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another boring as fuck bank holiday monday
with nothing better to do than listen to AC/DC.
anyone doing anything better?
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 15:52, Reply)
surely if we're posting here, that answers your question?

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 16:37, Reply)
pretty much, yes

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 16:46, Reply)
Missed your earlier post, but Victorious was great, ta.
Look at the state of this beer, though: imgur.com/u9bYGbe (the one on the left).

Watched Levellers and Coral with a succession of children on my head, so now my back hurts.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 17:45, Reply)
hey, merry candlemass, sorry I'm a bit late and there's no more cake to go round
only guffs :(
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 19:52, Reply)
it's OK, because guess what! there's a cake that's ALSO A GUFF, how about that?! pets de nonne:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nun%27s_puffs
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:43, Reply)
clearly
s8.postimg.io/kquw3a8r9/1a39999693300179b183acfcba6c3f40jpg.jpg
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 16:40, Reply)
that actually made me giggle

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 16:47, Reply)
well that's ruined a perfectly good bun

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 17:27, Reply)
Yeah, it's like those pricks who put bread on cats

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:12, Reply)
I also found these
1.) rehoboth.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Kelly-web-post-image-01.jpg
I read that as short for "I am Rehoboth, Destroyer of Worlds"
2.) www.jenneitzel.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/fear-blog-post-image-1024x638.jpg
I don't know on that one, might be best to stick with the AC/DC
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 16:46, Reply)
i thought the first one was sarah millican

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 16:48, Reply)

s17.postimg.io/fzfzgvxmn/image.jpg
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 17:00, Reply)
Hey vlad, you should do a piccy like that but with that "flan base" character or his chum "free base" and post it on /board, they love totally hatstand "potatomash" images like that.

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:00, Reply)

scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t34.0-12/14159819_1187385991325970_13923359_n.jpg?oh=09a909b4ec89196b8c424e5cc1e3fe7b&oe=57C72742
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:22, Reply)
JUST WOW

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:44, Reply)
Just sitting in the boozer

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 17:05, Reply)
did you go for the lion in the end or a pierrot with a single tear?

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 17:07, Reply)
Due to staff shortages it was cancelled, the landlord has been away for three weeks, place is a shambles

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 17:21, Reply)
three weeks? has anybody checked the cellar?

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 17:23, Reply)
The boozer near my flat shut its doors for the last time this weekend.
I didn't go to it very often, but it was the best one near me.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 17:42, Reply)
Boozer's closing makes me cry , proof there is no god

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 19:29, Reply)
Went to the farm, fed some livestock and walked the high ropes.
Had an ice cream, too, so Bank Holiday win, I feel.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 17:46, Reply)
Mine was fucking awful
Thanks for bringing it up. Really sensitive of you.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 18:35, Reply)
SHIT BOLLOCKS WANK CUNT

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 18:59, Reply)
Yep

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 19:12, Reply)
Has your vacuum cleaner died too ? Sadtimes

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 19:18, Reply)
that's the way I like to funt

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 20:41, Reply)
I took the bike to the H cafe, I remembered very soon after I arrived why I am a member of no motorbike clubs.
Bunch of weirdos.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 20:02, Reply)
smackdonald's

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 20:42, Reply)
i like this

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 20:44, Reply)
all they do is junk food

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 20:45, Reply)
skag and lettuce

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 20:44, Reply)
That's Gene Wilder dead.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-37215553
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 20:53, Reply)
Awww the Waco Kid :(

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:02, Reply)
83???? I had no idea he was that old

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:07, Reply)
I had no idea he was still alive

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:17, Reply)
Another succesful diagnosis, doctor

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:52, Reply)
Oompa loompa doompety dead

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 21:16, Reply)
guilty lol

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 22:14, Reply)
Hi fanniei'yz!
Fl3bb0 here, wrestling with Southern trains trying to get back to tine. We have 'an electrical fault' and 'a faulty train' as two of the blatant 'bank holiday, staff are at a barbecue' bullshit lies told so far. I'm expecting 'sheep on the line' and 'unexpected Billy Ocean concert' next. When did you last SHIT BOLLOCKS WANK CUNT
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:44, Reply)
On one of my birthdays, which was a bank holiday weekend
we booked ourselves into an old hotel in a medieval town a few hundred km's away.

As soon as we got there, the girlfriend's sister phoned to say she'd broken the key in the front door, buggered the lock and the hungry cat was on the other side yowling its head off.
So we picked up our suitcases and got back on the train, which was then struck by lightning. I spent 10 hours of my birthday sitting on trains, going nowhere, doing sudoku and drinking nescafe from those revolting sachet tube things.

Got home and kicked my front door in like an ABSOLUTE MADMAN because trains can fuck off.

#thatsnotinterestingatallgrrrmachine
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:48, Reply)
Apart from Lego ones, right m8?

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:58, Reply)
Lego ones are alright for making ad revenue with m8
it's not like I've got toy trains running all round my house delivering newspapers and shit
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 13:03, Reply)
Yes you do m8 don't lie

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 13:04, Reply)
what would be the point?
Nobody reads newspapers any more
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 13:09, Reply)
Delivering tweets, then

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 14:21, Reply)
Or cat videos

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 14:21, Reply)
the point is the toy train, surely

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 15:12, Reply)
good morning manolith
good morning manolith appreciators
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 6:42, Reply)
We only appreciate manolith in March.
b3ta.com/calendar/event/26149
We can just take him for granted, the rest of the year.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 7:36, Reply)
I don't like calendar-mandated festivities; it makes the whole point seem forced and artificial
so this is a spontaneous day to appreciate our hirsute dog-fondler for being B3ta's Best Mod.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 7:43, Reply)
You horrendous suck-up.
Also, I've taken your name off of my Christmas card list.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 7:46, Reply)
good
I find christmas cards insulting
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 7:56, Reply)
Joke's on you - I don't send any Christmas cards!

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 8:08, Reply)

HAPPY CHRISTMAS GRRRMACHINE!
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 11:16, Reply)
Why is santa wearing a Devo hat?

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 11:18, Reply)
I'm so sorry I don't speak lego

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)
It's not a lego thing vladimir
www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_QLzthSkfM
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 11:25, Reply)
:D :D :D

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 11:30, Reply)
Urgh

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 7:42, Reply)
m8 you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 7:43, Reply)
I need a hearty breakfast and a bath, is what I need

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 7:44, Reply)
Making toast whilst in the bath is an excellent idea.

