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Well then
This is nice, isn't it. No mention of dildo's or bumholes or Downton Abbey, or even a combination of the three. So what's next? What's the next thing?
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:38, Reply)
or is it 'dildoes'?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:39, Reply)
Dunno, ask Dan Quayle.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:57, Reply)
but I don't know when I'm going to see him next

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:58, Reply)
dildi

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:14, Reply)
ah, of course

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:16, Reply)
you know a joke has jumped the shark when dozer starts copying it

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:39, Reply)
he's an odd duck, innee

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:04, Reply)

n odd d stupid f
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:12, Reply)
Lunch, probably.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:48, Reply)
*sigh*
Yes, I suppose so
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:52, Reply)
Can we talk about Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's alleged fetish for jizzing in women's hair while they're asleep?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:55, Reply)
And while we're at it, just what it is with guys named Hugh being massive pervs and/or whore-hirers?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:55, Reply)
^called hugh jarse

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:04, Reply)
No real names, plz.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:05, Reply)
Hugh Grant, that's another one!

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:05, Reply)
Indeed, I thought he was almost too obvious to mention.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:07, Reply)
Has Jackman ever done anything pervy?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:08, Reply)
Almost certainly.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:11, Reply)
he's australian. 'nuff said

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:13, Reply)
I liked it when he mimed 'bacon pancakes'

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:13, Reply)
i bet you did, etc

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:14, Reply)
What do you reckon Huw Edwards' perversion is?
probably wanks himself raw to old Betamax tapes of Moira Stewart
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:06, Reply)
protein biosynthesis

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:03, Reply)
I like this!

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:05, Reply)
I hate this!

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:07, Reply)
I bet you like football and the footy
and all those things
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:14, Reply)
I love a bit of football!
All the teams and that. And when they score a goal? Oh m8, forget about it. I go bloody mental.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:17, Reply)
the death of Denis Norden

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:04, Reply)
He's got good form.
I reckon Harry Dean Stanton can't have much longer :(
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:06, Reply)
or Richard Dean Anderson

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:07, Reply)
or James Dean Bradfield

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:07, Reply)
or more commonly known as "a cock up"
*canned laughter*
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:06, Reply)
'the cohockup acahademy'

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:09, Reply)
no, that's penis norden

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:13, Reply)
What Denis Norden put a cock up his bumbum??

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:15, Reply)
It's only been a three-day week for me
but today's still dragging. What are your weekend plans?
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:15, Reply)
nothing out of the ordinary

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:19, Reply)
Wife is away, tomorrow, so will probably go ice skating.
Might make another cake on Sunday.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:20, Reply)
I have this image that when your spouse leaves
you're free to don a tutu and skate your heart out to Ravel's Bolero, eyes closed, imagining Christopher Dean is maintaining a muscular grip on your waist on an ice rink somewhere outside Gillingham.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:28, Reply)
Hardly.
Gillingham ice rink has restrictive opening hours and high prices.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:30, Reply)
i'll just see where it takes me

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:22, Reply)
^ Littlest hobo

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:29, Reply)
what a scoop
www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/14474213._Robbery__at_Welling_garage/
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:44, Reply)
you can't even trust door to door magnifying glass salesmen these days, broken britain
www.kentonline.co.uk/ashford/news/police-hunt-for-distraction-burglar-95443/
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:07, Reply)
I don't think I've used a magnifying glass since I was old enough to buy matches and lighters.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:33, Reply)
i have a few loupes

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:40, Reply)
As a myopic speccy prick, I can usually just have a peer at something with my glasses off.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:46, Reply)
Police say they're looking into it.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:40, Reply)
oh for fucks sake

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:42, Reply)
And it's good night from him

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:44, Reply)
I like this.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:58, Reply)
i'm going to guess
down the juicer
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:30, Reply)
Its certainly a possibility, I have got to meet my mate there at 5 as she needs cheering up

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:39, Reply)
#dirtyoldbollocks

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:46, Reply)
something great or sexual

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:27, Reply)
i looked for the ss van on my way back from voting yesterday but it wasn't there
:(
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:31, Reply)
prolly went fly tipping

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:32, Reply)
phew

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:43, Reply)
I didn't vote, yesterday.
Take that, democracy!
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:35, Reply)
you're demoCRAZY
why not, out of interest? couldn't be bothered?
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:43, Reply)
Only PCC elections, in our area.
I don't want a PCC, and none of the candidates offered anything compelling. Will probably wind up with the English Democrats running the local force, so that'll teach me.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:46, Reply)
gutted, i got three slips to fill out

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:48, Reply)
Yeah, but you were in the bookies.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:55, Reply)
one of the candidates for pcc here was a the ex-leader of an organisation called zero tolerance policing
i bet he's a fun guy
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:51, Reply)
If he'd agreed to perform his duties in a full Dredd costume, I'd have voted for him.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:54, Reply)
foldsfive for police commissioner!

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:58, Reply)
My mate what lives in Cambridge was telling me about their ones.
One of them was an ex fireman who lectures on public services and has loads of experience, another was an adviser on policing tactics and the prevention of crime and repeat offenders.

The other two were ukip/tory types who promised more bobbies on the beat at the expense of actual detectives and an end to 'pc gone mad' policing.

You can guess which ones the pricks voted for.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:36, Reply)
I did read each candidates blurb on the website, which was fascinating.
The incumbent Labour took great pains to remind us all how underfunded Central Beds is.
Conservative made the point that she used to be on TV - it really showed, as she'd obviously put a lot of effort into her photo.
UKIP made a big deal of his time as school governer.
Lib Dem lady was eminently forgettable.
English Democrat emphasised her opposition to child abuse - none of the others mentioned it, so they must all be pro-nonce.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:52, Reply)
me neither
I have never voted in my life
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:52, Reply)
alright Russell Brand

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:56, Reply)

Brand Kane

Metrosexulol
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:58, Reply)
I hate that fucking cunt

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:09, Reply)

that

well of course, you're a noted whoopsie
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:11, Reply)
I was all set to chastise your lack of engagement with the democratic process,
but then it occurred to me that it's probably for the best.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:56, Reply)
democratic process my arse
FPTP is a completely broken system that, once you apply centuries of gerrymandering, renders most votes utterly worthless.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:01, Reply)
undeniably true
but i don't think not voting is the answer
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:10, Reply)
well no, the answer is either a full-blown revolution
or accepting that the privileged fucks that weaseled their way into the upper echelons of power are actually the best candidates for their positions, if we want to carry on our complacent lifestyle choices of mindless consumption and bare-minimum pandering to the concept of ethics and justice.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:14, Reply)
I'd quite like someone else to carry out an armed uprising on my behalf.
My father-in-law's crowd don't look like they're going to overthrow the establishment, any time soon, and they've been at it for years.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:17, Reply)
We rejected one of the houses we were going to buy on the grounds that, whilst we were prepared to stomach living in a safe Tory seat,
we weren't ready to have Nadine Dorries for an MP.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:15, Reply)
I grew up with Julie Kirkbride as mine.
She was a cunt.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:31, Reply)
I had Jonathan Aitkin, Steve Ladyman and very nearly Nigel Farage
and on the other side of the island, the same dozy tory for 30+ years.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:35, Reply)
Anne Widdecombe was mine.
I got Margaret Moran when I moved to Luton. Pretty sure all politicians are cunts.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:36, Reply)
Like a lot of these things the people that want to do it should be immediately disqualified.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:36, Reply)
Can we also push them through a meat grinder?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:43, Reply)
I think it'll be a necessity come the food wars.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:47, Reply)
these are some sections from the wiki page of the last mp for portsmouth south:
indecent assault claim
espionage allegation
russian aide's arrest
extra-marital affair
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:40, Reply)
Might be a spy, and a hit with the ladies?
Sounds awesome.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:46, Reply)
oh yeah
he could practically be the next bond
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:57, Reply)
You're looking rough, there.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:15, Reply)
saw that coming a mile away

