yet still the mods do nothing

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:16, Reply)
they gave them /ot for all this bollocks, but the cancer has spread

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:19, Reply)
Cypress Hill was banned from playing on my festival for using weed in the smoke machine the year before
so I ain't not seen them (yet)
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:54, Reply)
You'd think such magnanimity would be applauded.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:59, Reply)
Somebody ordered the London Symphony Orchestra? Possibly while high?
Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:01, Reply)
Aw, come on Mr Frampton, you're not going to eat all that watermelon.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:05, Reply)
I'm sorry but that sounds like total bullshit m8
Ps I have seen them and they are v dull live. Lords of the Underground supported and were a hundred times better
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:10, Reply)
I saw Ugly Duckling about 10 or so years ago. They were good.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:17, Reply)
Howard Donald from Take That Djing was pretty shit.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 15:48, Reply)
Robots in Disguise
hilariously awful and lads of fun
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:06, Reply)
Junior Senior
Think they played 'Move your feet' 3 times due to lack of other material
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:12, Reply)
I just saw a breaking news pop up about Mick Jagger, thought he'd carked it too.
Turns out he's just knocked someone up
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:17, Reply)
The dirty old bollocks.
You'd think he'd be firing powder at his age.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:27, Reply)
meatloaf
opening act, maria raven, was the most depressing singer i've ever heard in my life. then i had to endure an hour or so of meatloaf wheezing out his stuff
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:34, Reply)
"meatloaf wheezing out his stuff" doesn't sound like the sort of thing he'd do at his concerts.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:43, Reply)
you'd be surprised

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 16:52, Reply)
Goodbye Greg Lake, you were shit
2016 really has been superb.

Come on Carl Palmer, you know what you have to do.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:19, Reply)
Emerson lake and Palmer is going to be a shit gig now.
"Hi, I'm Carl Palmer, and we are Emerson, Lake and Palmer"
*drum solo*
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:20, Reply)
might as well rebrand himself as Wanker
cos no-one calls it a Palm solo these days
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:31, Reply)
I've got this on.
1988 - The 80's A Decade In Dance - British Acid House Mix


1988 - The 80's A Decade In Dance - British Acid House Mix - 88:03 mins - 320 kbps

00:00 - Intro - Unknown - 1988
00:18 - Silicon Chip - FM (Frequency Modulated Acid) - 1988
04:05 - Acid Fingers - Mix It Up - 1988
08:24 - This Ain't Chicago - Ride The Rhythm (Acid Not Placid) - 1988
12:24 - Blow - Change (Makes You Want To Hustle) - 1988
18:34 - Nebula - Nebula 1 - 1988
22:38 - Richie Rich - Salsa House - 1988
27:08 - Baby Ford - Fordtrax - 1988
30:56 - Power, Wonder & Love - Afro Acid (Remix) - 1988
35:48 - Baby Ford - Oochy Koochy (Konrad Cadet Mix) - 1988
39:45 - D Mob - We Call It Acieed (Matey Mix) - 1988
43:26 - Street Level Funk - Show Me What You Got (Acid Mix Part 2) - 1988
48:32 - Blow - Go (Detroit Remix) - 1988
52:54 - Humanoid - Stakker Humanoid (The Omen Mix) - 1988
58:35 - Silicon Chip - Phuture Music (Til You Drop Mix) - 1988
63:42 - The Garden Of Eden - The Garden Of Eden (The Serpent In The Garden) - 1988
69:08 - New Chapter - Acid Generation (Windy City Mix) - 1988
73:07 - Children Of The Night - It's A Trip (Tune In,Turn On,Drop Out) (Hacienda Mix) - 1988
77:18 - Ecstasy Club - Jesus Loves The Acid (Acid Chant) - 1988
82:11 - Jolly Rodger - Acid Man (Techno Mix) - 1988




www.mixcloud.com/MixedByBlick/mixed-by-blick-1988-the-80s-a-decade-in-dance-british-acid-house-mix/
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:20, Reply)
Tl:dr

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:21, Reply)
I have precisely 50% of that on vinyl

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:23, Reply)
alright

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:34, Reply)
RIP Disc #2

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:50, Reply)
I hope everyone involved in that list dies a slow and painful death

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:30, Reply)
I feel the same about the people in this thread