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 7:50, Reply)
nobody's got arms that long

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)

are
you
quite
sure
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:32, Reply)

well...
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 16:38, Reply)
Alright

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
alright mongy
good weekend?
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 8:11, Reply)
Same old really, think there is a family fun day up my local today, so I'll be avoiding that

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 8:34, Reply)

mongy is sat morosely in the corner, his face has been painted to look like a lion, but not very well, there are balloons tied to his chair, his bag of pork scratchings is full of glitter, sheets of raffle tickets scroll across the table, so far he's won a tin of corned beef
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 11:29, Reply)
*appreciates*

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 9:04, Reply)
hey, my eyes are up here

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:34, Reply)
Good morning
Happy bank holiday, my British chums
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 9:30, Reply)
oh, THAT'S why it's so fucking quiet here today

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 9:31, Reply)
lol blanked

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 9:55, Reply)
blank holiday monday

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:34, Reply)
Last bank holiday till xmas

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 9:43, Reply)
Yep, not long now
I should start writing a list, really
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 9:54, Reply)
I hope it's a list of people to murder by christmas

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:23, Reply)
my birthday is before christmas
that's the list you should be writing
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:25, Reply)
Bonjour, Antoine!

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 9:54, Reply)
Bonsoir, Jean-Paul

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 9:55, Reply)
I had the two of you switched round, in my head

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 10:02, Reply)
I think I threw my sarong out, a couple of house moves ago.
Shame.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 10:23, Reply)
^ knew it was sarong thing to do even then

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:22, Reply)
I lament the general unacceptability of men's skirts in western culture.

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:26, Reply)
move to scotchland?

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:36, Reply)
cheers ma8
morning, while there's still some left
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 11:16, Reply)
like periods
better late than never
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:10, Reply)

Happy b3ta birthday manolith!
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:21, Reply)
aw, cheers vlad

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:24, Reply)
:)

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:25, Reply)
^ fire hazard
🚒
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:25, Reply)
are you hoping to see some hunky firemen?
how was victorious, btw?
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:33, Reply)
Where's my good morning?

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:04, Reply)
you're 4 minutes late
so you can get to fuck
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:09, Reply)
that first line could have said anything tbf

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 12:35, Reply)
It is manoliths b3ta
Perhaps to celebrate we should petition having that boring cunt banhammered for being a boring cunt.

I think when I was banhammered it was for "shotposting"

If anyone meets that criteria it's that useless waste of skin called manolith.
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 1:41, Reply)
well, the important thing is that you aren't bitter about it

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 2:18, Reply)

os ut
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 7:41, Reply)
Fuck off, nonce.

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 9:01, Reply)
Change the record

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 11:21, Reply)

*puts the lights on*
*long lines of strip lights spasm into life*
*buzzing noise*
*one strip light goes out*
*walks a few paces forward*
*drops bunch of keys*
*enormous crash of keys landing bounces off the walls*
gnrrfuckinell
*reaches to retrieve the keys*
*janitor badge falls off*
*sound of janitor badge landing is very faint, it's only a plastic badge*
gnrrohfuckit
*reaches to retrieve the janitor badge*
*winces in pain whilst straightening up, rubs back*
*shuffles a few paces towards door*
*puts the lights out*
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 21:41, Reply)
This should win

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 22:38, Reply)
excuse me
some of us are trying to sleep
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 22:41, Reply)
!
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire
(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 0:18, Reply)
new appreciation day innit

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 0:29, Reply)
I hope you burn to death

(, Mon 29 Aug 2016, 1:39, Reply)
Super Mario gritty reboot not so great

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 22:45, Reply)
"The world is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings."
www.oscars.org/science-technology/sci-tech-projects/motion-picture-sound-engineering
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 23:06, Reply)
morning

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 8:48, Reply)
Alright Grrrmachine
I just killed a wasp.

Do you have any plans to do something really interesting today?
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 8:59, Reply)
my kid's sick
so, no
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 9:40, Reply)
a white anglo-saxon protestant?
did you just confess to a murder?
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 12:34, Reply)
he's killed a poodle rock band member
i.ytimg.com/vi/tDHH01DQnLE/maxresdefault.jpg
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 12:59, Reply)
best of all the dog-related music genres
youtu.be/5FyUb2sN3p4
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 13:09, Reply)
suckin dick and gargling cum didn't get you anywhere..now what? your prune shooter is quivering for a biggie now hah you smelly freak!

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 18:06, Reply)
Alright mofs

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 18:38, Reply)
oh wait, I know this one ... king lear

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 20:42, Reply)
morning
Not so sunny today so might go to Lewes to see the castle
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 9:08, Reply)
LOOS, more like
cos you like hanging out in toilets and that
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 9:40, Reply)
See the arsehole more like
cos y'know, bumholes
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 10:00, Reply)
not so bummy, more like
cos you're tired from all yesterday's bumming
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 10:09, Reply)
morning

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 9:42, Reply)
alright BS

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 9:56, Reply)
Live a little, live a LOTTO!
Hahaha brilliant
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 11:22, Reply)
billy connolly must be spinning in his grave

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 11:43, Reply)
how do you live a lotto then?
don't make no sense
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 12:28, Reply)
Dunno
He's scotch, maybe that has something to do with it
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 12:53, Reply)
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrs

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 11:37, Reply)
sss

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 12:49, Reply)
Morning.
Just in time.
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 11:46, Reply)
wouldnt be the same without you

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 12:50, Reply)
Missed it

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 12:18, Reply)
never too late m8

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 12:57, Reply)
Nah gonna have a smoke and hit the pub

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 13:12, Reply)
Cor it's a laugh a minute here isn't it
what about them moose limbs then ehh cor blimey
I don't know, strike a light etc
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 14:56, Reply)
Loads of bars, but only one Real Ale tent.
Massive queue, suffering for my palate, here.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 15:27, Reply)
You fussy drinkers sicken me

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 18:37, Reply)
I got stuck behind some beardy bellend having tasters of stuff.
Even when i drank real ale that sort of shit was not allowed if there was a few waiting at the bar. Buy a pint and drink it. If you don't like it, tough.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 20:01, Reply)
I tried to order by type/flavour, but was instructed to just order by the numbers on the kegs.
I ended up with something that could have easily passed for pond water (tasted really nice, though!).
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 20:12, Reply)
My local ale festival is staffed by camera so most of the twats are behind the bar.

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 20:17, Reply)
I went to a camera festival for a pint of ale.
When I realised my mistake, my face was a picture!
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 20:57, Reply)
I typed camra but my phone insisted it knew best.