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 12:00, Reply)
I think the bigger problem is that a choice between the Tories and a party that copies all the Tories policies but announces them in a sad voice is no choice at all.
This is what's known as 'the illusion of democracy'.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:30, Reply)
If there was a 'none of the above' box I'd vote every time

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:08, Reply)
^ great-grandfather was a honky

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:11, Reply)
Oh man, does this mean you're going to buy me a solid gold catcher's mask?
Have I misunderstood what's going on? I sometimes do that.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:16, Reply)
Now I'm imagining a Friday 13th reboot, wherein Jason is ghetto fabulous at all times.
Snoop Dogg will probably have a cameo.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:19, Reply)
Friday the 13th XXIII: Jason In Da Hood

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:22, Reply)
Detective, we've got another victim.
Looks like blunt force trauma.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:27, Reply)
Just draw your own one in. It's essentially the same.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:29, Reply)
there really should be one
and it ought to count as well - if it gets the most votes, then all of the candidates have to be reselected
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:32, Reply)

reselected fired out of a big cannon
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:37, Reply)
yeah that works for me too

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:41, Reply)
Your nan fired the candidates from my big cannon.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:47, Reply)
So you're saying you've touched a variety of politicians with your cock?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:18, Reply)
That story will cost you.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 11:29, Reply)
only two days for me
been in cornwall, for some reason
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:39, Reply)
oh yeah, weekend plans
gonna have a bbbq tomorrow, anyone wanna come along?
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:40, Reply)
Nah

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:41, Reply)
you're not invited

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:44, Reply)
You just invited me tho

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:12, Reply)
oh yeh lol

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:37, Reply)
I'll be there in spirit,
sitting alone and muttering to myself.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:44, Reply)
I'll be there in spirit

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:46, Reply)
is anyone going to be there physically?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:47, Reply)
no
soz
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:48, Reply)
i'll make sure i take lots of pictures of me enjoying myself with the spirits

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:48, Reply)
cool

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:57, Reply)
i'll show you cool

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:08, Reply)
what's that extra B for?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:52, Reply)
byobb

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:55, Reply)
what's THAT extra B for?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:59, Reply)
it's a typo

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:07, Reply)
:)

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:09, Reply)
Job interview in the morning, then heading down to colchester for a big piss up
What are your plans grrr
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:42, Reply)
gonna go and explore the abandoned Tsarist forts around Warsaw
and make a first attempt at fitting a PC into my car.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:47, Reply)
Lovely
Using a tablet setup? You can get some decent 2-din head units these days, if that will fit in your car
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:25, Reply)
None of the above
Tablets are underpowered for what I want to do, and a doubledin unit won't fit (not enough depth in the car). So I'm building my own solution.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:33, Reply)
Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:48, Reply)
Dunno yet.
Probably just see which way the wind blows, go with the tide, drift downstream, fuck your nan.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:45, Reply)
my grandmother's ashes WERE scattered in the sea
so you've got a fair chance of touching your knob on one of the flakes next time you go for a dip in the North Sea
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:49, Reply)
I'm not going north mate.
Fuck that.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:54, Reply)
North coast of Kent is the North Sea ffs

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:56, Reply)
Might have a barbecue on the roof terrace

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:52, Reply)
Oh well lah de fucking dah
gonna put slices of lime in your cervezas too?
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:53, Reply)
Artisan limes, yes.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:07, Reply)
I was quite a fan of the "cold Mexican piss with a slice of lime" fad.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:21, Reply)
Me and a mexican took a cold piss on your nan's sliced lime last christmas, m8

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:23, Reply)
'none of the above'

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:25, Reply)
No man, bartender got it worse than anybody.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:32, Reply)
Alright Richard.
I was listening to a 60's mix on the way to work and it had a lovely French version of Gimmie Summer Lovin' by Sylvie Vartan, it was well reem.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:49, Reply)
bloody loads of stuff
having kids totally ruined all that sitting around doing nothing that I used to do
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:30, Reply)
I never had that sitting-around-in-my-pants-all-weekend stage
have I missed out?
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:36, Reply)
oh I always wore trousers
I'm not a savage
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:41, Reply)
I'm a bit knackered so I might just stay in and stay out of trouble.
Then again, I might not.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:33, Reply)
Stay OUT and CAUSE trouble m8

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:36, Reply)
Queen Street nick do a good fried breakfast.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 10:38, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 6:58, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:17, Reply)
good morning Richard!

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:21, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:19, Reply)
alright mongy

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:21, Reply)
Yeah I await the sunshine so I can go play

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:45, Reply)
lake or pub?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:59, Reply)
beer festival, should be fun

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:14, Reply)
My first's not in elk, but features in moose
Next isn't in hang but scores double in noose
My third is in Reagan, and president too
My fourth's not in old but appears in new
Water you'd freeze to find the first of the fifth
My sixth is in lemon, but not once in pith
Seventh's in sewage, but not once in drains
Please post a link to some crap Lego trains
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:20, Reply)
Monwfhw?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:25, Reply)
that was superb
youtu.be/FSim5boE43Q?t=2m31s
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:25, Reply)

My first's not in elk, but features in moose
Next isn't in hang but scores double in noose
My third is in Reagan, and president too
My fourth's not in old but appears in new
Water you'd freeze to find the first of the fifth
My sixth is in lemon, but not once in pith
Seventh's in sewage, but not once in drains
Please post a link to some crap Lego trains


I am a gay spaz and I love it up my bum-bum from other gay spazzes
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:41, Reply)

gay spaz Hugh Bonneville
other gay spazzes paid sex workers
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:13, Reply)
Laurie

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:17, Reply)
Moining
Did Labour win the telly then?
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:22, Reply)
yeah, but they forgot the picnic basket and the cuddly toy

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:26, Reply)
alright grrrmo

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:44, Reply)
alright mano

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:56, Reply)
yer, mostly
got to go to a funeral today. gets me 3 hours off work though.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:38, Reply)
anyone you care about?
or you just fancy some egg and cress sandwiches?
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:42, Reply)
My mate's funeral laid on some sausages that had this honey coating on them
fucking delicious
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:45, Reply)
those were his fingers m8
they marinated them for the cremation
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:45, Reply)
i think the wake might be at the churchillian on portsdown hill
which would be nice as it has a beautiful view
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:56, Reply)
Yeah, it's nice up there

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:58, Reply)
yeah, my uncle
i hadn't seen him in a long time but he was a good guy. also, both my parents will be there with their respective partners. so that'll be fun.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:50, Reply)
I know the feeling
my brother's wedding was the first time my parents had been in the same room for 20 years. My Dad won the olympic gold in Avoiding Eye Contact.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:00, Reply)
What 'wait category' was he in?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:08, Reply)
oh families

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:10, Reply)
Friday?
*checks novelty socks*

Friday
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:45, Reply)
I own days-of-the-week socks
but I don't wear them on the correct day, because I'm an anarchist, fuck the system.
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 7:57, Reply)

^total badass^
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:02, Reply)
You are the breath of fresh air
Our stagnant political system needs
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:15, Reply)
Mix and match then stand on the international date line

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:31, Reply)
Happy Day of Bravery*
*in Bulgaria
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:44, Reply)
to celebrate;
here's a gif of bulgarian hero rusev, bravely throwing a fish at his ex-girlfriend
*salutes*
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 8:59, Reply)
The finishing moves just aren't as innovative as they used to be, are they

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:00, Reply)

in
(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:14, Reply)
oh come on now, reelly

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:15, Reply)
what does 'novative' mean?

