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where the fuck is dannyjock?
I miss the ugly fat bearded wankshaft.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 22:01, Reply)
apparently yaya toure
Is a bit racist
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 22:02, Reply)
this place would be dead on its arse if you stopped posting

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 22:45, Reply)
HEY cunt
FFS dude
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 23:02, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7728276
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 23:05, Reply)
Who's that The LOVELY Span Eff?
I left Pub early, there was hardly anyone out.
So, Pizza, HOMEBOOZE and internet for me :D. Might Skyrim for a bit soon.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 23:14, Reply)
stuuuuj <3

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 23:26, Reply)
The LOVELY Vady!
:D
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 23:54, Reply)
alright the LOVELY stuj
been pub had a meal with the female spanish effs shes now gone out on the town i am boozing and playing poker.

Come round bro
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 23:58, Reply)
New bank holiday thread time?
Shall we have an early pun thread?

Cars mixed with household cleaning products

GO!
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:32, Reply)
Mazda MRbleach

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:38, Reply)
go fuck yourself

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:40, Reply)
Haha classic derogatory fuckglove Doveston
Neurotic shite post.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:55, Reply)
bit needy

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:25, Reply)
I didn't want to call him that but glad you got it out there
Cheers SSG you septic bellend
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:26, Reply)
sympathy reply

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:26, Reply)
Sympathy reply

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:27, Reply)
Ever thought the things you type get a bit...
...worn?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:27, Reply)
sympathy reply

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:31, Reply)
Sympathy response

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 20:14, Reply)
Ford Cilit Bang

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:42, Reply)
Citroen Fairy Liquid

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:42, Reply)
VW Brasso

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:43, Reply)
Haha brasso!
Reminds me of my dead blind raped nan
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 20:36, Reply)
Vauxhall Mr Muscle

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:45, Reply)
what was your original username?

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:52, Reply)
Why?

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:56, Reply)
it was mortal wombat

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:05, Reply)
Alright nonchalant narcissist
You ok?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:25, Reply)
Ok, thanks.

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 22:26, Reply)
Mofaha

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:56, Reply)
Donkey raping shit eating fuck faced spastic shit cunt
rob had to make a special exception to have such a long username
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:09, Reply)
Rob doesn't even know who I am
That's like saying god loves us all you spastic cunt
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:24, Reply)

haha classic pasanonic
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:27, Reply)
Sony...
I mean sorry
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:28, Reply)
hexachordal

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:18, Reply)
yeah, this one

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:20, Reply)
I owe that guy money

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:24, Reply)

how much does he charge for guaranteed torn sphincter these days?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:29, Reply)
It depends.
The Doveston costs £5, SSG £12, a rapist like me gets it for £3.50
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:31, Reply)

that's an aggressive pricing scheme
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:33, Reply)
Almost a ponzi pansy scheme

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 20:15, Reply)
That guy owes me two score, so you can pay me.

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 21:37, Reply)
fuck off Tim stilton

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 22:00, Reply)
Gin in a tin
Alt: gin in a tin.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 22:01, Reply)
Mongy, I'll give you 50% to collect it for me.

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 22:00, Reply)
Mongy will be too busy fucking fish brains right now
Balls deep in the head of a dead fish
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 22:21, Reply)
eat a cunt full of arse eggs

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:09, Reply)
Hey alright new person
Have you got wine and a kebab yet you spoon licking fruit bat?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:26, Reply)
red hatchback window cleaner

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:12, Reply)

toyota sponge
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:25, Reply)
Toyota toilet duck

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:27, Reply)
Porsche Parazone

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:29, Reply)
lamborghini windolene

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 21:22, Reply)
ferrari dove moisturising gentle hand cleaner

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 21:23, Reply)
aston martin jeyes fluid

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 21:26, Reply)
MASSIVE FUCKING BONFIRE RARRRGH!

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:14, Reply)
WHERE WHERE???
Are you sure its not a forest fire?

*runs to the hills*
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:22, Reply)
Run for your liffeeeee

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:26, Reply)
alright bumless
Plans?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:30, Reply)
working till 3 then im not sure
Fucking working tomorrow as well. Might have to head in with a stinking hangover. You?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:46, Reply)
going out for afternoon dinner and a few drinks in the SSSSSSUUUUNNNNSSHIIIIIIIIIIINE
Just get pissed and worry about work tomorrow, if you can hide in work then I wouldn't worry about it, or call in sick say you drank 1000 yakults and woke up made entirely of light
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 12:00, Reply)
I don't have a forest in my veg plot. Prolly a bit excessive.