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 21:03, Reply)
I feel your pain,
but at least I got to make that excellent joke.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 21:05, Reply)
:)

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 21:07, Reply)
i've got to deal with 2 sugar-fueled 8 year olds
i'm having a fucking whale of a time
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 16:11, Reply)
Jewn

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 16:24, Reply)
Alwaez

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 17:05, Reply)
Jew you really reich it
Is it is it Hitler
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 18:54, Reply)
Only 119 days till Christmas

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 18:35, Reply)
yeah!

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 18:45, Reply)
Might invent a girlfriend so I don't have to see my family.

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 18:47, Reply)
Like in Weird Science, you mean?

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 19:01, Reply)
I think fibs would be easier.

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 19:14, Reply)
Cor

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 19:40, Reply)
What would the wife say

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 21:26, Reply)
"who the fuck are you and when did we get married?"

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 1:39, Reply)
Dementia is a terrible thing

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 1:46, Reply)
I reckon it feels exactly like when they subtly rejumble the supermarket.

(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 1:56, Reply)
Can confirm: They reshuffle everything for a laugh every Friday night
Source: used to work at Morrisons
(, Sun 28 Aug 2016, 4:04, Reply)
Hi gang, it's only me (Richard), just popping in to make sure everyone's ok?
Have a great Saturday, and stay safe!
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 8:17, Reply)
alright richard
what the fuck are we doing up at this time on a Saturday?
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 8:32, Reply)
Dunno about you two, but I'm watching telly with the kids, before we walk to the 'spoons for breakfast.
#thehighlife
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 8:35, Reply)
Coffee and guffs here
I spotted a decent looking breakfast place yesterday, might give that a whirl once the missus is up. Might go to Brighton to look at the bennies later.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 8:39, Reply)
Barman in the spoons thinks my kids are hilarious.
Either that, or he's humouring me, as they're being rather annoying.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 9:19, Reply)
bennies?
That means something here, what does it mean there?
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 15:55, Reply)
yellow bentines

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 16:34, Reply)
clarky cats?

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 18:15, Reply)
Benzedrine.

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 20:13, Reply)
I'm dahn the seaside mate
Just recovering from a hearty boozeup and girding my loins for another one.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 8:37, Reply)
Alright

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 9:19, Reply)
Yo

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 9:25, Reply)
gonna do some stuff over the weekend
so that there's no stuff during the week
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 9:19, Reply)
alright
gonna be a proper nerd this weekend
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 9:41, Reply)
That's different how?

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 9:42, Reply)
Gonna unpack the arduino and lego for the first time this year
And use a wifi gopro and a load of camera lenses and a linux laptop and some new sound recording software. Superspod.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 11:08, Reply)
Business as usual

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 9:45, Reply)
Alright, Jerry Lewis.

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 9:48, Reply)
Formula 1 is back after summer break, so that's nice.

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 10:14, Reply)
It's odd that C4 managed to get two people with the same middle name for their coverage with Eddie Fucking Jordan and Steve Fucking Jones

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 10:17, Reply)
I wish eddie Jordan would just fucking shut up.

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
He's a bit of a tit, but he genuinely enjoys being there
Steve Jones can get bent though, its just a paycheck to him, and he's a shit host #coulthardwhereartthou
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 10:47, Reply)
Where is coulthard?
I like Chandhok as well.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 11:25, Reply)
He does the Sky coverage, you need to shell out for the magnificent chin

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 11:30, Reply)
Of course, I was having a brain fart because I pay for sky nowtv on the weekends c4 don't have it,
And my brain forgot he hasn't gone to c4 but to sky instead.
Edit: he is c4, you're the idiot m8l
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 11:47, Reply)
And yet he's on channel 4 right now, fuck knows

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 11:59, Reply)
I think he's always been c4, kravitz does the grid and bullshit for sky.

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 12:01, Reply)
Think you're right, brundle went to sky as well
Although now I've said that he'll probably show up in c4 any second now
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 12:06, Reply)
On it, should be fun to watch Hamilton come from the back of the grid

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
Had a well good lie-in

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 10:25, Reply)
Alright TEH FLEBMASTER
Probably going to be more of the same for me today
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 10:45, Reply)
Is getting sectioned a good idea if I don't want to pay rent?

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 0:58, Reply)
This may help
b3ta.com/talk/189265
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:14, Reply)
That didn't help

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:18, Reply)
Short answer; yeah.
Long answer; yeah, probably.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:16, Reply)
Is there an even longer answer?

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:34, Reply)
Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 5:48, Reply)
It all depends

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:25, Reply)
On what?

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:33, Reply)
On whether you can't pay rent
And whether you deserve to be sectioned.

Also the process of being sectioned isn't simple.

Ask Mr Internet
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:35, Reply)
Can I not just turn up and pull myself off in front of them?
I can't imagine all mentals have to fill out reams of paperwork just to get locked up.

Didn't Gilgamesh spend some time in a loony bin? Is he still around /talk?
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:41, Reply)
I think you have to be reported as unstable
By another member of the unstable community.

Self referral tends to lead to a membership on b3ta/board or /qotw.

Is Gilgamesh Frank? Like wanky wank guy? I dunno been here years but only started posting in the last 5.

I don't know who gilga is. Is he bald monkey? Or are we all still bald monkey? Perhaps we should all be sectioned
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:47, Reply)
Here we go:
kineticnorth.com/StuffAndTing/LoonyBin/Default.aspx

Seems as though that's his website, found a reference to him here: www.b3ta.com/newsletter/issue359/

His account was closed.

edit: I think he might be this "Frank", who's Frank though?
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:03, Reply)
I find this both creepy and probably a valid reason to have you sectioned. Your wish is granted
However there is something far more interesting taking place on /qotw

Unless I am too pissed and have missed the hidden joke somewhere
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:06, Reply)
Is Frank his new username or something?
TELL ME, DON@T MAKE ME DOX YOU
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:10, Reply)
Give it a rest

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:16, Reply)
I could probably just do that thing where you analyse people's writing styles and pull up all the things written by him.
Apparently it's quite easy.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:20, Reply)
Dox me? You cunt if that's a genuine threat go fuck yourself
and in the words of dribbles. Give it s rest.

I didn't realise you were a simpleton when I entered into this conversation
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:21, Reply)
I'm not doxxing you calm down.
Everyone's so fucking touchy here.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:24, Reply)

hackadaycom.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/whoaboard_glowing.gif?w=680
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:25, Reply)
Lol word press

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:27, Reply)
I don't know you from Adam mate. Hence my response.
I doubt very much you would be capable of doxxing anyone anyway.