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:17, Reply)
poor fish :(

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:15, Reply)
+space

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 9:16, Reply)
Yesterday the tv channel has the episode of steptoe with lenord rossitpr in, brilliant

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:21, Reply)
Number 19 on the remote

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:22, Reply)
dunno what that means, but I'm glad you're happy
and pissed, by the looks of it
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:22, Reply)
Steptoe and son, a great episode is on the tv, do you require an episode number so you can view?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:25, Reply)
i think it might be the confusing name of the channel 'yesterday'
just playing godby's advocate, like
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:33, Reply)
Yesterday the tv channel, How is that confusing? aspergers no doubt

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:37, Reply)
my mate can't get his head around all these channels, they really challenge dave

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:42, Reply)
what is 'e, 4?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 22:12, Reply)
Not sure, but I heard e's are good.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 22:13, Reply)
nah I'm alright, cheers for the offer though
I think I saw an episode once
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:33, Reply)
The acting is sublime

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:38, Reply)
That was brilliant

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:54, Reply)
Now it looks as though they're here to stode of steptoe with lenord rossitpr in, brillant

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 22:16, Reply)
Good though your /board post is, apparently it's no 'John Hurt with a banana coming out of him'.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 23:02, Reply)
That'll teach me for not playing nicely and being nice to my /board betters :(
Not that that matters, of course, images are selected for the front page purely on merit and represent the 'best of the board'.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 23:13, Reply)
Watch it quietly get shoved off the bottom of the popular page through manipulation of the number of clicks it's received
because we can't risk something like that accidentally ending up on the all-important TWITTER FEED
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 23:20, Reply)
haha
May 3: "Hey Hey we're the Gorillaz" by HappyToast - just FP'd: ift.tt/1W7ot5G

Apr 23: "Slap" by monkeon - just FP'd: ift.tt/1Nq628P

Apr 23: "" by spellingmistakescostlives - just FP'd: ift.tt/1T54wWv

THAT LAST ONE DIDN'T HAVE A TITLE, IT RUINED THE TWITTER FEED, ROB WILL BE FURIOUS
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 23:30, Reply)
Also, take note:
HappyToast made the only funny post on /board in nearly 2 weeks. Pull your socks up, everyone else.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 23:32, Reply)
oh man, my post just got FP'd.
Don't I look silly now!
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 23:41, Reply)
Guilted into it, it's just hard work this

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 0:03, Reply)
I reckon they just hope I'll get sued.

(, Fri 6 May 2016, 0:04, Reply)
Thank god that we have mods who consider petty personal vendettas to be more important than highlighting content that would increase traffic to the site, great work

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 23:30, Reply)
Hugh Bonneville thread

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:58, Reply)
FINALLY

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:59, Reply)
alright manolith do you think you could ask one of the proper mods nicely to put THFH's pic on the front page then?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:03, Reply)
i'm sure i could, as could you
dunno who mods /board though
fuck off 2can
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:06, Reply)
Happy twat

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:09, Reply)
still?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:25, Reply)
Course you don't. Tell you what though, if another rubbish monkeon pic made it onto the front page instead that would probably piss me off so much I would leave forever.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:19, Reply)
fingers crossed then

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:25, Reply)
...

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:26, Reply)
oh, sorry
+fuck off 2can
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:02, Reply)
He's always do good stuff

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:46, Reply)
Its a great forum

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:08, Reply)
*guffs*

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:02, Reply)
anal dildo sub-thread

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:03, Reply)
helen woods sub-thread

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:03, Reply)
Bournville is not even a particularly good chocolate subthread.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:57, Reply)
No but built a town and looked after his peeps

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:00, Reply)
Thus inspiring Hitler's Theresienstadt.
So yeah, true mongy.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:03, Reply)
Good old Hitler

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:47, Reply)
alright ken

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:48, Reply)
It's what the piple of landan want

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:52, Reply)
john lydon lols

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:54, Reply)
I never wanted him, he helped the glc against thatcher, but like boris I don't and didn't think they are all self promotion gits, london never wanted this, m2p

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:14, Reply)
First I've ever heard of this guy.
Although I *do* know that he loves to have prozzies stick dildos up his bum-bum.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:53, Reply)
^ helen wood

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 21:15, Reply)
Hiya fannies.
How's it going?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:35, Reply)
Alright. Nearly home time innit.
Might watch a really bad b-movie like Hardware or Futurekick when I get in.

Trying to work out whether to go to the pub near the polling station as well.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:38, Reply)
Pub garden is packed with kids, honestly the mums round here don't cook once it's sunny

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:38, Reply)
Something I like about Scotland is that children need to be kept in designated areas away from adults who are trying to have a pint in peace.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:40, Reply)
We have that inside, not in the garden, I just smoke near them and they fuck off

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:46, Reply)
Yeah but sometimes the entitled parents get uppity and act like it's a play area rather than somewhere for adults to drink and smoke.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:47, Reply)
Its strict in my local, someone rests a drink on the pool table they get told, yet regulars are untouched,

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:50, Reply)
As it should be.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:53, Reply)
Oh I don't know, do I
Starting series 4 of Vikings tonight, so suck on that, you bender
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:05, Reply)
You could at least wash it first

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:11, Reply)
Alright princess.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:14, Reply)
Bit fussy m8

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:23, Reply)
That's what we benders are like, m8

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:24, Reply)
Oh yeah
Alright, but I'm only using wet wipes
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:38, Reply)
Where's that cunt manolith and why hasn't he front paged hedgehog's picture yet?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:47, Reply)
i'm here
not my board
fuck off 2can
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 18:58, Reply)
Too busy fingering dogs' bumholes.
Just like every other mod. And to think we all voted him in on a 'No touching dogs on the bumhole' platform.
:( sadtimes
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 19:56, Reply)
Not bad, like.
Had lunch with t'other half's cousin and her bloke, spent the afternoon smoking spliffs and talking about gardening.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:36, Reply)
Blayz it m8

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:55, Reply)
I was going to start a new thread, but then I decided against it
What did you almost do, but decided against? You can't say 'got a prossie to put a dildo up my bum'
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:45, Reply)
Reply to this post.
Who knows what pearl of wisdom I might have paid on you?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:51, Reply)
we may never know

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:51, Reply)
I've got an injunction now,
and will sue if you attempt to speculate.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:52, Reply)
I respectfully withdraw

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:02, Reply)
like a dildo from an actor's botty?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:32, Reply)
*schlup*

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:43, Reply)
^foley artist

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:48, Reply)
I'd fucking love to do that
Making noises for a living? Sounds like my dream job
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:01, Reply)
Bing, Doof, Poink!
That's just three that I can do!
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:03, Reply)
I could do about an hour just on various *parrps*

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:09, Reply)
have you seen Berberian Sound System?
I recommend it highly
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:20, Reply)
also
noises smells
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:21, Reply)
Man, I always thought that a Foley artist was someone doing innappropriate Eddie Murphy impressions.
RUINER.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 20:01, Reply)
i'm surprised Hugh Bonneville up the bum with a dildo hasn't hit google search yet, where's frank he was great at tricking google

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:49, Reply)
The papers are trying so hard to leak the story, but as subtley as they can so they don't get in trouble
www.theguardian.com/media/mediamonkeyblog/2016/may/05/the-sun-hugh-bonneville-downton-abbey-ibsen
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:07, Reply)
A story about another paper reviewing his play?
"Hugh Bonneville ditches his safe family man image". Hasn't every paper described this mystery man as being a "family man"?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:08, Reply)
Come on, Hugh! It's only a dildo up the bum
Who cares? Wait....a headline is forming in my brain...

HUGH CARES?!
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:09, Reply)
If he didn't, he wouldn't have needed the injunction.
Something for Hugh Bonneville to think about, if he ever decides to get a paid sex worker to do him up the bumbum in the future.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:25, Reply)
So what you're saying is
If Hugh Bonneville doesn't want people talking about prostitutes putting dildo's up his bum, then Hugh Bonneville shouldn't let prostitutes put dildo's up his bum?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:27, Reply)
Sounds a lot like victim blaming that.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:29, Reply)
Hey, I'm not the one on trial here

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:30, Reply)
Oh, no.
Hugh Bonneville should feel free to have whomsoever he chooses do him up the bumbum, if that's his thing. I just think that, if he wants to keep the matter private (and why wouldn't he?), he should probably avoid getting his lawyers involved and creating a permanent record of that time he got a paid sex worker to do him up the bumbum.