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Make sure it stays away from 2nd hand sheds with epdm roofs
that fucker will smoke like a bastard
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:40, Reply)
I love the smell of burning rubber.
Said your mum.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 12:04, Reply)
captain placid likes epdm

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 16:34, Reply)
BIG MASSIVE FUCKING DRUGS RARRRGH!

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 12:48, Reply)
not today thank you I need to mow the lawns and clear some hedges but than you for your kind offer kiss kiss bye bye

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 13:06, Reply)
Why drugs are you consuming?

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 16:08, Reply)
do you now know how joan of arc felt?

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 17:10, Reply)
Did she feel
Dead?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 17:54, Reply)
Crispy.

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:09, Reply)
terrible!

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:22, Reply)
yeah
assuming she'd just spent the day digging up bushes and burning them at the bottom of her suburban garden
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 19:07, Reply)
friday morning joke then i'm off for brekkers
i bought venison sausages last night, they were deer! haha geddit?

have a smashing day, toodle pip
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 8:08, Reply)
Morning
Which of you other poor sods are at work like me?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 8:58, Reply)
I have been off for the past 2 weeks
It's getting a bit boring now. Enjoy work though
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 10:26, Reply)
Bastardo spanisho flyo

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:27, Reply)
seriously its like going stir crazy a bit
Fun for the first week, but then it got a bit....samey
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Yeah I know the feeling
When I was off for like a year I was just dying to get back to fucking work.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:47, Reply)
WERE THE STEAKS HIGH????
Hahaha, meat puns,they never get old. Or should I say, "they never get mutton", hahahaaha
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 10:15, Reply)
That was a right rib tickler

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 10:26, Reply)
Haha, good one.

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 10:38, Reply)
I got a great deal on on some veal sausages
They were calf price
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:06, Reply)
YES !

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 11:11, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 7:26, Reply)
mirnung
nuff respec'
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 7:46, Reply)
where is everyone?

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 7:49, Reply)
Bank Holiday, so we've all got better things to do.

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 7:53, Reply)
and there's me on my daily commute as normal :-(

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 7:55, Reply)
Bad luck.
I'm sat in bed, whilst the wife and kids feed me homemade muffins.
Still, you probably have a very important job to do, so that's something.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 8:12, Reply)
and we are going to the pub at lunch
Finishing early.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 8:16, Reply)
I do so love a happy ending.

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 8:26, Reply)
Anyone got any interesting plans for bank holiday?

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 10:41, Reply)

it was very quiet last night too, maybe it's time to have just one board
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 8:02, Reply)
Red Dwarf series 1
Just starting now on Dave.

Well that's me sorted until 6am, and I don't even have any MASSIVE DRUGS tonight
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 1:48, Reply)
RED DWARF IS SHIT
Craig Charles makes my skin creep. Sick pervo drug taking skank. But being Scouse it's never his fault
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 23:04, Reply)
looks like /talk is just for me and my dog,
it's too whappley for crows.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 0:51, Reply)
alright MGT
I am the resident nonce, what you up to you illiterate spaz?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 0:53, Reply)
drinking vanilla vodka and awaiting the return of the Spacefish
how about you?
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 0:54, Reply)
Drinking wine with the missus and watching a very old episode of
the Royle Family. What ever happened to Ralph Little hey? He is a right cunt and I used to see the goo nearer rat faced pocket cock guzzling chuff whore in my home town
(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 1:36, Reply)
Where is my live from the lake update?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:27, Reply)
wut?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:28, Reply)
You heard
heard read
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:31, Reply)
soz
it's quiet by the lake, just lots of cigar shaped goose shit
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:33, Reply)
that's just what a gay paedo nonce would say

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:35, Reply)
fuck a norse

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:38, Reply)
That would be an Ulrika moment

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:41, Reply)
i'd still like to destroy every hole even though she's looking worn these days

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:43, Reply)
I would have about 15 years ago nowadays I'd Ragnarok

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:45, Reply)
and she'd be grateful

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:48, Reply)
She should be so Loki, Loki ,Loki

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:49, Reply)
haha
i bet you'd make her thor! ahahahahhhaahahahahhaa!!!
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:50, Reply)
Maybe she should just Frigg herself instead

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:52, Reply)
maybe you could freya good an' proper like

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:56, Reply)
That would make her Mjölnir

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:57, Reply)
hunter was glad he ate her!!!111!!! ahahahahahahahahahahhahahaaaahah!!!