To be honest I have no idea what or why you have it in for Gilgamesh even though he doesn't seem to exist anymore.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:26, Reply)
I don't have it in for him
In fact, I thought he was quite amusing.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 2:29, Reply)
Don't pretend to be mental to try and get something.
Because if you successfully do that, it's hard to convince them you're not mental because admitting to lying about being mental to get something makes you sound mental.

I'd advise trying to pretend to be homeless and getting a council flat.
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 3:55, Reply)
HUSH /TALK! (^(^;;^)^) MODS ARE ASLEEP! POST SPIDERS!
(^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS! (^(^;;^)^)
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:21, Reply)

FUCK YEAH, SPIDERS!
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:28, Reply)

I get the feeling nobody else wants to post spiders
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:50, Reply)
That's not true, I can think of one or two people I would like to post spiders to.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:52, Reply)
lol deletion

▲ ▲
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:32, Reply)
:p
acsii art fail :(
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:33, Reply)
^ obvious troll
That's a perfect threeforks
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:45, Reply)
you misunderstand and jump to conclusions
t'was i who posted a failed ascii spider post and deleted it - i was owning up.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:58, Reply)
Ah, my mistake old bean, jumping the gun and all that
I hope you take no offence at my transgression
(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 0:32, Reply)
something something assumptions make an ass out of u and me or something

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 0:46, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:39, Reply)
scuttle!

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:42, Reply)
Christ you actually exist

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:26, Reply)
Only good spider is a flattened one

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:50, Reply)
That is wrong on so many levels

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 0:33, Reply)
Yeah ok

(, Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:31, Reply)
>tfw no spiders

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:52, Reply)
evening

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:14, Reply)
Hello there , come here often ?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:17, Reply)
not often enough, clearly. tee hee

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:32, Reply)
Prostate health is no laughing matter, young man
NGS
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:33, Reply)

Prostate health nitrous oxide
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:59, Reply)
^pokey-bum-wank fan

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:02, Reply)

good to see a mention of one of the overlooked characters in the Mikado here
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:15, Reply)
Sorry, I'm not really into Pokémon.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:17, Reply)
or biscuits

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:18, Reply)

please imagine I've rewritten the cheap and chippy chopper verse here but with chocolate chip and so on as I just can't work it out
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:27, Reply)
Too busy poking men

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:27, Reply)
Only if they're gay spazzes.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:47, Reply)
I just had a pitaya, also known as a dragon fruit

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:20, Reply)
I've never had one of them , had to google it

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:22, Reply)
^
If I was handed one I'd need to Google what to do with it.

Looks interesting though.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:25, Reply)
Cut it in half, eat the inner white bit with a spoon, chuck the outer husk away
Its like a yoghurt
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:27, Reply)
Sounds aight

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:33, Reply)
Now you can be the envy of your friends and/or associates
And appear cultured and well travelled to onlookers by demonstrating how its done and taking the credit. No, don't thank me, it's fine
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:39, Reply)
you'd probably find at least one person telling you to poke it up your bot

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:33, Reply)
To be fair I'm surprised it wasn't already suggested on here

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:40, Reply)
it does
previews.123rf.com/images/punsayaporn/punsayaporn1211/punsayaporn121100007/16394182-Fruit-cake-topping-with-dragon-fruit-apple-and-cherry-Stock-Photo.jpg

please note despite the image name it is suitable for work
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:14, Reply)
I'd boik at that

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:28, Reply)
*bookmarks for my return to work wank*

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 23:33, Reply)
Saw them in the shop out here and decided to give one a try
Pretty nice, the inner bit is like kiwi fruit

On a side note the fruit out here is massive, must be the heat
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:26, Reply)
Is it the thai fruit that stinks?
My mate had a Thai missus and he was whinging about that.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:32, Reply)
Na you're thinking
Of the durian, never had one but I'd give it a try. Apparently they taste alright if you can get over the smell
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:37, Reply)
On that subject, is it possible to get Surströmming in the UK or delivered to the UK?
Looking to get a can in for a mate's birthday but I imagine it'd get stopped in customs as a chemical weapon
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:44, Reply)
If you do get it through, I reckon you should definitely neglect to tell him to open it outside.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:54, Reply)
I had durian at the local Malaysian, last time I was there.
Not only does it smell like bins, it tastes exactly like it smells. Doesn't travel well, I'm told.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:48, Reply)
So the thing about it tasting alright is a sheep's eyeball then?
Still, can't be as bad as oysters, which sit at the top if the most horrible things I've ever eaten
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:56, Reply)
It looks a little like a conker.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:53, Reply)
might print out that picture in monochrome and lock it away in an attic

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:01, Reply)
I LIKE THIS

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:57, Reply)
Me too, thank you for drawing attention to it in this way

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:59, Reply)
no priboble drimble
I was trying to spell problem there but I like the alternative so much I'm leaving it
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:02, Reply)
Top search result is a Polish computer chess player, weird

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:03, Reply)
ooh yes
I think the letters are a combination of 'problem' and 'drimble' as if I'd tried to type 'suddenly' and 'seymour' in too much of a hurry (one for grrrmachine there as I know how much he likes musicals)
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:20, Reply)
sorry vlad, that one's lost on me

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:53, Reply)
Musical Seymour, only one I'd think

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 22:12, Reply)
THANKS

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:33, Reply)
urgh, someone brought back some durian candy from a thai holiday for the rest of the office
we were all spitting it out like a brothelfull of fussy whores
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:07, Reply)

wiki says "The persistence of its odour, which may linger for several days, has led to the fruit's banishment from certain hotels and public transportation in Southeast Asia."