Y'know, if that's ever something he'd be likely to do.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:30, Reply)
A more cynical person would suggest that this whole thing was engineered to give him some publicity
what with his play and his films and that. But I'm engaged in speculation.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:32, Reply)
he films this sort of stuff? disgusting, i don't want to see helen wood fucking Hugh Bonneville up the bum with a dildo , or do i

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:33, Reply)
"The only thing worse than being talked about, is not being done up the bumbum. "
- Oscar Wilde
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:34, Reply)
That sounds like something Oscar would say

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:35, Reply)

- +by
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:39, Reply)
yeah, so you can't really strike-through a hyphen.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:40, Reply)
bit draconian

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:31, Reply)
Did the dracon's like putting stuff up their bums?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:34, Reply)
you bet they did

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:37, Reply)
Hey, enough with the otherkinphobia plz. >:-(

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:37, Reply)
Draco was an ancient greek politician
What do you think?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:01, Reply)
Yeah but he was a toff so he probably preferred putting things up other people's bum-bums.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:19, Reply)
or if you are going to hire one, don't hire a kiss and tell one with previous form of running to the press next time Hugh Bonneville when you want it up the bum with a dildo

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:29, Reply)
Isn't discretion one of the things prostitutes pride themselves on?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:30, Reply)
helen wood just wanted to be famous, if that involved doing Hugh Bonneville up the bum with a dildo and telling the sun she'd do it

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:32, Reply)
10th highest hit
www.google.co.uk/?gws_rd=ssl#q=hugh+bonneville+dildo
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:34, Reply)
i get no results i wonder if Hugh (up the bum with a dildo ) Bonneville is cross with me :(

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:37, Reply)
google tailor their results based on past search history.
Conclusion: hugh bonneville isn't the only dirty old bollocks in this thread.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:41, Reply)
delete this pls

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:43, Reply)
its odd because its been all over the net since it happened, why get all legal about it now with websites

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:45, Reply)
I see those results have been doctored to comply with legal requests.
I wonder if someone is trying to hide something?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:38, Reply)
from around 5 years ago? that they must have told their wife and family about by now, why would they bother

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:41, Reply)
"How was your day, darling?"
Oh, you know: few hours filming the period drama, and then I got done up the bumbum by a paid sex worker. Anyway, I'm bushed - what's for tea?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:46, Reply)
would you like me to get on my vpn and see what google.se has to say about this?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:42, Reply)
Hugh Bonneville sov med Helen trä och gillar en dildo upp bum-bum

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:46, Reply)
Herdy Verdy Gershky Hugh Bonneville Herdy Merdy Dildo Gerdy Verdy Bumhole

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:48, Reply)
Someone should photoshop the ikea men.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:51, Reply)
soz, don't know how to use photoshop
i.imgur.com/52K864m.png
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:20, Reply)
officecrease

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:21, Reply)
Much lol at all of this.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:52, Reply)
5th highest if you just search for posts within the last hour for 'hughe bonneville'
www.google.co.uk/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=hugh+bonneville&tbs=qdr:h
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:08, Reply)
some work

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:53, Reply)
standard

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:59, Reply)
I think you should all decide for clicking Hedgey's post on /board
b3ta.com/board/11197822
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:56, Reply)
Why, thank you.
I think it's some of my best work.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:57, Reply)
If I could remember the address of any of my "Woo! Yay!" gifs,
you can rest assured that I would have posted one for this.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:09, Reply)
I'm surprised it's still there, to be honest.
It's way over the 250kb file size limit recommended for still images. In the good old days, the thread would have been filled with about 3mb of fail gifs, and I'd have been nawty-stepped.

Broken b3ta :(
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:39, Reply)
This is fucking outstanding, top work there THFH.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:18, Reply)
^

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:02, Reply)

i.imgur.com/5W5DQNR.gif
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:59, Reply)
I wouldn't want to be with someone who does, to be honest

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:00, Reply)
Make a cup of tea.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:03, Reply)
that is a damn jolly good idea

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:04, Reply)
see you there!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:06, Reply)
ur nan, last christmas

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:32, Reply)


(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:43, Reply)
*schlup*

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 15:54, Reply)
was going to have lunch
but i'm not hungry
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:09, Reply)
well, ok
but make sure you have a proper dinner. Starving yourself will do you no favours.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:11, Reply)
having a curry tonight
job interview tomorrow, so bit squirly around the innards
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:18, Reply)
Don't worry about it
They need you more than you need them. Good luck.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 17:04, Reply)
I bought a 6 pack of cheese and onion to go with my lunch yesterday as they were about the same price as a normal 'grab bag'
There is now only one bag left and I doubt it'll make it until hometime.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:12, Reply)
Just spotted the 2nd pork pie from the 2-pack I bought earlier. Score.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:13, Reply)
haven't eaten a pork pie in about 15 years
they're just not the same any more
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:19, Reply)
Well, no.
Not many foods will keep that long.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 16:22, Reply)
Non-libellous thread,
for when the preceding thread gets deleted for legal reasons.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:25, Reply)
Bonnevile. Bum. Baton. Brostitute

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:26, Reply)
Shh!
REDACTED
This isn't a thread for mentioning that Hugh Bonneville is a big gay spaz who likes it up the bumbum from paid sex workers.

manolith, delete this, please.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:28, Reply)
no probs, done

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:34, Reply)
You're the best, manolith.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:36, Reply)
Hugh Bummefill

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:37, Reply)
Brownfun Abbey

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:31, Reply)
Michael McIntyre likes poo play with dwarves

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:27, Reply)
Wait. Can we just make stuff up now?
I've always found slander is easier to remember if it rhymes.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:28, Reply)
I hope so
otherwise I'm doing bird
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:29, Reply)
<s> bird + Hugh Bonneville up the bum with a dildo

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:31, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7634829
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:50, Reply)
That's libellous. You might want to reconsider that post.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:34, Reply)
My pal Arson Dave is going daaahhn.
Min 18 month sentence.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:29, Reply)
what did he do?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:31, Reply)
Hugh Bonneville up the bum with a dildo

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:32, Reply)
Hahaha
Putting the 'arse' in 'arson'
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:33, Reply)
Not (bum-)burglary?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:46, Reply)
Putting the turd in burglary?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:53, Reply)
B&E

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:32, Reply)
Bonneville & Escort?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:35, Reply)
ABH and affray

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:33, Reply)
oh dear

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:03, Reply)
Is there a likelihood that his somewhat short temper will keep him perpetually in nick?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:08, Reply)
Another victim of nominative determinism.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:32, Reply)
Lol

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:34, Reply)
But did he do it?
Also, does he have a friends and family organised "free arson dave" facebook campaign I can donate to?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:35, Reply)
He totes did it

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:44, Reply)
Silly man.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:00, Reply)
"My daughter must have taken the photo and uploaded it online. I can't do it because I can't even read or write, never mind use a computer."
www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/shocking-picture-three-year-old-7900687
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:33, Reply)
fat lines

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:34, Reply)
that's too much sniff for a little child, they should just get the corner of a card at that age, terrible parenting

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:37, Reply)
and a waste

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:38, Reply)
Vision dreams of passion

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:59, Reply)
Does that child have one central nostril?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:37, Reply)
Clearly he's done so much he's ended up like danniella westbrook

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:40, Reply)
I was somewhat surprised to read that David Schneider is into BDSM and visits spanking establishments to engage in the whipping of women.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:38, Reply)
after googling his name
I've discovered they are making a second series of Josh. fucking hell
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:41, Reply)

neid wimm
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:43, Reply)
I liked him on The Friday Night Armistice and as the top bollocks at the BBC in Alan Partridge.
But these day's he just posts not very funny things on twitter and cringeworthy photoshops that he's had a minion do for him.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:11, Reply)
what's the difference between slander and libel?
Well, slander is when you say something false or untrue about someone, and libel is the little tag that tells Australians how to wash their clothes.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:42, Reply)
Fuck sake Godby.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:59, Reply)
jesus godby