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:50, Reply)
I bet she don't Call him anymore
Call him anymore Collymore
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:54, Reply)
she went to an offy and asked for carlsberg
the shopkeeper said "we've run out, will carling do?"

AHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA etc

oh wait that might have been diana
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:59, Reply)
then fred west said "ooooo i could murder some tenants"
more ahaha etc
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 23:00, Reply)
Made me laugh anyway
Are we the only cunts on here?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 23:00, Reply)
looks that way
first ten members of the only cunts here club get a free badge and activity set
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 23:10, Reply)
Well fuck that then I'm off to bed

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 23:11, Reply)
night
edit - NONE TAKEN
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 23:12, Reply)
somebody pulled the plug on it

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 23:15, Reply)
I ate dog food

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:24, Reply)
I don't believe in god

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:28, Reply)
Me neither
but I do believe in 70mph Go-kart's. WHICH I'VE JUST BOOKED FOR SATURDAY!

OOSH!
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:52, Reply)
Weekend fun level increased by 10

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:56, Reply)
go carts are shit and for teenage cunts
have fun
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:09, Reply)
Not drunk they're not
I will
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:15, Reply)
I hope you die in a fire

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:23, Reply)
Jealousy will get you no where Mr H
I hope you make sexy times with a beautiful lady, get drunk as fuck and frolic in joyous happy times all weekend :D
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:26, Reply)
what a beautiful sentiment

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:28, Reply)
Indeed I hope your dirty little ill-protruding inebriated worm willy sees all the action it has ever had
IN ONE DAY, and fountains of jizz never cease to erupt from the depths of your shrivelled tired balls as you pound away, over and over again in brain shattering drunken orgasm :D
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:36, Reply)
Or like, the mrs takes you go-karting or something

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:37, Reply)
a ringofyre?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:26, Reply)
alright fucksocks

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:29, Reply)
Alright you sexy fuckpig hows it going?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:56, Reply)
I've never liked olives

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:08, Reply)
or blacks

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:10, Reply)
or fucking cunt bastard spastic horse slasher cunt twat fucking shitcunt fuckhead faggots

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:13, Reply)
De ha cu

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:14, Reply)
DONT SIT ON THE FENCE!!!11!!"!!

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:15, Reply)
I wasn't planning to
Those spikes look sharp.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:25, Reply)
Wouldn't want one up yer arse now would ya
Or you might become what you despise.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:46, Reply)
I hope your not inferring that I'm homophobic or something
that would be very disappointing.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 20:58, Reply)
pffft!

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:14, Reply)
20 black is my go to number for roulette

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:16, Reply)
I like to spread them in annoying patterns to make sure the spinny lass is paying attention.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 19:37, Reply)
I did a swastika once for lulz

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 19:57, Reply)
By rights ... that should be an automatic win.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 20:14, Reply)
it wasn't very good but I was very drunk, this live from the lake is dead, not a beep

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 20:18, Reply)
I'm going to watch a film.
I was going to the pub but smyls and I'm fixing a fence tomorrow.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 20:28, Reply)
most of the time films tire me, yet I can sit looking at a lake for days, odd, probably want to kill my dad and fuck your mum again or saink

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 20:39, Reply)
domini canis

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 21:11, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 19:44, Reply)
you mean shit

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 20:17, Reply)
that's just what a gay paedo nonce would say

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 21:21, Reply)
Stop buying Tesco Finest

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 22:11, Reply)
So good to be back at b3ta
With the rest of the mentalists.

Kindred, disturbed spirits.

Here's to you all! May you all be just that!