I find the idea of a suspicious conductor sniffing the luggage racks and then barking "Right! You! OFF THE TRAIN!" immensely appealing
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:12, Reply)
Have you ever watched that Australian customs program?
Nearly all of it is east-asians carrying suitcases full of stuff they're not allowed.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:34, Reply)
Customs in Oz is a cunt , even state to state , or I'm suspicious ....lol nah it's everyone

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 22:17, Reply)
The bestest office gift I've had is stroopwaffels.
They're great.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:32, Reply)
no, they're minging too

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:52, Reply)
oh what a surprise

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 22:12, Reply)

day bobs
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:34, Reply)
well, while you're there
there'll always be at least one massive fruit!

jajajajajaja
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:35, Reply)
Oh vg

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:38, Reply)
jajaja es ist mein herbstalmanach

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:29, Reply)
well *i* just had some cola flavoured raisins
why is that thing that exists?
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:33, Reply)
That sounds like one of those things that shouldn't be nice, but are actually alright
Like pretzel flipz back in the day
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:42, Reply)
yeah they were alright
tasted vaguely boozy
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:54, Reply)
Might go to the pub.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:39, Reply)
I heartily endorse this

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:46, Reply)
i fartily endorse this

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:07, Reply)
I hendortily arse this

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:11, Reply)
what a stupid idea

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:58, Reply)
You were right vlad. Should have listened.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 22:09, Reply)
Landsport seems somewhat less than salubrious.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 19:46, Reply)
Why the fuck are you in Landport?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:10, Reply)
Travelodge.
Walk into town and the wharf is more then bearable, and Victoria Park seems nice enough.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:14, Reply)
good pokemon in vicky park

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:16, Reply)
Must be, it's awash with players.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:31, Reply)
i've got my dang phone back but i can't log in to pokemon go
it's like that twilight zone thing with the old guy and the book
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:44, Reply)
10,000 spoons of irony, right there.
Fingers crossed your eyes don't fall out.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:47, Reply)
s'not fair!

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:38, Reply)
I caught a Mr. Mime just outside college today. He's supposed to be rare right?
Annoyingly, the only gym nearby enough to bother with is yha, abd there must be a group in as it's level 9 mystic gym. Bastards
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:50, Reply)
yeah, they're specific to europe too

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:40, Reply)
#BREXIT NOW

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:57, Reply)
Decided on spliff in the garden.
Went down the local for a look and nobody about,lots of suits though, some nearby wedding crashed the pub and everyone fucked off up to the seacourt. Can't be bothered with that so I'm home again.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 20:49, Reply)
got

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 21:57, Reply)
You've won an award, you're on stage in front of the cameras!
Who would you like to thank, and what for?
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:46, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7969708
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:54, Reply)
If I accepted an award, it would be from Burt Ward
I respect you and Burt Ward; Don't use Robin as an insult
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:54, Reply)
bit forced

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:07, Reply)
jesus

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:10, Reply)
I'd thank ABBA for the music, m8

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:54, Reply)
thereby unfortunately creating a paradox by which we will all be consumed

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:59, Reply)
ABBA can fucking do one m8
it's music for middle class bints who wave their sociology degrees around as some counterargument to the fact that they're gold-digging housewives destroying the feminist ideal they so loudly support during their coffee mornings or shrieking lunches at Bella Pasta. Jus' sayin.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:59, Reply)
I like 'SOS' lol

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:02, Reply)
+SIGES

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:52, Reply)
*sends up sassage flare*

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:36, Reply)
^ euphonium

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:41, Reply)
they're a bugger to tune

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:52, Reply)
how are they to bugger?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:07, Reply)
slender, but it's worth the effort

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:12, Reply)
I love a bit of abba

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:03, Reply)
What a load of toss

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:07, Reply)
ok, nobody 'jus says' that
you must have loved abba once and then been hurt
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:08, Reply)
nah, I basically just have a mental image of my insufferable step-sisters
raving on about Mamma Mia The Musical every time I see that band mentioned.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:13, Reply)
You'll find solace in the winner takes it all during your lego related marital breakup, just you see

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:13, Reply)
hahaha

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:25, Reply)
Posting in an upset Grrrmachine subthread so I'm included in the archive.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:31, Reply)
Shitposting in epic bread
When someone screencaps this for r/beethreeter include my post kthx
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:20, Reply)
bottom getting this
*archive purposes only
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:22, Reply)
They wrote catchy songs that have excellent production
They changed pop music
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:33, Reply)

I'd like to thank my parents, my accountant, my chiropodist, and all the little people, this was always my dream and now here I am, I can hardly believe it, thank you for your applause, and for the shrieking...why is the audience full of penguins? why am I wearing my pyjamas? Ohhh waaait a minute :-(
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:55, Reply)
stop stealing stuj's dreams, you monster

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:00, Reply)
thank god for that I thought everybody had blocked me

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:03, Reply)

+cock-
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:13, Reply)
I just want to point out that this is a type of strikey-g
not a phallic battery
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:13, Reply)
dreams. shattered.
:'(
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:24, Reply)
i told you to stay away from goldust
(this 'joke' is just for two hats really, sorry)
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:55, Reply)
I got it.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:56, Reply)
god bless you, windy

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:03, Reply)
Can you edit out the p for me. It's proving difficult to get the aim right for the edit thing on mobile.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:21, Reply)
^^ Has sausage fingers and spack hands ^^

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:23, Reply)
:(

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:25, Reply)
fixed both posts

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:28, Reply)
Now it looks like I'm just bullying Windy

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:33, Reply)
sure, 'looks like'

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:34, Reply)
wait, hang on...
looks like we were both taking the P out of his post!
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:45, Reply)
Ne'er has a hashtag been so well placed

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:48, Reply)
I got it
but I didn't like it
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:37, Reply)
but there was implied ball-kicking
that's your favourite kind!
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:42, Reply)
yeah, I guess

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:51, Reply)
Your vague role play things are starting to worry me.
Is this a slow descent in to turning the board in to some sort of David Parker Ray fantasy site
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:10, Reply)
My sigs already a Ray Parker Jr tribute m8
so we're halfway there
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:14, Reply)
More worrying signs

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:20, Reply)

yet another worrying sign
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:53, Reply)
That's just some words.
I need to see it in context.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:55, Reply)
This summer is making me a right miserable cunt
Kids screaming in their back gardens, people playing terrible music loudly with their windows open...roll on fucking winter. Jesus fucking christ.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:11, Reply)
THE SUN HAS GOT HIS HAT ON
HIP HIP HIP HOORAY
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:16, Reply)
y

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:17, Reply)
it's always shit music and the men who take their tops off have horrible bodies

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:14, Reply)
this isn't gay btw

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:24, Reply)
Last night a car went down my street with Whigfield's 'Saturday Night' blaring
Why would you do that to yourself?
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:37, Reply)
I wouldn't

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:41, Reply)
There's no call for it on a thursday night

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:41, Reply)
It was me , love wiggers

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 17:52, Reply)
i'd like to thank scampi fries and mdma

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:13, Reply)
which would you like to thank more?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:17, Reply)
does scampi really taste like those pub crisps would lead me to believe?
I don't think I've ever had it
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:18, Reply)
What kind of jabroni has never had scampi?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:20, Reply)
this

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:25, Reply)
every time I've seen it on the menu
there was always something else that caught my eye that I ordered instead. So, me.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:29, Reply)
Why are chefs throwing food at your face?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:46, Reply)
I'm shocked that you need to ask that

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:48, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:04, Reply)
no, are there any good examples of when crisps taste like their stated flavour?
y'know outside of the normal flavours like salt n vinegar
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:21, Reply)

loquat'n'mango
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:27, Reply)

pear'n'pomelo
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:28, Reply)

anvil'n'turnip
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:28, Reply)

dust
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:29, Reply)
arse & elbow

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:44, Reply)
Monsters rarely taste like monster munch

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:45, Reply)
pickled onion ones do a bit

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:45, Reply)
I'll pickle your onion!