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:04, Reply)
you're the worst, godby

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:11, Reply)
What language does Cilla Black's hairdresser speak?
Urdu.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:12, Reply)
Hugh Bonneville's used dildo to be used to gag James Corden.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:09, Reply)

gag write
+'s next tv series
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 14:18, Reply)
So what have we learned this week?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:03, Reply)
I've not learned much as I've been incredibly tired for most of it.
I guess I learned I like Spiral/Engrenages as I've watched quite a lot of it.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:07, Reply)
Is it subtitled?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:08, Reply)
Yeah.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:12, Reply)
Cool
Might give that a crack
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:15, Reply)
If you can get on US Netflix it's on there.
Or TPB.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:16, Reply)
That a hotel can actually do a good cooked breakfast.
And it will cost you a fiver to get it delivered to your room the cunts
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:07, Reply)
Headline
"Hotel Overcharges Unsuspecting Idiot"
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:10, Reply)
Alright Rupert you utter prick

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:12, Reply)
q. why does rupert the bear wear yellow trousers?

a. because he's a cunt
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:15, Reply)
Some cunt's bullying mongy over on board.
Get your fingers out of that dog and get banhammering, The LOVELY Modolith.
also, 'ning.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:35, Reply)
Haha, oh dear oh dear

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:40, Reply)

twitter.com/robmanuel/status/728151381652082689
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:48, Reply)
Not clicking that link soz.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:50, Reply)
+might be a super injunction

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:51, Reply)
Prince lives!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:54, Reply)
this is well exciting

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:55, Reply)
Do you think if we say that Hugh Bonneville slept with helen wood and likes a dildo up the bum enough times he'll have to close down B3ta forever?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:56, Reply)
Maybe he's a big gay spaz who likes it up the bumbum from paid sex workers?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:58, Reply)
It certainly wouldn't surprise me now if it was confirmed that Hugh Bonneville is a big gay spaz who likes it up the bumbum from paid sex workers

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:00, Reply)
I wasn't going to mention Hugh Bonneville's name in the context of being a big gay spaz who likes it up the bumbum from paid sex workers.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:03, Reply)
I dunno who either of them are.
Are they QOTWers?
Only putting an injunction out on poor mongy seems like the sort of thing that crybaby autism bedwetters from QOTW that like a dildo up their bum might do.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:01, Reply)
I'll tell you what, LOVELY stuj,
I won't be able to watch Paddington, anymore.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:04, Reply)
I will
but I'll have to masturbate first
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:08, Reply)
Nicole Kidman could stuff me and mount me, any day of the week.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:14, Reply)
how come rob says he deleted the post that says Hugh Bonneville slept with helen wood and likes a dildo up the bum
yet I can still see the post that says Hugh Bonneville slept with helen wood and likes a dildo up the bum?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:08, Reply)
the tweet is from 2.15am
i guess it wasn't mongy after all
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:14, Reply)
I can only assume that there was an earlier post elsewhere on B3ta that said Hugh Bonneville slept with helen wood and likes a dildo up the bum

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:14, Reply)
The Daily Mail describes Helen Wood as "Wayne Rooney prostitute".
Do you think she puts on a bald cap before sticking dildos up Hugh Bonneville's bumbum?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:20, Reply)
alright

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:32, Reply)
HOUI!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:14, Reply)
I'm in a presentation about HTTP caching
I'm not learning much
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Sorry Grrrmachine, I fell asleep while reading that post

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:10, Reply)
I'm nodding off myself
But there are free biscuits
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:27, Reply)

dd sh
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:30, Reply)
oh my

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:33, Reply)
if I can suck it, I bloody well will

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:08, Reply)
i've learnt that spanishfly is a lazy idiot who doesn't know the value of money
also, i learnt to treat everyone with respect and kindness
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Ah, that's nice
The bit about spanishfly, I mean
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:10, Reply)
Do you know that is so so accurate.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:13, Reply)
it's one of those lines you can use to describe most people

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:24, Reply)
what is the value of money then?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:41, Reply)
i dunno, i'm a lazy idiot

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:42, Reply)
Isn't that the one with Paul Newman in it?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:48, Reply)
Oh, I also learnt there's a paper that was recently launched but it doesn't exist any more.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:13, Reply)
McBeef calls it "The Poo Gay"

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:15, Reply)

rip in peace
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:17, Reply)
Haha, brilliant
*trombones*
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:19, Reply)
i thought that was what we called mcbeef

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:23, Reply)
EXCUSE ME

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:23, Reply)
well that sounded pretty gay, m8

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:33, Reply)
Alright, Poo Gay

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:35, Reply)
what like a paper aeroplane that was thrown into a volcano?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:15, Reply)
I guess that's an acceptable simile.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:17, Reply)
phew

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:24, Reply)
that Hugh Bonneville slept with helen wood and likes a dildo up the bum

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Couple of glasses of sherry
and Helen Might!
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:32, Reply)
she's a prostitute, i think you have to pay her cash

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:33, Reply)
savages

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:33, Reply)
i wonder if i have broken the injuction by posting this, i'm not really up on the whole legal side of things, i'll leave that to the forums legal team

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:35, Reply)
rip internetlawyerman qc

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:37, Reply)
i wonder if he ever did pass the bar exams

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:39, Reply)
well, i know i never like to pass a bar
oh hahaha
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:44, Reply)
they were on jools again the other day

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Hugh Bonneville and a prostitute?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:38, Reply)
no wonder he wants it kept quiet, thats disgusting

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:39, Reply)
maybe, i don't watch it. it would certainly make for an avant garde performance
but i meant savages
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:43, Reply)
I don't know what that is, soz
Old, remember
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:21, Reply)
they're a young band that sound a bit like some old bands so they can appeal to old people just like you

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:23, Reply)
this, plus the guitarist is my mate from college

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:31, Reply)
sure, "mate"

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:32, Reply)
Are you saying Beardolith's a groupie?
Because that's what it sounds like The LOVELY Hatso.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:38, Reply)
All I'm saying
Is that we should let the facts speak for themselves
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:44, Reply)
And the facts are that manolith sucks off bouncers and roadies for a chance to suck off drummers and bassists,
in order to try to get to suck off a guitarist?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:49, Reply)
Sorry, there's a super injunction out, and I'm legally obliged to say no more on the subject
*eyes wide, nods repeatedly*
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:50, Reply)
Knew it.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:51, Reply)
I thought the whole point about super-injunctions was that you'd be in violation of the super-injunction if you mentioned the super-injunction.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:55, Reply)
What happens if you put a super injunction on the super injunction?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:59, Reply)
I'm not allowed to say.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:01, Reply)

media1.giphy.com/media/12KiGLydHEdak8/giphy.gif
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:01, Reply)
Google implodes.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:01, Reply)
i did kiss her once
at a bus stop
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:48, Reply)
sure, "her"

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:49, Reply)
you're just jelly because the closest you've come to snogging a rock star is when iggy pop spit in your mouth

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:56, Reply)
at least he was a gentleman

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:57, Reply)
a gentleman carved out of rotting wood, maybe

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:10, Reply)
Inevitible strikethrough alert.
once penis
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:57, Reply)
that was woodside in a dress

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:00, Reply)
+ again.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:02, Reply)
he's doing alright for himself then
are you enjoying being an outlaw? you've already got 2can trying to ride your coat-tails
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:06, Reply)
i believe that celebrity bumholes are in the public interest

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:13, Reply)
Hey, I LOVE old bands!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:31, Reply)
well, they made 'proper' music back then, didn't they?
with real instruments and everything
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:36, Reply)
and you could hear the words

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:42, Reply)
Like The Duke Spirit?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:38, Reply)