*fucks off for a long weekend*
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:21, Reply)
Alright
Have you had surgery to reattach your cock?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:29, Reply)
And how!
Seriously... The doctor needs to know.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:40, Reply)
Fuck you on about white boi?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 18:00, Reply)
You expect me to know?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 19:01, Reply)
Spaz

(, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 1:38, Reply)
hell i like you, you can come over to my house and fuck my sister

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 21:40, Reply)
I'll let her have it half price.
Free photo on the mustard strokes.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 23:47, Reply)
i'm going home now
fuck the lot of you
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:48, Reply)
You have a lovely Easter as well

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:50, Reply)
I'm staying put

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:59, Reply)
I'm already at home hur hur dur

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:02, Reply)
Been off all day me :-)
For the past two weeks
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:08, Reply)
I'm staying here until 7
but then its a big party and no work tomorrow...one of the Bulgarians has received his national insurance number, this is always cause for lots of rakia, beer and general partying. yay.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:11, Reply)
bit harsm

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:23, Reply)
Well thats a headine I never thought i'd see.

ēOuchie
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:57, Reply)
it happens

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:59, Reply)
Why the cock chopping
before the jumping? just the jumping would be enough wouldnt it?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:12, Reply)
As a kid he used to dress
As superwoman
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:21, Reply)
Just jumping would not be enough to merit attention from the Guffington Post

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:22, Reply)
He's still alive so the attention will probably be pretty embarrassing
guess he never thought of that outcome
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:29, Reply)
'A rep for the Wu-Tang Clan said the rapper was nothing to do with them, insisting they have never heard of him before.
They told The Mirror: "He is not of any affiliation to Wu-Tang Clan or any of its subsidiaries. No one here has ever seen or heard of this fool until now."'

ouch
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:28, Reply)
Haha I saw this, every news report still has him linked to the Clan though.
The Wu Tang that is obvs
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:29, Reply)
Wu Klux Klan?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:36, Reply)
The best of all the interracial cross burning child fucking Klans there ever had been

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:40, Reply)

Ain't got nuttin to fuck wiv
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:54, Reply)
hahaha

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:55, Reply)
Or even
no-wang man ain't got nuttin ta fuck wid.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:06, Reply)
He'll get a prosthetic willy
Nu Wang man
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:19, Reply)
you should nick this and stick it on Facebook

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:27, Reply)
Hey, "no-wang man" was all my own work, Ch. Insp. internet policeman.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:30, Reply)
gonz did, it was brilliant

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:44, Reply)

"Parental Advisory : Donít Believe The HYPE. This Mother F*cker Ainít Got Sh*t to do with The WUTANG Brand,"

double ouch
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:02, Reply)
Thats why not to do massive drugs if your unstable

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:31, Reply)
my unstable?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:37, Reply)
Is that where you'd keep a radioactive horse ahahaha geddit

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:40, Reply)
i don't get it

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:49, Reply)
dimwit

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:07, Reply)
please keep reminding me and one day i'll get it haha

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:07, Reply)

Police said Johnson, who works with the group Northstar, attempted self-dismemberment at an apartment in North Hollywood. No hard drugs were reportedly involved.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:40, Reply)
ahhhhh I stand corrected

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:09, Reply)
No HARD drugs, mark you. Maybe he'd been smokin up da bluntz and got mad munchies
and the only thing to eat was his own penis?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:17, Reply)
Then knowing he'd never taste anything that delicious again
he thought he would launch himself from the second storey and die a happy man.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:21, Reply)
It's a beautiful story.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:28, Reply)
until he ended up quadraspazzed and dickless

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 17:06, Reply)
tl:dr

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:56, Reply)
I'm not gonna click the link, probably a virus

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 16:28, Reply)
i am in the office, not really doing much
you?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:21, Reply)
I am in a steel container pretending to be an office
not really doing much either.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:23, Reply)
Except going through Ofsted reports
for my daughters new school
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:24, Reply)
might get my tyres done later
then fuck off home a day early.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:28, Reply)
I don't know if you could really call jail your 'office'

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:38, Reply)
shhh
It's for tax purposes
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 12:13, Reply)
Ditto.
Email's down all day because they're moving the server, most of my colleagues are in a meeting with customers, so there's not even anyone here to tell me to do any work.