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:32, Reply)
you first

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:33, Reply)
Hopefully

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:34, Reply)
Why do you hate the idea of other people getting joy out of something?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:38, Reply)
is this a rhetorical question?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:57, Reply)
MISERY LOVES COMPANY

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:01, Reply)
Sorry, this question is closed.
www.b3ta.com/questions/mixtapes/
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:38, Reply)
I quite like that King Crimson album

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:21, Reply)
to be fair, I do as well
20th Century Schizoid Man is brilliant
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:23, Reply)
I like quite a bit of KC, with and without Lake

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:31, Reply)
Pete Sinfield saved his best lyrics for Bucks Fizz though

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:35, Reply)
I'm well impressed that Robert Fripp puts it up Toyah on a regular basis

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:36, Reply)
+ & The Sunshine Band

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:46, Reply)
Give it up is a tune and I'll not hear otherwise.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:49, Reply)
Disco sucks.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:56, Reply)
a) not all of it and
b) that's not a disco record you knobcheese
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:59, Reply)
a) most of it
b) it's close enough
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:06, Reply)
No it isn't

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:15, Reply)
Steve Dahl was a fucking bellend.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:02, Reply)
I liked 'Danny Champion of the World'

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:04, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:05, Reply)
I Get Lifted is much better

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:58, Reply)
+F
L c
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:48, Reply)
I like all three of those options

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:52, Reply)
But what's the best crisps

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:23, Reply)
Brannigans I reckon.
Quite like McCoys Cheese and Onion and all.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:24, Reply)
the ones you get in the food shop with all the other food that tastes of the food you had as a kid back when food was different

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:32, Reply)
I'll put you down for wotsits then

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:35, Reply)
Pickled Onion Monster Munch pls

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:36, Reply)
I don't do requests, soz.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:39, Reply)
Anything crinkle-cut and/or cooked in a cauldron
as long as it's not salt and vinegar-flavoured.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:41, Reply)
I'll put you down for sweet chilli parsnip one then

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:46, Reply)
Are they crisps made from parsnips or parsnip-flavoured crisps?
Either way, they don't sound entirely bad.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:49, Reply)
They fucking do m8.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:50, Reply)
Nah, I like sweet chili and I like parsnips.
Salt and vinegar can still do one.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:51, Reply)
Squares or Discos.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:06, Reply)
I take back my assertion that "disco sucks", where crisps are concerned.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:10, Reply)
I once met a guy who used to host an annual ELP convention
When I asked him more about it, it turns out that it was less of a convention; more 'his 2 mates would come over, and they'd all get pissed while listening to ELP records'.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:25, Reply)
I sometimes did that but with better, non ELP records.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:26, Reply)
I do that only with Phil Collins albums

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:31, Reply)
Veil of tears, etc

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:30, Reply)
Epitaph m8 ffs

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:33, Reply)
Having checked Google, I'm reasonably certain that I've never knowingly heard an ELP track.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:57, Reply)
Or a disco one it would appear

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:01, Reply)
Wonder if his body is going to be taken places in a massive truck with the word LAKE written on the top
I've watched way too many BBC4 documentaries with that bit of footage shown.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:57, Reply)
I want to buy an old farmstead on the edge of nowhere near the Russian/Latvian border
Where do you want to move to?
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:23, Reply)
Terraforming colony on Mars.
Nay, not really. Sounds like a great adventure until someone punctures the dome and everybody suffocates.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:29, Reply)
If you're terraforming you don't need a dome, you do it by chucking gases and stuff into the atmosphere.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Where do you live while it's in progress then?
Subterranean caves make more sense, to me.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:32, Reply)
Hmm, terrain and subterranean come from terre, meaning Earth
submartean?
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:33, Reply)
Trapped on a spacestation, like the unpopular Tracy brother.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:34, Reply)
I reckon that one was bent
and he spent his time wanking in zero-gee
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:36, Reply)

in zero-
on Dustin
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:37, Reply)
EII DERNT REALLY KNERRRR!!!!!!