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:25, Reply)
this time I mean gay sex

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:25, Reply)
maybe you should put a GS or NGS on the end of your posts
so we know for sure

GS
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:34, Reply)
ah, that's a good point

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:37, Reply)
I would concur that Wotsits are "really cheesy"

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:54, Reply)
Brannigans beef & mustard
Tasted exactly like beef...and mustard.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:10, Reply)
Cheese Moments actually taste of time

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:29, Reply)
and as for cheese footballs...

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:28, Reply)
What about footcheese balls?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:32, Reply)
or even ball-cheese foot

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:32, Reply)
I've always said that

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:38, Reply)
Actual scampi is blander.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:25, Reply)
maybe breaded scampi should use those crisps all crushed up instead of breadcrumb then

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:30, Reply)
Well normally breaded scampi is a vehicle for lemon juice and tartar sauce.
I wouldn't be surprised to hear you've got some wrong opinions on those as well though.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:34, Reply)
I'm not a huge fan of sauces in general
but I like lemon juice on fish, and pancakes.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:35, Reply)
Covering things in ketchup is infantile and ghastly, granted.
However some foods are meant to be mixed with sauce.

Chicken is basically a vehicle for other stuff.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:51, Reply)
Hahahahaha ffs

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:54, Reply)
who eats a dry piece of chicken? Exactly.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:55, Reply)
It's your opinionated stance on nearly everything but now people who use tomato sauce , I can see why you were on qftw

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:57, Reply)
^turns everything he eats into a pink mess

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:28, Reply)
well, we all turn everything we eat into a brown mess
what does it matter?
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:10, Reply)
foood is very important and if people eat it wrongly they need condemning on the internet

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:37, Reply)
who'd want pancakes on a fish

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:14, Reply)
scandinavians, probably

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:17, Reply)
I checked
1. the japanese
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/c1/5c/e8/c15ce8230060737cf275d7d3284987d8.jpg

2. the british
britishfood.about.com/od/psrecipes/r/Seafood-Pancake-Recipe.htm

I don't think these examples are relevant, however. Grrrmachine is saying he like pancakes on fish; whereas these are, respectively, pancakes that are fish, and pancakes with fish in them. I think I've opened a whole pcancake of worms here and will leave grrrmachine to clarify what, if anything, he means
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:46, Reply)
when i was in scouts, they taught us how to cook mini pancakes with a bean tin, a knife and a candle (and some pancake batter, obvs. they're scout leaders, not wizards)
if you had a plaice or some other flat fish, i reckon you could squeeze about 4 of them on it
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:58, Reply)
We did that as well. I've never had cause to do it since.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:17, Reply)
Ooh, not fresh scampi, m8
that's the cat's pyjamas
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:44, Reply)
full of hair?
and poocrumbsTM
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:55, Reply)
Not pyjamas for me thanks.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:56, Reply)
It tastes a bit like monkfish tail

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:43, Reply)
Jesus H., I do NOT want to be anywhere near you when you start to come up, m{2^3}.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:27, Reply)
i'd like to thank the scientists i kidnapped
for building me the doomsday weapon that allowed me to take over the world and getting this award for greatest evil ruler of all time. i'd also like to thank douwe egberts for all the coffee.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:31, Reply)
Dumb Eggfarts moar like.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:46, Reply)
well i like it

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:50, Reply)
You would.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 14:54, Reply)
i like your style
want to be my minister of insulting the french?
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:02, Reply)
Yes.
Every French person I have met has been a dingus. Except Kroney. And that nice girl Julie who worked at the Ashmolean, I had a bit of a thing for her.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:08, Reply)
they also have squat n' shit toilets, which are just wrong

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:10, Reply)
Animals.
Or rather, les animaux
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:16, Reply)
that's a good start
but you need to come up with better insults than that
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:18, Reply)
I'd love to, but it's 15.20 on a friday of a bank holiday weekend.
I'm not doing any work now.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:20, Reply)
ok
in my new world order, nobody works on bank holiday weekends, except essential services and everyone gets a free bottle of vodka
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:24, Reply)
I used one of them but adopted a pose like i was teeing off at golf.
It ended poorly.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:28, Reply)
it's worse for women if they're peeing
at least blokes can aim, we get wet shoes
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:35, Reply)
I wasn't having a slash.
I later found out you're supposed to squat with your arse near your ankles, like Russian.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:43, Reply)
you're supposed to have a seat
like a normal person
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:45, Reply)
I said I'd stay until 3.30 today
I regret that now
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:02, Reply)
I had to go and do 3 jobs today that I hadn't planned to do. It's intolerable.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:09, Reply)
I'm not even doing anything

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:17, Reply)

3 big
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:39, Reply)
u got 21 minutes to flow u got 21 minutes to go Cause if you like me let me know Let me in the studio u got 21minutess before u get to go

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:09, Reply)
never show loyalty to a company

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:15, Reply)
my fucking boss just asked if it was currently september or october
i think he needs euthanising
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:18, Reply)
tell him it's Mesori
and that the university has adopted the Coptic Calendar.
That'll keep him busy fo a few hours.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:22, Reply)
I like this.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:44, Reply)
He can't wait for the shrooms

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:22, Reply)
woohoo dilbert link time!
www.paleotechnologist.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20939.strip_.zoom_sm.jpg
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:39, Reply)
it's a shame scott adams is such a massive massive massive massive bellend, eh?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:47, Reply)

*reads wiki*
cripes, somewhat toolsome
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:52, Reply)
yeah, he's got a touch of the noel edmonds about him and believes he can do anything if he writes it fifteen times on a bit of paper each day
unfortunately, he's never tried writing 'i will not hate women for denying me sex'
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:02, Reply)
Yahweh and James Lovelock

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:13, Reply)
Security for turning a blind eye and letting me invade the stage

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:18, Reply)
he must wear swimming trunks, lol
www.kentonline.co.uk/maidstone/news/police-cell-perv-must-undergo-101455/
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:25, Reply)
fucking hell

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:27, Reply)
i'm going to protest, sexually

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:28, Reply)
as is the style of today

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:29, Reply)
lol
"He later told police he was trying to draw attention to the fact he was not happy in the cell but conceded he went about it the wrong way"
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:31, Reply)
i like the fact he maintained eye contact with the camera

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:33, Reply)
for 55 minutes, too

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:35, Reply)
I'd like to thank my parents for rutting like stags to create me
And I'd like to thank every calorie I've ever eaten, never met one I didn't like.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:28, Reply)
you're welcome, son

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:36, Reply)
Thanks talking calorie!

