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Profile for Woodgie:
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I'm me, who are you?


I went away, but now I came back. Then I went away again and now I'm sort of hovering on the event horizon.


I'm the Official Mac Guru™ of the Secret B3ta Apple Underground Resistance and as such the rather spiffing niceandwarmandhot made me this:


Members so far (in no particular order):
Me
this week i am mostly
niceandwarmandhot
bilbobarneybobs
Spenface
Thor_sonofodin
SugarSpunSister
ivesb
There are probably more, Gaz me and I'll type your name straight into the list, should you so wish.


Let's break up this rambling drivel with a picture:


Right, that was fun. On with the drivel.


Christ I'm going to regret this (stupid pledge number 1)...
And as I'm a teacher of most things Mac (and the fact that bilbobarneybobs decided to name me Official Mac Guru™), should you have a pressing (Mac based) question please feel free to ask me about it. I might even be able to answer!


This is Bob. Bob's a BAD MAN. He wants to take over the world but can't seem to get his worms out correctly.
First, he tried this:


Then he tried this:


Lately, he's tried this:


Lord knows where it's going from there!


Back to me. Apparently I'm also this, is there any hope for me?

My computer geek score is greater than 100% of all people in the world! How do you compare? Click here to find out!


Just curious...




(No-one's voted for VMS, I'm surprised. No REAL geeks out there? Oh no, there's one vote. Whoever you are, gaz me and tell me if that was just to even out the poll!)


On 14-09-07 I went and made a(nother) stupid pledge in this thread...


I got awarded this:


For my efforts in this thread

Recent front page messages:


none

Best answers to questions:

» Well, that taught 'em

It was way back when.
Some time in the late 70s. Down the lane to the woods where my friends and I would go and play Star Wars lived the nastiest bunch of bullies you can imagine. My friends and I are about 8 or 9, they were all of 14 or 15. But they were bastards. For example, they used to chase us on their bikes and punch us as they rode past. Think 'Human Polo' but with them on bikes and us as the balls.

They were horrid. Really unpleasant. We had to do something.

I should mention at this point that the biggest and nastiest bully was a bit of a Heather Mills. Not that he was pretty and earned a mint from divorcing a legendary pop star modelling, more along the lines of the fact he had a false leg.

Yep, a 14 year old bully with a wooden leg. He probably felt bitter or something. And it wasn't even a cool false leg with wires and tubes and shiny metal bits. It was shit. there was no knee, it was too long for him and it probably chaffed his ball sack or something. It was a fucking tree attached to his hip.

Dear reader, you can probably guess where I'm going with this...

One summer afternoon it was hot as hell and my friends and I just had to go to the woods and fight the Imperial Stormtroopers in our heads. But we could see the 4 bullies of the apocalypse on their bikes at the end of the lane (yep, I'll give him his due, Death could pedal his bike with one leg. Impressive, if a bit lopsided).

I decided that I'd be oppressed no longer and made off down the lane, Alex and Louise - for we had our own Princess Leia - were frantically shouting for me to come back, to turn around, to not throw my life away so needlessly at such a young age. But I continued on.

Their shouting had alerted the 4 bullies to my approach. They blocked my path and the leader hobbled over to me. Slightly Piratically I might add. He stood a good foot higher than me (it would have been just 6 inches if his false leg had only fitted him properly) and I was close to weeing myself with fear.

"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to The Valley of the Dinosaurs to play Star Wars"
"No, No you're not."
"Bloody well AM!"

* K I C K *

I kicked his false leg as hard as I fucking well could. Putting every ounce of effort and weight behind it. Needless to say he went down like a cheap whore.

He couldn't get up. He looked up at me like a Beetle on it's back and... cried. He begged me to leave him alone. He pleaded for me not to 'beat up a cripple' (his words, I remember them clearly). I looked at his mates, defying them to come to his aid. I needn't have bothered with the grimace, The didn't notice they were laughing so hard! We were given a wide berth from then on and managed to defeat the Imperial Stormtroopers in the woods every time we fought them!

Bullies 0 - Rebel Alliance 1

Length? It went all the way from his hip to the ground.
(Thu 26th Apr 2007, 18:10, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

Why did I ever do it?
I was daft enough to get both my Mum and my Dad a computer each. They're divorced, so it's rather inconvenient to make them share one.

One day while trying to find a file my Dad had lost (turns out it was on a CD, never actually on the hard disk) I came across some pictures of ladies in the all-together. Fair play to him I say. And would have left it at that.

Except about 10 seconds after my discovery he comes barreling up the stairs, incoherently blabbering something about not looking in a certain folder because "I've already checked there".

I took some perverse pleasure in saying "You're right, it's just full of porn."
(Wed 15th Feb 2006, 13:46, More)

» Join us... come join the cult

I use a Mac...
'Nuff said.
(Fri 27th Jan 2006, 13:29, More)

» When were you last really scared?

Another car crash...
Deserted road, black ice, 30mph (50kph for you metrics)

Through sheer dint of physics the car went WILDY out of control and I crashed into a ditch at the side of the road. That wasn't the scary bit, it was actually really quite leisurely and amusing.

What made me actually wet myself with fear was the sight of my passenger slumped forward in the seat next to me.

I thought she was dead...

...For about .003 of a second, until she burst out laughing, turned to me and said "You just crashed your car!"

I've never been so scared before or since. Nor do I ever wish to be.

(Yes, she told EVERYONE I wet myself)
(Thu 22nd Feb 2007, 16:21, More)

» Oldies vs Computers

Pearoast from the"My computer gave away my secrets" QOTW.
I was daft enough to get both my Mum and my Dad a computer each. They're divorced, it's so inconvenient to make them share one...

One day while trying to find a file my Dad had lost (turns out it was on a CD, never actually on the hard disk) I came across some pictures of ladies in the all-together. Fair play to him I say. And would have left it at that.

Except about 10 seconds after my discovery he comes barreling up the stairs, incoherently blabbering something about not looking in a certain folder because "I've already checked there".

I took some perverse pleasure in saying "You're right, it's just full of porn."
(Fri 22nd Sep 2006, 15:06, More)
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