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:48, Reply)
Since Dustin's been gone
I don't think Les ever regained his momentum. Sad times.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:50, Reply)
Rainbow'zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:52, Reply)
yes

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:53, Reply)
I see Ritchie Blackmore is touring again, I wonder if Frank will be let out of the bin for the night to go and see him

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:53, Reply)
Yeah, I heard he was back from his journey through the middle ages
Blackmore, that is. Not Frank.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:54, Reply)
Blackmore's Night?
Blackmore's SHITE more like
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:55, Reply)
Virgil had the coolest method of getting to his Thunderbird
Discuss
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:41, Reply)
I am a+
l had the coolest method of getting to his Thunderbird n
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:52, Reply)
Well obviously, I'm querying fucking Thunderbirds on a purile digital arts forum
What's your excuse?
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:57, Reply)
I'm knee deep in fanny m8, you've got the wrong guy

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:00, Reply)
sounds grim as fuck tbh

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:03, Reply)
^more jel than the hair products aisle in Sainsbo's

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:05, Reply)
And now you're having a dig at my baldness :(
You are just being a right cunt today, Beefo
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:36, Reply)
One of us has misunderstood anatomy.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:06, Reply)
Tracey Ulman

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 14:01, Reply)
I've been terraforming something rotten this morning

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:40, Reply)
fucking kosovo

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:36, Reply)
fuckosovoff there then

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:51, Reply)
Or, as it'll be known in a few years time, Russia

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:39, Reply)
+P

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:42, Reply)
Lapland

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:42, Reply)
Yeah, I'd go there too
hey its me ur neighbour
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:53, Reply)
we can celebrate Christmas every day!

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:56, Reply)
I'll give you a red nose m8

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:59, Reply)
Old stabsville?
Not after last week...
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:30, Reply)
I don't want to move anywhere, my gaff is fucking lovely
Just bought tickets to take my kid to 'Fun DMC' at the Royal Albert Hall on Saturday. It's a kids' hip hop jam with breakdance lessons and so on. She is going to LOVE it.

#dadoftheyear #mumsnet
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:45, Reply)
you seem the right type

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:50, Reply)

the a
type bender
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:53, Reply)
really?
REALLY???
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:56, Reply)
I'm doing the best with what I'm given

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:58, Reply)

really?
REALLY???

oooh chase me!!!
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:58, Reply)
^tggi

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:59, Reply)
This Gigantic Gaylord Irritates?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:00, Reply)
tiny genitals get inserted

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:03, Reply)
Try Giving Generously, Ian

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:10, Reply)
You realise she's probably going to hate it?
It'd be the equivalent of our parents forcing us to go to some kids rock'n'roll event in the 80s with jiving lessons and fluorescent socks.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:41, Reply)
Want to start a country somewhere on an island or an archipelago.
Or a peninsula, or an isthmus, or a fjord, or an inlet, or even a mountain.
Print up stamps and money there, and they'll all have Oswald's face.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:57, Reply)
Can I come and live there?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:04, Reply)
So long as you're under 30, have a job lined up and intend to buy your own home within the first 6 months
Also: no dogs, blacks or gays
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:09, Reply)
Depending on how your country keeps time, I may be under 30. I'm definitely under 30 yonks anyway
I can draw stamp sized renditions of Oswald? Is that a transferable skill?
I have a tent as well.
And I guess when food's scarce in the first few months we can eat my black dog who may or may not be gay.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:39, Reply)

frinkiac.com/gif/S06E03/1020252/1024006.gif?b64lines=
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:09, Reply)
i don't, if i wanted to move i'd move

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:00, Reply)
A bit closer to town, to be honest.
Living in suburbia's alright for some things but it's a pain in the arse when you want to go out in the evening.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:10, Reply)
My sister lives in a charming little town just outside Winchester in a lovely house
It is boring as fuck. Two pubs, a shit chinky, a shit curry house and that's it. Luckily for her, her husband is a fucking amazing cook (he was on Masterchef in the Loyd Grossman days) of her life would suck.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:21, Reply)
One of my mates is going to be on Masterchef next year, seeing as it's relevant.
He's a bit of a polymath, excellent dj, session musician, carpenter and technical lead at a big media firm. The bastard.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:30, Reply)
And then Greg Wallace tastes his food
After putting his hand to his forehead in exasperation of his cooking technique.
Tastes the food, says "oh, mate"
And then he has to hang up an apron on the walk of shame. Life will be over.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:34, Reply)
He's ridiculously good at puddings from what I can tell; Greg'll be on side.
It's that australian prick I don't like.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:35, Reply)
He always looks like he's got the sweats on an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in 8 hours
And the way he says pasta is exactly as annoying as you would expect from the massive knobber he is
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:36, Reply)
John Torode is a superb, superb chef
Gregg fucking Wallace sells cabbages.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:06, Reply)
And like most good chef's on television he's seemingly a complete arsehole.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:08, Reply)
Raymond Blanc is the exception
I loathe 'Heston' with every fibre of my being. My brother in law's best mate works for him and says he's great, but he comes across as an insufferable prick.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:10, Reply)
throwing stones in glass houses there, m8

