I need to arrange an accountant
and do my tax for last year. This is a daunting task.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:44, archived)

I can help.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:45, archived)

I can help

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:47, archived)

The tax cunts here want to know about what I earned over a year ago in another country.
Fucksake. I doubt I even still have the payslips. I'm not a payslip-keeping sort of person.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:47, archived)

don't you have a p60 or whatever it is
shows you all your earnings for the tax year?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:50, archived)

Pfff, yeah, prolly. Somewhere.
Thing is, my old job ended in March last year, which was still in the 2010/11 tax year. I didn't earn a penny in the UK in the 2011/12 tax year but the tax office here in Holland still wants to know what I earned in the UK in the tax year before last. Hence frustration.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:57, archived)

bleurgh, what a pain.
make something up?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:58, archived)

I reckon someone hre could knock up a pretty good fake british payslip for him.
come on you lot, pull together, help mr tea defraud the government,
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Wed 9 May 2012, 11:04, archived)

I'll write my own pay slips
by hand, using coloured crayons. :D
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:08, archived)

ah you must be able to call HMRC and ask for another copy, surely?

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:16, archived)

True, though it'll probably take aaages and maybe cost money.
I'll have a look tonight, they might well be lying around somewhere.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:39, archived)

I can yelp

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:48, archived)

I han celp.

( Maffers Five zombies. 4 bullets. Two zombies., Wed 9 May 2012, 10:53, archived)

no it's not
you hand over all your bits of paper and receipts to your accountant and he tells you how much tax you have to pay

it's really as simple as that

it's only a shitter when you have to start stashing shitloads of money and waiting to be told how much of it isn't yours, that's a right pain in the gonads
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:38, archived)

I've sent them a message to get it all started
I am waiting to do the latter though. And looking at my bank account and thinking "hrmmm I don't know if that's enough" erk. But it's my own fault for going to bloody Texas.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:40, archived)

the taxman's fairly understanding, you don't absolutely have to pay the whole wodge of tax in one lump
but yeah, don't get too far behind because he can fine you £60 a day if you piss him off
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:42, archived)

I've got until October to submit it
so it should be ok.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:44, archived)

taxes just do my swede in
my accountant used to explain it all to me and my eyes would glaze over, I ended up just asking him how much I owed then dropped a cheque on his desk and fucked off

he was an odd bloke, little thick glasses, long hair but totally bald on top, I don't think I ever had a masturbatory fantasy about him

stop me if I reach the too much information point won't you
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:48, archived)

eurgh, the "long hair except bald in the middle" thing is really gross
I want to know roughly how much I should be saving for tax, that's all. Hopefully they'll get back to me and it'll all be sorted and simple and then I can stop worrying about it and just keep putting my expenses in the software like a good little spangolin.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:53, archived)

there's the other business model where you spend all your tax money then declare bankruptcy
that's worth considering too

my parrot's eating melon, how awesome is that?
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:01, archived)

hah, that might panic the customers a bit
melon eh? Sounds messy.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:14, archived)

this is why i bank offshore and pay next to fuck all, shhh tho

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:45, archived)

oh mongy
you and your offshore accounts. Mind you I'd like a holiday to Barbados to withdraw a tenner.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:47, archived)

thing is, that's illegal
other thing is, there's no way they can ever find out about it

so yeah, that
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:49, archived)

what the tax man thinks i live on i dunno

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:06, archived)