Pub lunch in a bit.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:30, Reply)
I could probably use a pint
to steady the ship
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:31, Reply)
What would you use it for?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:34, Reply)
to steady the ship

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:41, Reply)
dunno what that means, soz

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:20, Reply)
I would most likely ingest it, orally
although I'm open to suggestion
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 12:14, Reply)
That's some shoddy IT there.
Even by the standards of IT.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:33, Reply)
I can only assume they timed it so it coincided with the long weekend
but that must mean it's taking FIVE DAYS to relocate a server and get email working again. I'm frankly mystified.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:34, Reply)
how can they possibly justify it going down at all?
do you pay these chancing cunts?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:12, Reply)
did your dobber fall off?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:39, Reply)
I'm typing with my Wang.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:40, Reply)
Wang operator huh, much on

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:44, Reply)
wang keyboard
wankyboard
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:51, Reply)
everything's gone to shit in our place because they're in the process of migrating from xp
might go to the pub and not come back
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:37, Reply)
welcome to 2008

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:41, Reply)
i got my office applications upgraded to 2010 just this week

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:44, Reply)
BC or AD?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:18, Reply)
I'm sat at home, not really doing much

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:30, Reply)
might have an early dinner
hope it's chips
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:32, Reply)
I have left my office already.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:33, Reply)
Well la-di-da, Mr Man-About-Town

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:41, Reply)
I truly am quite the gadfly.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:24, Reply)
sitting in my bivvy not really doing much

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:39, Reply)
let me know if you catch anything

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:48, Reply)
will do, it's a bit dead to be honest, Dunno why, it's a fishy looking day

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:56, Reply)
I am also in the office
Although I suspect it is a different office.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:39, Reply)
You have me chained up under your desk
Can't you just put your pants back on
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:42, Reply)
I am in my consulting room saving lives

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:43, Reply)
looking at manky bits

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:46, Reply)

k l
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:52, Reply)
you probably shouldn't be playing surgeon simulator during work hours

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:47, Reply)
I am also in your office.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:47, Reply)
which one are you?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:49, Reply)
The one who is hiding.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 12:04, Reply)
i'm in the loan store, loanin' stuff

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:52, Reply)
Neither a lender nor a borrower be
There you go
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:55, Reply)
and there blockbuster video goes

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:57, Reply)
They knew what they were getting into

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:58, Reply)
ok, i'm going to pop out for lunch
see you later hun xxx
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:59, Reply)
I am currently offering PPI solutions.
Please hold.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:57, Reply)
Not long got up.
Gonna grab a shower in a minute.
Might go pub after that.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 12:27, Reply)
The LOVELY stuj.
How are you dear?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 13:48, Reply)
Pretty good ta.
Pub lunched it, now I'm getting ready to head off to That London. Going to see the Wildhearts tonight.
:D
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:11, Reply)
that band are still going?
they were awful
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:18, Reply)
they can only be more awful now

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:20, Reply)
Oh tangles. :(
So LOVELY and yet so musicwrong.
:(
The Wildhearts are so AWESOME that I don't even mind that they're fronted by a Ginge.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:21, Reply)
You know, if you looked half as good as your sister Jaction, and had a quarter of her brains,
You'd still be a classic example of why most of Cardiff should be quietly eradicated.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:20, Reply)
i hope you and all the other fans have a great time at the gig
i'm sure you both will
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Most, not all.
Some bits are alright. I think.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:27, Reply)
Milk and two sugars ta Frisbok.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:29, Reply)
Get fucked you tiny bearded cunt

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:31, Reply)
Are we going to have to start The FLOUNCECLOCK again little frisbok? Did you not have enough meths this morning?
TICK
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:40, Reply)
do one, disk prick

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:30, Reply)
Hey! No bullying alan until AFTER he's brought me my tea.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:31, Reply)
Hiyoo

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:32, Reply)
how dare you

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:28, Reply)
Leave it The LOVELY Drimbley.
Jaction's the only one with any taste in that family.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:30, Reply)
get over it

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:41, Reply)
Day off for once
Had an interview yesterday, think it went well. Now relaxing with my man Jezza K
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 14:22, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:38, Reply)
fuck a house

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:39, Reply)
with pleasure

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:39, Reply)
typical housefucker

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:43, Reply)
alright meaty

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:44, Reply)
yeah alright horro

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:45, Reply)
What does your day have in store?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:58, Reply)
Pissing about online, pretending to work, going down the pub, going home to go down the pub. You?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:59, Reply)
mostly work
I wouldn't rule out pissing about online.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:06, Reply)
hiya how are you doing yeah
lovely weather we're having
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:50, Reply)
yeah it bloody is and all

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:52, Reply)
alright modolith

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:56, Reply)
alright horriblith