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:13, Reply)
Keith Floyd was king and not just because he was an utter lush.
Gordon Ramsay rubs me up the wrong way; I know it's so much of an act he's basically a parody of himself these days, but the way he acts like he's running the international space station rather than cooking a fucking dinner pisses me right off.

Marco Pierre white seems to be good value as he's constantly sabotaging his own career by saying stupid things like 'the best way to cook bacon is to microwave it' or putting out ridiculous recipies like this "Jamacian-style Chicken" (literally just chicken legs, stock pots rice and peas, no spices at all).
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3q0zGE-Iboc
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:17, Reply)
Exactly.
A sizeable percentage of my mates when I was house-hunting said "Get a place out in the country: you can get a four-bedroom house for the same price as a one-bedroom flat in town." This is technically true, but within thirty miles of that four-bedroom house there is nothing. None of your friends will visit you, either, because you live out in the sticks and they can't be arsed to spend half an hour in the car every time.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:34, Reply)
Four bedrooms sounds like a burden. Everything would be so far away.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:36, Reply)
Looked at a townhouse once
The mrs loved it, then I pointed out it has 3 bathrooms and she said "fuck cleaning them on a regular basis"
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:42, Reply)
Mine'd have a fit at that.
She's already tried to con me into doing the housework more than once a week, ffs.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:57, Reply)
I reckon i can go a month without the place getting noticeably shabby.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:02, Reply)
I think it's colour saturation-related.
In the same way as women have twenty different words for the colour known to men as 'brown', they can detect a 0.02% shift in the colour of the flooring from 'grey' to 'ever so slightly darker grey' that means the whole house is filthy and must be pressure-washed immediately.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:09, Reply)
Yeah, I guess the male decision of whether or not hoovering is necessary is essentially "is the carpet crunchy?".

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:19, Reply)
We have a cleaner and it's fucking awesome

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:07, Reply)
I keep meaning to get me one of them.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:08, Reply)
Best money ever spent

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:12, Reply)
I used to have one because my ex was too bone idle to do her share of the housework.
Still thinking about getting one again, though.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:24, Reply)
The moon
And invent a laser-style piss cannon to specifically target Donald Trump everywhere he walked.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:22, Reply)
what did he ever do to you?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:47, Reply)
He makes Farage a thing that we can't forget
And thus by proxy he deserves the piss laser.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:50, Reply)
He's just given a job to the CEO of WWE wrestling lol.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 12:50, Reply)
Australia has always been a place I'd like to live.
Love the people too... They're like British folk, but much happier.

Also, Sweden. They seem like they look after their own, and it's one of the most tolerant countries.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:05, Reply)
Australia's good for the sort of British people who laugh at their own jokes

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:14, Reply)
MGT's communist paradise

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 13:20, Reply)
Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday
how would this improve or impair your life?
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:20, Reply)
I'd be a fat mess and drunk all the time
This could be viewed as an improvement I guess
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:21, Reply)
Or the status quo
Depends on what angle you look at it from
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:21, Reply)
i'd be upset as my local only opens till 3pm and the only foood i'd have would be from the shell garage

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:23, Reply)
'member when pubs used to regularly shut between 3pm and 6pm?
that were rubbish
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:28, Reply)
7pm on a Sunday till they allowed 6pm

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:38, Reply)
on the plus side kids weren't allowed in but you were allowed to leave them unattended outside with a bottle of coke

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:42, Reply)
and you could smoke, my local had 3 bars back then, women used to stick their heads into the public bar see a fog of smoke and pissed upped builders and fuck off down the saloon bar

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:45, Reply)
Pubs in Scotland aren't allowed kids outside of a licensed eating area. It's great.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:29, Reply)
Nobody would ever go to work
Infrastructure would be crippled, businesses would collapse, and staff running key services would be stretched to the limit until one single event tips everything over the edge, be it a runaway nuclear event at a power station, an uncontrolled viral outbreak in a hospital, or mass riots fostered by a continually impoverished underclass pressurised into buying presents every single day even though they have no wages because their zero-contract jobs are permanently shut for the holidays.