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:39, Reply)
umm
that's COUNT calorie, if you don't mind
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:09, Reply)
i answered this two days ago, ma8te
www.b3ta.com/talk/7980007
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:33, Reply)
bellends
www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/lads-pokemon-go-fun-and-games-delights-crowds-1-7545707
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 15:56, Reply)
yeah, they sound like utter nobs ("japes", "random", "lads", etc)
but it seems to have genuinely cheered people up so i think we can let them live
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:07, Reply)
fuck cheering people up

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:11, Reply)
cheering people the fuck up?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:17, Reply)
NGS

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:20, Reply)
Star Trek: NGS
"Make It So!"
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:31, Reply)
"Your name will also go on the list."
"Don't tell 'em, Picard!"
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:41, Reply)
I may have confused tv shows

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:41, Reply)
No, I approve
Instead of doing remakes of Porridge and Alf Garnett, they should do crossovers
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:44, Reply)
Till 'Del Do Us Part.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:47, Reply)
And all I wanna DOOOO is thank you grrrl (thank you grrrl)

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:42, Reply)
GS

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:44, Reply)
finally

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 16:55, Reply)
AAAIEEEE! ENGLANDER PIG-DOG!!!!
Not my words Carol, the words of Commando comic. Starting to question the advisibility of that 9am pilsner now. What are *you* starting to question? You can say 'of the week' but I don't recommend it
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:10, Reply)
Just how funny my #HarryPotterMumJokes are
According to my calculations, they're somewhere between 'Hilarious' and 'Side-splitting'.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:13, Reply)
I think vegans should spend some more time with farm animals, they're a bunch of proper cunts.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:20, Reply)

spend some more time with be fed to
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:46, Reply)
I think vegans should just shut up about being vegans

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:51, Reply)
I think you should shut up.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:58, Reply)
& dance

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:29, Reply)
^

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:58, Reply)
I'll do it later

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:34, Reply)
Based on his reaction, I think manolith must be a Death Eater.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:35, Reply)
i dunno what that is, but i do tend to exclusively eat things that are dead, yes
are you in the habit of eating things alive then, you maniac?
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:37, Reply)
I wish bad things on that man

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:57, Reply)
animals are innocent, don't be speciesist
never use the name of an animal as an insult for a human
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:13, Reply)
Never use sheep as an insult!

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:13, Reply)
^avoids thoughts that are deep

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:14, Reply)
a lesson for us all

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:15, Reply)
If I saw you wearing a stupid hat, I would never call you a twat!
I respect you and twats; Don't use twat as an insult!
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:17, Reply)
if i saw you walk with a limp, i would never call you a gimp!
i respect you and gimps; don't use gimp as an insult!
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:18, Reply)
I'm starting to question my sanity
What with being stuck in traffic everywhere I've gone today in Northumberland.

Still, views are nice.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:15, Reply)
I'm beasting it up in the pit right now

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:21, Reply)

beast cry
the a
+ of despair
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:30, Reply)
^ Professor Quatermass

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:31, Reply)
\o/

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:29, Reply)
I question everyone and everything m8
trust no-one
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:16, Reply)

www.kotaku.co.uk/2016/08/26/embarrassed-square-dancer-tries-to-destroy-the-internet
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:21, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:33, Reply)
I danced once
there might be a photo around somewhere
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:34, Reply)

once with the devil in the pale moonlight
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:13, Reply)
he was so charming
*sigh*
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:14, Reply)

65.media.tumblr.com/e1d1fed5b032252acc05cd726188e624/tumblr_o52sv1JcE21r3pj5io1_1280.jpg
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:28, Reply)
i used to have a 'no intoxicants before midday' rule

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:17, Reply)
I've never had one of those

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:22, Reply)
the friendly neighbourhood coffee guy put some baileys in my coffee when i was on my way to work and it was all downhill from there
now i'm injecting heroin into my eyeballs at 7.30am
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:27, Reply)
why?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:27, Reply)
dunno, thought it'd prevent a slide into drug addiction i s'pose
haha. WHOOPS.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:30, Reply)
once you start imposing arbitrary boundaries you're basically admitting you have a problem

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:33, Reply)
Booze at an early hour is a) unpalatable, and b) soporific.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:33, Reply)
c) RACK'N'RAAAAWWWWLLLLLL!!!!

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:34, Reply)
That's not how you spell "evidence of a crippling psychological addiction".

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:37, Reply)
^ no funster

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:44, Reply)
Dear monster munch
thank you for posting that blinky video earlier. While I had seen it before, I did not notice that the soundtrack featured music from Icelandic bedroom instru-mentalist Olafur Arnalds, which was a pleasant surprise.

With warm affection,
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:47, Reply)
I saw him live a few years ago
it was dull
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:57, Reply)
yeah, that doesn't surprise me
it's nice to sit back and listen to with a glass of wine, but it's hardly good-night-out music
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:06, Reply)
I find it difficult to take life seriously after a gin and tonic
to be fair I struggle to take life seriously at all but once even a small amount of alcohol is thrown into the mix, my paper-thin ability to focus and behave in anything approaching a conscientious manner floats off and away out of the window and the vladimir that remains behind is most unlikely to engage further with the pointlessness of a working day. For this reason, no drinking if there is a requirement for serious thinking.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:34, Reply)
I went to an even further shop than the 2 previously mentioned because I decided I wanted a pork and onion pasty and you can only get them at Nashs in town.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:18, Reply)
i hope you don't find a human finger in it

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:20, Reply)
Is that at all likely?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:22, Reply)
Highly, if I know those cunt's at Nash's

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:23, Reply)
Well, I've eaten it now.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:31, Reply)
you should check it on the way out just to be sure

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:37, Reply)
i hope not
that's why i said it. that'd be awful
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:25, Reply)
you'd love a human finger in it
You dirty bollocks
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:22, Reply)
don't be such a prude
images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/c_limit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_680/vxuoegqzl6n24xpopsof.jpg
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:29, Reply)
whether 9/11 was an inside job

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:32, Reply)
pretty sure parking jumbo jets inside those towers was a significant contributing factor m8

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:35, Reply)
Yo Beefy, if you can make it along on Sunday, I have a present for you!

