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Good news thread
Had any good news lately?

My bro is hopefully out of hospital this afternoon, and my wife is coming back from Germany a day early. Good toimes.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:12, Reply)
Great times.
How's he getting on?

I'm just happy that everything is ticking along nicely, ladypig is pretty much back to full health.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:19, Reply)
He's not mental any more which is a start
Good news re ma'am pig
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:38, Reply)
Wassup with your brother?
And the kid for Christmas?

Whadimiss?
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:20, Reply)
Brother been in hospital on alkie detox
Not my turn for the kid this xmas, we do have her for new year though
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:26, Reply)
Ahh, OK
2nd Christmas for Len will be good
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:35, Reply)
oh yeah she loves having two separate families having never known different
Double everything!
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:44, Reply)
except 'anal', hopefully

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:48, Reply)
officelol

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:56, Reply)
A fathers most important job is determining what his daughter will find sexually satisfying.

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:58, Reply)
Glad to hear he is on the mend, pet.
Hi Sporters, hun xx
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:59, Reply)
das ist gut!

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:26, Reply)
JA!

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:38, Reply)
I can breathe through at least one nostril now

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:26, Reply)
get on the shoe m8

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:38, Reply)
what odd urban slang is this now?

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:48, Reply)
Get on the shoe, you know the coo

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:49, Reply)
is that by betty boo?

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:50, Reply)
noo

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:50, Reply)
Its troo

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:21, Reply)
Good and Gut
You know the people who were coming back to look at the house? Apparently they brought the whole fucking tribe with them. Both kids, mum and dad, and another adult male, presumably a brother. I'm told that they were all excited to look round, and seemed nice. Hopefully my paranoia was just that.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:30, Reply)
did they ask you if you like dags?

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:30, Reply)
I wasn't present
but I'm pretty sure this question didn't come up
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:31, Reply)
Check your safe

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:35, Reply)
It's fine
I keep it locked inside a bigger safe
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:45, Reply)
I bet they rummaged through your undie drawer and sniffed them

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:35, Reply)
If you're going to sniff underwear, you're better off getting it out of the drawer

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:46, Reply)
you don't want to get piss face or shit nosed

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:47, Reply)
well, you say that

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:56, Reply)
have a shit to celebrate

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:38, Reply)
cheers, I just might do that

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:46, Reply)
make sure you add the skidmark to the "included in sale" inventory

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:19, Reply)
Every day is good news day
When you are a follower of our Lord Jesus Christ
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:34, Reply)
amen

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:35, Reply)
Hallelujah

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:37, Reply)
The saddest thing about Christmas is Alexandra Burke's version of that song is wheeled out
Still.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:47, Reply)
Listen to a better radio station.

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:49, Reply)
I'll remember that next time I'm in a shop ya dong

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:02, Reply)
Shop online.
Never leave the house.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:06, Reply)

the house +under my bridge
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:09, Reply)
Airtight, Anthony Kiedis

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:14, Reply)
praise him erryday

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:39, Reply)
@jesus

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:49, Reply)
Mild good news, I guess.
I've just had a bit of contracting work come my way, which won't buy me a table at the Tour d'Argent but it will pay the leccy bill.

The pet lady's also said she'll be able to look after the cats over Christmas, so all I have to do now is get my train tickets organised.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:42, Reply)
not so bad

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:45, Reply)
Time Magazine called to say that I was PROBABLY going to be named ďMan (Person) of the Year,Ē like last year,
but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:43, Reply)
I did a load of wiki work back in the day
which enables me to call myself Time Person of the Year 2006, but only serious pricks do that.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:45, Reply)
^calls himself Time Person of the Year 2006

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:46, Reply)
Only on my CV

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:50, Reply)
and email sig

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:56, Reply)
and linkedin profile

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:57, Reply)
and facial tattoo

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:27, Reply)
Did a lot of wakki work, more like
So lolwiki.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:50, Reply)
you should write comedy for radio 4

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:45, Reply)
I can't even write for Newsjack.

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:48, Reply)
The joke has to be at least 2 weeks old before it gets on there

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:49, Reply)
Failing Time Magazine. SAD!

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:45, Reply)
Can't think of any, soz

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:47, Reply)
soon be christmas

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:51, Reply)
Yeah, nothing going on for me this year

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:53, Reply)
it's not going to be a classic for me, what with no kid and a dry bro

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:56, Reply)
My wife rang me in the middle of morning surgery. Usually that means that something terrible has happened but it turned out she'd rung the wrong number by mistake.

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:50, Reply)
she meant to ring her fancy-man

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:51, Reply)
I hope she still started with "hey sexy"
before realising she'd called you instead of the gardener
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:52, Reply)
I told you floor it to Oz
set up as a GP in Perth and watch the money roll in
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:53, Reply)
I like that you call it Surgery,
In spite of the fact you're just a jumped up referral service for proper doctors.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:58, Reply)
Everyone turning up at A&E for any and all minor illness
has worked out really well so far!
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:13, Reply)
I do sometimes cut people.
I'm assuming that MPs are allowed to call what they do surgeries because it involves a lot of bumhole fingering.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:19, Reply)
also kill yourself

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:30, Reply)
Customer of the morning: Bjorn Bog

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 10:58, Reply)
I hear his pants range is quite swampy

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:03, Reply)
Was he a little flushed?

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:05, Reply)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/8005455
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:14, Reply)
a biiiidetttttt?

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:27, Reply)
Champion of Toilet Tennis

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:07, Reply)
Not really
One mate diagnosed with leukaemia for the 3rd time on Monday and a mate of mine died of skin cancer yesterday

I do have eggs for lunch though
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:13, Reply)
Braw! Have chips with that

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:18, Reply)
This is a very good idea

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:20, Reply)
sorry to hear that, m8

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:20, Reply)
I've had better weeks, it must be said

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:22, Reply)
The current state of empathy on this forum is nauseating

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:23, Reply)
It's the cancer that is killing b3ta.

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:28, Reply)
It's making me ill

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:29, Reply)
sorry to hear that m8

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:44, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:44, Reply)
I'm sorry to hear that, m8

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:33, Reply)
I'm sorry you are sorry, sorry m8

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:35, Reply)
we're all sorry he's sorry m8

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:45, Reply)
eggs aren't that bad a lunch

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:28, Reply)
Love eggs

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:36, Reply)
my kid calls eggs "hegs"
I can't help but think she's putting on airs.
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:24, Reply)
You shouldn't be looking, you fucking paedo

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:36, Reply)
sorry to hear that, m8 x2

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:28, Reply)
only 19 sleeps till Christmas!!!

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:26, Reply)
and I've just had a very satisfying poo
with hardly any blood when I wiped
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:31, Reply)
Sorry to hear that m8, stay strong

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:34, Reply)
don't hear much of Dido these days
prolly dead
(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:35, Reply)
probably killed herself, she wrote some miserable songs

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:38, Reply)
turning tricks in ipswich apparently

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:42, Reply)
we've all been there

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:46, Reply)
Only for a laugh, though.

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:53, Reply)
sorry to hear this, m8

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:46, Reply)
just natural selection in process

(, Wed 6 Dec 2017, 11:52, Reply)