Society would descend into utter chaos. Really, Christmas every day would be apocalyptic.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:23, Reply)
What about if it was some sort of groundhog day type thing? Didn't think of that did you?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:26, Reply)
Then you'd get the same fucking presents every single day
and you'd know what jokes were going to be in everyone's christmas cracker. That's another level of Hell.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)
don't just focus on the positives, try to have a more balanced view

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:27, Reply)
there are no positives to Christmas

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:41, Reply)
sounds like somebody needs some figgy pudding

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:43, Reply)
^ forever on the naughty list

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:44, Reply)
NO-TREE list, more like!
I wish. Got to buy one of those piney cunts this weekend :(
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:48, Reply)
There was a bloke on the news a while back who celebrated Christmas every day,
with a full roast turkey and all the trimmings and everything. Until his doctor told him to stop.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:24, Reply)
How long did he keep it up?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:26, Reply)
12 days

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)
FIVE GO-OLD RINGGSSS!!!!!!!

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:30, Reply)
My mum had a rubbish version of that song on a christmas album
On the fifth day, my true love gave to me a 'shining star'. The first day was 'a song for the Chri-i-stmas tree'.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:45, Reply)
I quite like the version the Copper Family do

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:48, Reply)
What does his ability to maintain an erection have to do with this?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)
Mr Christmas?
Looks like he knocked it on the head, last year: www.somersetlive.co.uk/broke-fat-single-mr-christmas-finally-stop/story-28397109-detail/story.html. Shame.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:43, Reply)
That's the chap.
So, as a more specific answer to Tangles' question, it would make you put on nine stone and cost you two million quid.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:46, Reply)
On the other hand, I wouldn't be having any less sex than I am now,
so I think I'd be open to the possibility of endless christmas.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:47, Reply)
I think you're forgetting the True Meaning of Christmas

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:56, Reply)
what the fuck do doctors know eh?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)
Too bloody right, my homeopathist told me they're all paid by Big Pharma to market premium drugs that perpetuate the conditions
All you need is water and the memory of the illness, like for like obviously works, I mean look at maths, if that isn't conclusive evidence I don't know what is
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:32, Reply)
Mind. Blown.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:36, Reply)
I've got some sugar pills for that

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:44, Reply)
When I'm a super rich millionaire I will sort this out for you.
Bill Gates is a cunt for not sorting it out already if we're honest.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:35, Reply)
thx m8
he never even answers my calls you know
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:40, Reply)
It'd be exactly the same as any other day
Except with my kids getting up at 4:30
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:43, Reply)
oh God I hate kids

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:49, Reply)
They ruin an otherwise perfectly good day off

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:52, Reply)
I think I was about 12 or 13 when my parents started waking me up on Christmas day. Often past noon.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:07, Reply)
I'd set up some elaborate traps for any burglars throughout my house
And keep on testing the limits until ultimately causing manslaughter.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 10:55, Reply)
alright Tony Martin

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:02, Reply)
I don't see how singing Livin' Da Vida Loca at some burglars will help.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:08, Reply)
COME ON!

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:17, Reply)
I love me a Christmas dinner, which is essentially a Sunday dinner...
Come to think of it, Christmas is just a Sunday, with presents.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:07, Reply)
Christmas dinner typically involves an order of magnitude more gluttony though.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:09, Reply)
And silly hats
I mean, I'd advocate silly hats for Sunday dinners as well, or dinners on any day really, but nobody else seems to get behind it. Which is a shame, because I like silly hats. Not normal hats, they're a bit dull. But silly hats are the best, especially when combined with a wacky tie.
(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:14, Reply)
Wait, do you get all dressed up for a christmas dinner at home?

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:30, Reply)
No, I thought we were just talking about how much we like silly hats. Which I do. A lot.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2016, 11:38, Reply)

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