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:37, Reply)
if you can make it on sunday, i will never call you a gay!
i respect you and gays; don't use gay as an insult!
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:10, Reply)
If I saw you in a football kit, I would not call you a shit
I respect you and shit; don't use shit as an insult!
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:48, Reply)
This long sleeved shirt , bit warm now

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:13, Reply)
roll 'em up

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:19, Reply)
Spoils the French cuff , cufflinks and watch look, but I may have to. :(

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:20, Reply)

Mongy, in the juicer
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:31, Reply)
with a little napkin so he doesn't have to lean on the dirty wall?

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:35, Reply)
sweaters don't clean themselves, manolith

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:38, Reply)
sometimes you've got to make sacrifices, mongy

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:32, Reply)
It's a real shame I was stunning looking

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:35, Reply)
If you wear a long sleeved shirt, I will not call you a flirt
I respect you and flirts; don't use flirt as an insult!
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 13:32, Reply)
let's all just stop talking about me for a minute
tell us a joke, will you?

"you're a joke m8" etc. does not qualify, as humorous and sadly true it may be
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:01, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7981239
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6010820
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:04, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7855892
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:06, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7591725
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:07, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/5079738
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:07, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7294409
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:09, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7004824
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:11, Reply)
please don't stop regurgitating /talk history
I'm repeatedly pressing F5 and giggling loads. hm wait, guzzling loads
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:12, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6487328
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:15, Reply)
i am going to stop now
it feels very narcissistic
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:19, Reply)
you'd better keep going
If you died suddenly in a horrible accident, this thread is how you'll be remembered
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:26, Reply)
it's a decent body of work

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:39, Reply)
Three jokes in 12 years
That's like the Olympics, only mongy's done four jokes in the same period so you only get silver.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:45, Reply)
i could have carried on, i couldn't be bothered

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:48, Reply)
you've already got gold m8, no point overdoing it

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:54, Reply)
^

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:01, Reply)
I accidentally swallowed some food colouring
I'm so embarrassed, I feel like I've dyed a little bit inside
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:04, Reply)
My friend's dog died the other week, so I went and got her an identical dog.
She was furious. She said "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:11, Reply)
Spanishfly might have some ideas.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:22, Reply)
Nah not interested in dead ones.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:10, Reply)
I once wanky wanky wanky wank wank wank wanky wanky wank
/ac
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:06, Reply)
^this is the funniest one so far

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:09, Reply)
cheers

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:10, Reply)
shut up no u neva
/ac
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:19, Reply)
well it is awfully tempting isn't it!
/ac
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:20, Reply)
Why don't Pirates like to drive in the mountains?
'Scurvy
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:17, Reply)
You know you're in a Jewish pub when there's a sign above the bar saying FREE WATER TOMORROW.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:22, Reply)
Lol

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:06, Reply)
Killed it.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:35, Reply)
Yeah, I was starting to feel quite good about today
now I think I'm just going to eat some poison
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:36, Reply)
I am trying to decide whether to go to the regular sandwich shop 5 minutes away, or the fancy sandwich shop 10 minutes away.
It's hell.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:40, Reply)
Hmm...what's stopping you from the obvious choice of 'fancy'?
The heat? Or is just laziness? Don't lie, or I'll know.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:42, Reply)
This is long sleeve weather for me

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:44, Reply)
Laziness, and the regular sandwich shop sandwiches are pretty good anyway.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:46, Reply)
Go to the regular one
Job done
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:55, Reply)
you mean like MEAT
vegan4lyfe
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:44, Reply)
Why is it that everything that vegan's do and say make them sound utterly mental

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:56, Reply)
protein deficiency?
i like that video though as the two in chairs look like there's a gun pointed at them just off camera
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:08, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:13, Reply)
please and thank you
what do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
eileen

what do call a woman sitting on top of a house?
ruth (roof)

what do you call a man with a car on his head?
jack

what do you call a man without a car on his head?
carlos

did you hear about the two spanish firemen?
jose and hose b

did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped from prison?
there's a small medium at large

if whoopi goldberg married peter cushing she'd be whoopi cushing (whoopee cushion)

why has edward woodward got so many d's in his name?
because if not he'd be ewar woowar

how do you make an apple puff?
chase it around the garden
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:46, Reply)
I was wrong before, this is what killed it.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:49, Reply)
I hope Joe Pasquali buys the house next door to you

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:56, Reply)
The one about Edward Woodward isn't entirely true
He has four D's in his name because that's how his names are spelled. There are also three W's, but you don't mention that.
This isn't a personal attack on you, you're merely ignorant to the facts, and that's fine. I hope that in pointing this out for you, you won't make these fairly elementary mistakes in the future.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 11:59, Reply)
The Ewar Woowar joke is widely recognised as being the greatest joke ever told.
It make the old Swimming Poo gag seem amateur, by comparison.
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:26, Reply)

Yo momma is poor when I sat on a skateboard she said (get of my family van)

source: www.jokes4us.com/yomamajokes/index.html
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:04, Reply)
Your mum's so fat, the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses
#HarryPotterMumJokes
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:05, Reply)
Your mum's so fat, her Patronus is a cake
#HarryPotterMumJokes
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:06, Reply)
Your mum's so fat, her Boggart is a stick of celery
#HarryPotterMumJokes
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:06, Reply)
Your mum's so ugly, even a Dementor wouldn't kiss her
#HarryPotterMumJokes
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:08, Reply)
Your mum's so ugly, the Basilisk saw her and turned to stone
#HarryPotterMumJokes
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:10, Reply)
Your mum's so fat, her wand has a frankfurter core
#HarryPotterMumJokes
(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:11, Reply)
Yo mama so fat, she don't get gas, she gets plasma.

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:39, Reply)
Yo mama so fat, she got an accretion disc!

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:39, Reply)
please stop, you're embarrassing yourself

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:11, Reply)
no YOU'RE embarrassing YOURself

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:12, Reply)
you're a husband and father, just stop

(, Fri 26 Aug 2016, 12:14, Reply)

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