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:26, Reply)
i was in portsmouth this week
had some tapas down gunwharf in the sun
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:10, Reply)
nice
i saw you asking for recommendations but i was a bit late

i used to really like coast to coast in gunwharf but it's closed now
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:21, Reply)
I used to really like your FACE but it's STUPID now
Barnaby's in Osbourne Road is a great restaurant.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:24, Reply)
might check out barnaby's then
i'm there next week too
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:27, Reply)
Yes, do
There's also a decent tex-mex place across the road (El Rancho's or something). But it's all steaks and ribs, etc. Depends what you're in the mood for.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:29, Reply)
Get the ferry over to Gosport.
Its full of tits, fanny and boats.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:31, Reply)
And the highest rate of single mums

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:31, Reply)
Yes, it is a shit hole
But then so are parts of Portsmouth.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:32, Reply)
I had a great time working in gosport.
and I'm not embarrassed to admit that
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:36, Reply)

or an
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:46, Reply)
gospant? i don't think that's a real place

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:49, Reply)
GOOSE PANTS
fuck, i'm bored
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:52, Reply)
But it's nearly the weekend, Mano!
THE BEST WEEKEND OF THE YEAR!!!
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:55, Reply)
i'm hourly now so i don't get paid for bank holidays
i'd rather get paid than have time off at the mo :(
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:03, Reply)
Bugger
I was temping here before they took me on full time. It certainly takes the shine off of holidays. Any chance of going permanent? Would you want to if they offered?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:05, Reply)
there is a chance and i would take it, yes

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:18, Reply)
I worked in Clintons in Gosport many years ago
True story.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:54, Reply)
then what happened?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:55, Reply)
I phoned my area manager and said I hate this and I'm worried that if I keep working here I might kill myself and/or others
Then I went home and had a nice big wank
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:59, Reply)

had a nice big wank broke the news to Mrs Hats that our income has suddenly halved.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:00, Reply)
and THEN you had a nice big wank

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:03, Reply)
Yeah
She was non-plussed
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
but not non-spluffed

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:41, Reply)
well, they have an all you can eat Chinese place and a Burger King

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:31, Reply)
fucking right and all

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:55, Reply)
fucking

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:11, Reply)
Not in anglessey
Although it might just be my hangover making everything seem grey
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:59, Reply)
oh man
I hate it when I get pissed and wake up somewhere shit
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:06, Reply)
Gateshead

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:06, Reply)
Yeah it does suck,
I'm here for another 7 weeks at least.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:11, Reply)
Anglesey's beautiful, you frightful pleb.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:57, Reply)
^suspected welsh^

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:37, Reply)
1/4, granted.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:39, Reply)
da iawn!
helo brawd
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:15, Reply)
Um, yes, hello. Er, boyo.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:17, Reply)
Its beautiful, but the people are weird
and when its shit, its really shit
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:32, Reply)
I've been to parts of Wales where I felt like a weirdo for not having tattoos.
/ac
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:46, Reply)
Pembrook dock?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:10, Reply)
it's pembroke you stupid cunt

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:11, Reply)
it's Pembroke you appalling sack of disappointment.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:18, Reply)
that's what i said

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:27, Reply)
If spellings important, so are capital letters.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:29, Reply)
capitalist pig

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:46, Reply)
anglesey? i'm sorry to hear that

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:13, Reply)
its ok, only a few more weeks
then off to sherwood forest for a while
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:36, Reply)
two day week four day weekend bosh

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:05, Reply)
You're missing a day, somewhere.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:39, Reply)
Darren?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:52, Reply)
Doris?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:53, Reply)
i'm going to start drinking now and see if i can stop by tuesday

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:16, Reply)
five day stranger
seven day sceptic
six day sacrifice
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:48, Reply)
Morning

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:59, Reply)
morninh, have a super day

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:12, Reply)
Fuck a hearse

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:12, Reply)
what is it with meat related names?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:15, Reply)
if you don't try it you'll never know

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:36, Reply)
lambychops
dr hambolic

that's all i got
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:32, Reply)
fucksockssison

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:43, Reply)
you realise that because you included him, he's just jizzed himself inside out, right?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:04, Reply)
How did you know?
I am having to type this with the end of my inside out cock
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:08, Reply)
how comes we always get one needy spastic? do the mods advertise