The
Spirit Silver
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:49, Reply)

www.amazon.co.uk/Duke-Silver-Come-Love-Me/dp/B00G5828UG
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:59, Reply)
I do like Nick Offerman.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:03, Reply)
So you could say Hugh Bonneville likes it, wait for it... UP THE BOURNVILLE!!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:49, Reply)
you can say that, i wouldn't dream of saying such a thing incase his lawyers are forum members here

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:56, Reply)
They usually forget to apply the injunctions in Scotland.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:01, Reply)
Depends where b3ta is hosted, I suppose.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:32, Reply)
norwich probably

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:37, Reply)
US innit?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:38, Reply)
Excellent, we can say what we like.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:45, Reply)
I'm not sure that's how the law works but I don't know enough about it to dispute it.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:04, Reply)
Too late now, anyway.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:22, Reply)
One in the Mister Stink.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:50, Reply)
willy

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:54, Reply)
I learnt that you're a fucking idiot cunt prick horse slasher prick fucking cunt wanker.
Not really. I learned how the London Mayoral elections work and also that i don't care in the slightest.
Also, sorry for that up there, you're alright. For a fucking idiot cunt prick horse slasher prick fucking cunt wanker.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:00, Reply)
That's ok
I just appreciate the attention
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:21, Reply)
life ain't that great

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:18, Reply)
oh, it's not that bad really
food's pretty good
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:33, Reply)
That rogan josh is a bugger to clean out of a keyboard.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:22, Reply)
yikes

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:34, Reply)
Just pinged a key across the office.
Don't think anyone noticed, though.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:36, Reply)
which key?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:46, Reply)
The shortcut menu key.
Got the right Ctrl of with less of a flourish.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:57, Reply)
tim

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:14, Reply)
poo and wee

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:22, Reply)
woah
poo or wee, surely?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:35, Reply)
I can do both

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:46, Reply)
show off

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:52, Reply)
football is a funny old game

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:35, Reply)
Not just funny
It's hilarious!
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:47, Reply)
I dint lern nuffin

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:36, Reply)
Slugs have 27,000 teeth
there
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:47, Reply)
*godby alarm*

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:49, Reply)
My uncle is a slug dentist, so he'd know

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:51, Reply)
Are you sure he said slug dentist and not drug enthusiast?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:21, Reply)
So that's why The LOVELY Sammi kept stuffing slugs up herself after her clungeteeth rotted away.
It all makes sense now.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 12:53, Reply)
*spews*
cheers Stuj
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:21, Reply)
i've learned the value of true friendship

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:08, Reply)
nice

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:16, Reply)
11p.
AICMFP
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 13:16, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 6:09, Reply)
morning
where I live, today is a holiday which means I ain't doin' shit
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 6:15, Reply)
yeah, thanks to Germany's devotion to Jesus
most of my colleagues are off too, so I can have some peace and quiet.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 7:17, Reply)
Likewise
Although for me it actually means I will have more to do. Scandinavia too, I think?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:19, Reply)
yeah, definitely Norway and Denmark
Ascension innit
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:21, Reply)
y

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:23, Reply)

youtu.be/tgrQhBTDfhk?list=PLE8C92EC20CFE66E7
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:37, Reply)
hmm

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:41, Reply)
Giro day?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 7:55, Reply)
blaze it

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:28, Reply)

65.media.tumblr.com/1247471a25d90dd4c51c5e9d62d430c1/tumblr_o6nu179coq1s52q75o1_1280.jpg
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:29, Reply)
Make you very high, this will

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:32, Reply)
bit inappropriate
this is a family forum
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:37, Reply)
oh no, I meant no offence
Perhaps I should go on the step for a bit, take a bit of time out.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:40, Reply)
our mistakes make us who we are

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:46, Reply)
your parents' mistake made you who you are m8

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:50, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 7:30, Reply)
alright Richard

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 7:32, Reply)
rich

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:20, Reply)
Morning

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 7:35, Reply)
alright mupps

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 7:39, Reply)
Morning
New Newspaper "The New Day" is about to have its last day. Looks like another triumph for Trinity Mirror plc, after the success of its popular website UsVsTh3m.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 7:37, Reply)
morning tHfH
newspapers are shit, it's a dead medium and all tabloid journalists are unscrupulous dickheads. HTH
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 7:39, Reply)
Most online journalists aren't much better though

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 7:59, Reply)
content is cheap these days
the only people earning any serious coin are the PR people.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:03, Reply)

are the PR people is this one weird old stay-at-home mom
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:16, Reply)
Billionaire Media Moguls HATE Her!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:19, Reply)
Listening to the news last night was genuinely the first time I'd heard of it.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:05, Reply)
Apparently it was aimed at people who no longer buy newspapers.
I'm no expert, but I think I may have spotted the flaw in their business plan.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:18, Reply)
The POO GAY, *I* call it!!!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:15, Reply)
"One copy of The Poo Gay, please"
"I'm sorry sir, the what?"
"The Poo Gay"
"I'm sorry sir, I don't think we have that"
"The New Day. I want the New Day, but I call it The Poo Gay for LOLs. In fact, I don't even want the fucking paper. GOD! This just isn't worth it, I've got things to do"
"Have a nice day sir"
"Yeah, you too"
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:22, Reply)
You should take this sort of writing to the BBC, they'll snap you right up

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:08, Reply)
omg, do you really think so??
oh gee...I could follow in the footsteps of the greats; Kay, Kaye and Kay.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:13, Reply)
Didn't she do a duet with Elton John?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:30, Reply)
You'll still have to go some to beat Russell, Russell and Russell.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:30, Reply)
^ epileptic in autumn

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:40, Reply)
I hate Jeff Wayne.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:43, Reply)
I listened to War of the Worlds last week
I enjoy it once a year or so
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:47, Reply)
Likewise, I put it in the car for a short holiday.
My girlfriend had never heard it before. I enjoyed it, she was politely bemused.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:52, Reply)
Poor Nathaniel.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:54, Reply)
If you look up "exposition" in the dictionary, it just says
Dear God! A cylinder's landed on the house, and we're underneath it, in the pit.

Thanks, Nathaniel. Thathaniel.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:59, Reply)
Satan, why did you take one of your own?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:02, Reply)
OOOOOOOOOOOlllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:50, Reply)
because....
*claps*
new day sucks.
new day sucks.
new day sucks.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:57, Reply)
Happy Cinco de Mayo!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:17, Reply)
Watching the pilot episode for The Shield last night was genuinely the first time I'd heard of it.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:19, Reply)
It turns out they're all in Purgatory, and Starbuck was hiding under the dumpster all along.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:26, Reply)
Isn't that the plot for iconic hit show The 4400?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:01, Reply)
I don't know.
I think I might have watched one of those once, but I have absolutely no memory of it.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:28, Reply)
Take your Space Marine chat elsewhere, please.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 11:00, Reply)
don't fill up my sink with mayo please

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:22, Reply)
euphemism lols

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:38, Reply)
I don't like tapas soz

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:02, Reply)
wee wee tapa

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:03, Reply)
wee tapa girl rappers

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:07, Reply)
grrrrmorning goodmachine

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:20, Reply)
oh are you doing Robin Williams impressions now?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:21, Reply)
This is not a test....this is /talk!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:23, Reply)
for your next impression
please kill yourself
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:36, Reply)
oh come on now, really

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:37, Reply)
“Good morn, good morn and good morn,” says they,
“It's thrice good morn,” says he
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:38, Reply)
as true now as when it was written

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:41, Reply)
I really don't think the song it is from bears any resemblence to the truth by any stretch of the imagination

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:52, Reply)
I will mourn the morn

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:44, Reply)
as a wise man once said, three times and more
alright alright alright alright alright
also verily thus he spake, like a polaroid picture you must shake.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:51, Reply)

home.bt.com/images/comedinebarrymore-136403652333702601
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:54, Reply)
Is this from an episode of come dine with me?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:57, Reply)
yes it is
one actually worth watching
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:58, Reply)
I'd hate to be on it though
Having strangers root through your stuff...eating at fucking 1 in the morning...fuck that.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:01, Reply)
shame 'cause you'd be brilliant on it

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:08, Reply)
you know I would
Eating? Check. Cooking? Check. Getting angry with rude people? Check.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:14, Reply)
MAN ON FIRE!!!
man on fire
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:53, Reply)

Stoke Mandeville hospital the burning man festival
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:55, Reply)
"taken to hospital in a serious condition"
just means the parademics had sour faces because they weren't getting paid overtime
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:57, Reply)
For all the hype, I found that film rather underwhelming.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:57, Reply)
perhaps you'd prefer this adaptation
i.imgur.com/FCIbadz.jpg
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:02, Reply)
I doubt it, manolith.

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:05, Reply)
that picture represents 33% of the images i've posted on /board in the 12 and a half years i've been here

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:48, Reply)
What a Smasher

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 8:55, Reply)
i prefer real potatoes

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:03, Reply)
morning
I wasted a lot of time faffing around with Titanium Backup, last night, before remembering this morning that pretty much all my apps are synced to "the cloud" anyway, rendering the whole process pointless.
#getalifemonstermunch
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:01, Reply)
#thatssuperinterestingmumo

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:04, Reply)
I've started hating computers now
I just want a music player with persistent on-screen controls. Is that too fucking much to ask? Apparently.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:04, Reply)
The answer is to write your own programmes.
Everything from the OS onwards. Can't be too much effort, can it? I got the school Nimbus to flash the word "boobies" and beep whilst doing so, so I must have most of the necessary skills.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:18, Reply)
10 print "boobies"
20 goto 10,.,.,.,.,
Run
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:21, Reply)
Being the l33t h4xx0r that I am,
it would flash the word in different colours and at different sizes, whilst making beeping sounds.
Think Hugh Jackman in Swordfish.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:24, Reply)
A four star film

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:27, Reply)
Foobar2000 will do that, I think, so will VLC
Another alternative would be to use something like autohotkey to make the window always on top.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:44, Reply)
I had titanium backup last night
Couple of gulps of lactulose though, and this mornng I'm fresh as a daisy
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:15, Reply)
Haha, poo!
Classic Two Hats!

This guy, eh? This guy! He's the best.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:20, Reply)
Listen to this, it's too good to miss
Da-da da-da da da....*farts*
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:22, Reply)
Guffs! Epic lolz!
Oh man, I'm not sure I'll be able to take much more.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:25, Reply)
back in work lads
lads lads lads
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:18, Reply)
+ looking for a good time

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:19, Reply)
Morning
and may I wish you a happy Europe day!

It's also Constitution Day in Kyrgyzstan. So many reasons to celebrate...
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:24, Reply)
Is Kyrgyzstan a real place,
or did you just smash random letters on your keyboard?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:26, Reply)
It's a pokemon I think

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:28, Reply)
As featured in 'Charles Stross', by celebrated speculum fiction writer 'Charles Stross'

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:29, Reply)
It came about through [Ctl] + v
so I'll ask the originator
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:29, Reply)
I've got a visa for there in my old passport

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:40, Reply)
Undoubtedly not a real place, then.
Typical Godby.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:43, Reply)
:(
I was going to go there on the Mongol Rally, until my gearbox locked up.
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:47, Reply)
We're here, we're potato, we hug too long!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:50, Reply)
officelol

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:46, Reply)
Yeah, Ming The Merciless wasn't real, either, and neither was his planet.
When will the lies stop?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:53, Reply)
a guy called attila gave me and my family 10% off our bill in a restaurant on monday

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:50, Reply)
see you there!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 9:27, Reply)
morning
although it hardly seems worth it at this point
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:03, Reply)
morning manolith
I wouldn't want you to feel left out
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:07, Reply)
come on, that's not the /talk way!

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:11, Reply)
HELLO DOWN THERE
Surely with your SUPER MOD POWERS you can override all other posts in a thread and rise to the top?
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:13, Reply)
there's still a lot to live for, mano
we're here for you
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:15, Reply)

image.blingee.com/images19/content/output/000/000/000/7d1/811414435_1574082.gif
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:17, Reply)
^

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:25, Reply)
it's worth it right up until 11:59:59

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 10:17, Reply)
Totally pushing that prick down the board

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:55, Reply)
fairy nuff

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 21:04, Reply)
Spurs eh, what happened?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 21:12, Reply)
sanity check
anyone else hearing this? www.b3ta.com/links/1380305
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 21:17, Reply)
dropped out of fashion alongside everything else cowboys wore, i think

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 21:26, Reply)
The horses are probably happy, must hurt

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 21:39, Reply)
Great point, I mean when was the last time you ever saw someone in jeans?

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 0:11, Reply)
because remember kids
a joke doesn't count unless it's factually accurate
(, Thu 5 May 2016, 1:29, Reply)
It's the jews fault

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 0:19, Reply)
Thanks

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 0:12, Reply)
Eveninh

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 18:56, Reply)
Evening SSG I have travelled for 3 hours today to get to London to attend a meeting tomorrow
And it's been cancelled
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:00, Reply)
Three hours to get to london
You must live in the arse end of nowhere
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:04, Reply)
Well it's pretty much exactly 2 hours on the train but getting to the train station was a pain in the arse today.
Just ordered room service
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:23, Reply)
I didnt ask for any of that information

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:20, Reply)
We all know what spanishfly means by "room service"

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:52, Reply)
Hooray, London's been cancelled!

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:20, Reply)
Poor Zack Goldsmith.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:39, Reply)
YES!
When does the demolition start?
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:41, Reply)
I bet property prices will still go up

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:48, Reply)
Hi Ed

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:08, Reply)
Hello

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:18, Reply)
Still got a dog?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:41, Reply)
Yes

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:19, Reply)
<s>dog</s> landshark shit-machine

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:31, Reply)
She does shit a lot

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:41, Reply)
evening

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:17, Reply)
Tough at the bottom again

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:41, Reply)
yo
it was my birthday yesterday
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:01, Reply)
wow! i had a birthday just a few months ago!

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:09, Reply)
Its my birthday later this year,
We should do a birthday badge for our profiles
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:20, Reply)
what is a profile
in my few years of b3ta er ing i don't think i've ever looked at one. what's the point? beyond me!me!me!lookatme!me! which, once again, seems completely pointless in the grand scheme of things. what am i missing?
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 20:45, Reply)
You should definitely check mine out

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 21:19, Reply)
Dunno

(, Thu 5 May 2016, 0:12, Reply)
Howdy guys and gals.
I am back in that there London I am. Staying right on Tower Bridge (almost) might order a hooker and a kebab.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:09, Reply)
You fucking stupid fucking spastic
have a great time
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:10, Reply)
It's work so it's hardly gonna be, ya know, great.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:13, Reply)
You should ask mcbeef for one of his famous Walking Tours.
He'll do anything for the tourists, will our mcbeef.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:14, Reply)
wanking paws more like

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:15, Reply)
lol wank!
like you'd do to a willy!
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:16, Reply)
lol
the very same
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:22, Reply)
+meow meow

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:27, Reply)
Famous Hawkwind bores more like

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:06, Reply)
Ah, that's much better

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 19:10, Reply)
ghastly place

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:29, Reply)
Be sure to get both garlic and chili sauce to go with it.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:33, Reply)
You might want to spice up the kebab a bit, too.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:33, Reply)
We just had a work target afternoon where some prick came and made us build Mr potato heads

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:42, Reply)
ffs is that what they train doctors with.
I suppose GJ will be ok if he has a problem with his noggin.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:45, Reply)
People don't know who I am on here, Gorms