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:41, Reply)
i'm not sure
he is reaching frizzian proportions though. i wonder if he has a huge face. actually, i know what he looks like and it's only moderately big
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:55, Reply)
friz's face reflects sun light at night to every country in the northern hemisphere

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
talking about it is only feeding it though

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:01, Reply)
I can still remember the glory days of Mortal Wombat.
Well, 'eternal burning shame' moreso than 'glory', but you know what I mean.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:17, Reply)
Whatever happened to it?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:31, Reply)
yewtree

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:34, Reply)
alright, nice morning at the lake
I've broke my marker float tho :(
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:28, Reply)
You are Bill Dance
www.wimp.com/classicbloopers/
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:57, Reply)
Haha, good stuff

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:46, Reply)
Morning. I've been trying different radio stations ever since Kerrang turned into Planet Rock.
Listened to Radio 1 for a bit but stopped cos I worried it would turn me gay, Planet Rock didn't seem to play anything post-1985 and radio 4 was full of pretentious wankers.
I've been listening to Classic FM for the past month but the adverts are incredibly annoying.
Anyone got any other suggestions?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:35, Reply)
6music
but its hit and miss
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:42, Reply)
What's the frequency Kenneth?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:43, Reply)
often

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:34, Reply)
sorry its digital
didn't realise it was for the wagon
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:40, Reply)
eat shit and die motherfucker

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:51, Reply)
Not heard of that one.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:16, Reply)
commercial radio is shit and for cunts

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:56, Reply)
So is b3ta but you don't hear people complaining about that now do you?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:55, Reply)
There's loads of online stations.
TBFM isn't too bad.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:19, Reply)
Yeah my car radio doesn't have an online but thanks anyway

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:51, Reply)
Take up knitting
then work your way up to crochet
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:49, Reply)
Please read the question again but more carefully this time.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:54, Reply)
Well it seems to me that you've exhausted most of the obvious options
so maybe should try something else. It's a dying art you know.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:56, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 8:56, Reply)
Tangle Wangle Quee

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:52, Reply)
Twoodle Doodle Hattie Jacques

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:57, Reply)
You're only calling me Hattie Jacques because I once made a sexual advance on Kenneth Williams

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:59, Reply)
It's because I like to think of you in a matron's uniform

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:03, Reply)
Oh my!

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:08, Reply)
come on, now. once?

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:05, Reply)
He was a very charming man

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:08, Reply)
Cunt off you sheepshagging spastic cunt

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:02, Reply)
5/10, trying a bit too hard.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:13, Reply)
5 seems a bit generous to me
Have you gone soft recently?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:14, Reply)
Well it's not the best insult I've ever seen but I did quite like the plosive consonance of 'spastic cunt',
which raised it a point or two.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Worth a 3 at best.
Plus you missed the innuendo of "gone soft."

Your standards are slipping.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:20, Reply)
I didn't miss it, I just didn't think it worth commenting on.
You marshmallow-cocked cissy.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:22, Reply)
How dare you fucking judge me
JUDGE ME!!
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:25, Reply)
I did already.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:27, Reply)
Can't do much about it then can I
You kiddy fiddling milk float driver
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:28, Reply)
Oh come on, that's just poor.
Put your back into it, you dribble of wet shit.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:40, Reply)
You do not inspire me
www.b3ta.com/talk/7726728
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:44, Reply)
You see, that was actually quite good (despite 'swallomg').
There's hope for you yet.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:46, Reply)
I realised the spelling mistake but then I couldn't be arsed changing it

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:07, Reply)
Your finest moment though

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 11:20, Reply)
Morning mr horrible
Trust you are well.
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:13, Reply)
Guten morgen
Wie gehts?
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:47, Reply)
Keine ahnung lol

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:51, Reply)
wir haben ein Recht Lachen hier nicht wir

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 9:53, Reply)
dieser platz würde am arsch tot sein etc

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:02, Reply)
Lachen laut

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:05, Reply)
Bitte bleiben Sie sehr ruhig als Sie tot waren.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:20, Reply)
Mein Penis ist hart und geschmiert

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:45, Reply)
eveninh

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 0:06, Reply)
It's all chipper in Tring
Until I got a new Windows 8 Laptop and now want to kill myself
(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 0:19, Reply)
oh that seems a bit much

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 0:20, Reply)
still cold a quiet here, just put some more bait in, we will see

(, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 2:55, Reply)

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