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 18:18, Reply)

is this you?
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 18:24, Reply)
i used to have a Mr Potato Head,
it had a single hole at the bottom for a pair of feet moulded as a single piece, as in that picture there, and also the picture on the box, but for some reason i only had separate feet, so all my Mr Potato Head creations had only one foot. I still don't understand how that happened.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 18:27, Reply)
Mr Potato Flid.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 18:32, Reply)
now you mention it,
i don't think it had arms, either. just hands.

it must have got mixed up with some other toy or something.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 18:35, Reply)
Plenty of eyes, though.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 18:53, Reply)
A Mr Potato Head makes a decent enough target if you've got a pellet gun or air rifle.
Although sadly I fear that's not what you're on about here. :(
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:55, Reply)

In 1985, Mr. Potato Head received four postal votes in the run for mayor of Boise, Idaho in the "most votes for Mr. Potato Head in a political campaign" as verified by Guinness World Records.[citation needed]
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:58, Reply)
Alright

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:46, Reply)
mr horrible! mr horrible!
It's the ugliness man, mr horrible.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:50, Reply)
it most certainly is

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:54, Reply)
I wish you'd stop moving my chair though

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:54, Reply)
I'm surprised this issue isn't raised more often.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:08, Reply)
Not bad

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:52, Reply)
cool

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:55, Reply)
Struggling to keep me eyes open tbh.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:54, Reply)
spray your eyelids with glue and

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:55, Reply)
Sounds dangerous, what if I were to sneeze?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:01, Reply)
hang on, we don't know what comes after the and

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:27, Reply)
I think it's "woodchip"

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:34, Reply)
god, can you stop talking about chips for 5 seconds

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:43, Reply)
I'll stop talking about them when someone buys me some

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:52, Reply)
Now I fancy chips you fat knacker

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:49, Reply)
sweet

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:57, Reply)
Horbs xx

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:01, Reply)
alright mr h

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:06, Reply)
Oz

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:06, Reply)
fuck a horse

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:07, Reply)
^ rode a blazin (erb) saddle

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:08, Reply)
yeah,
had 3 calls from "microsoft" now, managed to explain the concept of "different rooms" on the second call although they did have to put somebody else on
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:08, Reply)
Tell them that each room has different windows,
that should confuse them even more.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:12, Reply)
Could I speak with Hamble, please, madam?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:17, Reply)
Do you have a bakelite phone?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:13, Reply)
no it's all modern plastic,
Binatone, it's quite a fancy one with an LCD screen and everything
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:15, Reply)
How long are you managing to string these idiots along for?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:18, Reply)
the first call went on quite a while,
it involved me going upstairs and down again at least three times, i'm getting a bit bored of it now tbh, the last one i just said "i use Linux" straight away, he still tried to convince me i didn't for a bit, obviously...
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:21, Reply)
Yeah, it's only funny the first time, isn't it?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:25, Reply)
It's reasons like this I unplugged my landline. I only ever regretted answering it.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:26, Reply)
this one's got features for automatically rejecting nuisance calls,
but we don't have caller id set up. we really ought to sort that out.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:29, Reply)
I've not bothered to give the number out to anyone so it's fairly safe to assume they're all going to be a nuisance.
I like that idea of truecaller on mobiles but really don't like how it goes sniffing around contacts and uploads them to their database so I could well be in there against my will. Crowd-sourcing nuisance callers is one thing, everyone else not so much.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:33, Reply)
yeah that sounds well dodgy

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:34, Reply)
poor spacefish :(


,--.,-"";-"-.
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(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:25, Reply)

www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/crime/police-called-to-man-with-trousers-around-his-ankles-in-portsmouth-1-7363935
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:38, Reply)
Old grey mare...

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:43, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:45, Reply)
I just hope manolith can get the professional help he deserves.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:47, Reply)
how dare you!
as if i'd be seen dead in cosham
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:51, Reply)
Cosham's awful, isn't it
The only time I ever go there is to have blood taken. And even then I have to have it punched out of me.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:55, Reply)

in other news
a paddy wagon crashed into a white car by the costcutters near you; blocking a hearse, so a homeless man started directing traffic!
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:50, Reply)
That link doesn't work for me
Costcutters....which one's that?
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:51, Reply)
Bit like a spar.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:52, Reply)
I know what it is, silly billy
I'm just trying to think of where it is.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:54, Reply)
According to google there isn't a costcutter on Portsea Island
maybe it's a ghost shop!
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:55, Reply)
sorry, it's a poundstretcher
edit: try the link again
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:57, Reply)
See Two Hats, SEE?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:59, Reply)
mental

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:59, Reply)
I love busy days like this.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:00, Reply)
Ah, Poundstretcher, opposite the old Odeon
well that's the most noteworthy thing that's happened in north end for years
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:59, Reply)
I did something noteworthy in your nan's north end.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:12, Reply)
haha oh my

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:15, Reply)
i knew it was some frightful pleb shop
actually i think my toilet roll holder is from there, fact fans
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:01, Reply)
Alright, rub it in

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:04, Reply)
no, no. toilet roll is for wiping off. have you been rubbing it in this whole time?!
D:
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:10, Reply)
oh god
OH GOD
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:12, Reply)
Given the stuff we've got here it's more like 'sanding it off'.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:27, Reply)
I thought you were struggling with what type of shop it was. You might have been mixing it up with Farm Foods or summit.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 16:58, Reply)
woah

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 17:10, Reply)
Alright heauxmeauxs, it's me, TH
How is this afternoon finding you? Wednesday, eh? Blimey.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:46, Reply)
i was all ready to go sit in the beer garden for the afternoon, now i've got to meet a social worker at 6, its so unfair

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:49, Reply)
can't they meet you in the beer garden?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:54, Reply)
you'd think so but no, have to go to the hospital

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:00, Reply)
and yet they claim to care

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:13, Reply)
they only care about themselves, and sick people and people with needs other than wanting to go to the pub, selfish if you ask me

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:26, Reply)
How come?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:55, Reply)
some care package bollocks for my dad for when he leaves hospital next week

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:00, Reply)
Oh right
He's still with us then?
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:07, Reply)
sorry, that sounded disrepectful

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:11, Reply)
yeah, it's a pisser

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:12, Reply)
It's all go here.
I had, like, three Moam stripes.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:51, Reply)
Whoa, fucking hell, chill out m2*(2*2)
That's, like, literally so random!
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:53, Reply)
yolo

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:01, Reply)
Suddenly, diabetes.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:06, Reply)
You're one syllable too long and I'm one too short
Otherwise, well done us.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:15, Reply)
I'm bored, TH
and work doesn't seem to be inspiring me
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:54, Reply)
are you me?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:55, Reply)
I hope not

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:55, Reply)
bit harsh.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:03, Reply)
I can relate, Tangled
I'm busy, but it's boring. Is it likely to get any more interesting as the year goes on?
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:56, Reply)
possibly, but your disaffection will continue to grow, so it won't make much difference

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:02, Reply)
It's just not really worth the drudgery is it?

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:39, Reply)
social discourse

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:58, Reply)

oci exu
dis inter

lol
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 14:59, Reply)
ass to mouth only

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:00, Reply)
Jolly nice day up here a Londres
Scoping out a poss wedding party venue in Farringdon l8r. Worst case it's shit and we have a couple of pints *shrugs*
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:04, Reply)
strikethrough LONDIS

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:05, Reply)
u r so fucken bent m8
like really bent. I'm embarrassed for you.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:07, Reply)
^
v
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:16, Reply)
no m8 u r

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:30, Reply)
Wow, that was uncalled for, m8
You need to watch what you say. Words can hurt you know.
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:34, Reply)
I ain't give a shit, G-money

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:40, Reply)
that's what makes you so fanciable I suppose

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:40, Reply)
#blazetreeserryday

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:42, Reply)
don't bother
stay in and blaze da erb
(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:08, Reply)
Good thinking m8

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:24, Reply)
Much like mongy, I would rather be relaxing in the pub.

(, Wed 4 May 2016, 15:36, Reply)

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